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NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: ASCENT OF THE FALLEN

By Sparky Clarkson

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The buzz of quiet conversations filled the emergency bunker with a comforting hum, a gentle rumble that washed up against the cinder-block walls and receded into the crowd, swirling in sonic eddies among the sea of people. The nature of man demanded it; no emotion, however powerful, could rule a crowd forever eventually people would get bored, even of fear. After a few minutes of tense silence, the huddled citizens of Tokyo-3 had reverted to easy conversation, as if the distance between themselves and the battle meant it was not happening.

Touji, however, did not join in. In the early attacks, before he truly understood the horror of Eva, Touji had gabbed merrily along with the rest of them. Now, knowing the true extent of the pain the pilots bore to protect mankind, he couldn't bring himself to join in the banter. It seemed disrespectful for people to titter over who had kissed whom at what dance while children overhead fought through agony to protect them. While his friends fought, Touji spoke only out of necessity.

Hikari had accepted this habit as yet another sign of his good heart, and never pressed him about it. As he sat in the corner of the public bunker with his arm around her, the iinchou leaned against Touji and rested her head on his shoulder. Their intertwined fingers completed the union, the subtle changes in pressure communicating their feelings without the obstruction of unwieldy words.

Anita sensed her brother's mood, though she could not understand his reasons. Still, the new experience of being in the bunker prompted a whirlwind of questions from her young mind. Unwilling to disturb her brother, she had chosen to inflict them on Kensuke. She endlessly pointed out text reports on the monitors, people milling through the large room, or the various vents and lockers, but kept her questions quiet out of sororal respect.

Kensuke, for his part, had curled up in a ball, balancing his head on his knees and locking his arms around his legs. The usually garrulous boy answered Anita's repeated queries with terse, monosyllabic replies, and even these seemed to have been wrenched unwillingly out of him. Touji found himself becoming deeply concerned about his oldest friend-Kensuke always boiled over with excitement during angel attacks, going on endlessly about the footage he was missing, or how annoying the news blackouts were.

Touji's thoughts were interrupted by a searing pain in the left side of his chest, a flash of agony that froze the breath in his lungs and caused his vision to blur with tears. As he blinked them away, Touji saw that Hikari had raised a hand to her breast, and Kensuke had collapsed onto the floor. The other occupants of the room had stopped in mid-motion, their expressions revealing bewilderment and fear.

"What happened?" Anita asked quietly, rubbing her side.

The answer came to Touji even as Kensuke wheezed, "Shi... Shinji. Something's happened to him." Touji nodded grimly, certain in his ever more troubled heart that his friend was in danger. After a moment, Touji realized that his sentiment was widely shared.

The room had fallen silent.

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The sharp impact whirled Asuka around in mid-stride and sent her crashing to the floor even as she gasped at the piercing pain. I've been shot, she concluded as she tried to push herself back up. As the sting vanished, though, she realized that no bloodstain had begun to creep across her yellow sundress, and that her continued breathing contradicted any expectations of a punctured lung.

Misato had also staggered against the wall, and righted herself just as Asuka got back to her feet. "It's Shinji," Misato panted, then shook herself. "Come on!" she called, "We've got to hurry!"

Asuka nodded, and the two took off again even as Asuka wondered, How did we know that?

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The upward momentum of the bullet as it impacted on his spine caused Shinji to lift in the air slightly before he fell gracelessly backwards into the LCL. Kaoru, ignoring a sudden, stabbing pain in his chest, lunged forward and lifted Shinji's head out of the liquid. He knelt and lay Shinji's head in his lap, then started to apply pressure to the wound. Gendo raised an eyebrow and lowered his gun.

"You made an unwise decision, Third Child," the commander said, frowning. "You should have let me kill him. My plans would have gone much more smoothly if you had. Then again, you were never a very willing tool. I should have foreseen that you would ultimately be more trouble than you were worth.

"I... couldn't let him die... again," Shinji wheezed struggling to sit up against the pressure of Kaoru's hands.

Gendo's knuckles whitened as he clenched the gun tighter momentarily, and the small ebony weapon trembled in his grip. Then the glimpse of emotion retreated behind the Commander's smirking mask. "I see you have learned nothing from me, pilot," the bearded man said disdainfully.

"You're wrong... father," Shinji replied, "You taught me... who not... to be..." His voice trailed off into inarticulate gurgles as Kaoru tried to get him to relax. Shinji's legs had already gone limp, the nerves tying them to his brain destroyed by the lead slug.

"Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go," Kaoru mumbled feverishly as tears poured from his eyes. He increased the pressure on the wound, fighting futilely to stem the flow of blood that weakened his friend even as it threatened to drown him.

A cold smile stole over Gendo's heretofore stoic expression. "You're no use to me, then," the bearded man said, carefully training his gun on the spot equidistant between Shinji's eyes. "For Yui's sake, I'd let you live, but I'm too close to my goal now to take any chances. I can't have any other humans around who might interfere with my ascension."

"Answer... one question... please," Shinji wheezed, struggling against his failing muscles to sit up. Gendo frowned and looked at his watch, then shrugged and waved the pistol. Shinji took in a rattling breath and asked, "Why couldn't you love me?"

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Misato and Asuka stormed into the command center, but nobody turned to greet them. The technicians' eyes were glued to the main screen, which displayed the scene in Terminal Dogma. The sight needed no explanation for Misato's paranoid mind. Rei, sporting a few light bruises, lay shuddering at the base of the massive crimson cross to which the now-whole giant Lilith had been affixed. The red-eyed girl's pale skin glowed with a faint blue aura that matched the color of her hair.

Shinji lay partially submerged in the shallow LCL lake a few meters away, his head resting on Kaoru's lap. The weeping grey-haired boy's hands were pressing down on the left side of Shinji's chest, in a vain attempt to stem the growth of the red stain spreading across the younger boy's T-shirt.

A few paces away stood Ikari Gendo, carefully aiming a small pistol at his son's head. The Commander froze as if tensing to fire, but something seemed to keep him from pulling the trigger. A moment later, he lowered the gun fractionally; enough to keep Shinji safe for the moment, but not enough to assure Misato that it would not be raised again within moments.

"Oh no you don't, you son of a bitch," Misato snarled, her eyes locked on the grim figure who had helped ruin everything precious in her life since she was twelve. "Not this time. I'm going down there!"

Makoto turned, only then aware that Misato had arrived. "We can't send anyone with you," he warned,"we're focusing all our manpower on getting the Evas out of cryostasis."

"I don't care," Misato said. "I'll kill him myself." She turned to leave the command center, but Asuka stopped her.

"If my Eva isn't ready... Iwant to go with you."

Misato almost told the girl not to come, but she saw a familiar gleam in those blue eyes, warning her that the redhead wouldn't be deterred by something as simple as words. "Fine," Misato said, and removed a second gun from inside her jacket, "but if you're coming along, you're coming armed."

Asuka accepted the gun eagerly, but after staring at it for a moment, looked up at Misato with a more tentative expression.

"Um, Misato, exactly how do Ifire this? The only guns I've ever used were for Eva..."

Misato took the gun back."This," she said pointing out the relevant feature, "is the safety, and this is the trigger. Turn off the safety, point the gun at an acceptable target, and depress the trigger."

"And is..."

Misato cocked the gun and handed it back to Asuka. "Yes," she said. "Ikari Gendo is an acceptable target."

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Gendo lowered the gun slightly, keeping his eyes trained on the pale face of his son. "I once wondered the same thing," he said. He paused for a moment, then continued, "Do you remember the day I left you at the train station?"

Kaoru, still bent over the ever-limper form of his friend, saw Shinji's face briefly twist with a pain that was more than physical. He caressed Shinji's cheek lightly, his fingertips trailing blood across the pale skin. The tense expression relaxed slightly, and Kaoru moved his hand back to press on the wound.

Gendo apparently took Shinji's agony as an answer, because he continued, "As I walked away from you, hearing your sobs, I asked myself why I felt nothing. Only a while ago did Itruly understand the answer.

"You see, pilot, all my life I've had a closed heart. I do not even recall loving my parents, and my emotions did not change significantly for many years. I made my way by never caring about anyone other than myself.

"When I met your mother and fell in love with her, though, that started to change my callousness faded as my affection for her grew. I suppose most people still thought of me as cold, but I knew how much I had changed."

As Gendo spoke Kaoru realized that Lilith's features had changed. The seven eyes were no longer arranged in two columns over a triangle. Instead, they had moved to equidistant positions around the edge of her face. As Kaoru sneaked a glance at the white giant, he saw glowing cracks appear in the purple mask, connecting each eye with two others. Lilith's face now looked like a seven-pointed star had been etched in it, with an eye on each point. The seal, he thought, but before he could consider the development any further, Shinji convulsed slightly, drawing Kaoru's attention away from the white giant.

"The day she disappeared, though," Gendo continued, heedless, "I felt that new warmth die. My heart closed again, and any affection I had felt towards you-or anyone else-while Yui was alive disappeared. Yui was the key to open my lock; without her, I can love no-one."

Gendo raised the gun once more."In a sense, I will regret this," he said, taking aim at Shinji's head again, "Perhaps, with Yui back, I could grow to love you again. But Icannot risk failure now. You and your friend will have to die."

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"Dammit dammit dammit /dammit!/" Misato shouted, punching the door of the elevator. "Why does this thing have to be so damned slow?"

Asuka said nothing, as she gazed at the heavy black pistol clenched in her pale, delicate hand. In her mind's eye, she saw herself staring down the barrel of the gun, ready to fire. The Commander stared back, his cold eyes shielded by his amber glasses.

Asuka's finger squeezed down on the trigger several times before she snapped back into the reality of the humming elevator. Silently thanking Misato for leaving the safety on, Asuka relaxed her hold on the checked grip and turned to watch the numbers tick by slowly.

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The obsidian goat hoof tapped the steamy asphalt loudly as Keel Lorenz stood at the intersection of two empty streets, watching the last vestiges of purple twilight disappear behind the western horizon. A half-hearted breeze wallowed through the muggy evening air too weak to move any of the limp paper littered across the sidewalks of the shopping district, too gentle to disturb the flies feasting on food discarded by fleeing citizens. As the lethargic wind brushed across the old man's face, however, he turned towards its origin: the center of Tokyo-3. The corners of the old man's mouth turned upwards in a crafty grin that etched more wrinkles into his eroded face.

"I feel the boy's passing, my children," Keel whispered, tightening his grip on the ebon cane,"Soon, we will have our chance, despite His best efforts." As if in response, several flies flitted away from an abandoned rice ball and began buzzing around the gnarled hand that clutched the twisted visage of the dragon."Very soon..."

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Gendo once again raised the gun, slowly aligning its barrel with the center of Shinji's forehead. Tensing himself to make the shot, he briefly turned his head to check on Rei.

His fingers went limp briefly, maintaining a hold on the gun only by their friction against its checkered grip. He turned his head rapidly from side to side, scanning the vast cavern carefully for every change. "Impossible..." he muttered, taking in Rei's blue hair, Lilith's white skin, and the lake of orange LCL. Only moments ago, the hair had been black, the skin orange, and the lake clear.

"How..?" Gendo whispered. Recalling himself to the situation, he tightened his grip on the gun and once again brought it in line with his son's head. With his left hand, he removed the wire-rimmed glasses. He held the oval lenses up in front of his face, staring at the now-clear glass through slightly near-sighted eyes.

With a shrug, he tossed the useless glasses aside, ignoring the splash as they fell into the viscous LCL."I don't need them I'm close enough," he growled, steadying his arm to fire the final shot. "Nothing can prevent my victory."

Nonetheless, he lowered his arm immediately when he distinctly heard Yui behind him saying, "Stop."

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The elevator shuddered as it finally reached the end of its descent. For a few agonizing moments, nothing happened, even though Misato was hammering away at the "Door Open" button. Just as Misato reached for the emergency release, the doors started to slowly slide apart. As the rarely used machinery creaked away, the Major carefully flicked the safety on her gun off. "Pray we're not too late," she muttered as she sprinted into the hallway leading to Terminal Dogma. Asuka followed closely, readying her own gun and muttering a silent prayer that she would have one good shot.

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"Shekina," Kaoru whispered reverently as the voice reverberated in the giant cavern. He kept his eyes on the pallid face of his friend, however, probably fearing that if he looked away he would never see Shinji alive again. Gendo decided that he no longer posed a significant threat.

"I will not permit this," Yui's voice added.

The commander whirled around to see the source of the voice, sending eddies whirling off in the thick soup of LCL. Hampered by the loss of his glasses, he swung his head around wildly for amoment before calling, "Yui, where are you?"

"Where I have always been," the voice replied.

Gendo froze for a moment as realization sank in. Then, slowly, he raised his eyes up beyond the level of the LCL to focus on the purple giant that had silently moved to stand beside Lilith. "No..." he whispered, "not like this..." The gun fell from his limp fingers a moment before they clenched into a fist. "It wasn't supposed to be like this!"

"Tantrums will not serve you now, Rokubungi Gendo!" Yui's voice said, reverberating inside his skull."You knew the consequences when you chose this path only your sins blinded you to them."

"I only wanted to have you back," Gendo replied, his voice cracking in frustration. "I only wanted to love you."

"I was not yours to have," Yui replied. "You knew that ten years ago."

"Yui!" Gendo cried,"Please understand you have no idea what it was like, being without you!"

"Perhaps it was like a child being without his father," the woman trapped in the Eva replied quietly.

"Mother..." Gendo heard Shinji whisper behind him. He spared a glance at the boy, laying helpless in the LCL, his face damp with sweat and Kaoru's tears.

"You have disappointed me, Gendo," Yui continued, "You have disappointed our Father. We entrusted you with the greatest of duties, and you failed us. Why did you turn your back on the true path?"

"Because I love you," Gendo replied, "you were the only one who ever loved me."

"Love?" Yui asked."I do not think you understand it. Love surrounded you always, Gendo. Your son loved you, but you sent him away. Could you not see that my spirit lived on in him, Gendo? God gives all men eyes enough to perceive love. Men are blind only if they do not wish to see."

Gendo tried to speak, but found himself choking on the words.

"Even Naoko and Ritsuko would have loved you, given the chance," Yui continued, "yet you gave them nothing. Did you pity them as you used them, Gendo, or did you think them so far beneath you as not to merit pity?"

"They could never compare to you," Gendo whispered, tears filling his eyes as the first sense of defeat trickled into his heart.

"So you made a copy," Yui said, extending the Eva's hand towards Rei's nude form. "Yet even she could not satisfy you."

"She was not you. She could never be."

"Because she lacked emotions, Gendo, or because she lacked a womb?"

Gendo looked away, unable to face the monstrosity he had created. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Keel had promised...

"You were always too proud, Gendo," Yui said, the anger gone from her voice. "I hoped you could overcome that weakness, but you chose to learn the wrong lesson from my'accident'. Rather than understanding how your hubris had stolen that which you considered most precious, you decided that if you just tried harder, you could learn how to outsmart fate."

The Eva's arm dropped to its side."You sat smugly in your fortress and threw children in front of you to stave off the wolves," Yui continued, "children you prepared for battle by making them hate their lives. They would have fought for love, Gendo, but you chose to make them fight from pain. Did you think it would confuse the Almighty? Did you truly believe that by being the first to merge with Lilith you could replace Him? Did you think you could outwit God?"

"You knew better, Gendo, knew that day when I told you what I was. All men are free to choose their own path, Gendo, but they cannot help but act for the greater glory of God. God's plan goes forward, Gendo, but yours is now shattered on the rocks of time, soon to become dust. You shall not supplant Him-nor were you ever in any likelihood of doing so.

"You spent so much time with the old books, but you never learned, did you? All that time, trying to see the future, when your fate was spelled out clearly. '/L