FicWad

I Do Not Own Loveless!

Washing his hands in the sink, he watched as the crimson water swirled around before flowing down the drain.

It had happened again, this never ending cycle that encompassed his life was threatening to swallow him once more.

Not hearing her, he'd snuck into the kitchen for a late night snack. He hadn't been this brave before but his hunger just wouldn't go away. He was always hungry it seemed. Affection, love, acceptance, kindness, all things his soul hungered for, but would never receive. He'd decided physical hunger was tangible therefore he was capable of feeding it.

How wrong he was.

Someday, he hoped, deep in his soul where no one could see, he wouldn't be quite so /loveless/. He would never hold his breath waiting for that moment though.

Soubi professed his love hourly, whenever he was around, but Ritsuka always wondered what his motives were. It just wasn't normal for someone his age to care for such a younger man, albeit not as odd now as it was five years ago when he'd been twelve. At least now it wasn't quite as frowned upon.

Snapping out of his reverie, he gazed in morbid fascination, admiring the beauty of the blood flowing freely from his veins. Suddenly snapping too, he wondered if he should be concerned. The flow was steadily running, not bothering to slow or clot.

It was getting progressively more difficult, as the days went by, to know when he should start worrying.

It always healed. It always stopped. Why would this time be any different?

Obviously it was, he decided a few minutes later when the rivulets refused to lessen. What should he do now? Was there anyone out there who actually cared if he bled to death?

Soubi, the name floated through his mind, housed on the wings of hidden hopes, yet faded by grasping tendrils of fear and worthlessness.

Would he ever be worthy of such affectations as love or concern?

Soubi cared. Although Ritsuka had tried so hard to push him away, never wanting him to be close enough to realize what a failure his unnecessary sacrifice was, he really did care for him.

It would just hurt too much now if he discovered what a waste of love Ritsuka really was.

He had accepted that he was named Loveless for a reason, as evidenced by his parents and most of the people he'd been to school with for years; Yuiko and Yayoi being rare exceptions to the heretofore invisible but ironclad rule.

Soubi did care for him though, and maybe it was time to call him now.

Reaching for his phone he cursed as his blood slicked palm fumbled with the device before dropping it noisily.

Praying that his mother didn't hear the clatter, he knelt, reaching for his lifeline once more.

Finally managing a firm grasp, he held down the button to call Soubi, shaking his head as he swayed dizzily, glad now that he hadn't waited any longer to contact his fighter.

"Hello Ritsuka," the beautiful voice spoke, flowing over him like warm honey dripping leisurely from the hive, soothing him, calming him.

"S-sou-soubi."

He couldn't remember why he'd called now, the thoughts fading as he sat there, body dripping. It really was unforgivable to bother Soubi at this late hour. He knew the man had to be up early for work. He was now an art teacher at a nearby university, Ritsuka was very happy for him, and secretly very proud to stand by him.

"Ritsuka? Is everything okay Ritsuka?" the voice sounded slightly more agitated now.

He wondered why Soubi was so upset.

"You know I do love you, right Soubi?"

Why was his voice sounding so weak, trembling so badly? Closing his eyes against the dizziness engulfing him, he tried once more to continue.

"I-I'm sorr-"

Falling forward his head smacked the floor with a loud thud, echoing throughout the stark bathroom. His head ached where it had made such sharp contact with the hard surface.

"Soub-"

His last thoughts before everything went blank were of his mother. He wondered if she'd be happy or sad to see this Ritsuka go, since he wasn't the real one anyway.

A/N: Please Let Me Know What You Think!