FicWad

Cancer



Turn away

If you could get me a drink

Of water cause my lips are

Chapped and faded



When Joe brought Pete over in 2000, I was in love. I couldn’t help it. Looking into those chocolate, brown, puppy dog eyes, who couldn’t? I could tell he didn’t want to be at my house, but once I sang, his expression changed. I think maybe that is when he fell in love with me. I’m not sure.

It took us a few years to really get together. It was Pete to finally tell me how he felt. Like I was stupid. The lyrics, kisses, and late nights in each other arms. I guess we were both afraid.

“Patrick?” I looked up and went to Pete’s side. “Yes. Are you alright?” “Oh, sure. Lovely.” He still had his million dollar smile. “You know what I mean.” “Can you get me a glass of water?” “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

I went to the kitchen and got Pete some water. I walked back. “Here you go.” “Thanks. I’m sorry, Trick.” “Stop it. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t plan this.” “How is your album coming?” “Okay. I don’t know why I told you I would do a solo album.” “Because you could never say no to me.” “I guess your right.” I smiled at him.



Call my Aunt Marie

Help her gather all my things

And bury me

In all my favorite colors



“My mom and dad are coming over later. We need to discuss some things.” “Oh, okay.” I knew what those things were. I didn’t want to even think about it. “I’m going to the living room. You need to rest more.” “Alright.” I kissed Pete on the lips.

I went to the living room and cried. I couldn’t stand this. I thought about when Pete and I “came out”. Our fans wanted us together for so long. And that trip to Mexico. It was our first time in a long time that we had a break and even though we were performing it didn’t feel like it.

Flashback~

Pete jumped on Patrick’s bed. “Trick, come on. You know you want to.” “Will you stop it.” Pete sat next to Patrick on the bed. “You need to get out. Ever since we got here you’ve been in this room. You know you want to.” I looked at Pete. “No, I have stuff to do. I told you when we signed up for this show I was just doing the videos, which by the way my hands still sting, and doing the concert.” “There’s a go cart with your name on it. Come on. How about this, if you go, you can do whatever you want to me.” “What? That benefits you. It’s a lose, lose situation for me.” “Is it?” I laughed. “Alright. You find me a helmet and I’ll go. There’s no way I’m losing a hat.” Pete rolled his eyes. “Yeah, god forbid. You only have 999 more at home.” I closed the computer. “Let’s go.”

End of flashback~

The doorbell rang and I went to answer. “Hi, Patrick. How are you?” “Hi, Dale. Come in. Where’s Peter?” “He’s parking the car. How’s Pete?” “Pretty good. He’s been sleeping most of the day.” Peter came in. “Hello, Patrick.” “Hi, how are you?” “Good.” “It’s time for Pete’s medicine. Why don’t you two go in and I’ll be there in a little bit.”

Pete’s parents went to our bedroom while I got his medication. I looked at all the pill bottles. There was a time when he took pills for emotional pain. Now it was physical and to prolong his death. I grabbed the pills he needed and walked to the bedroom. “Here’s your pills.” I placed them in his hand and watched him take them. I sat on the bed and ran my fingers over his cheeks. “So dad, did you bring the papers?” “Uh, yes. Right here.” “What papers?” I asked, even though I knew what they were. “I want my will to be in order.” “Oh, I thought we went through that already.” “Patrick, I don’t have much time. I need to make sure I have everything together.”

Pete and his dad went through the papers and got everything settled. “Well, things are all done. You should make the funeral arrangements too.” Peter said. “Enough! He’s not dead yet! I can’t listen to this anymore!” I ran out of the bedroom and went to the deck and sat down. Hemmy came by me sat by my feet.


“Patrick, can we talk?” “Damnit, what are you doing out of bed?” I stood up and grabbed Pete’s hand. “I’m fine. We need to talk.” We went to the living room. “I am going to die soon. I know it’s going to be hard, but Patrick, I want to have everything done. I want to make the funeral arrangements. Can you help me and understand?” “I guess so. I just don’t want you to go. How can I live without you?” I started to cry again. For the first time in a long time Pete held me. Usually it was me holding him.



My sisters and my brothers, still

I will not kiss you,

Cause the hardest part of this,

Is leaving you



The doctor came out of the bedroom. “How is he?” “Patrick, he doesn’t have much longer. I’m sorry.” “What should I do?” “Let him go. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but Pete is ready and wants to go.” “Oh, okay.” I watched the doctor leave and went to the bedroom. Pete was looking out the window. “Hey.” He looked at me. “I guess it’s time.” I went to the bed and laid next to him. “Is there anything you need me to do?” “Yeah. Could you dial the phone for me? I want to call Andrew and Hilary. I know I have been a pain in the ass brother.” “You’ve been a pain in the ass boyfriend.” “Thanks. Trick, you know I don’t want to leave you.” “I know. God, I’m going to miss you.” “Take care of Hemmy.” “You know I will. I love you, Pete.”



Now turn away

Cause I’m awful just to see

Cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body

All my agony



Pete got done with the phones calls. “You look tired.” “I look fucking horrible. Can you get me a hat?” “Which one?” “Give me your Vinyl Nerd one. I want to be buried with it.” “Will you stop it?” “No. I want you to realize how close I am. You need to be strong and do this for me. I need to tell you what I want to wear.” “Fine. What do you want to wear?”

I got the hat and put it on his head. Almost all his beautiful hair was gone. I laid next to him. “Okay, I want my black skinny jeans, the flannel shirt that you always wear of mine, and the grey hoodie with the blue bartskull.” “Okay. I can do that.” “And Patrick,” He took my hand. “I want you to sing Hallelujah.” “No, Pete. I can’t. You know I’ll break down.” “Please, do it for me. I’ll be holding your hand. I’ll be right by your side. Don’t ever forget that. You may be on stage by yourself, but I’ll always be there. Remember, the Woodie Awards? I was so proud of you that night.” I kissed Pete. When I didn’t have faith in myself he had it for me.



Know that I will never marry

Baby, I’m just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain’t living

And I just have hope you know



“Patrick, I have something to tell you.” “What?” My head was on his shoulder. “When I first found out about the cancer I went to a sperm bank and asked Ashlee to be a surrogate. She said yes. When she came over the other day she told me that she’s pregnant.” “Oh, so why are you telling me this?” “The baby will be yours.” “What?” “I want you to have my baby and this is how.” I got tears in my eyes. “Thank you.” “I love you, Patrick. I think I’m ready to go. Remember I love you. Always.”



That if you say (If you say)

Goodbye today (Goodbye today)

I’d ask you to be true (I’d ask you to be true)

Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you

Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you



~Two Years Later~

“Hi, Pete. We miss you. Kingston is doing good. He’s already getting in trouble. Just like his daddy.” “Daddy.” “Yes, this is where your other daddy’s body is, but he’s in here.” I pointed to his heart. “We are going to see Ashlee today. I’ve been keeping in touch with her. She trying to get me to date, but I’m just not ready. I know you want me to move on and I will. You just were too special I guess.” I wiped some leaves and dirt from the grave stone. “We’ll come by in a month or so. I want to bring some flowers. By then it should be warmer. I love you, Petey.”