Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Like A Knife

She's The Reason I'm The Way I Am.

by PanicxFOBx4Everx 0 reviews

When Cammy finds out about Patrick and Addi, she loses it. Everything is changing for her, and she hates it. What will she do?

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2008-04-26 - Updated: 2008-04-27 - 1390 words

Like A Knife Part 29

I searched and searched for the correct words to throw out at him, but nothing sounded…right. He had hurt me; I wanted him to know that, I truly did, but at the same time, he was my friend and I couldn’t hurt him too much. There had never been one lie to complicate our friendship, in all of the time I had known him. Not even something that was half true, half false. Everything was as it should be, and then he went and changed it. I didn’t mind that he and Addi were an item in the least, I actually think I was happy for them, but the falsehood he had left me to simmer on had stabbed harsher than a freshly sharpened knife.

I turned around to begin walking away from them, striding across his lawn towards the sidewalk near his house. The afternoon had come and gone quickly, as now dusk had set in, leaving us with a dark sky. The stars had yet to come out, but I could see the moon glistening and glowing in its entire majestic beauty. Sometimes I wished I was the moon, unafraid to show off my beauty to the world and rise above everyone else. Most of all, the moon couldn’t feel anything.

As I walked away, I heard Patrick ask, “Cammy….? I-Do you want a ride home?”

He was about to say ‘I’m sorry’, but stopped himself, when in reality, that’s all I wanted. A heartfelt apology, free of doubt and lies. But instead all I got was a ride home. I didn’t make a small attempt to answer. Instead I continued on my way towards the street, a walk that seemed to take an eternity.

I finally reached that ever so distant sidewalk, took a left and began down that way. It might have seemed like I was overreacting, but it was that was the understatement of the year.

How can you keep yourself composed while you’re watching your whole life crumble into tiny pieces, shattering on the ground and disappearing so you can’t repair it? I’ve got the answer to that; you can’t.

The first tear started dripping down my face, followed by a flash flood while I walked. After I was far enough from him, from them, I stopped and watched as the street lights finally decided to turn on. The hazy light was anything but calming, distressing me even more than I had been before. The night had set in, vast and black, and I was wishing we had arrived at Patrick’s house even just an hour earlier. None of this would have ever happened, and I’d been fine.

I wouldn’t have been compelled to stand in the middle of the barren street as I did then. The yellow line was suddenly directly beneath my body, stretching forever into the darkness. I fell to my knees, looking up at the sky like I would find an answer to my misery there. A star finally appeared, twinkling by itself in the middle of a depressing abyss.

Make a wish, I thought to myself.

I wish that I could be put out of my suffering.

As I watched the sky, I heard something coming that must have been a car. My cell phone rang, revealing a worried Patrick on the caller ID. Everything seemed to flash, and then a car swerved and skidded to a stop somewhere up the road.

“Cammy?!” I heard a voice exclaim. It wasn’t the voice that I was hoping for to say the least. Keltie jumped out and paced quickly over to me, in confusion and apprehension. I hated her, but that didn’t mean that she hated me. “Cammy, what are you doing? You could have gotten yourself killed!” She told me. I raised my grief stricken face to look at her. “Oh my God, Cammy…What happened?”

“Nothing, Keltie,” I replied, a little angrier than I wanted it to come out.

“Don’t feed me that, Cammy. You’re on your knees in the middle of the road with tears running down your face. There’s no way I can believe that there’s nothing wrong,” She explained. “Now please get up. We’re still in the middle of the street.”

I did as she said, and went to sit down up against a chain link fence. I didn’t want to look at her, to let her see me so vulnerable. But she was there, trying to calm me, completely oblivious to my true feelings towards her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked me sweetly. I didn’t even manage a fake smile.

“No, that’s all right,” I said desolately. “It’s- it’s personal.”

“Do you at least want a ride home? It’s already nine,” She suggested.

“No, thanks again, Keltie,” I disagreed.

“Well, whatever it is, Cammy…I’m sorry,” She said, with true genuine sympathy, pushing her golden hair form her face. “Really, really sorry.” She then left without another word, returning to her car down the road that I could have caused her to crash.

There was no guilt finding its way into my body. None for finding Addi on his doorstep, none for making him feel like a horrible friend, and none for almost causing Keltie to crash. I think that’s the point where I stopped caring that night.

About another hour had gone by, and Patrick had called me about six or seven more times. Only one other car drove by then, no one important that I was bothered by. I had let myself break down up against that chain link fence, not bothered by anything or anybody. It was a surprise that it didn’t matter to me if others finally saw my emotions.

I’ve kept them bottled up inside for too long.

I didn’t just cry because he lied to me. I cried for all those other times that I didn’t, when I needed to. Everything was taking its toll on me now, and maybe I deserved it.

Another car approached, this time creeping up the road towards me, as if it knew I was here. Once it stopped right in front of me and Ryan stepped out, I knew that he did know that I was here. Keltie actually feared for me, was concerned for my life. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

No words passed between us, because he clearly knew that I was stubborn enough not to explain what happened. Instead, he lifted me from my sitting place on the sidewalk, opened the back door to his car and put me down in there. He once again began driving in the direction that he had come from, towards his house. After a long silence, he cleared his throat and decided to begin talking.

“Cammy…” He started, in a half sigh. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I doubled over, folded in half over the seat, and continued to cry harder. And I couldn’t stop, because I knew I was crying on front of him, and there was no way to escape it now. That meant that I should just let it all out.

A few minutes later I was left with a few tears and some sniffling, finally able to catch my breath. Then everything drifted away from me into an unrealistic place, filled with nothing but sun, grass and clouds. Dreams were my sanctuaries.

*Ryan’s POV*

I pulled into my driveway and parked my car. I was terrified for Cammy; she could have lost her life, and I had a feeling she wasn’t crying over that. So I stepped out of the driver’s seat and opened the back door, sighing as I realized that she had drifted to sleep.

Everything that she did to torment herself tormented me.

She took her life for granted. It seemed like a joke to her right now, and she had no idea that it affected me. She was more important than she thought.

Careful not to disturb her, I lifted Cammy from the back seat and walked to my porch to unlock the door.
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