FicWad

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white

The cool air swirled around me. I could feel it in my lungs, in my chest. I couldn’t see a thing, but I could feel. Oh how I could feel. I’d been feeling so much at the moment. So much love, so much hate. Hate for the people that would never understand, the ones who never noticed anything different. And love for her.

And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right

I didn’t know. I couldn’t know. Everything felt good, but it felt terrible. So raw and yet so perfect. But the gap was closing. I looked up at the moon, silently asking heaven what it thought. Do I deserve her? Does she deserve me? How can life be this perplexing?

I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again
Where? I don’t know

I thought of her as I searched through my thoughts. I felt lighter than air and as cold as rain. I don’t know where I went but I left, and as I was brought back to earth I awakened. And went inside.

Maria says she’s dying through the door I hear her crying
Why? I don’t know

I hear her sobs. She cries all the time. She never tells me why except that she’s dying. I don’t want to believe her, but soon I think, I think I’ll have to.

Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates

I’m always so perfect, the perfect gentleman. That’s what my society requires. Nothing’s ever said, but it’s put out like sunbeams. Only less happy. But I’m never perfect enough for her. In her eyes I am, but not in mine.

Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said shed like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis

I met her at the airport. She caught my eye straight away. She’d come for fame. I came to hide from it.

She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like she’s walking on a wire in the circus

I took her to the beach, my Maria. She’d never seen it before. She was afraid to go in, but not to walk in the spots where the waves just grazed the sand. And it was over too quickly.

She parks her car outside of my house
Takes her clothes off

One day there was a knock on my door. There was Maria, her perfect beauty, her perfect smile. She kissed me, and I kissed back. Being with her felt like nothing I’d ever experienced.

Says she’s close to understanding Jesus
She knows shes more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when shes nervous

I don’t understand her. She’s always different yet always the same. I love her, but I hate her. Hate her for thinking Jesus can save her. But Jesus has done this to her. He’s laughing at her. As she tells me this she fidgets and makes odd noises. I will never understand her.

Round here were carving out our names
Round here we all look the same

Maria once told me as we lay underneath the tree we had just put our mark upon, that we were soul mates. That our souls had been split and put into two different bodies.

Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
Round here shes slipping through my hands

The doctors thought they were big. They thought they could fix everything. But they couldn’t fix my Maria. All they were was cowards. They wouldn’t try anything new, and they continued to think that they owned the world. They did this as I started to lose her.

Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream

She frowns in her sleep, as if she is having a bad dream. She used to smile.

Mamas little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning

I want so badly to wake her. But I fear I don’t have much time left to watch her sleep.

She says its only in my head
She says shhh I know its only in my head

In the waiting room Maria puts her head in her hands and slowly rocks back in forth saying the same thing over and over. I try to talk to her but she tells me to hush. And continues.

But the girl on car in the parking lot says
man you should try to take a shot
I walk out of the hospital in fury. Why won’t she let me help? I see a girl and she offers me a cigarette. She tells me to try one and I do. I end up telling her my story.

Cant you see my walls are crumbling?
Then she looks up at the building and says shes thinking of jumping
She says shes tired of life she must be tired of something

Turns out her story is not that different.

Round here shes always on my mind

I go back to find everyone racing around. And my Maria on the floor. She got away that day and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I loved her. I still do.

Round here hey man got lots of time
Round here were never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late
I cant see nothing, nothing round here
Catch me if Im falling

I , Brendon Urie, am falling.

But there's no one to catch me.