Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Everyone shakes to the beat with a barrel down their throats.
Chapter Three: You're someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew.
1 reviewThere comes a time in everyones life when old flames come back to tempt them, for some it's that irresistable drink and powder.
3Exciting
WARNING: Swearing and drug and alcohol use.
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Chapter Three
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When Gerard woke up the next morning, the sun shinning in his tired eyes and the sound of Alien Ant Farm screaming like Michael Jackson on their portable CD player, he felt surprisingly pretty good. His mouth was very dry and he felt weak from hunger, but other then that, there was no real trace of a hang over at all. He diverted his eyes from the sunlight and shifted, instead, so that he could seek out the source of the music. Ray was sitting by the CD player tapping his hand on his knee to the beat.
"What the hell?" Gerard questioned sitting up to test his head, making sure he didn't have a headache. Satisfied, he noticed Ray's surprised look at having been caught out.
"Errrr ... I was just listening - you know - clears my head ... I'm thinking we should do a Michael Jackson song," he said quickly, turning the volume down slightly. Gerard laughed at his friend, Ray thought he was making fun of him for the song, but it wasn't that. Gerard had loved that song when it had first come out, it just seemed so long ago now and the whole thing was so random that he couldn't help but have the reaction that he did.
"Right," he said, taking this moment to search the tour bus to see if anyone else was in there. They weren't.
"How you feeling?" Ray asked loudly, the next song had come on and it was Celine Dion, he was clearly trying to drown her out, hoping he wouldn't notice. Gerard smiled suspiciously as Ray cleared his throat loudly and turned the CD player off.
"Not to bad actually. Where are the others?" Gerard changed the topic rather quickly and he wasn't even sure why. Yes, he felt a little guilty, mainly because he had drunk again, after all this time. But Ray and the others wouldn't really care, he was just feeling bad because he secretly knew he shouldn't have done it. That was all. They would understand, it was just one time, he could stop again; it was out of his system now.
"I think they're out signing autographs or something," Ray said, getting to his feet and stretching. "You coming?" He gestured towards the door, meaning that he was going to go join the others.
"Uh ... yeah, just let me grab a coffee," Gerard answered as Ray just rolled his eyes.
"You and your bloody coffee," and with that he took his CD out of the player, shoved it under his pillow a little too secretly, and left the bus.
Gerard grabbed his coffee and followed him out the door. Even though the sun had woken him up, it seemed to be disappearing behind dark clouds, never a good sign. Rain on tour was not fun, but it meant that they could get a shower at least.
It didn't take him long to find the others, they were no longer signing autographs, if that was what they had been doing, they were sitting on fold out chairs, all of them drinking coffee whilst Bob read the paper and Frank smoked a cigarette. Mikey seemed to be discussing something animatedly with Ray, waving his hands around dramatically whilst Ray shook his head violently, causing his afro to swish around with it.
"No, no, no, Mikey. I'm telling you now, Ron does say it wrong. You've got to listen carefully, but he actually does say leviosA, with the exaggeration on the 'A', when it's actually leviOsa, with the exaggeration on the 'O'," Ray shouted at Mikey as he stared at him in confusion.
"How can she pick up on that? What difference does it make anyway?" Mikey looked ready to prove his point.
"It matters because the spell won’t work properly! Don't you know anything?" Ray was looking deadly serious, so was Mikey, Gerard sat down, took one look at the expression on Frank's face and burst out laughing.
"Not the old Harry Potter wars again?" he said, stealing one of Frank’s cigarettes and lighting up.
"Not a war, just a discus- Oh, hey Gee," Mikey finished, realising that Gerard had just joined them. "You feeling better?"
He puffed out some smoke into the air and nodded. Secretly he wondered if they would say anything, something felt a little off about the way they all fell silent for a few minutes before returning to their previous conversations. Gerard didn't care though, he was looking forward to going on stage that afternoon, they were going to play 'Stay' again and that song was being so well received that he just loved performing it.
By late afternoon Gerard had managed to find some food in their tour van and had helped himself, making him feel a whole lot better. He went on stage feeling great and came off feeling nothing short of wonderful. Being on stage was the ultimate high; thousands of people screaming your name, waving at you, singing along to words that you wrote, thousands of people doing whatever you asked them to do. It was fantastic fun and Gerard loved it.
"That was great! Did you see that dude in the front row Frank?" Mikey teased as they made their way back to their bus after having signed autographs for what felt like hours.
"Yeah Frank, the one with your face in a love heart on his shirt," Bob threw in, grabbing Frank in a head lock and ruffling his hair. Frank tried to wrestle Bob to the ground but failed miserably and ended up having to beg Bob to let him loose.
"I happen to like being adored thank you," he announced with a grin as he made sure to put some distance between himself and Bob.
"Dude, did you just quote 10 things I hate about you?" Gerard asked in surprise as he watched Frank use him almost as a personal shield.
"Maybe," he said sheepishly.
There was a loud commotion off to their right and they all turned to see what was going on. The band that had gone on stage before them were now busy cracking open drinks and playing some strange game that seemed to involve a 'Twister' mat and 'Monopoly' money. Gerard turned away in silence, remembering when they all used to be like that. Every party that was on when they were on tour, they went to. If there were none, then they'd just have to have one. Then they had met The Used and their parties were always the best. Everyone would be there because they knew how to throw one hell of a party.
The thought of Bert made Gerard realise he hadn't seen him all day. They had gone on stage earlier that morning and Gerard wondered how he faired having drunk a lot more then he had and starting much earlier. It was only eight o'clock now and they didn't have to be on stage until eleven tomorrow morning, what could it hurt if he went to check up on him and see how he was doing?
"I'm gonna go see how Bert faired after last night," he said, disturbing the conversation that Frank and Mikey were having about when they had their first McDonalds parties ever.
"You're what?" Frank asked looking slightly confused.
"I'm just gonna check on Bert, I'll only be an hour or so, then we can practice for tomorrow," he repeated, the looks on their faces not going unnoticed.
"Oh ... okay," Frank replied, but it was clear from the look he was giving Mikey that he didn't think it was okay. Gerard ignored it and walked away from them. What did they think he was going to do? He wasn't going to start drinking again; last night had been a one off thing. But he had had fun and he behaved himself for the most part. What did it matter if he did start drinking again anyway? He was different now, he wasn't going to get all depressed this time round, he wasn't going to get ridiculous and drink every single day. But it was okay if he loosened up about the whole thing for a while.
"Gee! How'd you go? Make it on stage?" Bert laughed as he pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his cheek the moment he had entered their tour van. It was as filthy as Gerard remembered it and still smelt like a mixture of beer, pot and bad B.O.
"Yeah ... you?" he sat on the lounge next to Quinn, Bert's guitar player, and accepted the offered cigarette.
"I always make it onto stage, even if I'm as sick as a dog," he smiled as he pulled out a few beers from the fridge and carried them over to the lounge. "Want one?"
Gerard glanced at the beers thoughtfully as though trying to solve some mysterious puzzle. Was he going to drink again? What could it hurt? He would show the others that he could go and see Bert again, but behave himself. It was just a few drinks; he had a show in the morning anyway, so he knew he couldn't drink too much even if he wanted to.
"Why not?" he shrugged and took the beer that was thrust towards him by a happy Bert.
It seemed since the last time he had been in their van all those years ago, they had acquired a Play Station III and Guitar Hero III. Gerard had only been there a few minutes before it was switched on and they were all playing enthusiastically. It was a great game, Gerard loved it and he was having so much fun he didn't notice that the empty bottles were pilling up on the floor beside him and that he was getting slightly tipsy.
"If 'The Killers' could hear us butchering their song right now, I don't think they'd be very happy," Gerard shouted above the horrible screeching noise that his on-screen guitar was making. Clearly he was getting drunker, they were on hard and his concentration was just not keeping up with the coloured buttons on the screen.
"Hey, hey, hey, how's my favourite people?" Gerard and Bert both stopped playing their guitars to turn around and see who had just burst in through the tour van door. The music on the screen stopped now and it wasn't long before they were booed off stage.
"Awww man Peter, you fucking got us booed off!" Bert whined sadly as he placed the guitar on the lounge next to Quinn.
"Sorry man, but I think I have something you'll like even better," Peter announced waving around a plastic bag in one hand and two bottles of Jack Daniels in the other.
"You know how much I love you right?" Bert grinned as Peter put the supplies on the bench and accepted the usual drunken hug and kiss that Bert gave to everyone he knew.
Gerard recognised the newcomer, but only barely. He had been the stoned stranger that had been passed out on the ground with Bert the night before. Peter had short light brown hair that was spiked up in a neat mo-hawk; he had unusual green framed glasses and spacers in both ears. It was lucky that Bert had announced his name upon his arrival other wise Gerard would have had to ask him and he was sure that he had introduced himself last night, Gerard just couldn't remember it.
"Gerard! Hey man, you rocked out there on the stage," Peter said as he recognised him and approached him. He pulled Gerard into a tight hug, a little confused but not wanting to offend him, he hugged back. It was rather odd, he had only met him the night before and this guy was already treating him like a long lost friend, he couldn't explain it, but the hug had made him feel pretty uncomfortable.
"Thanks," he smiled nervously, not quite knowing how to take this guy, but Peter had moved on to Quinn and greeted him much the same. Quinn looked almost as uncomfortable as Gerard knew he himself had probably looked.
"Oh you're a good man," Bert shouted excitedly from the kitchen as he jumped up and down. He was searching through the bags that Peter had brought with him and Gerard felt his breath catch slightly at what was now laid out on the bench. Little yellow containers filled with all sorts of pretty looking pills that could mess you up in all sorts of different ways, and of course, plenty of zip-lock bags with that all too familiar white powder inside.
"No pot?" Quinn asked, trying to hide his disappointment, it seemed the rest of the drugs didn't really catch his fancy.
"Did you think I would seriously forget?" Peter asked as he joined Bert in the kitchen and searched through the remaining zip-lock bags in his plastic one. He pulled out a larger bad full of enough weed to keep Quinn stoned for at least a year.
"Peter, you're a champion!" Quinn exclaimed excitedly as he took the offered bag of pot and got to work on making himself up some joints. Quinn had always smoked a lot of pot. He drank, of course he drank, but for as long as Gerard had know him, he had never touched another drug but pot. It just seemed to be something he enjoyed doing.
"Now, what's your preference Gerard my friend?" Peter approached him with a casual air about him that reminded Gerard of someone asking him if he would like a cup of tea or coffee instead of someone asking if he would like weed, cocaine or ecstasy.
"Erm ... I'm right for the moment thanks," he said rather quickly as he took a small step backwards. One thing was for certain, he may be drinking again, but he wasn't stupid enough to go back to the drugs ... those things were the reason he had been so messed up last time.
"Maybe later then," Peter responded with a wink and a friendly tap on Gerard’s shoulder. It seemed nothing could wipe the smile off this guys un-shaven face and he returned to the kitchen area where Bert was already doing a line of cocaine.
"Shit! That's good shit!" Bert laughed loudly as he rubbed at his nose now that the line was gone.
"I know, right! And I have plenty more should you run out ... but I think this will do you for at least a few months," Peter laughed, gesturing the mass amounts of pills that lay out on the bench.
It was then that Gerard knew he should probably get back to the others. He was fairly tipsy and whilst he had been enjoying himself, he could tell that there would be no more of that now that everyone was getting high and shooting up. Quinn seemed to notice his discomfort and whilst he could tell Gerard wasn't interested in the drugs that Bert and Peter had, that didn't stop him from offering one of the joints he had just made up.
"You look like you need one of these," Quinn laughed, handing him a freshly made joint. To Quinn, pot wasn't a drug, it was just like alcohol, just something everyone did. His casual offering didn't even make Gerard think twice about taking the offered smoke, he took it and puffed away happily after the guitar player lit it up for him.
"Shit that is strong," Gerard announced after the first puff caused his lungs to react harshly and he let out a cough.
"Well he is the best," Quinn said, looking up at Bert and Peter who were both doing a line together now. Gerard couldn't help but notice the bitterness in his voice, it was clear that he didn't like Peter, whoever the hell Peter was, because Gerard couldn't even remember if anyone had even told him where he was from. Was he in a band? Or was he just the local drug dealer.
Gerard felt his mind clear and his head spin as he finished the joint and downed the last of his beer. Bert was singing loudly whilst he moon-walked around the kitchen area and Peter was laughing so loudly at him Gerard thought he was going to break a rib. That was when he knew it was time to leave, the others would be expecting him back and he didn't want to get caught up and have to stay longer.
"I'd better head off guys, got an early show tomorrow," he announced loudly so that he wouldn't have to approach the other two in the kitchen and be caught up in their drugged out hugs and sad goodbyes.
"What? No, stay here and dance with us," Bert shouted unhappily as he stumbled towards Gerard.
"I really can't man, but we can hang after you're finished playing tomorrow night," he promised, knowing if he told him he'd be back he'd let him leave.
"You better Gee, ‘cause we're both not on till late the next day so we're going to have a par-tay!" Bert waved his arms around like a mad man and almost tackled Gerard to the ground as he hugged him goodbye.
"I will, I will - let me go, I'm gonna fall," he laughed as he struggled to hold Bert’s weight and sunk dangerously low to the ground. Bert let up just in time but a thought seemed to creep across his face and he followed Gerard outside.
"Here ... you hang onto this, you look stressed," Bert whispered as he pulled a zip-lock bag out of his pocket and shoved it into Gerard's hands. "Make sure you invite those band mates of yours tomorrow, I haven't seen them in years."
With that, Bert waved and went back into the van leaving Gerard to stare at the bagged white powder in his hand. He wasn't sure why he hadn't handed it back to Bert, probably because he knew he would insist on him taking it, either way, he had it now and it was to late to give it back. Looking around nervously, he pocketed it quickly and headed off back to his tour bus.
Bands were screaming and shouting happily all around him as they toasted each other or lay in a drunken heap upon the grass. Fans on the other side of the fence were doing much the same. It was a nice night, it hadn't rained at all and everyone was celebrating just simply being on tour and having fun hanging and playing music with their best friends in the whole wide world. That's how Gerard felt ... but at the moment, he felt strangely empty. He missed it.
Now that he was away from Bert, he wanted to go back. To drink more, to take as many drugs as it took to keep up with Bert, so they could be messed up together, so they could go out and meet new bands confidently and uncaringly.
His hands deep in his pockets, he shook the thought from his head. Gerard loved his band, he loved his brother, he loved that they didn't have to drink and take drugs to have a good time ... but he just wished they could party like they used to.
Their tour bus was probably the quietest of them all and if it wasn't for the lights that were on inside, Gerard would have sworn that everyone was asleep. He entered and was greeted immediately by his fellow band mates, who were all huddled on the floor, captivated in the movie that was playing out on the screen.
"Hey man, how was Bert's?" Frank asked, watching him intently. Gerard could tell that his friend was trying to determine if he was drunk or not, but the walk had sadly sobered Gerard up quite a bit. He didn't know why it disappointed him so much, he had had a few beers, but he was in no way drunk and the pot didn't really do it for him, he had simply had a small taste of the buzz before it was quickly taken away as his body wore it off.
"Yeah, pretty good," he said, forcing a smile even though he was in no way happy. Secretly, he wished he was back with Bert. He had been happy, he had been full of life ... now, he was going to have to sit down and watch a movie whilst everyone else outside partied on and had a good time. "He invited us all to a party tomorrow night."
Mikey looked up at Gerard in surprise. He wasn't sure how they would take this news when he told them, they hadn't been to a party in years, let alone a Bert McCracken party, he already knew that they wouldn't go, but at least he let them know.
"Just like old times huh?" Frank asked with a smile and for a moment Gerard actually thought he was going to say yes. "I don't know if I can handle his parties anymore, I'm too old."
Ray and Bob joined Mikey in laughing at Frank's comment, but Gerard didn't find it funny. He had wanted them to say yes, he had wanted them to go to the party, to want to go. He needed to know that he wasn't getting old, that he still could have fun. He forced another smile nonetheless and took off his shoes so he could get into his bed and watch the movie from there. It was 'The Others' with Nicole Kidman ... they had seen it before, not in a long time, but as Gerard hadn't watched it from the start this time round, he wasn't sure if his restless mind could take watching it again now.
There was nothing left to read, there was nothing to watch, he was tired of listening to his I-Pod and there was definitely nothing to eat. Boredom took over and after playing with his nails, counting the amount of dirty coffee cups in the sink and picking all the fluff off his pillow he got up from his bed and headed for the bathroom. As soon as the door was shut he sighed loudly and sat on the closed toilet seat. He didn't really want them all to see how bored he was, so this seemed to be the only place he could go without them all asking him questions about where he was off to. He felt stupid sitting in the toilet, but he had felt just as stupid lying on his bed pretending to watch a movie.
Something seemed out of place in his pocket and he remembered the bag that Bert had given him. He shook the thought that had jumped into his head vigorously away. It was stupid doing cocaine just because you're bored ... wasn’t it? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that his hands were very sweaty and he felt slightly irritated. Were his clothes perhaps a little tighter then usual? Why was he so fidgety?
Standing up, he took the bag from his pocket ... if only to lift some of the tension in his already tight enough jeans, of course. He placed it on the vanity counter and stared at it as though waiting for it to give him permission to take some of it ... just a little bit. Swearing under his breath he sat back down on the toilet wishing Bert had never given him the stupid stuff.
What did it matter though? If he just did one line ... it was just one line, just to get him through the night. Drinking was one thing, but as there was definitely nothing to drink in the bus, he didn't really have another option.
It only took a few minutes for Gerard to talk himself into doing a line ... one line and that would be enough. He set it up and was done in seconds, jerking his head back as he realised that Bert had been right ... it was good shit! Already feeling better, he re-sealed the bag and stashed it back in his pockets.
A smoke ... that's what he needed, give him a good excuse to go back outside. He left the toilet and excused himself from his band saying he needed a smoke, he thought Frank was going to get up and go with him, but it seemed the small guitarist thought better of it and remained where he was. Gerard was glad, because he wasn't intending to simply have a cigarette, he was going to go back to Bert’s, they were busy with the film and they wouldn't even notice he was gone.
Feeling terrific, feeling free, he walked with his head held high, back past the partying bands and straight for the loud music and happy shouts that were emitting from Bert's tour bus.
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end
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AN: Next chapter will be up in the next few days as well, probably tomorrow as it's Anzac day long weekend. Yay! That's if anyone is reading and if anyone cares, he he. Hope you're enjoying it, leave a review if you want, just so I know it's keeping up with expectations. Sorry if spelling and gramma is a little off (ha ha) I'm lazy. :P
Oh oh oh and before I forget. Next chapter, there will be some Ferard for all those reading who enjoy that so much, he he. It's only very light, but hey, at least it's there.
xxPadfootxx
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Chapter Three
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When Gerard woke up the next morning, the sun shinning in his tired eyes and the sound of Alien Ant Farm screaming like Michael Jackson on their portable CD player, he felt surprisingly pretty good. His mouth was very dry and he felt weak from hunger, but other then that, there was no real trace of a hang over at all. He diverted his eyes from the sunlight and shifted, instead, so that he could seek out the source of the music. Ray was sitting by the CD player tapping his hand on his knee to the beat.
"What the hell?" Gerard questioned sitting up to test his head, making sure he didn't have a headache. Satisfied, he noticed Ray's surprised look at having been caught out.
"Errrr ... I was just listening - you know - clears my head ... I'm thinking we should do a Michael Jackson song," he said quickly, turning the volume down slightly. Gerard laughed at his friend, Ray thought he was making fun of him for the song, but it wasn't that. Gerard had loved that song when it had first come out, it just seemed so long ago now and the whole thing was so random that he couldn't help but have the reaction that he did.
"Right," he said, taking this moment to search the tour bus to see if anyone else was in there. They weren't.
"How you feeling?" Ray asked loudly, the next song had come on and it was Celine Dion, he was clearly trying to drown her out, hoping he wouldn't notice. Gerard smiled suspiciously as Ray cleared his throat loudly and turned the CD player off.
"Not to bad actually. Where are the others?" Gerard changed the topic rather quickly and he wasn't even sure why. Yes, he felt a little guilty, mainly because he had drunk again, after all this time. But Ray and the others wouldn't really care, he was just feeling bad because he secretly knew he shouldn't have done it. That was all. They would understand, it was just one time, he could stop again; it was out of his system now.
"I think they're out signing autographs or something," Ray said, getting to his feet and stretching. "You coming?" He gestured towards the door, meaning that he was going to go join the others.
"Uh ... yeah, just let me grab a coffee," Gerard answered as Ray just rolled his eyes.
"You and your bloody coffee," and with that he took his CD out of the player, shoved it under his pillow a little too secretly, and left the bus.
Gerard grabbed his coffee and followed him out the door. Even though the sun had woken him up, it seemed to be disappearing behind dark clouds, never a good sign. Rain on tour was not fun, but it meant that they could get a shower at least.
It didn't take him long to find the others, they were no longer signing autographs, if that was what they had been doing, they were sitting on fold out chairs, all of them drinking coffee whilst Bob read the paper and Frank smoked a cigarette. Mikey seemed to be discussing something animatedly with Ray, waving his hands around dramatically whilst Ray shook his head violently, causing his afro to swish around with it.
"No, no, no, Mikey. I'm telling you now, Ron does say it wrong. You've got to listen carefully, but he actually does say leviosA, with the exaggeration on the 'A', when it's actually leviOsa, with the exaggeration on the 'O'," Ray shouted at Mikey as he stared at him in confusion.
"How can she pick up on that? What difference does it make anyway?" Mikey looked ready to prove his point.
"It matters because the spell won’t work properly! Don't you know anything?" Ray was looking deadly serious, so was Mikey, Gerard sat down, took one look at the expression on Frank's face and burst out laughing.
"Not the old Harry Potter wars again?" he said, stealing one of Frank’s cigarettes and lighting up.
"Not a war, just a discus- Oh, hey Gee," Mikey finished, realising that Gerard had just joined them. "You feeling better?"
He puffed out some smoke into the air and nodded. Secretly he wondered if they would say anything, something felt a little off about the way they all fell silent for a few minutes before returning to their previous conversations. Gerard didn't care though, he was looking forward to going on stage that afternoon, they were going to play 'Stay' again and that song was being so well received that he just loved performing it.
By late afternoon Gerard had managed to find some food in their tour van and had helped himself, making him feel a whole lot better. He went on stage feeling great and came off feeling nothing short of wonderful. Being on stage was the ultimate high; thousands of people screaming your name, waving at you, singing along to words that you wrote, thousands of people doing whatever you asked them to do. It was fantastic fun and Gerard loved it.
"That was great! Did you see that dude in the front row Frank?" Mikey teased as they made their way back to their bus after having signed autographs for what felt like hours.
"Yeah Frank, the one with your face in a love heart on his shirt," Bob threw in, grabbing Frank in a head lock and ruffling his hair. Frank tried to wrestle Bob to the ground but failed miserably and ended up having to beg Bob to let him loose.
"I happen to like being adored thank you," he announced with a grin as he made sure to put some distance between himself and Bob.
"Dude, did you just quote 10 things I hate about you?" Gerard asked in surprise as he watched Frank use him almost as a personal shield.
"Maybe," he said sheepishly.
There was a loud commotion off to their right and they all turned to see what was going on. The band that had gone on stage before them were now busy cracking open drinks and playing some strange game that seemed to involve a 'Twister' mat and 'Monopoly' money. Gerard turned away in silence, remembering when they all used to be like that. Every party that was on when they were on tour, they went to. If there were none, then they'd just have to have one. Then they had met The Used and their parties were always the best. Everyone would be there because they knew how to throw one hell of a party.
The thought of Bert made Gerard realise he hadn't seen him all day. They had gone on stage earlier that morning and Gerard wondered how he faired having drunk a lot more then he had and starting much earlier. It was only eight o'clock now and they didn't have to be on stage until eleven tomorrow morning, what could it hurt if he went to check up on him and see how he was doing?
"I'm gonna go see how Bert faired after last night," he said, disturbing the conversation that Frank and Mikey were having about when they had their first McDonalds parties ever.
"You're what?" Frank asked looking slightly confused.
"I'm just gonna check on Bert, I'll only be an hour or so, then we can practice for tomorrow," he repeated, the looks on their faces not going unnoticed.
"Oh ... okay," Frank replied, but it was clear from the look he was giving Mikey that he didn't think it was okay. Gerard ignored it and walked away from them. What did they think he was going to do? He wasn't going to start drinking again; last night had been a one off thing. But he had had fun and he behaved himself for the most part. What did it matter if he did start drinking again anyway? He was different now, he wasn't going to get all depressed this time round, he wasn't going to get ridiculous and drink every single day. But it was okay if he loosened up about the whole thing for a while.
"Gee! How'd you go? Make it on stage?" Bert laughed as he pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his cheek the moment he had entered their tour van. It was as filthy as Gerard remembered it and still smelt like a mixture of beer, pot and bad B.O.
"Yeah ... you?" he sat on the lounge next to Quinn, Bert's guitar player, and accepted the offered cigarette.
"I always make it onto stage, even if I'm as sick as a dog," he smiled as he pulled out a few beers from the fridge and carried them over to the lounge. "Want one?"
Gerard glanced at the beers thoughtfully as though trying to solve some mysterious puzzle. Was he going to drink again? What could it hurt? He would show the others that he could go and see Bert again, but behave himself. It was just a few drinks; he had a show in the morning anyway, so he knew he couldn't drink too much even if he wanted to.
"Why not?" he shrugged and took the beer that was thrust towards him by a happy Bert.
It seemed since the last time he had been in their van all those years ago, they had acquired a Play Station III and Guitar Hero III. Gerard had only been there a few minutes before it was switched on and they were all playing enthusiastically. It was a great game, Gerard loved it and he was having so much fun he didn't notice that the empty bottles were pilling up on the floor beside him and that he was getting slightly tipsy.
"If 'The Killers' could hear us butchering their song right now, I don't think they'd be very happy," Gerard shouted above the horrible screeching noise that his on-screen guitar was making. Clearly he was getting drunker, they were on hard and his concentration was just not keeping up with the coloured buttons on the screen.
"Hey, hey, hey, how's my favourite people?" Gerard and Bert both stopped playing their guitars to turn around and see who had just burst in through the tour van door. The music on the screen stopped now and it wasn't long before they were booed off stage.
"Awww man Peter, you fucking got us booed off!" Bert whined sadly as he placed the guitar on the lounge next to Quinn.
"Sorry man, but I think I have something you'll like even better," Peter announced waving around a plastic bag in one hand and two bottles of Jack Daniels in the other.
"You know how much I love you right?" Bert grinned as Peter put the supplies on the bench and accepted the usual drunken hug and kiss that Bert gave to everyone he knew.
Gerard recognised the newcomer, but only barely. He had been the stoned stranger that had been passed out on the ground with Bert the night before. Peter had short light brown hair that was spiked up in a neat mo-hawk; he had unusual green framed glasses and spacers in both ears. It was lucky that Bert had announced his name upon his arrival other wise Gerard would have had to ask him and he was sure that he had introduced himself last night, Gerard just couldn't remember it.
"Gerard! Hey man, you rocked out there on the stage," Peter said as he recognised him and approached him. He pulled Gerard into a tight hug, a little confused but not wanting to offend him, he hugged back. It was rather odd, he had only met him the night before and this guy was already treating him like a long lost friend, he couldn't explain it, but the hug had made him feel pretty uncomfortable.
"Thanks," he smiled nervously, not quite knowing how to take this guy, but Peter had moved on to Quinn and greeted him much the same. Quinn looked almost as uncomfortable as Gerard knew he himself had probably looked.
"Oh you're a good man," Bert shouted excitedly from the kitchen as he jumped up and down. He was searching through the bags that Peter had brought with him and Gerard felt his breath catch slightly at what was now laid out on the bench. Little yellow containers filled with all sorts of pretty looking pills that could mess you up in all sorts of different ways, and of course, plenty of zip-lock bags with that all too familiar white powder inside.
"No pot?" Quinn asked, trying to hide his disappointment, it seemed the rest of the drugs didn't really catch his fancy.
"Did you think I would seriously forget?" Peter asked as he joined Bert in the kitchen and searched through the remaining zip-lock bags in his plastic one. He pulled out a larger bad full of enough weed to keep Quinn stoned for at least a year.
"Peter, you're a champion!" Quinn exclaimed excitedly as he took the offered bag of pot and got to work on making himself up some joints. Quinn had always smoked a lot of pot. He drank, of course he drank, but for as long as Gerard had know him, he had never touched another drug but pot. It just seemed to be something he enjoyed doing.
"Now, what's your preference Gerard my friend?" Peter approached him with a casual air about him that reminded Gerard of someone asking him if he would like a cup of tea or coffee instead of someone asking if he would like weed, cocaine or ecstasy.
"Erm ... I'm right for the moment thanks," he said rather quickly as he took a small step backwards. One thing was for certain, he may be drinking again, but he wasn't stupid enough to go back to the drugs ... those things were the reason he had been so messed up last time.
"Maybe later then," Peter responded with a wink and a friendly tap on Gerard’s shoulder. It seemed nothing could wipe the smile off this guys un-shaven face and he returned to the kitchen area where Bert was already doing a line of cocaine.
"Shit! That's good shit!" Bert laughed loudly as he rubbed at his nose now that the line was gone.
"I know, right! And I have plenty more should you run out ... but I think this will do you for at least a few months," Peter laughed, gesturing the mass amounts of pills that lay out on the bench.
It was then that Gerard knew he should probably get back to the others. He was fairly tipsy and whilst he had been enjoying himself, he could tell that there would be no more of that now that everyone was getting high and shooting up. Quinn seemed to notice his discomfort and whilst he could tell Gerard wasn't interested in the drugs that Bert and Peter had, that didn't stop him from offering one of the joints he had just made up.
"You look like you need one of these," Quinn laughed, handing him a freshly made joint. To Quinn, pot wasn't a drug, it was just like alcohol, just something everyone did. His casual offering didn't even make Gerard think twice about taking the offered smoke, he took it and puffed away happily after the guitar player lit it up for him.
"Shit that is strong," Gerard announced after the first puff caused his lungs to react harshly and he let out a cough.
"Well he is the best," Quinn said, looking up at Bert and Peter who were both doing a line together now. Gerard couldn't help but notice the bitterness in his voice, it was clear that he didn't like Peter, whoever the hell Peter was, because Gerard couldn't even remember if anyone had even told him where he was from. Was he in a band? Or was he just the local drug dealer.
Gerard felt his mind clear and his head spin as he finished the joint and downed the last of his beer. Bert was singing loudly whilst he moon-walked around the kitchen area and Peter was laughing so loudly at him Gerard thought he was going to break a rib. That was when he knew it was time to leave, the others would be expecting him back and he didn't want to get caught up and have to stay longer.
"I'd better head off guys, got an early show tomorrow," he announced loudly so that he wouldn't have to approach the other two in the kitchen and be caught up in their drugged out hugs and sad goodbyes.
"What? No, stay here and dance with us," Bert shouted unhappily as he stumbled towards Gerard.
"I really can't man, but we can hang after you're finished playing tomorrow night," he promised, knowing if he told him he'd be back he'd let him leave.
"You better Gee, ‘cause we're both not on till late the next day so we're going to have a par-tay!" Bert waved his arms around like a mad man and almost tackled Gerard to the ground as he hugged him goodbye.
"I will, I will - let me go, I'm gonna fall," he laughed as he struggled to hold Bert’s weight and sunk dangerously low to the ground. Bert let up just in time but a thought seemed to creep across his face and he followed Gerard outside.
"Here ... you hang onto this, you look stressed," Bert whispered as he pulled a zip-lock bag out of his pocket and shoved it into Gerard's hands. "Make sure you invite those band mates of yours tomorrow, I haven't seen them in years."
With that, Bert waved and went back into the van leaving Gerard to stare at the bagged white powder in his hand. He wasn't sure why he hadn't handed it back to Bert, probably because he knew he would insist on him taking it, either way, he had it now and it was to late to give it back. Looking around nervously, he pocketed it quickly and headed off back to his tour bus.
Bands were screaming and shouting happily all around him as they toasted each other or lay in a drunken heap upon the grass. Fans on the other side of the fence were doing much the same. It was a nice night, it hadn't rained at all and everyone was celebrating just simply being on tour and having fun hanging and playing music with their best friends in the whole wide world. That's how Gerard felt ... but at the moment, he felt strangely empty. He missed it.
Now that he was away from Bert, he wanted to go back. To drink more, to take as many drugs as it took to keep up with Bert, so they could be messed up together, so they could go out and meet new bands confidently and uncaringly.
His hands deep in his pockets, he shook the thought from his head. Gerard loved his band, he loved his brother, he loved that they didn't have to drink and take drugs to have a good time ... but he just wished they could party like they used to.
Their tour bus was probably the quietest of them all and if it wasn't for the lights that were on inside, Gerard would have sworn that everyone was asleep. He entered and was greeted immediately by his fellow band mates, who were all huddled on the floor, captivated in the movie that was playing out on the screen.
"Hey man, how was Bert's?" Frank asked, watching him intently. Gerard could tell that his friend was trying to determine if he was drunk or not, but the walk had sadly sobered Gerard up quite a bit. He didn't know why it disappointed him so much, he had had a few beers, but he was in no way drunk and the pot didn't really do it for him, he had simply had a small taste of the buzz before it was quickly taken away as his body wore it off.
"Yeah, pretty good," he said, forcing a smile even though he was in no way happy. Secretly, he wished he was back with Bert. He had been happy, he had been full of life ... now, he was going to have to sit down and watch a movie whilst everyone else outside partied on and had a good time. "He invited us all to a party tomorrow night."
Mikey looked up at Gerard in surprise. He wasn't sure how they would take this news when he told them, they hadn't been to a party in years, let alone a Bert McCracken party, he already knew that they wouldn't go, but at least he let them know.
"Just like old times huh?" Frank asked with a smile and for a moment Gerard actually thought he was going to say yes. "I don't know if I can handle his parties anymore, I'm too old."
Ray and Bob joined Mikey in laughing at Frank's comment, but Gerard didn't find it funny. He had wanted them to say yes, he had wanted them to go to the party, to want to go. He needed to know that he wasn't getting old, that he still could have fun. He forced another smile nonetheless and took off his shoes so he could get into his bed and watch the movie from there. It was 'The Others' with Nicole Kidman ... they had seen it before, not in a long time, but as Gerard hadn't watched it from the start this time round, he wasn't sure if his restless mind could take watching it again now.
There was nothing left to read, there was nothing to watch, he was tired of listening to his I-Pod and there was definitely nothing to eat. Boredom took over and after playing with his nails, counting the amount of dirty coffee cups in the sink and picking all the fluff off his pillow he got up from his bed and headed for the bathroom. As soon as the door was shut he sighed loudly and sat on the closed toilet seat. He didn't really want them all to see how bored he was, so this seemed to be the only place he could go without them all asking him questions about where he was off to. He felt stupid sitting in the toilet, but he had felt just as stupid lying on his bed pretending to watch a movie.
Something seemed out of place in his pocket and he remembered the bag that Bert had given him. He shook the thought that had jumped into his head vigorously away. It was stupid doing cocaine just because you're bored ... wasn’t it? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that his hands were very sweaty and he felt slightly irritated. Were his clothes perhaps a little tighter then usual? Why was he so fidgety?
Standing up, he took the bag from his pocket ... if only to lift some of the tension in his already tight enough jeans, of course. He placed it on the vanity counter and stared at it as though waiting for it to give him permission to take some of it ... just a little bit. Swearing under his breath he sat back down on the toilet wishing Bert had never given him the stupid stuff.
What did it matter though? If he just did one line ... it was just one line, just to get him through the night. Drinking was one thing, but as there was definitely nothing to drink in the bus, he didn't really have another option.
It only took a few minutes for Gerard to talk himself into doing a line ... one line and that would be enough. He set it up and was done in seconds, jerking his head back as he realised that Bert had been right ... it was good shit! Already feeling better, he re-sealed the bag and stashed it back in his pockets.
A smoke ... that's what he needed, give him a good excuse to go back outside. He left the toilet and excused himself from his band saying he needed a smoke, he thought Frank was going to get up and go with him, but it seemed the small guitarist thought better of it and remained where he was. Gerard was glad, because he wasn't intending to simply have a cigarette, he was going to go back to Bert’s, they were busy with the film and they wouldn't even notice he was gone.
Feeling terrific, feeling free, he walked with his head held high, back past the partying bands and straight for the loud music and happy shouts that were emitting from Bert's tour bus.
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end
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AN: Next chapter will be up in the next few days as well, probably tomorrow as it's Anzac day long weekend. Yay! That's if anyone is reading and if anyone cares, he he. Hope you're enjoying it, leave a review if you want, just so I know it's keeping up with expectations. Sorry if spelling and gramma is a little off (ha ha) I'm lazy. :P
Oh oh oh and before I forget. Next chapter, there will be some Ferard for all those reading who enjoy that so much, he he. It's only very light, but hey, at least it's there.
xxPadfootxx
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