FicWad

/A/N I do not own Gundam Wing, I just own the made up characters, which are few./

/This not a Mary Sue and to avoid it becoming one you will never hear much about the narrator's appearance unless it is relevant. I will mention her hand a few times, but not her golden locks and sparkling eyes. Haha/

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Prologue

I watched the television. I was unconscious to the fact that my hands were tightly gripped to my skirt. The knuckles of my left hand were turning white. The others were hidden underneath my black nylon glove. My heart was beating rapidly. Where had we gone wrong? When did we become the bad guys? Oh yes, at New Edwards.

He was caught. They were demanding blood. It was to be the execution of a fallen hero. We had always been taught that we were the heroes. Then we got to Earth and I figured out that we weren't. You don't understand who they thought I was supposed to be. I thought I understood. Now I am just lost.

I was cut off from the world for most my life. During that time I saw things and experienced such pain. I thought my world was large, that I could handle anything. Then I was released into a new world. My personal world grew so small. I think it was because I never knew who I was.

But who am I?

Her colleagues surrounded her. She wore a simple black dress with a red ribbon tied on her right arm, a sign of respect for someone's death. The person, a young girl, had died eight years ago from an assassination. Oz had been the ones who ordered the death. The girl had been killed along with her mother, the peace advocate Rosa Wing.

Her wavy raven hair was down. Her olive skin was darker from her meeting outside that day. They had been rallying outside the government building as the Oz officials were visiting. They were determined to keep the colonies from signing on with Oz.

Politics is always messy. Your enemy can become your ally, just to become your enemy again. And then a new enemy can arise from fighting another. That's why it was easier to be a soldier. You have the advantage of seeing your enemy right before you. Your enemy is your enemy. The world turns black and white in battle.

She would have always believed that the easiest ways weren't necessarily the most effective. A lot of times though, she thought like a soldier.

"I don't understand," her friend sighed. "Was it not Oz, was it not the popular Lady Une, who held the colonies hostage just a few months ago? Yet here we are, blood thirsty for one of our own?"

"They want peace, they want it all to end," she explained. She understood the pain of war. "The people don't want to fight against one else. His death to them will be their appeasement to Earth."

"So we are just giving away our lunch money to the school bully?" the guy who was the same age as her made this snide comment. She looked to him, her skins reddening slightly. In their short time of knowing one another, she had grown close to him. She had never felt so comfortable in someone else's presence before.

A lie, she cannot feel comfortable with him. They are both strangers. She kept many things from him. That would always stand between them. That is not to say that she hoped they would be able to live comfortably together.

If I remember correctly, there was another guy. He too had a presence that was familiar and kind. Atlas he knew too little too. It would have been unrealistic to pursue him. Maybe if you were someone who was strong enough to reveal all. If you were someone who was not afraid to be vulnerable.

The telephone rang. One of their secretaries answered it. "Ms Rosa," they called her over. "It is for you."

He looked at her with a frown. She had received a lot of calls as of late. They were mysterious. She never said who it was. She got up and asked that the call be transferred to the next room.

"Hello, this is Rosa Wing."

"Eight years we have sacrificed so much, you and I. Everything is falling apart. The other scientists have already been taken. It's only a matter of time before I am taken as well."

"Yes. I understand."

"This is my last plea. My pride won't allow anymore. Take the mobile suit. It was costume made for Natasha! With it...the colonies will be free."

"It's hardly about the colonies anymore. It's about human kind as a whole. To fight in battle might bring a temporary peace for the colonies, maybe even some freedoms that have been denied of them. But it will not give them absolute peace. War can not bring peace."

"Peace only exists when there is no war."

"Exactly. If there is disarmament of all nation's weapons the means of war will be eliminated. There would be no threat of total war. This is what I believe in. That is why I refuse."

"You are just a foolish little girl. Idealism has no place in the political arena. Even when Heero Yuy, King Peacecraft and the REAL Rosa Wing were alive these terms were not accepted. The only thing nations will accept is war. Win the battlefield and you will have control over the politics. Maybe then, when your enemy does not exist anymore, you can institute your principles."

There was silence. This had always been considered. Maybe a soldier was essential to peace. The first step could be the easiest one. The next steps could be the more difficult ones. Most likely everything would be difficult.

"Your own home is only steps away from signing on with Oz. Oz will dictate and oppress. Your ideals will come to nothing and your hopes of utopia will shatter before your eyes. You know this."

Again I could not deny this.

"Do you still refuse?"

A pause. "Mission accepted."

XXX

A soft knock on the door was all that was needed to bring us back to the world. What had she just done? She had chosen to be this person, this peace advocate only to go back to war. She could see herself in the reflection of the window. Her large brown eyes were cold again. It was time to get ready for the killings.

"Come in," she called to whoever was on the other side. It was he, the one who she wanted. He was apart of a life she wanted at least. She was not sure if it really was him, who she wanted. No matter. She did not need him. "August," she spoke his name perhaps for the last time.

"Is everything ok? Who was on the phone?"

"Someone I use to know. He wanted to congratulate me on coming this far."

"What's wrong, you look...different."

"I need to go somewhere."

It was notable how his body tensed. I had spoken those words before. I said this words to the other guy, and to other significant few. This was the first time that she said them. It was the first time she had to let someone down.

"Where?" he asked.

"I can't say. It has something to do with...with-"

"With your past, doesn't it? You're so mysterious, Rosa Wing. Sometimes I am amazed so many people trust in you. I mean your name isn't even real! You admitted to this the first day we met, but still we are drawn to you."

"I told you not to."

"But you're strong compared to us. You believe in absolute peace and you stand firm. Or so I thought."

"I want to continue with you...with everyone here for true peace, but I can't. I can't explain why."

"I think I can. The first time we met, your eyes told me that there was something waiting for you. Something from your past, something not quite finished. It could have been a 'someone', I never knew. I still don't. You would never tell."

"Perhaps you are right. Maybe I have been running from my past. That does not change anything sadly, I have to go."

He came towards me. I tried moving away but I just ended up walking backwards into her desk. "Just tell me ask you one thing..." his hands held onto her oval face. Their lips touched. His lips were so soft. "Rosa, please," he asked me to stay. He still held my face.

That was my first kiss. The thought of my first kiss never entered my mind before, or never usually did. It did when I observed the public. On Earth I saw people kissing, holding, loving one another. I wondered what it was like. Did I want it myself? I don't know.

I gently removed his hands. She did not want him hurt too badly. "I might come back, when everything is done with. I think I miscalculated. I was not ready to be Rosa Wing just yet. I was not done with being someone else. You probably don't understand what I am saying. No one would."

Maybe he would. She would not allow me to think about him while we were here. That was why she was like a soldier at times. She could not afford any liabilities.

Like me she messed up. She tripped. Now we are back at square one. I had thought maybe she could find us. No, we couldn't find it. Time to find another strategy.

This was evident only a few nights ago, when he came looking for me. His arrival in space was expected, after the battle at Singapore. But I wasn't expecting him to come looking for me.

We arranged to meet at a public café, we both went as normal civilian teenagers. My ethnicity as an Indian helped me blend in more than him. Colony L6 had a large population of Indian immigrants. He stuck out slightly, but to someone untrained he was apart of the scenery.

"Your name is Rosa Wing," he said. I nodded.

"Why did you come here?"

"To find you. I thought you might have found a better way of handling this situation."

"The mission was failing on Earth. It never had a moment of success. This way is better, it feels right."

"Is it for you?"

I shrugged. "It's hard to say. It feels the same almost, like I'm not made for this. It's an extreme opposite of what we were doing on Earth. I feel no balance within myself."

"Why did you take the name Rosa Wing then?"

"To hide from Natasha at first, then things escalated from there. Natasha was a threat to the colonies. Now I'm just a threat to war, to Oz and Romafellar. Besides this policy, philosophy needs to be fought for."

"What you're doing is good then. In any case you aren't giving the colonies more bad publicity."

"You say that as if you don't agree with what I am doing."

"I don't, but that does not matter."

"Why? What don't you agree with?"

"I haven't agreed with how you handle things ever since I met you. You aren't following your emotions, instead you are trying to tell yourself what to feel."

He always got me so frustrated when he started to talk about such things. He knew my past. Because of this he thought he could advise me. I never wanted his help. "You said it yourself, I am not harming the colonies. Why does it matter what I feel? I am supposed to free the colonies."

"You won't win. You will end up getting yourself killed. Nothing will be right for you until you start listening to yourself and not to want is told to you."

"I am making my own decisions now."

"No you're not. You are still where you were at the beginning."

"You came here to tell me this? You wanted to shake my confidence? If this is why, then get out of here. You're annoying the hell out of me."

"No, I told you why. I thought you might have found a better way of handling this situation. I didn't know it wasn't 'you' after all. I don't know you well enough to judge your actions."

"But you seem to know me enough to know when I'm not 'following my emotions'."

"You told me that you hadn't found a balance inside of yourself."

"You haven't found balance either."

"I follow my emotions. I am closer to finding a balance than you are."

"No, you're not. That's why I think you came here. You wanted to find out if I had achieved happiness before you. Hope you're satisfied. We're both miserable."

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"But you wanted some kind of reaction. I know you enough to know this. Why can't you leave my feelings and me alone? You always do this to me. It's like you like seeing me torture myself over these things you say to me. I can't j-just face my past like that. Not when I have the responsibility of protecting the colonies."

He didn't say anything. I had never spoken to him like this. I never was 'open' with him, but I had changed. I was not Natasha anymore. I was Rosa Wing too.

I got up. I watched for a moment before leaving. I was hoping he would say something. What were his emotions telling him then? I would never know. I left.

So here was August, a person who was willing to tell me everything about himself and he believed himself trustworthy enough to handle what I had to say. But I didn't want him to know everything. It would not be fair.

For old time's sake he went into the other room, and told everyone that I was feeling ill. I heard them leave. I started to pack a few things. The red ribbon tied on my arm fell to the ground soundlessly.

Picking it up, I put it in my pocket. Rosa Wing would be no more, but her daughter would still live.

In the reflection of the window, I looked at her. She was telling me it was ok to go. She understood.


XXX
Sorry if the timeline does not make sense. In the structure of the story I did not want time to exist, because of the narrator's neglect of the past. PLS review!