Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Like A Knife
How It All Began
1 reviewCammy has known Ryan Ross for over five years now. He's been there for her, and she's positive that she loves him more than life itself. Ryan, on the other hand, has Keltie, whether he loves her or...
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He promised he would never fall in love with me.
He knew that I loved him so, but in his words, ‘we could never be together’. There was Keltie, too, and of course she was the reason. Ryan refused to deny it.
-One day before-
I sat on Ryan’s couch in his apartment, soft and black. I smiled as he sat down next to me, his long time friend of over six years. I loved him, and he knew it, but he hated to discuss the topic. I felt I needed to bring it up, because it hurt to know he could love a girl only a few days after knowing her, while he had known me since he was thirteen.
“Ry…?” I asked shyly, pushing my mahogany hair behind my ear. He knew what was coming.
“What, Cammy?” He asked, a clear tone of temptation in his voice.
“We’ve been friends for what seems like forever, you know. You know that I love you more than anything else, right?” I asked, trying to stay settle.
“Not this again, Cam. You know that I love you, too, but not like that. I love Keltie,” He told me, trying to keep his voice from rising. It had been three years since I brought the subject up, and clearly, he had wanted it to stay that way forever.
“I don’t understand it, Ry. You haven’t known her for even a quarter as long as I have, but you still choose her over me!” I protested, partially upset.
“It has nothing to do with choosing one of you over the other. I think that’s just it; I’ve known you longer than her. It’s hard to fall in love with someone who’s faults are so clear to me!” He replied.
“I don’t understand your way of thinking,” I said bluntly. “But every time I see you and her together, I think about everything I could do better! It’s just…” I said, a small tear falling down my face, a reminder that he had hurt me in more ways than imaginable.
“Don’t start crying now. I’ve told you over and over again that I can’t love you like Keltie, and you know it. You didn’t have to bring this up. You brought everything that’s going on onto yourself. So just get over the fact that I don’t love you like that!” Ryan demanded, a spike of anger in his voice now.
“I can’t just get over you!” I squealed, another tear drop following suit. I was truly hurt, just like every other time we had this conversation.
“Yes, you can, and you’ll have to in order for us to be friends. I know you love me. I can’t do anything about it, but you can. I promise if you get over me, then I will never love you. I’ll never make you suffer through things like this again. Understand?” He asked.
His last few sentences made me die inside.
They stabbed.
Like a knife.
I threw myself off of the black couch, wiped the tears falling from my green eyes and looked at him one last loving time. Then I shook my head and ran from the building, down to my car in the parking lot below. I thrust the key into the ignition and turned it, and drove away from the Las Vegas apartment, onto the congested roads.
It took me about a half hour to get home with the relentless traffic on the back streets. I parked my car in my drive way, gave a half hearted smile to my cat, Noodle, and locked myself in my room.
‘I promise I will never love you’.
The harsh reality of it all set in, and I cleaned the running mascara from my face. I t shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did, as we had gone through it all over and over again in the past, but none of it mattered at that point in time.
Noodles clawed at my door. I loved the kitten to death, but then again love never quite went well for me. Suddenly my cell phone rang. It was Brendon texting me.
What’s up, Cammy? He asked.
I’m tired of being hurt, that’s what, I answered.
Are you expecting me to know what you’re talking about? He questioned.
You’re not making things better, Bden, I replied.
Oh, now I get it. You and Ry had the conversation again, didn’t you? He wondered.
Yes, and life sucks. I don’t feel like talking. See you later. Bye, I said, closing my phone sadly.
Brendon was always there for me when Ryan wasn’t. He could always make me laugh, and I hated to just get rid of him like that, but I was in no mood for his cute, sarcastic remarks and his innocence.
I was in the mood for crying my eyes out, a flood of regrets and hopelessness falling
from my eyes.
Those words stabbed.
Like a knife.
He knew that I loved him so, but in his words, ‘we could never be together’. There was Keltie, too, and of course she was the reason. Ryan refused to deny it.
-One day before-
I sat on Ryan’s couch in his apartment, soft and black. I smiled as he sat down next to me, his long time friend of over six years. I loved him, and he knew it, but he hated to discuss the topic. I felt I needed to bring it up, because it hurt to know he could love a girl only a few days after knowing her, while he had known me since he was thirteen.
“Ry…?” I asked shyly, pushing my mahogany hair behind my ear. He knew what was coming.
“What, Cammy?” He asked, a clear tone of temptation in his voice.
“We’ve been friends for what seems like forever, you know. You know that I love you more than anything else, right?” I asked, trying to stay settle.
“Not this again, Cam. You know that I love you, too, but not like that. I love Keltie,” He told me, trying to keep his voice from rising. It had been three years since I brought the subject up, and clearly, he had wanted it to stay that way forever.
“I don’t understand it, Ry. You haven’t known her for even a quarter as long as I have, but you still choose her over me!” I protested, partially upset.
“It has nothing to do with choosing one of you over the other. I think that’s just it; I’ve known you longer than her. It’s hard to fall in love with someone who’s faults are so clear to me!” He replied.
“I don’t understand your way of thinking,” I said bluntly. “But every time I see you and her together, I think about everything I could do better! It’s just…” I said, a small tear falling down my face, a reminder that he had hurt me in more ways than imaginable.
“Don’t start crying now. I’ve told you over and over again that I can’t love you like Keltie, and you know it. You didn’t have to bring this up. You brought everything that’s going on onto yourself. So just get over the fact that I don’t love you like that!” Ryan demanded, a spike of anger in his voice now.
“I can’t just get over you!” I squealed, another tear drop following suit. I was truly hurt, just like every other time we had this conversation.
“Yes, you can, and you’ll have to in order for us to be friends. I know you love me. I can’t do anything about it, but you can. I promise if you get over me, then I will never love you. I’ll never make you suffer through things like this again. Understand?” He asked.
His last few sentences made me die inside.
They stabbed.
Like a knife.
I threw myself off of the black couch, wiped the tears falling from my green eyes and looked at him one last loving time. Then I shook my head and ran from the building, down to my car in the parking lot below. I thrust the key into the ignition and turned it, and drove away from the Las Vegas apartment, onto the congested roads.
It took me about a half hour to get home with the relentless traffic on the back streets. I parked my car in my drive way, gave a half hearted smile to my cat, Noodle, and locked myself in my room.
‘I promise I will never love you’.
The harsh reality of it all set in, and I cleaned the running mascara from my face. I t shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did, as we had gone through it all over and over again in the past, but none of it mattered at that point in time.
Noodles clawed at my door. I loved the kitten to death, but then again love never quite went well for me. Suddenly my cell phone rang. It was Brendon texting me.
What’s up, Cammy? He asked.
I’m tired of being hurt, that’s what, I answered.
Are you expecting me to know what you’re talking about? He questioned.
You’re not making things better, Bden, I replied.
Oh, now I get it. You and Ry had the conversation again, didn’t you? He wondered.
Yes, and life sucks. I don’t feel like talking. See you later. Bye, I said, closing my phone sadly.
Brendon was always there for me when Ryan wasn’t. He could always make me laugh, and I hated to just get rid of him like that, but I was in no mood for his cute, sarcastic remarks and his innocence.
I was in the mood for crying my eyes out, a flood of regrets and hopelessness falling
from my eyes.
Those words stabbed.
Like a knife.
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