FicWad

Chapter Four

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The bane of Kiff’s existence was upon him once again. Would this abomination of all things righteous and moral never leave him alone? Would he never get some peace from these … midterms?

He hated them with a passion. And not because he was usually failing, but because of the little condescending comments at the side of the paper. Like the usual one he got: ‘Kiff doesn’t try hard enough in class; should try actually taking the homework home and refrain from sleeping in class.’

‘For one: I never sleep in class! It makes me paranoid. And two: try? If they only knew how hard I actually try, maybe they would –’ just think he had some form of mental disorder or learning disability that was keeping him back.

Maybe he did. His marks always made it look like as such.

‘But no! I’m just not trying! It couldn’t possibly be something else! It couldn’t be the fact that I’m distracted! Could those teachers ever think that, maybe, I don’t come to school because I’m too busy being harassed, or avoiding being harassed?’ Kiff fumed at himself as he kept his head low and walked towards his school building.

For once Kiff wasn’t rushed, so he just walked at his own leisurely pace. Not that his leisurely pace was all that leisurely, for years of dodging students in hallways and bullies everywhere else had accustomed him to moving quickly.

Kiff looked around the school grounds the minute he was in viewing distance. There were students present already, and a teacher was unpacking something from her car. No sign of anyone he was trying to avoid … or Alex.

Not that he had really been expecting to see Alex standing in the school parking lot for no reason, but he had kind of wanted to see the blond. It had been about two weeks since the History project had been completed and he was beginning to hope that he had been wrong—no, he was certain he was wrong. Alex hadn’t completely left him alone.

He didn’t know why.

And he didn’t know why he liked the idea.
It was a ludicrous thing to be happy about. ‘The really big basketball player who could kill me with both hands tied behind his back wont leave me alone. Yes, that is a brilliant thing to be happy about.’

Alex wouldn’t kill him! Why had he even thought that? Was he trying to scare himself? Knowing himself, he determined that he probably was. Kiff took another quick look around, deciding that he should probably try and forget about the blond. Sure, he hadn’t started being mean, or ignoring him after the project was done, but it wasn’t like he was always hanging around, either. He had shown up, maybe five times in the last two weeks.

‘Although, my avoiding him probably didn’t help all that much. What if he thinks I hate him?! What if he thinks I don’t want to see him?’ Kiff began to chew on his lip as he headed for his locker. Only to spot Alex, completely surrounded by big, blond, and bouncy chicks.

Of course Alex wasn’t going to try and search him out! He was popular, why would he waste his time with little ole Kiff? Especially when Kiff himself never tried to talk to the blond. In fact, he always tried to avoid him. Ducking into hallway, spending most of his time in the music room, and missing quite a few classes. Not to mention the three completely missed days. So, thinking back on it, Kiff realised that Alex actually only hadn’t shown up twice. And one of those time Alex had been the one missing from school.

He smiled at this knowledge, but quickly cast his eyes back to the floor when he saw Alex turn towards him. He wasn’t about to get caught staring. He turned the last corner and cast his eyes up to read the numbers, knowing exactly where his own locker was but still too paranoid to just go by that.

352.

There were quite a few lockers in the school. About 1147. And it was usually two people to a locker. That was … a lot of students. At least he didn’t have to share; his locker partner had gotten kicked out of school.

At least he was lucky in some respects?

“Kiff,” a voice called softy from right behind him. Kiff blinked and turned around. There were a few more people in the hallway than he remembered, and Alex was standing directly behind him. Dawning hit Kiff and made him frown deeply. He had completely spaced out. He must have looked like a fool just standing in front of his locker and staring at the contents. He couldn’t even remember why he had opened it. Kiff turned and shut his locker with a slight bang.
“Y-yes?” he muttered meekly as he turned back to the blond, glancing to each side of him to avoid actually looking at him.

“I haven’t seen much of you lately, how’s it going?” Alex said and leaned up against the locker to Kiff’s right.

“Fine?” Kiff said with a nod of his head. He had no idea why he nodded, but he did, and for a little too long. Kiff had a strange feeling that Alex had a weird look on his face, but he was too much of a coward to look up and see. Instead he fixes his eyes on Alex’s thumb, stuck through a belt loop on his dark blue jeans. His nails perfectly rounded and slightly glossy. As if he were wearing clear nail polish.

“I don’t think that answer should have been a question,” Alex laughed, the fingers in his pocket curling against the denim before he pulled the hand out and layed it against his thigh, supported by the thumb still through the belt loop. Kiff watched the veins play over the back of the blonds hand and bit into his lip.

“S-sorry?” Kiff crossed his arms over his chest. The hallway was getting more crowded, forcing Alex to press closer to him, and Kiff wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “I-I’m—I-I have to … go.”

“Oh, well, I guess class is going to start soon, see you in History!” Alex turned to leave before pausing and looking back over his shoulder with a wink, “Don’t you be skipping now!” Alex laughed and disappeared into the crowd, melding in with the throng of people as if he belonged. Kiff lingered in front of his locker for a moment more before daring to join the crowded flow of students headed through the halls. He quickly stepped into a main vain of students heading through the chaotic order in the general direction he wished to take, and kept his head low.

Some people might have wondered how he was able to see where he was going that way, but it was actually easier for him; Not only did he not have to worry about avoiding eye contact, but he never tripped on anything, and he always knew when someone was coming close to bumping into him. It was stairs that killed him, he always had to go so slowly, holding the railing through a protective layer of sweater sleeve.

Any one could argue that, if nothing else, high school taught the art of collision evasion. It would be a useful skill if you were trying to evacuate a building that was on fire.

Kiff eventually got to his class room and ducked in, keeping his gaze trained on the floor as he took his usual seat. He usually preferred to be in class a little early—if at all—so that he could be sitting and staring out the window by the time other people began to arrive. Also, that way no one could take his seat as people were fond of doing in his first period class.

‘Okay, so maybe it only happened the once, but it was a pain in the ass!’ Kiff thought as he chewed his lip. His desk partner slipping in beside him and tossing his books on the table with a loud bang, followed by a softer bang as his head came down onto the table.

A tall, lanky, and overly scrawny guy who nearly threw up the day they brought baby pigs into the class to be dissected. Kiff kind of envied the other boy. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, and nobody cared what he did.

He was pretty cool, in an obnoxious, clownish sort of way. When he wasn’t sleeping, that was. Kiff sighed and settled further down into his chair, burying his head in his arms to wait for the teacher to begin the lesson.

Kiff spent the entire day mostly zoned out, he barely understood the biology lesson and couldn’t bring himself to listen, his mind preoccupied with the ghost of sensation. A hand laying on his thigh, or lips pressing against his neck. He sat through the entire class with his eyes glossed over in a similar way to the teen sitting next to him. The only difference was, he himself wasn’t drooling all over his desk.

‘What’s up with me today? Sure, I’m a little sore, but ...’ Kiff thought worriedly as he headed out of the classroom and towards his second period class. History. He toyed with the idea of skipping the entire way to class, and would have walked right past the door if he hadn’t rounded the corner to see Alex entering the class himself. His chest grew heavy and he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t guilt. But, in the end, he turned dutifully into his class room and headed for the back. Alex greeted him with a grin and a small way.

Kiff didn’t smile back. Not with anything that could be called a smile. His lips twitched upward, his head ducked down, and his eyes averted from the blond. It wasn’t quite a greeting, and it wasn’t quite ignoring. He couldn’t figure out what it was.

“You made it,” Alex said once Kiff had taken his seat. The blond was smiling at him. An odd smile that Kiff had to turn away from. The teacher entered the classroom and Kiff turned to the front.
Alex left him alone for the duration of the class but Kiff never once moved his attention away from the blond. This scared him a little.

His heart refused to settle. When the blond shifted in his seat Kiff couldn’t even force himself to remain still, he just had to move as well. At one point, the fidgeting blond bumped his leg into his and Kiff jerked away, swallowing with a flicked glance at Alex, he nearly caught his eye and jerked his focus back down to the desk, his hands clasped in his lap.

Making light of the situation would be saying that he was just confused. He was far past confused. More like he was nearing a panicked state.

The minute class ended Kiff gave his usual excuse and left Alex in the hallway by himself. He moved through the hall at a shuffle until he reached the tech hall. A hall smelling of sawdust and oil. Nauseating.

He passed the Auto room, obnoxious laughter ringing from the well used room, cold air breathing out through the open door, due to the garage door installed in the room leading to the outside of the building. He pulled his sweater tighter around himself and reached for the door handle with a hand carefully covered with his sweater sleeve. Room 155. A lonely room amidst four well funded Tech rooms.

Kiff shivered as he entered the unheated room. A few students sat around the large space. A music stand was situated in front of an oddly dressed boy at a drum set, glancing up at his sheets before going back in for a few taps. Another, mousy looking girl sat in front of the piano, fingering the notes with a stiff shouldered efficiency that told of condescension in her playing. There were only two other people in the room, both in the back corner with sheets splayed over the ground, pointing and nodding at one thing or another.

They were all that were ever there. You would think he would have known their names by then. But he didn’t. The mousy piano player had tried to talk to him once, asked him to play. He’d refused and she had seemed happy. Until a few days later she came in after school to him playing a classical piece.

She never spoke to him again.

The drummer boy occasionally threw out a smart assed remark, but, he did that with everyone. It meant nothing. None of the others seemed to even see him. And he was fine with it that way.

He headed across the room and took down a flute. It was an alright instrument. Not the best. Not the worst. A little old and scratched, but usable.

Locking himself into a practice room, he sighed as all sounds from the outside room cut off. The solid soundproofing in each of the practice rooms spoke to a time when the music department had had better funding. At least there was still a music teacher. Mrs. Morgan. A nice lady. Friendly and as crazy as they got. Especially when it came to talking about her cats.

As usual, the music class cleared out about halfway through lunch and Kiff was left alone in the rooms. For some reason, being alone in the wide open space made him feel the need to be quiet. Maybe out of respect, or maybe out of paranoia. Which ever it was, he remained as silent as he could when he put the flute away and padded silently out of the room. He then proceeded to vacate the building.

He kept himself away from the school–away from the gym class especially. He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t avoiding Alex and pulled that up false. He was avoiding the blond. He didn’t want to avoid Alex, but he felt that it was necessary. Safer.

Kiff sighed and pushed a hand through his hair as he neared the school once again near the end of fourth period. He would have just gone home, but he still had his midterm to collect.

With a glance at his watch and a sighed breath he leaned against the brick wall beside the front door to the school, listening to the eerily silent halls.

“At this time, all students may proceed to their first period class. Thank you,” the over head announcement called out mockingly. Kiff sighed and stayed put. He wasn’t about to re-enter the school building just to get elbowed in the face, or surrounded by other people’s sweating and fidgeting bodies. No, he would just keep his personal space to himself and stay outside until it quieted down a little bit.

The school was such a ruckus. People yelling and hollering at each other, pushing and shoving. It was annoying.

He swallowed a mouthful of Saliva and began to fidget as he looked through the door at the slightly diminished crowd of people.

‘Well, here I—’

“Kiff!” a voice broke into said boy’s thoughts as a tall blond padded up beside him. “Have you gotten your midterm yet?” Alex said as he absently looked over his own marks, smiling good naturally. Kiff shook his head and looked back into the school.

“Too crowded?”

“Y-Yeah,” Kiff trailed off and watched Alex curiously as he pulled his bag from his shoulder towards his front for easier access. Kiff caught sight of Alex’s midterm just before he shoved it into his bag.
A ninety-three percent in History. He’d said he needed to work hard on the presentation—he’d lied. Kiff wanted to know why, but he wasn’t about to ask. The blond finished putting his paper away and slipped his hand around Kiff’s, pulling him lightly towards the door. Kiff followed easily but refused to grasp Alex back. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, so he just allowed himself to be pulled along, his head hung low and his hand trembling in the other’s grasp.

Alex noticed this.

“You alright?” Alex’s question earned a nod from the other. “What’s your first class?” Alex trailed a thumb lightly over the back of Kiff’s hand before he let go and moved so that they were walking side by side. Instead of like an owner leading their puppy.

Kiff muttered something intelligible and Alex made an inquiring humming sound as he leaned closer to Kiff, his blond hair brushing his the other’s cheek. He heard Kiff suck in his breath before muttering a stuttered answer.

“Biology? Really? How’s that going?” Alex asked as he led Kiff down the hall towards the science wing. “I could never really sink my teeth into any science courses—this it?” Alex pointed towards a door, students filing out and only one or two going in, probably having the same idea as Kiff.

“Yeah,” Kiff muttered and they made their way through the door. Kiff hovered at the edge of the crowd, Alex at his side. He stood near the wall, his hands clutching the hem of his shirt. He was completely adamant on waiting until the four or five students still hovering around the teacher had gone, but Alex had other plans. The blond patted Kiff on the shoulder and moved forward.

“Sir? Excuse me, Sir?” Alex pushed his way past the other students and planted himself boldly and smiling in front of the teacher. One boy swore just loud enough to be heard but appeared too lazy to bother doing anything about it. He looked over at Kiff and grinned, raising a hand as if he knew him. Maybe he did, he usually sat next to him in class. Kiff hadn’t though he had ever really noticed him though.

“I don’t have you in my class, do I?” the teacher intoned vapidly.

“No, I was just wondering if I could get Kiff’s midterm,” Alex gestured back at the smaller boy who was trying very hard to sink into the wall, “We’re in a hurry and he’s too shy to come up here when you’re busy … ” he grinned as the sluggish professor flipped through her last few thick, yellow envelopes. Alex took the one that was handed to him and walked back to where he had left his nervously fidgeting friend. As soon as Kiff had the folder in his hands, he held it to his chest, cheeks bright pink, and ducked out of the classroom.

“Kiff?” Alex called after the other as he hurried to catch up. “Something wrong—are you blushing?” Alex asked as he leaned down to try and get a look at the other’s face, a comical looking position as he was still walking to keep up with the smaller and faster teen.

“Nnn, th-thank you,” Kiff mumbled through the mouthful of lip he was biting.
The y walked for a few moments in silence until they reached the outside of the building.

“So, what’d you get in Biology?” Alex inquired as he pulled to a stop and leaned himself against the school’s brick wall. He straightened his back and cracked his knuckles. The sound sending a chill up Kiff’s spine that had him shuddering from what he hoped was fear. He felt as if he would never understand any of the other feelings he got from the blond.

“Oh, uh …” Kiff shrugged tugged his midterm out of the envelope, glad that his teacher didn’t seal the thing or he wouldn’t have been able to see it until after Rick had. At least this way he would be prepared.

Biology - 70

History - 55

Gym - 35

Math – 45

He felt utterly pathetic.

“Woah—” Alex let out a breath as he looked over Kiff’s shoulder. Kiff let his shoulders slump as he stuffed the paper back into its envelope.

His father was going to be really mad. And Alex was probably about to laugh.

“You got a seventy in Biology?! That’s freaking great!” Alex clasped Kiff on the shoulder in way of congratulations, “I suck at stuff like that.” He ran a hand through his hair and let out a slightly embarrassed laugh. “I almost failed every single one of my science classes.

“Hey, this might be a little out of line, but how about sometime I help you with your math? I’m pretty good at it?” Alex tapped his toe against the floor nervously as he looked at Kiff with hopefully raised eyebrows—not that Kiff saw this, as he was staring at the ground.

He had no idea what to answer. He should just say no. Yes, that was the best option.

“Uh, I-I have th-things t-t-to d-o,” Kiff tried as he clutched at the shoulder strap on his backpack, his knuckles going white.

“I … didn’t give a date. Well, never mind, it’s alright I guess, if you don’t want to,” Alex shrugged dejectedly and ran a hand through his hair once again.

“Oh, I-I un, it’s n-not that—I j-just d-don’t know—m-maybe lunch … so-metime?” Kiff rushed on, his cheeks heating up as he let go of his shoulder strap and shoved his hands into his pockets. They only remained this way for about a second before he pulled them both out to clasp his shoulder strap once again. “I-I sh-should go.”

“Alright! See you tomorrow, Kiff.”

~~~~~~~~


“I-I’m s-sorry father! I-I’ll try h-harder, I p-promise,” Kiff stuttered and cast his head down in shame. Rick was right, always had been, and Kiff’s midterm just proved it with him failing half his class, and barely passing one of the other two, this matched perfectly with his dismal average. The only thing bringing his mark up was his Biology class.

“You’re damn right you will. My God, you’re failing gym, is that even possible?! I thought if you took it every year you might turn out to be a man! Even retards can pass gym! At least they get off there ass once and a while instead of prancing around singing and playing the flute!” Rick ripped Kiff’s midterm in half and threw it to his feet, the paper fluttering down softly in a distracting mockering of how it had been tossed. Settling without a sound when Kiff felt it should have made a thunking noise.

“You’re such a disgrace, get lost, I can’t even bare to look at you. I’m just glad I’m leaving tomorrow,” Rick turned away, muttering his last sentence almost inaudibly. Kiff felt like he had swallowed the contents of a crazy artists pencil kit as he grabbed the papers off the floor and scrambled down the stairs towards his room. He was just glad that Rick had turned away when he had, for Kiff would not have been able to bare it if Rick had seen his shameful tears. Salty and slick as they made their way silently to his chin, taking the gory contents of his chest with them.

Kiff curled up on his bed and sobbed quietly. Couldn’t he do something right for once?

More than that, he wished for someone to hold him as he cried. He wished Alex was there. No, Alex had hugged him once, but he wouldn’t now, now that he knew what a failure Kiff really was.

Kiff remembered when he had pushed Alex away. So quick to reject him. And now he was hard pressed to remember the feel of his arms as they came around him. Alex was strong, smart, warm, beautiful—everything Kiff himself was not. His affection had to be a joke! Not even Alex could be that generous.

All this ran through Kiff’s head as he hugged himself tightly, feeling pity for himself, and, in turn, ashamed for that pity. He was convinced that he had only gotten what he disserved.

He fell into a fitful sleep, his whimpering not even ceasing with the absence of his consciousness.