Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Accidental Harem

Year 1 Bolivian Army Ending

by BrianJ 3 reviews

Bolivian Army Ending. An alternative to good writing, so I am told.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Characters: Harry,Hermione,Mandy Brocklehurst,Sibyll Trelawney - Warnings: [!!] [X] [?] [Y] - Published: 2008-04-14 - Updated: 2008-04-15 - 1322 words

Disclaimer: Disclaimers have been known to become addictive in large quantities. Stamp out disclaimer abuse.
Again, thanks to all the people who have posted with praise and criticism. I am fixing the continuity errors in my past stories as best I can.
Anyway, here's the Bolivian Army ending. From "A Bolivian Army Ending is the ending of an episode, season, or especially entire series that ends in an open-ended tragedy." The phrase refers to the end of the 1967 movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Commenters decided that I should be more literal...

From El Kiblero, 1 Junio 2042:

"On this fiftieth anniversary of the establishment of Bolivian Britain, it behooves us to remember the boy without whom our glorious nation would not have become what it is today.

"This boy was Draco Malfoy. The scion of a well-established and politically prominent house, he was enrolled at the former Hogwarts School or Witchcraft and Wizardry. By the middle of his first year, he had accumulated such a record of misconduct and poor grades that he had to be transferred to another school. After consideration of which schools would allow him to enroll with large bribes and without looking at his records, Draco's father Lucius enrolled him at the Altiplano Magical Academy in Bolivia.

"Draco's schoolwork and disciplinary record did not improve one bit at Altiplano. At the end of his first year, he brewed a batch of incredibly foul compound instead of the simple cleaning potion that had been assigned. (It is still unknown whether this was deliberate on his part.) For his punishment, he was ordered to turn the substance that he had created into a workable potion that evening. Instead, he threw the mess into nearby Lake Titicaca.

"The following morning, the nearby portion of the lake had a sickly green tinge to it and was unfit for drinking. Draco lied when asked what he had done with had done with the potion. The academy's headmaster therefore decided to file a formal complaint with the British Magical Embassy in addition to expelling Draco Malfoy.

"By mischance, the Ambassador was absent, and only a very junior member of the staff was present to receive the complaint. Headmaster Morenos was a great man, but unfortunately not a great speaker. When he reached the end of his complaint, with the lines "We drink from Titicaca! We bathe in Titicaca!" the embassy staff member responded with uncontrollable laughter. The incensed headmaster, now convinced that the fouling of Lake Titicaca was deliberate, vowed to have his revenge.

"Shown the Pensieve memory of the incident at the Embassy and seeing the growing stain on the lake, the Bolivian Magical Congress voted to declare war on Great Britain.

"Knowing the disconnection between the Magical and Muggle governments of Great Britain, the Bolivian Magical Chiefs of Staff hit upon a brilliant strategy. Over the course of several days at the end of May, many hundreds of Bolivian wizards would fly on Muggle airplanes, by roundabout routes, to Britain. The British magical forces, contemptuous of the South Americans as they had been since the Falklands War, did nothing.

"On the evening of June 4th, the Bolivian wizards struck by using the visitors' entrance to gather and then attacked the lightly defended lower levels. (Two of their badges, with the notation Invasion Force, survive; they are now visible at the British Magical History Museum.) Once the lower level was secure, several wizards from Bolivia's Mysteries Department examined the Unspeakables' works and determined how they could be used against the rest of the Ministry.

"Meanwhile, dozens of wizards moved up to confront the Aurors on the higher levels. They succeeded in breaking through to the office of Amelia Bones, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Bones agreed to surrender to avoid a further bloodbath, but notified the Bolivians that several of her Aurors had gone to Hogwarts to battle an evil wizard there. A squad of the Bolivians demanded a Portkey and Auror escort to Hogwarts, which Bones supplied.

"When the Bolivians arrived, they were directed to the third floor, and then descended to see a fight going on between a wizard with two faces and several of the Aurors. The Bolivians began firing on both sides, turning the battle into a free-for-all.

"The tunnels where the battle was occurring had bee dug from under the foundation. As a result, they had weakened the school's structural integrity. It is believed that one of the Bolivians accidentally launched a high powered Reducto spell that impacted a wall and caused the structure to start caving in. A second hypothesis is that such a Reducto spell broke through the the ceiling and into a storage cupboard. It is possible that both occurred.

"Whichever of these occurred, within seconds the school was suffering a cascading collapse, as walls and floors tumbled in upon each other, along with explosions from detonating magical ingredients that only accelerated the process.

"The five houses were all established in areas that were far away from the exits to the castle, and as a result, by the time that the students had awakened, the building was in the last stages of its collapse. All five houses either collapsed or were entombed or both, and no students are believed to have escaped. Only a couple of the Aurors and Bolivians did, and it is from them that we know as much as we do.

"Within five minutes, Hogwarts truly was the ruin that Muggles perceived it to be. The surrender of a stunned Minister Cornelius Fudge came when he arrived to his office early the following morning, only to find a squad of Bolivians waiting for him and threatening the Ministry with the effects of the researches done by the Unspeakables, which they now controlled.

"Bones and Fudge had one particular request; that the ruins of Hogwarts not be excavated. They believed that they would contain the evil spirit of a wizard who had terrorized the country prior to 1981. The Bolivians, truly sorry for the disaster that they had unwittingly caused and having some experience with malicious spirits themselves, agreed. Nothing has come out of those ruins, and no wizard by the name of 'Lord Voldemort' has appeared, so presumably his spirit still lies buried. Numerous charms to repel beasts, Muggles, and wizards have been placed on the site to ensure that he remains interred.

"The official documents of surrender were signed on June 8, 1992. By this time, more Bolivians were emigrating to Britain to begin the process of administering the new province.

"British wizards quickly decided that assimilation would be more reasonable than armed resistance, which very few of them were able to provide. As a result, peace has reigned since the Bolivian War began, and carefully spreading out the Bolivians' numbers has kept Muggle Britain from interfering. The risks involved in an attempted reconquest by Muggles have repeatedly been deemed too great, not least because an attempt to destroy the Bolivian British powerbase, established in the former Minsitry of Magic compound, would necessarily require the destruction of central London and the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Muggles.

"Bolivian Britain has been good to its wizards, and we hope that its next fifty years will be as successful as the last."

With that, Luna Lovegood finished her article. The Bolivians really had gone out of their way to keep themselves from draining off too much of Magical Britain's wealth, and if they had their share of dunderheaded administrators, she couldn't think of any as bad as Fudge or Bagnold. The Bolivians were no more likely to censor her- less, from her father's tales- than the pre-War British government. Learning Spanish hadn't been that difficult, and adapting to the new food and holidays was easy since the term "British cuisine" was pretty much oxymoronic, anyway.

Humming a tune from the Andes, she prepared El Kiblero's presses to run her story.
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