Categories > Games > Counter-Strike > T vs. CT: Dust2


by Forge 0 reviews

3... 2... 1... Lock and Load!

Category: Counter-Strike - Rating: R - Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor, Parody - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2006-02-12 - Updated: 2006-02-12 - 1000 words

/T Vs. CT: DUST2/
Gregory P. Wong


"Billy you're such a shield whore," noted Metalslug. "Seriously, try a frigging assault rifle for once. I mean 'Ooh, I have a slab of metal in front of me! Now I'll be brave!' is so damned annoying it's stupid."
"Fuck you," grunted Billy. "People with shield skills are treasured in these situations."
"What? Because I--"
"Oh, shut up both of you," snapped Smoke. "Let Billy use whatever he wants. Hell, I could go after you for being such a UMP bastard."
Metalslug and Billy clopped their jaws shut, since they knew Smoke could frag their asses so fast it would flat out amaze them. Then again...
"Screw you, Smoke," said Slug, then laughed to show he was joking. "Besides, what can you do? Friendly Fire is off."
Smoke just shrugged. Sure, friendly fire was off, but he was 1337 Cal... he'd figure a way around it if they pissed him off. Hee hee hee.
The four 2Kings made their preparations as well. DC and Bush loaded out with M4s and full BDU armor, while JB purchased a Steyr AUG. Bob Long just bought...
"Bob, what the fuck man. We want to win, remember?"
"Yeah, win," Bob said with a reasonably freaky grin. He looked semi, uh, stoned. That had to be it, right? No sane person would use $9000 on only an IMI Desert Eagle and kevlar. "Winning... yeah. Mao's ass belongs on my knife."
JB blinked. Oh shit, Bob was in his I-Must-Destroy-Mao mode again. Jesus Christ.
The other 2Kings shrugged.
Not surprisingly, PheerMee bought a...
"Hah hah, that French piece of crap again," snickered Toaster.
"Which I own with," rumbled the massive SAS skin. "Wanna transfer to T and meet me at your spawn?"
Toaster just grinned. In reality-or game reality, whatever. Meh-Pheer could, simply put, pwn with that gun. It was the burst fire setting. Supposedly it was more accurate or something. Whatever. Toaster was gonna be sticking with the American shit, thank you very much.
Rudy yanked back the charging lever on his MP5. He was thinking that he should get a M4-9mm versus 7.62 was a bad deal-but he wanted Mao's AK-47, since the chances of Mao getting an AK was the same as Caboose saying "lol" in his Admin Messages. Which meant for sure. Oh yeah.
Bar-Leby quietly hefted his M4.
Incognito and Silver finished up getting scouts. Their asses were dead, since they were facing off against Churchill, but they didn't care. Maybe the fat lady would sing. Or gargle. Whatever. There were always other Ts to kill, anyway.
"All right boys, I want us to spread out around Bomb A. If they go to B, we'll go through tunnel and kill them from there," ordered Smoke.
There was a mutter of general assent. Smoke was boss of these clowns, after all.
Three seconds left...

"Galil, Galil, Galil," said Caboose with a grin. He always got that gun. Spray'n'pray was the name of the game with it. Mad Caboose rushes worked, too. Stupidly suicidal things had a tendency to do that. Or it could end with his ass getting pocked with bullet holes. At least Chief did the same thing. Of course, Chief had a tendency to kill lots of people with the .308 weapon consistently. Macdoogle also bought a Galil.
"I'm gonna fuck up some CT faces," said Chief with a grin. "Ooh, yes, I want their sweet meat to come into view..."
Macdoogle just stared at Chief. That sounded so gay, and coming from a guy who went by the name "Chief Justice". Ha ha ha. But he was freakin' good with the galil, so he could be a little nuts.
Sceadu, Solza, Mao, and Nox all took up AK-47s. Mao was smiling inwardly. Solza was on his team. Solza was god. God would smite down upon the CTs with great vengeance and furious anger all those those would shoot and/or nade his brothers. And the CTs would know his name was SOLZA when he laid his vengeance upon them. Or something to that effect.
Everyone else got their SIG 552s ready. All except for Churchill. Steyr 7.62 NATO Scout for him... and he accepted no substitutes. Okay, okay an AWM would rule, but since Caboose had told Habib the Gun Seller to not give them out, the scout would be the best he got. At least Caboose had been smart enough to also ban the "auto-snipers" since those were total nub weapons, ranked up their with the XM1014 and riot shield. Oh damn. Little Billy was on CT. Uh oh.
Mao readjusted his official L337 ARTIC AVENGER sunglasses and clicked on his team radio. "Guys, follow me down Long A. We can hit the ammunition dumps at A. And give me the bomb! I'll do either the silent plant or the pit-watch plant. Or ooh, ooh! The /invisible plant/!"
Everyone looked at Mao and grinned patronizingly. The idiot always led a charge and died. Nox sighed. Silly Mao would never learn, would he? No one followed him. He would just get pwned like nothing else.
"Uh, okay Mao, you do that, said Solza with a shrug. "We're heading for the munitions at Bomb B. It's the easiest to get to, and it's the hardest for the CTs to get into once we set up shop. Lessee... Nox, Sceadu and Bizzly will go through center doors and meet us up at B. The rest of us will go straight through tunnel. Except for Church." Churchill nodded. "He'll clear a path for the three rushing DDs."
Churchill grunted assent.
"And Church? Please come help us out at the end? It's fun to hang back and all and 'snipe their penises off', but every deagle helps guarding the bomb.
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and die, you poontangs. I'm gonna get a good kill ratio today, thought Churchill.
"Yeah, sure," lied the sniper with a shrug.
"All right team, lock and load" intoned Caboose.

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