FicWad

The funeral was last week and Slash seems to be happier. It wasn't easy watching friends and relatives gather to say goodbye to Ola. As predicated, there were plenty of tears but also plenty of laughter as tales and stories were told. She was a good woman and brought up Slash well. And now I'm cheating on him by writing love letters to the guy I ran away from. Fuck.

And so I sit here, in the kitchen peeling vegetables and acting like a good little domestic boyfriend. He's off somewhere else, probably in the basement room. Understandably he doesn't feel ready to take over the rest of the house yet. While it's his, it has his mother's touch everywhere, a shrine to the woman who fell saving her son's boyfriend. Her son's awful, sleazy, lying, cheating boyfriend. Fuck.

Idly, I chew on a piece of carrot and try to weigh up my options. I can't get back together with Bill because he's behind bars. In the same way that I can't leave Slash because he needs me. But do I really want to leave Slash? Do I want to leave the man who gave up everything to be with me? He gave up so much - freedom, opportunity, safety and his own mother. That's a hard one to comprehend. And, despite Bill's wonderful letters, I really do love Slash. Really, honestly do. But I'm going to have to show him. It's no good just saying it. I'm really going to have to win him over. You know, I don't deserve him. Period.

Getting up, I walk through the lounge and towards the stairs that lead down to our room. As I do, a pained, heartbroken howl floods the house, making my blood run cold. I stop, turned to stone as it comes again.

He's found them.

~~~~

How could he?! How could he write to Axl after what he's fuckin' done?! The fucker!

They were hidden behind one of the snakes tanks, tied with red fuckin' ribbon/. I can't help but read them and each word is like a stab to the heart. Axl, the fuckin' murdering rapist is still trying to put the moves on Izzy. And the fucker's falling for it. /Oh Izzy, I love you. Oh Izzy, I want you. Oh Izzy, please fuck me all night long. If this is what Izzy wants then I'll fucking send him to the prison to be with his murdering lover. Or I'll wait until they're just about to flick the switch and kill him before I kiss Izzy. He's mine now, not that red-head fucker's.

Crumpled in the middle of the room, I tear them up, spreading the scraps like confetti as I cry. I wonder if Izzy's been jerking off to these? I bet he has, jerking off and not giving me any. He's still feeding me shit about not wanting sex yet. The lying little shit. He's okay to jerk off over the guy that raped him but not make love to the guy that actually loves him.

Why am I crying? Why am I crying over him? He's just fuckin' broken my heart. The first person I've ever loved and this is what he does.

"Slash." The voice is timid and quiet.

I stand up and turn to him, my eyes blazing, hot tears still on my cheeks. My hands ball into fists and I can feel my teeth grinding through frustration.

"You fucker," I spit. "You lying." I begin to walk towards him, slow and deliberate. "Little. Piece. Of. Shit!" I scream the last word in his face, watching as he takes a shocked step back.

Yeah, I'm not so nice when you cross me. I've done so much for this guy, even given him a safe roof over his head and he's done this.

"Slash," he whispers, hands held up in resignation and eyes wide. He looks like he's about to cry and I hope he does. "Let me explain..."

"What's to explain?!" I demand. "You wrote fuckin' love letters to your jailbird ex and you want to explain?!"

His Adam's apple bobs as I watch him try to fight the tears.

"Slash." His voice breaks, becoming pitiful and weak. "I'm sorry..."

"You're sorry?!"I howl as I press myself against him.

Izzy's skin pales and he looks like he's going to be sick as I wrap a hand around his throat. I pull back my other hand and he lets out a sob as I hit him. Throwing him to the ground, I step back and spit on him, my fury and rage coming out like never before.

"You're fuckin' worthless Isbell!" I scream. "You're as worthless as the fucker that followed you here. Is that all I was to you - a quick fuck and a roof over your head?" I aim a kick at him, catching him the stomach. A sneer twists my face as he doubles up, terror in his eyes. "That's all you wanted wasn't it? Someone to pet you and put you back together before you gave him another chance."

His eyes are wide and shimmering with tears as he silently clutches himself. Turning, I dig his suitcase from under the bed and begin throwing his stuff into it, cursing myself for being such a pushover. For letting him walk all over me. Slamming the lid shut, I throw it towards the stairs, narrowly missing his head. Not that I'd have cared if I'd hit him. I don't want him anywhere near me now. I feel dirty and used, no doubt how he felt when Axl did the same to him.

Striding over to him, I grab a handful of that dyed hair and drag him to his feet. And that's when he begins to cry. Painful sobs, complete with the full waterworks, as he begs me not to kick him out. But I'm not listening. With my other hand, I grab his suitcase and drag him up the stairs. His hands claw at me, desperate to get a hold. But that's what he did originally. He put his claws under my skin and held on, dragging me into a world that could have killed me. A world that did kill my mother.

I slam him against a wall as I scream, "Shut the fuck up!"

He chokes, his body shaking and I let him go as I step back to open the front door. Throwing his stuff down the stairs, I turn to take one last look at him. One last look at the beautiful, feline-like man who I'd fallen in love with.

Izzy leans against the wall, sobbing and looking small in his oversized clothes, arms tightly wrapped around himself. The bit of eye-liner that ringed his lower lid has smudged, making his eyes look even more hollow than they already are. With a sick feeling in my stomach, I realise that I've become Axl, I've turned from a meek and mellow lover into a spitfire of rage.

Reaching out, I gently cup his face in my hands, feeling him tremble with fear beneath my touch. A tear rolls down my cheek as I slide my hands beneath his hair and cradle his head. He carries on staring at me through worried eyes, probably wondering if this is the calm before another storm. Slowly I shake my head and gently press my lips against his.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, the terror and pain that he's feeling taking over me.

For a moment, he doesn't respond. Then it all comes out and we're grabbing at each other as we hungrily kiss. His hands dig into my back as our mouths and tongues battle with each other, so many feelings flooding out of us. Terror, pain, anxiety, forgiveness, grief, but most all, love.

Kicking the door shut, I lift him up, wrapping his legs around my waist as I cradle him to me. Never breaking the kiss, I push him up against the wall, working a hand between us and into his pants. Izzy howls into my mouth as I grasp his hardening cock and begin to stroke him, his thrusts further feeding my own fire. My own cock is straining against my pants and I need relief. I need to do something other than jerk off while I watch him sleep.

With Izzy nipping impatiently at my lips, I move and lower him to the couch. He lies back, his hair spread over the cushions like a halo, panting quietly. His tight pants perfectly outline his engorged cock, a sight that I haven't seen in a while and which I take a moment to appreciate. And then I fall on him, my hands ripping the shirt from his chest as his hands tear my cheap clothing to shreds. In a second we're naked and wrapped around each other, kissing and biting and rubbing ourselves against each other.

I can feel his cock between my legs, rubbing against my own and I let out howl after moan after pant as I revel in the feeling. His slender legs come up and wrap around my waist as I carry on pushing my tongue into his mouth, desperate to taste everything that he has to give me.

His tongue slides over mine, velvety soft as it probes my mouth.

"Fuck me, Slash," he groans. "Fuck me hard."

I'm more than willing to oblige as I move his legs, linking his ankles around my shoulders as I quickly stroke the pre-come from our cocks along my shaft and push it deep into him. Izzy's howl bounces off the walls as I begin to thrust into him. Again and again he cries out, screaming my name, yelling that he's sorry. As the pace builds, I find myself doing the same repeating his name over and over as I apologise for being an asshole and an awful boyfriend.

I slide a hand between us and begin to stroke his cock, Izzy becoming more and more vocal as I do. I've never heard him scream and wail so much. But it's not screams of pain or sadness; it's screams of passion and pleasure as he lets himself go for the first time. His hands cling to me, nails cutting into my hips as he encourages me to go faster and thrust deeper. I do exactly as I'm told, moving my hand along his cock in time to my thrusts.

A second later and I'm being whisked to heaven as we come together; a first for us. Our combined voices could have raised the roof as we each scream the other's name. His come floods my hand as mine flows into him.

Panting, I lower myself onto him, my cock still buried in his ass. Bringing my hand to my mouth, I carefully lick away his come, my eyes forever watching his. After a few seconds, Izzy takes my hand, putting each of my fingers in his mouth and sucking them clean, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. The mischief disappears as he drops my hand and his face falls, becoming sad once again.

"Are you still going to kick me out?" he asks quietly.

I swallow and feel the sadness return. I don't want him to go but if he thinks it's best then maybe he should.

"It's up to, Izz," I sadly reply. "If you want to go, you go. But if you choose to go, I want to know one thing."

Silently he nods, eyes wide, fear once again filling them.

"Do you love me?" I ask.

He nods. "Very much so."

"So why'd you write the letters?"

This time he shrugs. "I don't know." He sighs. "I've got a question."

I nod, letting him take his time.

"Can you forgive me?"

I sigh a little, my eyes still gazing deeply into his. I watch him for a moment, studying that beautiful face, the warmth of first love slowly returning to my system.

"I could," I begin. "But I might have to beat Bill out of you."

A crooked grin twists his mouth as he pulls me down to kiss him. Sinking into his arms, I kiss him back as the healing process begins again.