Categories > Games > Dynasty Warriors > The Fat of Love

A Shu's Love

by ZhugeLiang 0 reviews

Join Zhuge as he looks at different pairings and characters and show what could happen if they occured in real life.

Category: Dynasty Warriors - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Da Qiao, Dong Zhuo, Fu Xi, Gan Ning, Guan Ping, Guan Yu, Huang Gai, Huang Zhong, Lu Meng, Lu Xun, Nu Wa, Xiao Qiao, Xing Cai, Zhang Fei, Zhuge Liang, Zuo Ci - Published: 2006-02-11 - Updated: 2006-02-11 - 1400 words

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The sun arose and gently shined into the window, hitting Xing Cai in the face. She opened one eye then rolled to her side. She was in no mood to wake up this early. However, her father, Zhang Fei, was not going to allow her to just lay around all day and sleep. He walked into her bedroom stumbling around from drinking too much wine again. Zhang however, fell face first right next to her bed before being able to wake her up. Xing opened her eyes up hearing a loud thud next to her bed. She looked over the side and saw her father laying there.

"Er... hi daddy!" She squeaked. "Okay, I'll wake up for breakfast now! See you in the other room." She hopped out of bed, stepping over her unconscious father, and got changed. After changing she went to go get food. She unrepentantly found Guan Yu sitting down eating breakfast so she sat down with him.

"Beautiful morning isn't it?" Guan asked her.

"I suppose, but daddy is drunk again and I nearly got blinded by the sun." Cai squeaked in a whiny voice.

"Well, when isn't your father drunk though?" Guan rolled his eyes.

"Hm... there was this one time... oh no, he was drunk then. But last year in October... oh wait no... last weekend when we... actually, you are right. He is always drunk. My father is as bad as Gan Ning I think. Don't you think so?" Xing squeaked.

"Well... Gan Ning isn't too bad really." Guan said awkwardly. Xing raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"How so? Gan Ning is our enemy?" Xing said in a confused squeaky voice.

"I... uh... never mind... but what is that noise I keep hearing?" Guan looked around.

"What noise?" She asked and made a squeaky noise.

"Sounds kind of like... a rodent?" Guan looked under the table.

"Not sure? But I really need to be going, Guan Ping asked me to meet him in the garden today. So I don't want to be late. Bye Guan Yu!" Xing Cai quickly ran out the door after saying that.

Over in the garden Guan Ping sat waiting for Xing Cai to arrive. As he sat there he played with a little puppy that was running around. Ping leaned over to pick it up and it bit him in the hand and ran away. Ping rubbed his hand and a man walked over to him.

"Excuse me sir? Are you the one they call Guan Ping?" The man questioned him.

"Why, yes I am. How can I help you?" Ping looked up smiling.

"Oh good, I have to ask you a question that I was wondering about... I heard that you were the child of Guan Yu and Gan Ning. Is that true?" The man raised his eyebrows. Ping's jaw dropped to the ground and he stared at him with wide eyes.

"What?! No! Definitely not! Are you joking?" Ping said in a bit of an angry tone.

"No? Honestly, look at you and look at your name. Ok the clothes, obviously a rip off of Guan Yu's colouring. And then the hair style? No one but Gan Ning looks like that. Then your name, Guan, obviously from Guan Yu, and Ping... Ning... that is too similar for me." The man nodded but Ping did not seem to think it is funny.

"Listen sir, I have a mother that is not Gan Ning!" Ping shouted at the man.

"Oh... well if you say so. I still say that he is your mother." The man shrugged.

"Listen, Gan Ning is not my father and I would kill him if he even tried to come to me." Ping glared. Down the path Gan Ning was walking to them smiling with a present that says "Happy Birthday My Son" on it. Ping's voice echoed down the road to Gan Ning. He dropped the present and ran off crying. Guan Yu saw him and stopped him.

"Gan, my love, what is wrong?" Guan Yu raised his eyebrows.

"Did you tell Guan Ping about us?" Gan said crying.

"Well... I wanted to... but I just couldn't tell him yet." Guan Yu said stumbling through his words.

"How could you! I thought I meant something to you!!" Gan Ning stabbed Guan Yu many times killing him. He then tossed Guan Yu into the lake and ran away.

"Well Guan Ping... what about your weapon?" The man asked

"What about it? I like my sword?" Ping blinked.

"Who are you trying to be? Fu Xi?" The man laughed at him.

"I am better than Fu Xi! My weapon is tons better than him old man!" Ping was very frustrated by now. The old man shrugged and began to walk away.

"Whatever you say Guan Ping, you are still a Fu Xi wannabe and the son of Gan Ning and Guan Yu." The man left. As the man walked away Ping threw his sword at him. The man bent down to pick up a rock as the sword flew over his head. Xing Cai turned the corner and got hit in the heart with his sword falling down on the ground. The man looked up at her then looked at Guan Ping.

"Uh oh..." The man said scared. He quickly ran away as Guan Ping ran to Xing Cai.

"Xing Cai... my love... I'm sorry. It's that man's fault, he got me angry and I wanted to kill him..." Guan Ping sniffled.

"Nice aiming idiot! You completely missed" She angrily squeaked.

"You know... you sound like a rodent? Why do I even like you" Ping stuck his tongue out at her.

"Heyyy, I am dying here and you insult me? Squeak." She glared at him.

"But really, why do you squeak? Did you eat too much cheese when you were little? Did you breathe in too much helium? What is with you." Ping asked her.

"I don't know... it just happens?" She shrugged.

"Oh well..." Just then Zhang Fei stumbled over to them and stared at his dying daughter.

"Mother?" Zhang said in a drunk voice.

"No daddy, it's me? Xing Cai? Your daughter?" She squeaked.

"Minnie Mouse?" Zhang Fei nearly fell over.

"I AM NOT A RODDENT!" She screamed.

"Oooh, Xing Cai, ok... Guan Ping, did you stab her with your sword?" Zhang slowly blinked and stared at him.

"Well sir... it was an accident?" Ping said nervously.

"I have to kill you then..." Zhang swung his spear at him but completely missed and hit Xing Cai in the head finishing her off. "Oh... that was wrong... Now stand still Guan Ping."

"Um... I didn't move?" Guan got confused. Zhang Fei raised his spear around and spun it around his head. Huang Zhong walked over to the two.

"What are you doing you drunkard? You two killed the rodent! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Huang Zhong yelled at them but Zhang Fei didn't hear him and accidentally smacked him in the head killing him too.

"Wow, you are as bad at aiming as I am." Ping laughed. Unfortunately for him, Zhang was still swing and finally hit him after 20 minutes. He got hit and flew about 10 feet and fell on top of Zuo Ci crushing his bones and dying as well. Zhang looked around.

"Where did he go? Oh well, I need a nap..." Zhang Fei fell over on his spear stabbing himself and dying. Zhuge Liang looks at the huge mess and sits down on his arm chair with his pipe. He strokes his chin for a moment and then looks at the readers.

"You see my friends, Xing Cai is just a dumb rodent and Guan Ping the son of two men. How could they ever live together without one accidentally killing the other? And also there is no way around it but the fathers will end up dying one way or another, it is going to happen one way or another. With then being together it will also cost the lives of other random people because of stupidity or just randomness really. So please, do everyone a favor and allow them to live their life without having to murder everyone. Thank you for coming again, visit me next time as I show you the two pointless characters in Dynasty Warriors." Zhuge blew a couple bubbles on his pipe and waved.
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