FicWad

I know Revan and I got off on the wrong foot when she came to rescue me at the Taris swoop race season opener. I openly berated her efforts, and now that I look back at what I said, I feel ashamed. She had pointed out in one of our rather heated arguments that I hadn't managed to free myself until she had come along. It was true. She had provided just the distraction I needed. I know now that I wouldn't have been able to free myself if it hadn't been for her help.

This is something she teases me about constantly.

At first, I wasn't sure what to think of her. I knew who she was immediately, of course, but she was so much different than she was when she was Revan. That was the whole point of reprogramming her memory, of course, but I think I was taken aback by it. Of course, I should not have been surprised that she was still Force-sensitive.

The thing that irritated me most about her was that she would make light of serious issues. That, and she teased me mercilessly. I understand that she found it amusing because her jokes were always lost on me, and I never understood that by reacting the way I did, I was doing exactly what she wanted me to. I would get defensive or argumentative, and she would laugh and tell me she was only joking. Perhaps I should have learned to be a little less serious all the time, or to at least understand that Kiranna could never adequately control her emotions. Nor did she want to.

I marvel at her strength. Even when she found out the truth, she did not lash out at me for lying to her. Nor did she berate me for not telling her the truth. She said she understood the Council's decision, although I knew that she felt like they deliberately had not told her because they were afraid that if she knew, they wouldn't be able to make her do their bidding.

Of course, I wanted them to tell her the truth. It pained me that they had forbidden me to tell her why we shared that bond through the Force. It was because I had used the Force to preserve her life, and in doing so, gave up a part of me so she could live. That part of me that existed within her forged a powerful bond between us.

I found that Kiranna was good at guarding her thoughts and feelings from me, while she could read me like a datapad. She always knew when I wanted to speak to her, and what my state of mind was. When I think about it, I realise that she is my better half.

The Council had asked that I help guide Kiranna to stay on the path of the Light, but she did not need my guidance. She told me that at times, it was a struggle for her to remain on the path of the light, especially now that she was a Jedi. She told me that she had difficulty controlling her emotions, but unlike me, it was not her frustration or anger that she had difficulty controlling.

Overall, I think she had better self-control than I did, despite all my training. If anything, she was the one who kept me from falling to the darkness within my heart.

She took me everywhere with her. The two of us were inseparable, especially during her training. Master Zhar asked that I help her, and I did. I told her that I did not like being so closely bonded to her. In her response, I could tell that my words had hurt her. I had not intended to hurt her, nor did I know how impossible it would be to separate myself from her.

Kiranna and I were walking together in the courtyard of the enclave. She had just finished her mission from the Council to cleanse the grove nearby, and I had been allowed to rejoin her. I could not tell her how much I wished I could have aided her in her task.

"I'm not sure I understand this bond we share," Kiranna told me. The two of us were standing near the entrance of the enclave. The Dantooine sun was setting and the sky was alight with colour. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. The light of the setting sun had set Kiranna's hair aflame, the highlights striking. Although I am a woman, I could not deny how beautiful my companion looked with the light of the setting sun setting her aglow, like a halo or some bright aura had settled about her.

I considered my response to her words carefully. I truly wanted to tell her why we shared this bond, but the Council forbade it. "I'm not sure I understand it either," I told her. "But the Force has seen fit to join us together. Our destinies are one."

Kiranna turned away from me, looking out into the plains. "Dantooine is beautiful," she remarked, dropping the subject of the bond, seeing that I was not being very cooperative. I think she knew the whole time that I knew more than what I was telling her, but she refused to pry or attempt to get me to talk. She had enough headaches trying to talk to Carth, and she did not want us to have similar arguments, I suppose.

"Yes, it is," I sighed. "I truly love it here. So peaceful and calm."

"Maybe for the Jedi it is," Kiranna said with some degree of bitterness in her voice. I asked her what she meant. "The Mandelorians here are animals. They're nothing like the Mandelorians Canderous tells me about in his war stories. They attack without mercy, killing anything that crosses them, unless they can be paid." She shook her head, gripping the concrete railing in front of her so tightly that her knuckles turned white. This was the first display of outward frustration I had ever seen from her.

"Jon told me that those dogs killed his daughter," Kiranna told me. "At first, I was reluctant to get involved. I remembered what Master Zhar said, about using the Force for defence, but at the same time, I wondered why the Council wasn't doing anything to help him." She turned to me, her ice blue eyes cold where there was usually warmth. "I agreed that I would at least check it out." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "When I saw them kill a frightened settler, I lost it. I would not sit idly by and let them continue to kill people."

I was alarmed. "Wasn't Canderous with you?" I asked.

"Yes, and he agreed that we did the right thing in killing them. He told me that they had no honour." She looked up at me, hatred smoldering in her eyes. "And I agree. When I find their leader, I'm going to kill him."

"Kiranna, you cannot let your anger control you," I protested.

"This is a matter of life and death," Kiranna countered. "The Mandelorians will continue killing settlers if they are allowed to go unchecked. Surely killing a group of them to save innocent people is justified."

I wanted to tell Kiranna that nothing justifies killing, but I could not. In my heart, I agreed with her. I knew we might encounter the leader of these groups of Mandelorians that Kiranna had already slain. I knew the attacks would not stop until the leader was dead, so I decided silently that if we found him, I would help Kiranna kill him.

But I was still worried about her rage over the situation. I feared that she might fall to the dark side. My fears were unjustified of course.

I don't think Kiranna ever meshed well with the Jedi. Jolee hadn't helped anything. I think if anything, he turned her away from the Jedi even more, but I knew in my heart that Kiranna could never be a true Jedi. For Kiranna, the means justified the ends. For instance, killing a few Sith was justified if she was helping innocent people because of it. I knew that Kiranna thought the Sith were a plague that were spreading through the galaxy . . . but that's a tale for another time, and I think it would be better told by Kiranna, instead of speculated upon by me.

Our time on Dantooine helped me learn more about Kiranna. I thought I knew everything about her, having known what she was like as Revan, but Kiranna was not Revan. That part of her died on the bridge of Revan's flagship that fateful day. The woman I had agreed to travel with was entirely different.

When we reached the ruins the Council had instructed us to investigate, Kiranna did not hesitate before entering. She went through the various trials to prove our worth efficiently. I was not surprised that she knew the answers to the questions the computers posed to her, but I was surprised that she seemed to know how to get them to work.

Before we left Dantooine to find the Star Map, Kiranna and I had gone to the grove one last time before we were to depart. She sat among the trees, looking like she belonged. She looked to me, looking much more calm than she had the last time we had spoken at length. "You know Bastila, there's something about this place . . . that's so familiar. It's like I've been here before, but I don't recall having ever been to Dantooine."

I knew that the part of Revan that was still within her was resonating with Dantooine. Subconsciously, she knew she had been there before. I spouted something useless about the Force half-heartedly.

"You don't sound convinced," Kiranna told me.

"There are . . . many things I wish I could tell you," I admitted. Kiranna looked at me quizzically.

"About what?" she asked.

"I can't say," I replied glumly. I wanted very much to tell her why Dantooine was so familiar to her. I wanted to tell her she had been here before as someone else, but I could not. At the time, I believed in the wisdom of the Council. If I knew then what I do now, that telling her who she was would not have made any difference, I would have told her everything then and there. However, I'm not gifted with the ability of seeing the future.

Kiranna looked at me, her brows drawn worriedly. I don't know if she sensed my discomfort, but she didn't press me. She simply drew her knees to her chest, hugging them and resting her chin on them, closing her eyes as the breeze displaced the strands of hair hanging on her forehead.

Dantooine was only the beginning of our journey, but I think it was there that I learned the most about Kiranna's character. I don't know if I should say that she possessed a foresight or some kind of knowledge that the Council does not, but when I think of it, it seems to me that Kiranna was correct in the way she handled things throughout the course of our mission. She was willing to sacrifice, but not the lives of innocent people. She saw her lightsaber just as much as a weapon as it was a tool. She saw the Force as a tool to help the weak and free the oppressed, and in the end, is that not the mission of the Jedi?

~Fin