FicWad

Lying next to you, eyes tightly shut, feigning a sleep that will never come. Sidelong glances, catch sight of your pale hand above the covers, long fingers still stained with the blood from your latest victim; can barely retain a shudder of revulsion. Reach out, wanting to scratch that stain away, to scratch your skin until it bleeds, but somehow my fingers end up entwined with yours, clutching tight for simple sanity.

Mind cast back to mere hours before and that mortal girl intoxicated on beauty and promises. Your sweet seduction; lips next to hers, hands on her breast. Gentle words whispered in her ears, honeyed lies, convincing her to believe. Watching as your perfect face moved closer to hers, dark hair falling across her fragile skin as she simpered in your arms. One final lingering kiss; then your fangs sinking into her throat in a last, deadly embrace. Her body slowly failing as you gorged yourself on her life, then discarded her remains. Disgusted at your carelessness, your cruelty, your disregard for human life – for wanting to touch another. But my insults were lost in your warm mouth, obscenities frozen as your tongue soothed my rage. How do you do this to me every time?

Gently untangle my fingers from yours and slip out of the bed. You stir slightly, murmuring my name in your sleep, but I do not turn. Open the door and creep downstairs; just another shadow in the night. Outside the streets are empty, save for a few lone travellers. My veins are burning, nostrils full of their sweet scents; I must feed. A quick strike from behind, teeth sunk into the neck, life slowly slipping away, then a corpse falls to the floor. I look down; see what new misery I have inflicted. A man, pretty by mortal standards, you would like him. And suddenly an acute ache for you; your bright eyes, your bewitching hands, your soft lips… Close my eyes, trying to forget, but I can’t. You turned me into this beast, you cursed me to an eternal life of the damned, all these faces that haunt me are dead because of you. Your ignorance, your arrogance, your cruelty, your gentle touch… Scream with pain, but it’s no good; you’re in my head, in my mind. I want you. I hate you. This is driving me over the edge.

Sitting up, waiting for me, black hair flung casually back. But the question’s freeze on your lips as you see my flushed face. A flicker of pain in your eyes - why did I not take you with me? – but quickly disguised as apathy; never show weakness to one who could hurt you. And how I want to hurt you. Striding forward, teeth hungry for your throat, longing to rip it out, leave you bleeding on the floor. But instead my mouth is on yours; kissing you fiercely, biting your lips until I taste the metallic sharpness of your blood. Moaning loudly you lean back, arms pulling me on top of you; fingers messaging my neck, my chest, then slipping down as I lose myself in your familiar touch.

No; this isn’t right, this isn’t what I want. But it is; more than anything. Skin pressed against skin, limbs tangled together, hands wrapped around your neck, desperate to choke you. Pour this poison through my kisses; feed your vanity with my lies. Hold me tight; make this all better; save me from myself, save me from you. You’re messing with my mind, destroying my sanity. I love you. I hate you. Let me go.