Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Disenchanted
Contemplation and a Fight
6 reviewsAlix and Frank have been contemplating on their feelings for each other, while there's a fight that no one ever expected.
1Exciting
Reviews
Disenchanted
(#) ThnksbutiloveBobmore 2008-03-31
hi, i love your story its reli good. please keep writing :D xxxDisenchanted
(#) XXblackrocker91XX 2008-03-31
whoa! great chapter sis! keep going! gzto mo habaan ko review? cge b! GAME AKO.,.,eto nA.,.,uhmmm.,.,yeah.,.,so.,.,.,yes.,.,great.,.,.,well.,.,erm.,.,uhhmmm.,.,.haha.,.,,get it?.,.,joke! buh bye!Disenchanted
(#) linerlover 2008-04-01
ahhhhhhh dies from the love
omg im so happy i got a chapter dedicated to me!!!! wooo!
great chapter again
i am loving this story, but one thing i must say is try to break the longer sections down into more paragraphs, like in the middle of Alix's thoughts in the bunk area:
is how it all started with Ryan! I’m so stupid…’ Alix then lied down on her bed and she felt her lips... etc etc
if you started a new paragraph at 'Alix then laid down...', it would break it up a little, and make it easier to read through.
hope i helped with that, if you got what i was talking about. is unsure haha :D
i know how you feel about the detail--im a right little pedant when i want to be as well, so dont worry about it. a lot of detail is good, but occasionally too much makes it go on and on and on and... so be careful of that, yeah?
dont worry, ill keep the suggestions coming. i think thats it. grins
glad to be of service! bows too low, falls over and goes head first into a wall, where she proceeds to sit humming as if nothing happenedDisenchanted
(#) linerlover 2008-04-01
and omg i just realised how immensely long that was. i need to stop rambling.
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