FicWad

When Gerard awoke the next time his head seemed a lot clearer. He sat up slowly and looked around what he now realised was a hospital room, until his eyes came to rest on the figure slumped in the chair beside his bed. Even in sleep Frankie was beautiful and Gerard’s heart began to do strange flippy thing, painfully obvious on the monitor he was wired up to. The irregular beeping must have woken Frankie as he sat up with a start. As he saw Gerard his eyes lit up; shining first with relief, then anger.
“What the fuck do you think you were doing?” he practically yelled, “never, ever do something like that again. Never.” Gerard immediately felt guilty again; he hadn’t been there for his best friend and now he had to pay the price. He hung his head.
“I’m sorry, you were right. I am just a self centred bastard, I should have listened… I’m sorry…” He trailed off, seeing the confused expression on Frankie’s face.
“What the hell are you talking about?” the younger man asked incredulously.
“Earlier, when I told you…” Frankie cut him off.
“Gerard Way. You have just almost killed yourself, do you honestly think I give a shit about some petty argument we had?”
“Oh,” Gerard said softly, unable to meet Frankie’s compelling gaze.

The awkward silence was broken as a doctor walked into the room.
“Good, you’re awake,” she smiled tentatively at Gerard.
“Can I go home now?” he asked quickly, with a dazzling grin.
“Umm… Well, we’ve given you some blood transfusions and you should be fine. I think you’ll be alright to leave, but I may need to contact a psychologist…” she trailed off, embarrassed.
“He’s ok now, he’ll be seeing someone at home,” Frankie lied easily and Gerard shot his a grateful look. The doctor still looked a little unsure, but she nodded.
“Ok, I’ll just get you the papers then,” she told them walking out the room.
*
When they got back to the house the band was staying in Gerard finally plucked up the courage to ask the question he dreaded the answer to.
“Do they know?” Frankie stared at him for a moment, then slowly shook his head. Gerard breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Thank you,” he said softly. Frankie attempted a weak smile.
“But next time… Well, if there is a next time I’ll kill you myself.” Then he couldn’t help it, tears streamed down Frankie’s face as Gerard pulled him in for a hug. “Don’t you ever die, don’t you ever leave me,” he sobbed into the older man’s chest. Gerard held him tightly, breathing in the familiar scent.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, trying to keep his voice from cracking. Frankie looked up at him, managing a small smile through his tears.
“Yeah Gerard, I think we got that.”

Then suddenly, as if by some invisible sign, they both started laughing. Inappropriate as it was neither of them could help themselves. All the emotions that had been building up inside Gerard came tumbling out in the only way he felt safe expressing them: hysterics.

After a few minutes Frankie gained control of himself, then came over a stood in front of Gerard, looking deep into his eyes. Gerard stifled his laughter and gazed back. Though there was no physical contact, no words spoken, that look was the deepest, most personal thing he’d ever shared with anyone. His mask dropped away and he finally allowed Frankie to see the real him, as he, at last, saw the real Frankie. He could see the truth mirrored back to him in those bright orbs. Almost unconsciously he had been moving forward his face just inches from the other mans. His heart was thumping so loudly he was sure the whole word could hear it. Then, though he couldn’t quite say how, their lips met and they were kissing like they’d never dared to before. It wasn’t cold and precise, like onstage, instead it was fiery, passionate, perfect. For a moment Gerard was soaring, he was so high on happiness and love he thought nothing could ever hurt him.

Then a thought worked it’s was into Gerard’s brain and he dropped like a stone. He pulled away and turned around to face the wall, not letting Frankie see his expression.
“What about /her/?” he asked, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. To his surprise he heard a soft chuckle behind him and felt a hand rest on his shoulder
“She was nothing. I know it was wrong, but she was just a distraction. Something to keep me realistic. Anything to stop me thinking of you.” Frankie spoke the last words so softly Gerard could hardly hear him, but gentle fingers were coaxing his face round and as Frankie leant forward to kiss him again he was unable to think straight. /‘Anything to stop me thinking of you?/’ The words echoed over and over in Gerard’s mind until their meaning finally became clear.

Frankie ran his fingers through Gerard’s long hair, bringing them, if at all possible, even closer together. But Gerard hardly noticed, he was lost in the implications of those final words; Frankie loved him, and nothing, not even his darkest thoughts could ever change that. It wasn’t until he felt something wet brush against his lips did he bring his thoughts back to earth and gave his full attention to the man in front of him. Tantalisingly slowly he opened his mouth, until he could wait no longer and his tongue snaked out to boldly meet Frankie’s. Of course it wasn’t the first time they’re tongued, but finally he allowed himself to feel it, allowed himself to feel at all. This wasn’t for the stage, or for the fans; this was private, personal, perfect.

All too soon Gerard pulled away, breathing heavily, staring once again into Frankie’s warm eyes.
“I love you,” he murmured. The words felt new on his tongue. Sure he’d said them before, but they’d never meant as much as they did now. He leant forward to kiss Frankie again, but the shorter man put a finger on his lips to stop him.
“Promise me you’ll never do something like that again,” Frankie said seriously. Gerard nodded solemnly, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
“I promise.” And he meant it. After all, life was always worth living if he was with the man he loved.