FicWad

This is based on my vision of Early Sunsets Over Monroeville, so maybe have a listen to that while reading. This is also kind of rushed, seeing as I NEED to watch Big Brother, which I’m obsessed with (?) because of a certain bleached blonde bad boy. ;)

DISCLAIMER: Don't own, didn't happen, don't know, don't sue!


This Hell Is My Heart;



Frank’s P.O.V

Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen


We were not allowed to see each other.
It was forbidden.
Why you ask?
Because I’m in love with a man.
And I’m a man.
So that’s now allowed, according to my parents.
I was 17; Gerard was a couple years older then myself.


And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living


We had been secretly seeing each other at night, sometimes day when I felt lucky.
It was much more easier when Gerard was at school, we could see each other whenever we wanted then.
But now I was stuck at home;
With parents who hate everything about my personal life.
Seeing as they didn’t believe men should be with men, or women should be with women.
Love is love, right?
But regardless of that, I still felt trapped.
Like I was caved in, waiting for my chance to get out.
Mountains were trapping me, like a metaphor for the walls closing around me.


Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains


We wanted to run away.
We felt like we needed to do it to live.
We had to carry on with each other.
Without Gerard…I’d be dead.
Without a doubt, I’d kill myself if Gerard was gone.
If only everyone else understood our love for each other.


Running away and hiding with you
I never thought they'd get me here


Nobody cares about how feel.
Except for the two of us.
I’m starting to understand the problems of love,
And how no one else really cares about your feelings.
They don’t understand. They never will.

But one day, just like Gerard promised.
We ran away. Together, hand in hand, just like it should be.
Together as one, and one forever.

Forever…
I loved that word.
It was so filled with so much love.
That was my opinion anyway.
And everything was perfect. Me and Gerard together, it was incredible.


Not knowing you'd change from just one bite
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight


But soon it was all over.
We were still together, but we weren’t emotionally connected anymore.
We didn’t have that same link anymore, and it was like his personality changed overnight.
Like he changed…From just one bite.


But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head
But would anything matter if you're already dead?


He even then tried to end it with me.
He wanted our relation to be over.
Finished, gone, nothing!
But I wouldn’t heart of it, no way would I let it happen.
After everything we went through.
After all the again I suffered, he was going to end this relationship.


And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained


When those words came from his mouth.

“It’s over, Frankie. I’m sorry…But things are just too different now.”

Different? It was his fault for the difference!
He changed; he made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him.
I wouldn’t let it happen1
What everything we did together.
All the times we kissed, made love hugged, laughed together. It was all useless to him now.


But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head
And would anything matter if you're already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?


I was not going to let it happen.
I grabbed Gerard by the shoulders, forcing him onto the bed.
He gave me a bewildered look, not understand what I was doing.
To be honest with you, I had no idea what I was doing either.

Looking into his eyes, I knew he was scared.
And I even smiled with evil, as much as I didn’t want to…The power just…Took over me.
This power I had…it was wonderful.
This power I had control of right now made me feel special for the first time in my life.
My confidence was high, it was towering.


Before I pull this trigger,
/Your eyes vacant and stained/...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,


Gerard whimpered, scared, below me.
I soon remembered our small bedroom was home to a gun.
We needed one, for safety.
In the town we lived in, we needed something to protect us with.
The area was very dangerous, and people here didn’t really take too kindly to people like…Us.
So we didn’t something we could fight back with, which was a gun.
Neatly tucked away I the door near out bodies.
Convenient, I thought as I reached for it.


And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
And our memories defeat us,
And I'll end this direst.
But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head
But does anything matter if you're already dead?


Memories flashed by, as the trigger was pulling back.
Memories blinded me, as the trigger was pulling back.
Memories murdered my heart, as the trigger was pulling back.
Gerard said one last thing, as the trigger was pulling back.

“I love you…” He said, his voice hoarse.


And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?


I looked down at Gerard, his eyes looked lost.
He was scared, and I knew it. He knew that I knew.
This was his own fault, he ended this not me.
Those last three words form his mouth made everything harder.
He was aware of what it did to me.


Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,


“You don’t love me.” I whispered as Gerard’s eyes closed.
Yet I still wanted to believe the he did love me.
I wanted those three words to be his last, and they were…


And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,


There was no more room for Gerard, not in this hell.
Not in this hell I call my heart.
It was filled with pain now.
There wasn’t a place for him now.

There wouldn’t be a place in someone else’s hell either.
That’s because he wouldn’t have another chance for someone else to love him.
There will never be another hell for Gerard to love someone in.

My eyes shut as I pulled the trigger, a loud bang was heard.
But only I heard it.

Gerard…Was dead now.
Gerard…Was gone.
Gerard…Was never coming back.

I got off the bed, dropping the gun to floor.
Blood was splattered everywhere, it was as horrible site that I caused.
Gerard’s body wasn’t moving at all, because of me.

But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?


I don’t think anyone would notice Gerard.
Not for a while anyway.
Until then I can run…
To find another town with fountains and half price sales.



Spell check still not working, sorry about that. But review please, and rates would be nice too. (: