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My mouth dropped open, "No, that's impossible."
Dr Miles smiled, "Mrs. Way, while the chances of you becoming pregnant were very slim it wasn't impossible."
"Oh God." I couldn't think. "But my doctor back home said the chances of me ever getting pregnant were so small that I didn't need to give it a second thought."
"I'm guessing you are very shocked by this."
"Hell yeah. I mean I've always assumed I was unable to have children. Now I find out I'm pregnant?' My head was spinning and my heart was racing.
"You do understand that because of your Polycystic Ovary Syndrome your pregnancy is high risk. Unfortunately you have a much higher risk for suffering a miscarriage." he added softly, "Percentage wise women who suffer from PCOS and become pregnant are about 45 % more likely to lose the baby within the first few months."
My heart dropped. I'd just discovered I was pregnant, something I'd never thought possible, and now I was being told I might lose the baby. I simply stared at the doctor unable to find words.
"I'm going to send you to a colleague of mine who specializes in high risk pregnancies." He looked into my eyes, "You are planning on continuing the pregnancy?"
Holy shit. Gerard. How was he going to take this news? I nodded, "Yes."
He lifted the phone and in minutes I had an appointment for tomorrow morning with another doctor. I asked if I could have a few minutes to gather my thoughts before leaving the office. He smiled kindly and nodded. Once I was alone I closed my eyes. Oh, God, a baby. Something I'd always dreamed of but had never believed could come true. But how would Gerard take the news? With all that was going on in our lives I was so uncertain how he would react. Of course also lingering in my thoughts was the high rate of miscarriages caused by my disease. Would fate be so cruel to take this baby from me? A single tear ran down my face. I wiped it away and took a deep breath. I needed to face my husband with the news. Silently I prayed he would be able to handle the fact that we were expecting.

"Laura you're scaring me." He said as soon as we got in the car. "What did the doctor say? Are you okay?"
I hadn't wanted to say anything to him until we were alone. "Can we talk once we get home?" I asked. I really didn't want to discuss this in the car.
"Fuck no." He answered, "If something is wrong I want to know now." He reached over and took my hand in his, "Tell me."
I took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant."
A look of total shock covered his face, "You can't be."
Okay I was hoping for another response. "I am."
"But medically that's impossible. I know." he answered.
I pulled my hands out of his. "It's not impossible."
"I know you suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I read you're medical information."
Shit, my anger surfaced, "Oh yeah, I forgot. You checked me out before you married me right?" I remembered the day he had told me he knew all about me. How he'd made sure I was disease free and unable to get pregnant before he'd slept with me.
He nodded, "Yeah, I did."
"Well then you should have known that while the chances of me actually getting pregnant are very small it could still happen." I tired not to tear up, "It did happen."
"Fuck" he uttered sitting back in his seat.
Now the tears fell. "Take me home." I whispered.
He waited a moment then started the car. We drove the whole way home in silence. Both of us were lost in thought.

Once we arrived at out apartment I walked in and headed for the bathroom. I slammed the door and began sobbing. He knocked at the door.
"Laura we need to talk."
"Leave me alone." I yelled. Couldn't help it.
He tried the knob and was angered that the door was locked. "We need to talk. Get out here."
"Leave me the fuck alone." I yelled again.
"Fine, I'm outta here." he yelled back.
Suddenly I was afraid. I pulled open the door and saw him preparing to leave the apartment. "Where are you going?"
He turned, "You just told me to leave you the fuck alone."
"Oh and you can't understand why?"
"I never wanted to have a child." His words echoed in the room. "Never."
"Well you are gonna have one." I shot back.
His face suddenly looked blank. The mask was back in place. "Laura, when I married you it was because I believed you were infertile."
"So that's the only reason you married me?" I cried.
"You know why I married you. As a matter of fact you talked me into marrying you, remember? I needed a wife and you offered."
I couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. After all we had been through he was saying this to me? "So nothing has changed between us? That is still how you think of me?"
He glanced away. "I knew marrying you would turn out to be a mistake. I let myself fall in love with you and now look what's happened. You're in danger and pregnant with a child I don't want."
"I don't want." echoed in my ears. He didn't want our child. "Then you don't want me either." I said softly.
He took a step towards me. "That's not true."
"You just don't want our child."
"I don't want a child that should never have been conceived." He said angrily.
I snapped. "Well you just may get your wish. The chances of me having a miscarriage are very high. I may lose this baby and then you can rejoice." I shouted the ugly words at him.
The mask slipped. "I didn't know." He whispered.
"Well now you do." I spat, "The chances are high. I might lose this baby." My hands covered my abdomen.
I could see him struggling to put the mask back in place. He turned and headed towards the door.
"Do not walk out that door." I said in a deathly calm voice.
He answered while still walking, "I need to think. I need to decide how to handle this."
"This?" I cried out. "This? Our baby is something you need to deal with like it's some fucking problem you have to handle." My anger was out of control.
He turned to me. "Yeah."
"Fuck you." I uttered before sinking to the ground. I lowered my head and sobbed.
His voice was softer, "Laura, I have to think."
I looked up at him. "Please don't go." I hated that I was begging him to stay.” I can't go after you this time. I just can't."
For a moment I saw the man I loved before he carefully put the mask back in place. "You don't need to run after me. I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, I guess you can. You don't need me." I whispered through my tears. "I was wrong to ever think you did."
I closed my eyes and heard the door slam shut. The pain in my heart was worse than any pain I'd ever felt. I curled up in a ball on the floor and wept. I hated myself for being so weak. In my mind I knew that no matter what he did or what happened to him that I would stand by my husband. It was obvious to me now that he didn’t feel the same way towards me. I cried hugging myself and thinking about the life growing inside me. This child was a miracle. There was no other way I could look at this. Inside me grew a life that had been conceived in love. I prayed Gerard would not make me chose between him and our baby.

Several hours later I awoke when I heard the door open. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Gerard on the floor beside me. “Can you forgive me?’ His voice was a whisper. He was lying beside me but not touching me.
“This baby is ours. It’s a part of us.” I whispered in answer.
He closed his eyes, “I’m fucking terrified.” He admitted. “I’ve just learned to let myself love you and now this.”
Hope reached my heart, “You learned to let yourself love me. I know you can learn to let yourself love our child.”
He opened his beautiful eyes and I saw his tears, “You haven’t answered my question. Can you forgive me? Can you forgive the way I acted?”
“Do you want our baby?” my voice shook.
“Yes, Laura. I want our baby.” A tear rolled out of the corner of his eye.
I moved over and he pulled me to him. “I love you.” It was all I could say.
He closed his eyes again. “I love you. I just hope I can be the man you and this baby need.”
“You can, I know it.” I told him reaching out to capture his tear with my finger. “I know you can.”