Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > And I'd Give Up Forever To Touch You...
Brendon’s POV.
As I awoke this morning, I remembered last night. We emailed Pete Wentz, and though I had no hope last night, but for some reason this morning I felt charged. I walked past Ryan, Jon and Spencer all huddled up and snoring together on the couch. Jon was snoring with his mouth open, it was soo funny, so I took a photo of it on my phone. I went to Jon’s laptop and switched it on. I saw there were 3 new emails. And one was from DecayDance Records. My heart stopped, I didn’t want to open it. “OMG GUYS WAKE UP! WAKE UP! I NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO OPEN IT!” I yelled. I ran and jumped on them. I grabbed Ryan by the hand and pulled him up off the lounge. “Dude! What are you doing!?” he asked. “CHECK THE COMPUTER!” I yelled. I dragged a very sleepy Spencer to the computer along with Jon. “someone else open it. My hands are shaking” I said, I sounded very jumpy. Jon sat down, “ok everybody take a deep breath” and he opened the email. He read out loud
‘To Panic at the Disco, This is Pete Wentz, and I just wanted to tell you that I really liked your music. I was wondering if we could make an appointment and I could see if I could persuade you to sign a contract to DecayDance Records. Ring this number 0413644127 and we will work something out. Keep on rockin’ Pete Wentz’ we sat in silence for a few seconds, our hearts going a hundred miles an hour. Then, “HELL YES! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!” Ryan screamed at me. We all jumped up and started yelling! “WE ARE BLOODY BRILLIANT! THAT’S
WHAT WE ARE!” I yelled, and soo unexpectedly, Ryan jumped on my back, I only just managed to stay balanced. He had his arms around my neck, “PIGGYBACK STYLE!” Jon screamed, and jumped on Spencer's back. Ryan ruffled my hair and whispered in my ear “we’re gonna be famous. We’re gonna reach for the stars, and all of them, they will soon be ours” I realized that he is right; we are going to be famous. He jumped off my back and I turned to look at him. He had such deep, pure eyes. They showed his emotion very easily, they told his story. Ever heard the expression ‘Your eyes are the window to your soul’? Some peoples aren’t, but Ryan's, his really were. They showed happiness, excitement. But they also told his story, hurt, because of his abusive father, his mother and Keltie leaving him. I wanted to help him, and suddenly without knowing what I was doing, or saying, I leant forwards, taking his hands and whispering gently in his ear “I love you Ryan, you are a beautiful person, and I want to show you the world” I heard a deep intake of breath from Ryan, knowing this news had shocked him. I took a step back and tried to release my hands, getting ready to say it was the after affects of alcohol, that I didn’t know what I was doing, but he gained a harder grip on the two of mine, he pulled me closer to his body and whispered in my ear “Bren, I love you soo much; and I want you to show me the world, I want to live it with you” then, he kissed me. Not like an eager or quick kiss. It was the perfect, slow paced, best situation placed, best feeling kiss anyone could hope for. Ever.
One Year Later.
Ryan's POV.
God, he looks hot on stage, Brendon does. No wonder all those girls scream at him. But there is something they don’t know, I have him. I have the one with the killer lungs, killer looks, killer personality, and plainly just the best goddamn thing anyone could ever wish for; dream for. But lately, he has been toying around with me on stage, acting like he is going to kiss me but not, grazing against my body, making sneaky grabs at my ass when he walks by. God, if we weren’t in front of so many people I would take him right there and then, but he probably wouldn’t. Every time I put the suggestion out there lately, he says he is too tired, or that Jon and Spencer are home, and he doesn’t want to disturb them, he says we just don’t have time. But I know he is lying, that he is doing this on purpose, because every time he says this, he has the hidden expression of a smug smile on his face. We then finished the song, and I struggled to remember what came next, I snuck over to Spencer. “hey, which ones next?” I whispered “umm….Lying is the most fun” Oh crap. “Oh, that’s great!” I replied. I was soo not looking forward to this song, every time we perform it, Brendon does something different so I don’t know what to expect. That was when Bren started the intro. “Now tell me if im the only one…but have you ever…dreamt, that your running through a sunflower field, in about lets say May” Oh No. I know what happens here”…the cotton candy clowns are dancing, across the crystal clear sky. And your lovers running towards you,” now I’m shaking “… the wind is whipping through her lovely lavish locks, and you embrace for that perfect, romantic kiss” He took me in his arms, and I went in to kiss him, then I remembered I cant, I pushed him away, fully regretting it “…Whoa! This is not that dream! This is hard, sweaty, angry, crazy, MONSTOROUS, fucking...”
After the concert, me and Brendon were finally alone, for after what seemed like months. Why doesn’t he ever want to be with me at all? God, am I that repulsive? Anger began flooding through my veins, making my skin hot. I stood up and began pacing around the room. God, if he wont do anything im going to have to. That was when Brendon came out of the shower, wearing only a pair of jeans, his hair was messy, but it looked so damn good. I lost my breath for a second. “Hey Ry” he grinned at me. Gosh, cant he see I am ANGRY here?! “What the fuck Brendon? What are you doing?” I yelled angrily, looking at his shocked face. “what do you mean?” he asked innocently, Far out, I hate when he does this. “What are you doing on stage?! Why are you denying me what I want?! You said you never would!” I saw him smirk, but he hid it by making out he was going to cough, “I’m not denying you anything Ryan” He said, running his fingers through his hair “I just-“ And then I lost it on him. I grabbed him by the shoulders and pinned him to the wall. “…want you to have a turn” Brendon breathed, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I stared into his eyes, and finished what I intended doing on stage, I kissed him. Our lips pressing together with uncontrollable force, expressing our want for each other. I grabbed a tighter hold of him and spun him around, pushing him onto the lounge. I got on him and ripped his belt off, throwing it towards the doorway, it was when the belt got there that I became distracted. When the belt was supposed to hit the ground with a soft thud, there was instead a loud “holy shit!” It was then that I had moved quicker than I ever had in my LIFE! I bounded off Brendon and onto the other lounge, fixing my hair up on the way. Oh. Shit. Do you think Jon saw? “Whoa, Brendon, what did you do that for?!” He questioned, I looked up worriedly, what if he unconsciously blabbed? But wait, he looks calm. You’re the one that is stressing Ryan, take a breath! “I was about to put it on, but you opened the door and scared the shit outta me, I thought I was gonna be assassinated! So of course, I threw my belt at you!” You could so tell that was fake, well, I could. But Brendon really does like to be sarcastic about ALOT of things, so we don’t even question it anymore. I definitely felt more relaxed, so I stood up and walked over and sat next to Brendon, placing my hand on his thigh. But as soon as I realized what I was doing, I snatched my hand back and jumped straight off the couch. Brendon gave me a questioning look, raising one eye brow. “Ryan, could I have a word?” “sure”
Brendon’s POV.
What was up with Ryan just then? He totally spazzed out! Jon left me and Ryan alone, and as soo as he shut the door I turned to Ryan and said “dude! What was all that about?” He stared at me, his honey brown eyes penetrating mine like knives, and said “I almost touched you in your area! What would happen if I did!? What if he fuckin saw me Bren!? What if he knows about us now!?” He is so cute when he worries like this, I couldn’t help but smile. But Ryan must of thought I thought he was being funny and that I was laughing, so he punched me quite hard in the arm. For a skinny bloke, he sure has some muscle in him. “This is serious Brendon” he stated “yeah! Ow! So was that Ry! It was uncalled for!” Geez, he must be fully stressed, the last time he was like this was when we were recording the rest of the album. When Ryan didn’t respond, I decided the mic was probably still in my hands, so I pulled him into a close hug. “look Ry, they probably do know, and if they don’t they’re definite dumbasses! And im sure if they do, they are 100% fine with the being gay thing. You don’t have to worry, we will be fine!” I took his small, surprisingly warm hand in my own, holding it tight. “no matter what, I wont let you go” He smiled, that really cute one, that makes you think of ice-cream and pancakes with maple syrup on top, the one that could brighten up the coldest and darkest of days. “you always seem to make me feel better Bren” he said, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. I lead him out to Spencer and Jon, still holding hands, we entered the room. For a moment it was quite silent, while Jon and Spencer took in the sudden appearance of us holding hands, until the silence was broken by Spencer, “about bloody time! We knew You’s were doing something behind our backs! You can’t keep secrets from us!” I head Ryan sigh with relief and he pulled me over to the lounge with him, collapsing on top of it. “I hope You's weren’t worrying that we wouldn’t accept you, with the fact that You's are gay and all? Cause we would still love You's even if you got a sex change.” Jon spoke, a tone of defiance in his voice. “Ryan was the one that was worried” I said, joking around like one of those little kids that get into a fight, and when they get in trouble they say ‘they started it’ in that annoying tone of voice. Ryan punched me again, but thankfully this time not as hard, “geez, and way to make me look more macho!” he spoke. Then we all just started talking about us, mine and Ryan's relationship, how long its been going on for, how hard it was to keep it a secret, did they always know we were gay, that sort of thing. It wasn’t until we finally go to the hotel that we were all silent because we were to tired or exhausted to speak. Spencer and Jon had separate rooms, while I shared with Ryan. We were in bed, and Ryan was cuddled up close to me, while I was stroking his soft, brown hair. “Guess what tomorrow is?” I whispered in his ear, and through the dark of the night, I saw him smile, eyes still closed. “my birthday” he said in a small voice. “that’s right” I said, kissing him on the forehead “and I am going to take you to a club tomorrow night, would you like that?” I hope he would, because it would be really fun, besides I have always wanted our first clubbing experience to be together. “sure, that would be great” So that is how, the next night, at 8:30 PM, we found ourselves getting ready to go out clubbing. I walked into the hotel bathroom to see Ryan looking hot as ever, in a pair of tight black skinny jeans and one of the shirts we got from one of our photo shoots. He was applying his eyeliner when he saw me in his reflection, “hey Bren, thanks so much for doing this for me” Turning around, and straightening himself up “how do I look?” Looking at my own reflection I merely replied “fine” He slapped me, “fine?” I turned and look at him, smiling. “you look simply gorgeous, you ready to go now?” Why does his hair always look so good?! “yeah, lets go” We got to the club and they just let us straight in, no money or i.d., I guess they just recognized us.
Ryan's POV.
Wow, this place is huge. There was a huge dance floor in the centre of the club, lasers flashing everywhere, while loud techno music was being played. “go and get yourself a drink, I just need to use the bathroom” Brendon said, disappearing before I could say another word. I headed down to the barr, located at the edge of the dance floor. I sat down and had just ordered a drink when a girl sat next to me, obviously drunk and looking for some action. “Hey Hun, room for two?” she asked me, giving me a toothy grin, “sorry, im here with somebody” Then her expression changed from a smile to fury, “you worthless shit” she said standing up and walking away. That was when it all started to come back to me. ‘You’re a worthless shit! Your low-life mother should of taken you with her!’ My dads terrifying voice echoed in my head, memories that I thought I had forgotten cam flooding back to me. My eyes filled with tears, and I wiped them away, the music and the people seemed to just fade into the background. I turned to my left and saw the toilets, I went in there, looking for Brendon. But he wasn’t there, so instead, I leaned over the sink. Black tears dripping into the drain. I was alone in here, but being alone was the last thing I wanted. Suddenly there wa a bang in the cubicle behind me, and a man stumbled out, holding a bag of pills. He looked loopy, but he looked better than I felt. Once he caught site of me he said “oh, I thought I was alone, are you alright man? You look like you need a pick-me-up!” he said, dangling the pills in front of my face. “Err... Im not sure” I said uneasily, but I was still studying the contents of the bag. “are you sure? These may be little but they work a wonder! Make you forget all the bad stuff that has ever happened and replaces it with the happy! You feel like your on top of the world, and no one can bring you down! No one at all! I will even give you one for free, seeing as your so upset” he said, holding out a little white pill. I stared at the pill, considering it. What should I do? Take it, or leave it? He said it would make me feel better. “thanks” I said, taking the pill, and swallowing it dry. “No problems” the guy said, grinning. Wow, I feel wonderful. I feel… I feel like dancing. I stood up and walked o ut of the bathroom in a daze, making my way to the dance floor, when I ran into Brendon. “hey Ry, I have been looking for you, where’d you go?” he asked a smile on his face, I began to dance, “I needed to pee”
Brendon’s POV.
“what are you doing?” I questioned his dancing, he gave me a goofy grin. “I’m Panicking at the disco. Get it Bren?” he laughed. Something's up with him, he is acting strange. “Ry, are you ok? You seem a little… odd?” He looked at me with a startled expression in his face, then, it broke into a grin again “I feel brilliant! Just brilliant!” I stood there, watching him, there was something different and unnatural with him, I looked into his eyes. His pupils were, incredibly big. That was when I realized- “Ryan what the hell did you take?!” I demanded, he gave m,e a pretend shock look and replied “nothing at all darling” That’s it. “come with me for a second Ry!” I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him outside. Great, its raining. “WHAT DID YOU TAKE RYAN!?” I yelled, grabbing him by the shoulders, tears stabbing at my eyes. He just looked at me, the rain sticking his fringe to his forehead, a mixed expression on his face. Then he started sweating, talking quickly “I don’t know what it was! He- he said it would h-h-help me feel good- make me h-happy” Panic grabbed at my insides. “Jesus, Ryan you took ecstasy” I mumbled “huh?” “ECSTACY! YOU TOOK FRIGGIN ECSTACY!” Then he changed again, tears falling fast from his eyes down his cheeks, mixing with the rain on his face. “why did you do it Ry? Why?” I asked, beginning to cry as well. He broke down in a heap, falling to the ground breathing heavily “she cal-cal-called me a ‘worthless shit’ j-just like he did. Wh-wh-when he used to hit me… and I couldn’t handle it, all, th-the memories, c-came back. I felt like I was reliving it again. H-hi-him hitting me, putting me down, m-m-making me feel like I wasn’t worth the effort. I-i-im beginning to think he was….think he was right.” I fell to my knees, giving Ryan a wet hug, due to the rain. “Ry, why didn’t you just… just come and find me?” I asked feeling, his chest rise and fall, with every ragged breath he took “be-be-because -" My heart stopped, i couldnt feel him breathing normal anymore. "shit!" i pulled out my phone and dialed 911. "hello? i need an ambulance! Hes stopped breathing! god i need an ambulance!!"
As I awoke this morning, I remembered last night. We emailed Pete Wentz, and though I had no hope last night, but for some reason this morning I felt charged. I walked past Ryan, Jon and Spencer all huddled up and snoring together on the couch. Jon was snoring with his mouth open, it was soo funny, so I took a photo of it on my phone. I went to Jon’s laptop and switched it on. I saw there were 3 new emails. And one was from DecayDance Records. My heart stopped, I didn’t want to open it. “OMG GUYS WAKE UP! WAKE UP! I NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO OPEN IT!” I yelled. I ran and jumped on them. I grabbed Ryan by the hand and pulled him up off the lounge. “Dude! What are you doing!?” he asked. “CHECK THE COMPUTER!” I yelled. I dragged a very sleepy Spencer to the computer along with Jon. “someone else open it. My hands are shaking” I said, I sounded very jumpy. Jon sat down, “ok everybody take a deep breath” and he opened the email. He read out loud
‘To Panic at the Disco, This is Pete Wentz, and I just wanted to tell you that I really liked your music. I was wondering if we could make an appointment and I could see if I could persuade you to sign a contract to DecayDance Records. Ring this number 0413644127 and we will work something out. Keep on rockin’ Pete Wentz’ we sat in silence for a few seconds, our hearts going a hundred miles an hour. Then, “HELL YES! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!” Ryan screamed at me. We all jumped up and started yelling! “WE ARE BLOODY BRILLIANT! THAT’S
WHAT WE ARE!” I yelled, and soo unexpectedly, Ryan jumped on my back, I only just managed to stay balanced. He had his arms around my neck, “PIGGYBACK STYLE!” Jon screamed, and jumped on Spencer's back. Ryan ruffled my hair and whispered in my ear “we’re gonna be famous. We’re gonna reach for the stars, and all of them, they will soon be ours” I realized that he is right; we are going to be famous. He jumped off my back and I turned to look at him. He had such deep, pure eyes. They showed his emotion very easily, they told his story. Ever heard the expression ‘Your eyes are the window to your soul’? Some peoples aren’t, but Ryan's, his really were. They showed happiness, excitement. But they also told his story, hurt, because of his abusive father, his mother and Keltie leaving him. I wanted to help him, and suddenly without knowing what I was doing, or saying, I leant forwards, taking his hands and whispering gently in his ear “I love you Ryan, you are a beautiful person, and I want to show you the world” I heard a deep intake of breath from Ryan, knowing this news had shocked him. I took a step back and tried to release my hands, getting ready to say it was the after affects of alcohol, that I didn’t know what I was doing, but he gained a harder grip on the two of mine, he pulled me closer to his body and whispered in my ear “Bren, I love you soo much; and I want you to show me the world, I want to live it with you” then, he kissed me. Not like an eager or quick kiss. It was the perfect, slow paced, best situation placed, best feeling kiss anyone could hope for. Ever.
One Year Later.
Ryan's POV.
God, he looks hot on stage, Brendon does. No wonder all those girls scream at him. But there is something they don’t know, I have him. I have the one with the killer lungs, killer looks, killer personality, and plainly just the best goddamn thing anyone could ever wish for; dream for. But lately, he has been toying around with me on stage, acting like he is going to kiss me but not, grazing against my body, making sneaky grabs at my ass when he walks by. God, if we weren’t in front of so many people I would take him right there and then, but he probably wouldn’t. Every time I put the suggestion out there lately, he says he is too tired, or that Jon and Spencer are home, and he doesn’t want to disturb them, he says we just don’t have time. But I know he is lying, that he is doing this on purpose, because every time he says this, he has the hidden expression of a smug smile on his face. We then finished the song, and I struggled to remember what came next, I snuck over to Spencer. “hey, which ones next?” I whispered “umm….Lying is the most fun” Oh crap. “Oh, that’s great!” I replied. I was soo not looking forward to this song, every time we perform it, Brendon does something different so I don’t know what to expect. That was when Bren started the intro. “Now tell me if im the only one…but have you ever…dreamt, that your running through a sunflower field, in about lets say May” Oh No. I know what happens here”…the cotton candy clowns are dancing, across the crystal clear sky. And your lovers running towards you,” now I’m shaking “… the wind is whipping through her lovely lavish locks, and you embrace for that perfect, romantic kiss” He took me in his arms, and I went in to kiss him, then I remembered I cant, I pushed him away, fully regretting it “…Whoa! This is not that dream! This is hard, sweaty, angry, crazy, MONSTOROUS, fucking...”
After the concert, me and Brendon were finally alone, for after what seemed like months. Why doesn’t he ever want to be with me at all? God, am I that repulsive? Anger began flooding through my veins, making my skin hot. I stood up and began pacing around the room. God, if he wont do anything im going to have to. That was when Brendon came out of the shower, wearing only a pair of jeans, his hair was messy, but it looked so damn good. I lost my breath for a second. “Hey Ry” he grinned at me. Gosh, cant he see I am ANGRY here?! “What the fuck Brendon? What are you doing?” I yelled angrily, looking at his shocked face. “what do you mean?” he asked innocently, Far out, I hate when he does this. “What are you doing on stage?! Why are you denying me what I want?! You said you never would!” I saw him smirk, but he hid it by making out he was going to cough, “I’m not denying you anything Ryan” He said, running his fingers through his hair “I just-“ And then I lost it on him. I grabbed him by the shoulders and pinned him to the wall. “…want you to have a turn” Brendon breathed, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I stared into his eyes, and finished what I intended doing on stage, I kissed him. Our lips pressing together with uncontrollable force, expressing our want for each other. I grabbed a tighter hold of him and spun him around, pushing him onto the lounge. I got on him and ripped his belt off, throwing it towards the doorway, it was when the belt got there that I became distracted. When the belt was supposed to hit the ground with a soft thud, there was instead a loud “holy shit!” It was then that I had moved quicker than I ever had in my LIFE! I bounded off Brendon and onto the other lounge, fixing my hair up on the way. Oh. Shit. Do you think Jon saw? “Whoa, Brendon, what did you do that for?!” He questioned, I looked up worriedly, what if he unconsciously blabbed? But wait, he looks calm. You’re the one that is stressing Ryan, take a breath! “I was about to put it on, but you opened the door and scared the shit outta me, I thought I was gonna be assassinated! So of course, I threw my belt at you!” You could so tell that was fake, well, I could. But Brendon really does like to be sarcastic about ALOT of things, so we don’t even question it anymore. I definitely felt more relaxed, so I stood up and walked over and sat next to Brendon, placing my hand on his thigh. But as soon as I realized what I was doing, I snatched my hand back and jumped straight off the couch. Brendon gave me a questioning look, raising one eye brow. “Ryan, could I have a word?” “sure”
Brendon’s POV.
What was up with Ryan just then? He totally spazzed out! Jon left me and Ryan alone, and as soo as he shut the door I turned to Ryan and said “dude! What was all that about?” He stared at me, his honey brown eyes penetrating mine like knives, and said “I almost touched you in your area! What would happen if I did!? What if he fuckin saw me Bren!? What if he knows about us now!?” He is so cute when he worries like this, I couldn’t help but smile. But Ryan must of thought I thought he was being funny and that I was laughing, so he punched me quite hard in the arm. For a skinny bloke, he sure has some muscle in him. “This is serious Brendon” he stated “yeah! Ow! So was that Ry! It was uncalled for!” Geez, he must be fully stressed, the last time he was like this was when we were recording the rest of the album. When Ryan didn’t respond, I decided the mic was probably still in my hands, so I pulled him into a close hug. “look Ry, they probably do know, and if they don’t they’re definite dumbasses! And im sure if they do, they are 100% fine with the being gay thing. You don’t have to worry, we will be fine!” I took his small, surprisingly warm hand in my own, holding it tight. “no matter what, I wont let you go” He smiled, that really cute one, that makes you think of ice-cream and pancakes with maple syrup on top, the one that could brighten up the coldest and darkest of days. “you always seem to make me feel better Bren” he said, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. I lead him out to Spencer and Jon, still holding hands, we entered the room. For a moment it was quite silent, while Jon and Spencer took in the sudden appearance of us holding hands, until the silence was broken by Spencer, “about bloody time! We knew You’s were doing something behind our backs! You can’t keep secrets from us!” I head Ryan sigh with relief and he pulled me over to the lounge with him, collapsing on top of it. “I hope You's weren’t worrying that we wouldn’t accept you, with the fact that You's are gay and all? Cause we would still love You's even if you got a sex change.” Jon spoke, a tone of defiance in his voice. “Ryan was the one that was worried” I said, joking around like one of those little kids that get into a fight, and when they get in trouble they say ‘they started it’ in that annoying tone of voice. Ryan punched me again, but thankfully this time not as hard, “geez, and way to make me look more macho!” he spoke. Then we all just started talking about us, mine and Ryan's relationship, how long its been going on for, how hard it was to keep it a secret, did they always know we were gay, that sort of thing. It wasn’t until we finally go to the hotel that we were all silent because we were to tired or exhausted to speak. Spencer and Jon had separate rooms, while I shared with Ryan. We were in bed, and Ryan was cuddled up close to me, while I was stroking his soft, brown hair. “Guess what tomorrow is?” I whispered in his ear, and through the dark of the night, I saw him smile, eyes still closed. “my birthday” he said in a small voice. “that’s right” I said, kissing him on the forehead “and I am going to take you to a club tomorrow night, would you like that?” I hope he would, because it would be really fun, besides I have always wanted our first clubbing experience to be together. “sure, that would be great” So that is how, the next night, at 8:30 PM, we found ourselves getting ready to go out clubbing. I walked into the hotel bathroom to see Ryan looking hot as ever, in a pair of tight black skinny jeans and one of the shirts we got from one of our photo shoots. He was applying his eyeliner when he saw me in his reflection, “hey Bren, thanks so much for doing this for me” Turning around, and straightening himself up “how do I look?” Looking at my own reflection I merely replied “fine” He slapped me, “fine?” I turned and look at him, smiling. “you look simply gorgeous, you ready to go now?” Why does his hair always look so good?! “yeah, lets go” We got to the club and they just let us straight in, no money or i.d., I guess they just recognized us.
Ryan's POV.
Wow, this place is huge. There was a huge dance floor in the centre of the club, lasers flashing everywhere, while loud techno music was being played. “go and get yourself a drink, I just need to use the bathroom” Brendon said, disappearing before I could say another word. I headed down to the barr, located at the edge of the dance floor. I sat down and had just ordered a drink when a girl sat next to me, obviously drunk and looking for some action. “Hey Hun, room for two?” she asked me, giving me a toothy grin, “sorry, im here with somebody” Then her expression changed from a smile to fury, “you worthless shit” she said standing up and walking away. That was when it all started to come back to me. ‘You’re a worthless shit! Your low-life mother should of taken you with her!’ My dads terrifying voice echoed in my head, memories that I thought I had forgotten cam flooding back to me. My eyes filled with tears, and I wiped them away, the music and the people seemed to just fade into the background. I turned to my left and saw the toilets, I went in there, looking for Brendon. But he wasn’t there, so instead, I leaned over the sink. Black tears dripping into the drain. I was alone in here, but being alone was the last thing I wanted. Suddenly there wa a bang in the cubicle behind me, and a man stumbled out, holding a bag of pills. He looked loopy, but he looked better than I felt. Once he caught site of me he said “oh, I thought I was alone, are you alright man? You look like you need a pick-me-up!” he said, dangling the pills in front of my face. “Err... Im not sure” I said uneasily, but I was still studying the contents of the bag. “are you sure? These may be little but they work a wonder! Make you forget all the bad stuff that has ever happened and replaces it with the happy! You feel like your on top of the world, and no one can bring you down! No one at all! I will even give you one for free, seeing as your so upset” he said, holding out a little white pill. I stared at the pill, considering it. What should I do? Take it, or leave it? He said it would make me feel better. “thanks” I said, taking the pill, and swallowing it dry. “No problems” the guy said, grinning. Wow, I feel wonderful. I feel… I feel like dancing. I stood up and walked o ut of the bathroom in a daze, making my way to the dance floor, when I ran into Brendon. “hey Ry, I have been looking for you, where’d you go?” he asked a smile on his face, I began to dance, “I needed to pee”
Brendon’s POV.
“what are you doing?” I questioned his dancing, he gave me a goofy grin. “I’m Panicking at the disco. Get it Bren?” he laughed. Something's up with him, he is acting strange. “Ry, are you ok? You seem a little… odd?” He looked at me with a startled expression in his face, then, it broke into a grin again “I feel brilliant! Just brilliant!” I stood there, watching him, there was something different and unnatural with him, I looked into his eyes. His pupils were, incredibly big. That was when I realized- “Ryan what the hell did you take?!” I demanded, he gave m,e a pretend shock look and replied “nothing at all darling” That’s it. “come with me for a second Ry!” I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him outside. Great, its raining. “WHAT DID YOU TAKE RYAN!?” I yelled, grabbing him by the shoulders, tears stabbing at my eyes. He just looked at me, the rain sticking his fringe to his forehead, a mixed expression on his face. Then he started sweating, talking quickly “I don’t know what it was! He- he said it would h-h-help me feel good- make me h-happy” Panic grabbed at my insides. “Jesus, Ryan you took ecstasy” I mumbled “huh?” “ECSTACY! YOU TOOK FRIGGIN ECSTACY!” Then he changed again, tears falling fast from his eyes down his cheeks, mixing with the rain on his face. “why did you do it Ry? Why?” I asked, beginning to cry as well. He broke down in a heap, falling to the ground breathing heavily “she cal-cal-called me a ‘worthless shit’ j-just like he did. Wh-wh-when he used to hit me… and I couldn’t handle it, all, th-the memories, c-came back. I felt like I was reliving it again. H-hi-him hitting me, putting me down, m-m-making me feel like I wasn’t worth the effort. I-i-im beginning to think he was….think he was right.” I fell to my knees, giving Ryan a wet hug, due to the rain. “Ry, why didn’t you just… just come and find me?” I asked feeling, his chest rise and fall, with every ragged breath he took “be-be-because -" My heart stopped, i couldnt feel him breathing normal anymore. "shit!" i pulled out my phone and dialed 911. "hello? i need an ambulance! Hes stopped breathing! god i need an ambulance!!"
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