Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Wearing Drugs On Your Skin
/Gerard's P.O.V./
It's been two weeks sense the "fight", two weeks sense my eyes last grazed Frank's delicate skin, two weeks sense our very last show for the album...and two weeks that I have been stranded here with Lyn Z. I don't mean that rude, honestly I don't, I do enjoy her company really. She was great to talk too, great to cuddle with, and amazing to be loved by... but none of that could count to me, not if I don't love her the right way.
It kills me still, just the fact that I've spent the majority of this time, moping around, sitting in rooms all day, floating down the halls like a ghost, all because of what I said to Frank two weeks ago. Then here is Lyn Z, watching me in this state, completely unaware of the reason why I am like this. Except, when I look at her, I swear I can see the ache in her eyes, almost as if she knows exactly what's going on, as if Mikey told her about what happened, but I refuse to accept that she knows. Mikey would never betray me like that, he's just not that kind of person... but then again, I'm not exactly the kind of person you would expect to see cheating on their wife.
All Lyn Z ever did was follow me around the house, begging me to tell her what's wrong, pleading, constantly at my heals during every moment of the day. Once or twice she actually flustered me so much from her excessive nagging that I lashed out, screaming at her, and I actually somehow found the nerve in me to smash the wine glasses that we kept from our wedding. I swear I've never felt like such a horrible person in my life, she just broke down crying, shoving me away whenever I tried to apologize, and even stayed locked up in her room for three days without coming out.
I spent those three days with my cheek pressed against the bedroom door as I listened to the sobs racking her lungs, causing me even to cry as I begged for her to open the door. She only ignored me, which I guess I really did deserve. I'd become so selfish, drowning in self pitty that I never even stopped to think about what I was putting her through. All of this over a period of two weeks... it's dangerous what that man can do to me.
"Gerard, Gerard sweetie, please just tell me why you're being like this. That's all I ask, that's all I want to know. I mean, you were perfectly fine before the last show, and I know you can't possibly still be grieving over that. Oh, please don't get mad, I only want to know what's going on. You have me so god damn worried, Gerard, I swear." she pleaded in her newly fragile voice as she sat on the couch across from me, to scared to even sit beside me anymore.
I didn't even look up, my eyes directly drawn to the giant window where the glow of the outside was shattered, diving under the rain droplets as if they were sinking ships. The broken shreds of lights settling to the bottom of the atmosphere's lungs like the particles inhaled by a smoker. Frank was out there somewhere, hundreds of miles away probably lying in bed next to Jamia giggling about what a fool I am. He probably told her how we decided we hated each other so much due to a simple argument, as if that's all it was, like nothing more took place.
He hates me, I know, but that couldn't stop me from wondering, maybe Frank was staring at the sky at this very moment, gazing into the exact spot where my eyes rested. Maybe he's feeling as shitty as I am, maybe he wants to hear me apologize for being such a hypocritical bastard. Maybe, just maybe... but is it raining in New Jersey? The same water from the puddles that I walked through a few days ago. A sniffle shattered the beauty of the moment, the first minutes of this "break" that I was actually somewhat happy, and they were all gone now, like they never existed.
I glanced back toward the direction of the sniffle to see Lyn Z staring at the floor, arms cradled around her chest as tears trickled onto her black skinny jeans, the tears making her hair stick to her face. Her eyes circled in red blotches from to much crying. "W-why are you i-ignoring me? What ever d-did I do to y-you? What's s-so wrong with me? Why are you doing t-this? I just d-dont understand, Gerard. Why do you...hate me s-so much?" she questioned between sniffles.
My face fell, an automatic emptiness digging in my chest, feeling the need to just scoop her up and never let her go again. I've hurt her so much... she doesn't deserve this, she could do so much better than me, a cold hearted, inconsiderate, bastard.
It's been two weeks sense the "fight", two weeks sense my eyes last grazed Frank's delicate skin, two weeks sense our very last show for the album...and two weeks that I have been stranded here with Lyn Z. I don't mean that rude, honestly I don't, I do enjoy her company really. She was great to talk too, great to cuddle with, and amazing to be loved by... but none of that could count to me, not if I don't love her the right way.
It kills me still, just the fact that I've spent the majority of this time, moping around, sitting in rooms all day, floating down the halls like a ghost, all because of what I said to Frank two weeks ago. Then here is Lyn Z, watching me in this state, completely unaware of the reason why I am like this. Except, when I look at her, I swear I can see the ache in her eyes, almost as if she knows exactly what's going on, as if Mikey told her about what happened, but I refuse to accept that she knows. Mikey would never betray me like that, he's just not that kind of person... but then again, I'm not exactly the kind of person you would expect to see cheating on their wife.
All Lyn Z ever did was follow me around the house, begging me to tell her what's wrong, pleading, constantly at my heals during every moment of the day. Once or twice she actually flustered me so much from her excessive nagging that I lashed out, screaming at her, and I actually somehow found the nerve in me to smash the wine glasses that we kept from our wedding. I swear I've never felt like such a horrible person in my life, she just broke down crying, shoving me away whenever I tried to apologize, and even stayed locked up in her room for three days without coming out.
I spent those three days with my cheek pressed against the bedroom door as I listened to the sobs racking her lungs, causing me even to cry as I begged for her to open the door. She only ignored me, which I guess I really did deserve. I'd become so selfish, drowning in self pitty that I never even stopped to think about what I was putting her through. All of this over a period of two weeks... it's dangerous what that man can do to me.
"Gerard, Gerard sweetie, please just tell me why you're being like this. That's all I ask, that's all I want to know. I mean, you were perfectly fine before the last show, and I know you can't possibly still be grieving over that. Oh, please don't get mad, I only want to know what's going on. You have me so god damn worried, Gerard, I swear." she pleaded in her newly fragile voice as she sat on the couch across from me, to scared to even sit beside me anymore.
I didn't even look up, my eyes directly drawn to the giant window where the glow of the outside was shattered, diving under the rain droplets as if they were sinking ships. The broken shreds of lights settling to the bottom of the atmosphere's lungs like the particles inhaled by a smoker. Frank was out there somewhere, hundreds of miles away probably lying in bed next to Jamia giggling about what a fool I am. He probably told her how we decided we hated each other so much due to a simple argument, as if that's all it was, like nothing more took place.
He hates me, I know, but that couldn't stop me from wondering, maybe Frank was staring at the sky at this very moment, gazing into the exact spot where my eyes rested. Maybe he's feeling as shitty as I am, maybe he wants to hear me apologize for being such a hypocritical bastard. Maybe, just maybe... but is it raining in New Jersey? The same water from the puddles that I walked through a few days ago. A sniffle shattered the beauty of the moment, the first minutes of this "break" that I was actually somewhat happy, and they were all gone now, like they never existed.
I glanced back toward the direction of the sniffle to see Lyn Z staring at the floor, arms cradled around her chest as tears trickled onto her black skinny jeans, the tears making her hair stick to her face. Her eyes circled in red blotches from to much crying. "W-why are you i-ignoring me? What ever d-did I do to y-you? What's s-so wrong with me? Why are you doing t-this? I just d-dont understand, Gerard. Why do you...hate me s-so much?" she questioned between sniffles.
My face fell, an automatic emptiness digging in my chest, feeling the need to just scoop her up and never let her go again. I've hurt her so much... she doesn't deserve this, she could do so much better than me, a cold hearted, inconsiderate, bastard.
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