FicWad

Brendon's POV

We walked in silence and hand in hand in the direction of the cloakroom. She ran ahead while I just stood dumbfounded. What the hell was she doing? She exchanged a few words with the cloakroom assistant exchanged a few words before he winked at her, smiled at me and then vanished. She ran back over to me with a cute smile gracing her lips and dragged me inside, slamming the door behind us.

Elizabeth's POV

Without giving either of us time to catch our breath I pushed Brendon roughly against the door, locking it in the process. My lips crashed forcefully into his for the first time in years, longing to taste every inch of him. Our tongues clashed like swords. It was as if everything I had been feeling since I arrived back in the country, every ounce of frustration, of lust and most of all of anger was being released. So I kissed him like there was no tomorrow while my hands fumbled with his rather loose tie. I slid it off of him completely and tossed it to the floor.

I ran my hands down his chest as his hands slid up the back of my dress, tugging at the lace of my underwear and pulling them down, I took them off and slid them into his back pocket so he could keep them as a souvenir, giggling at this new found side of me. I liked it.

My lips found their way to his cheek, his jaw and his neck, nipping at the skin softly in an attempt to mark what I wished could be my territory.

I really didn't know what had come over me; it was as if I was a different person. I didn't want to feel his skin on mine I needed to. I was like a moth to a flame, something about him wouldn't give me the ability to leave him alone.

My hands found the buckle of his belt as I tried desperately to undo it which was difficult as my hands were shaking furiously. I slowly got to my knees to make it easier and tried again to undo the belt. This belt was actually starting to piss me off and just when I thought I was about to explode with anger his hands covered mine, helping me with the bully of a belt. Once it was unbuckled I slid it out of the loops and unbuckled his pants allowing them to fall to the floor.

I bit my lip as I looked at the erection I had created. I couldn't wait a moment longer so I slid off his boxers and licked my lips seductively. Without giving him a chance to say or do anything I took his cock into my mouth. We both moaned simultaneously, me because of the relief of finally getting 'close' to him and him probably because he liked the feeling.

I had had sex before so Brendon wasn't my first time. He was, however, the first person I had felt comfortable enough with to do this.
But the sounds being emitted from the man before me told me that I was doing something right. I glanced up just as he glanced down at me, but it wasn't long before his head was tossed back again.

"Fuck...Elizabeth..." He moaned as I went faster and faster, trying to take as much of him into mouth as humanly possible. His hands were gently stroking my hair. Just a simple touch from him drove me the brink of insanity and then pushed me over the edge.

He suddenly pulled me up roughly and slammed me against the wall, banging my head in the process. He didn't say sorry, we had said enough sorry over the whole time I had come back home, sorry was over used and insignificant. He kissed me passionately and I kissed back, plunging my tongue deep into his mouth reminiscent of the way I wished he'd just thrust something else deep into me.

He hitched up my dress until it was bunched around my waist and threw my legs around his waist, pushing me more forcefully against the wall. His teeth grazed the soft spot on my neck causing me to moan loudly. This only served to arouse him further as he bit down harder, nipping at the soft flesh of my neck.

His hand was between my legs, fingers going in and out slowly. I bit back a moan and tried in vain to even out my rather hitched breathing.

"Brendon..." I moaned into his ear, "Brendon. For fucks sake just..."

He suddenly put me down, dropping to his knees and harshly tossing one of my legs over his shoulder. His tongue replaced his hand and I dug my nails into his shoulders suddenly. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to a climax now, my walls were tightening and my sight was going fuzzy.

"Stop...stop...just...just..." I could barely form coherent thoughts let alone form a whole sentence. I licked my lips as he stood again, throwing my legs around his waist and positioning himself at my opening. He slid into me slowly and I could already feel myself losing control.

I begged him to pick up pace but he never complied, choosing to go deeper instead. I crashed my lips into his forcefully trying to fight back that achingly good feeling choosing instead to dig my nails into his back. It was hopeless of course. No matter how much I was trying to force it back I was without a doubt coming.

What if I came and he didn't? That would surely be very embarrassing. What if he came and I didn't? That would be frustrating on my part. What if...? We both came together, me first and him about 3 seconds later.

It was an amazing feeling. I could feel myself contracting and convulsing. My toes curled and my hands clenched into fists on his shoulders. I threw my head back trying to make this feeling last as long as I could as he kissed the hollow of my throat softly, knowing it would cause a giggle from me.

My legs slipped from his waist as he adjusted his clothing so that he was finally dressed as normal again. I was weak kneed to say the least and I willed myself to remain standing.

I suddenly felt very dirty. As if all I stood for had been diminished. Who did he think he was to smile at me the way he did? To look at me the way he did? To make me feel so vulnerable and invincible at the exact same time. What gave him the right to make me go against everything I stood for? What gave him the right to kiss me like he did? To touch me like he did? To make me want him so badly?

But most of all, what gave him the God forsaken right to fucking fuck me like that?

I took two steps back trying to make myself more comfortable. I felt used and silly, like I could never look anyone in the eye ever again, especially not him. I looked to the ground trying to shake off this awkward feeling that had suddenly taken over my mind. I wanted nothing more than to either disappear or have the ground swallow me whole. Or maybe chomp me up so I died and never had to see anyone else ever again.

I attempted the best thing that I could and the only thing I ever felt strong enough to do when faced with a situation like this, I tried to run. The key word her being tried and I guess you could argue that it was a brisk walk towards the door as opposed to a run. Before my hand could touch the handle I felt Brendon's hand grab mine and pull me towards him. I was spun into him and his lips came crashing into mine. It was as if I was on auto pilot, my hands tangled themselves in his hair and I began kissing back. He traced circles on the small of my back and I rested one foot against the door, pulling him as close to me as humanly possible.

As my nails were dragging down the front of his shirt I suddenly felt a sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach. I was disgusted at myself. What kind of woman does things like this? One without self respect? Or a fool in love? Maybe it was both.

I pushed him away from me and reached for the handle but he moved me out of the way, standing between me and the only exit.

"Can you let me go please?" I asked while refusing to make eye contact. I could feel his eyes burning holes in me and willing me to look up but I couldn't. I felt so ashamed of myself.

"Why?" He asked stupidly. I knew he knew I was ashamed and he wasn't going to make it easy on me. I knew he wanted me to know how stupid I was being, which I did. But that didn't mean that I was suddenly okay with all this. I just wanted to get out of there and he just wanted me to stay. The tables had certainly turned over the four years.

"They're probably wondering where we are." I said, trying to come up with an excuse. I wanted to get out of there. I needed to get out of there.

"You're running." He said matter - of - factly.

"I'm not running. I'm just walking fast." I was still trying to get past him and he was still moving from side to side getting in my way. He gave me that look that told me that I wasn't fooling anyone and I admitted defeat. I leaned on the wall and slid down it to sit on the floor when I realised he wasn't in a hurry to let me leave.

"I'm sorry." I said suddenly, trying to cut the awkward silence and paying to mind to the fact he was still staring at me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said, sitting next to me. I still felt a little bit weird about the whole thing so I shuffled over slightly provoking Brendon move closer. Typical Brendon never knew when someone was uncomfortable.

"Yeah I do. I shouldn't have brought you here. Can we just pretend that none of this happened?" At this point that was the thing I wanted most. I never thought that it would get to the point where I wished I could wake up and still be in bed in England, waiting for mum’s perfect clockwork opening of the curtain. This situation was too scary. What could be a friendship was on the line here and it was all because of my blasted crazy sexual antics.

"What if I don't want to?" He said childishly, stroking my hair.

I went faster and faster, trying to take as much of him into mouth as humanly possible. His hands were gently stroking my hair.

I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach; I wanted to get out of there. I felt like a stripper who had given 'extras' even though it wasn't in her job description. I felt unclean. He was supposed to say he loved me before any of this happened. It was supposed to be Hollywood rom com style but this was more like a horror story. Well somewhere between horror and thriller. Oh and throw in some sort of X rated pornographic imagery to for people with 'fat arm girl' fetishes. That was the movie of my life and I didn't like it at all.

"Can you at least keep it between us? No bragging to everyone else." I said suddenly.

"Why would I want to do that?" Wait, was he blackmailing me? I turned to him suddenly and he continued talking. "Brag, I mean. I'm not that insensitive."

"I...don't know...erm...why not?" I asked, suddenly feeling very silly. I carefully rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his head on mine. I felt comfortable like this but there was always something hanging over my head, something that just screamed at me and shattered any picture perfect image I had of us. I would have been okay with this if he just loved me the way I loved him. If he cared about my feelings.

"Because it would hurt your feelings." He said rather ironically. I suddenly moved away from him as if I had been stung and began pacing.

"You're hurting my feelings now." I said. The words were tumbling out of my mouth before I could decipher what it was that I had to say. I was pacing the room nervously now, wringing my hands and then scratching my head before bending my fingers and biting my nails. I was turning into a neurotic mess once again. Thank you very much Brendon

"How?" I was being a bitch and I knew it. I was blaming him for doing what he does best, being a guy. I expected him to just know what I was feeling without explaining it to him. He was supposed to just realise the effect he had on me and do something about it.

"Showing me what I could have and then just...snatching it away." I said, making it appear as if I was snatching at nothing. My pacing increased in speed to the point where I was sure I looked comical. This little cupboard was quite small after all.

"Things like this aren't easy for me and you know it. I do care about you though, scouts honour." He looked like he just wanted to go home and sleep. Now that he had what he wanted I could tell he just wanted to get out of this little place. Well, at least that's how it appeared. The insensitive little -

"So much that you didn't mind leaving me behind all those years ago?" I asked, tugging at my hair.

"I thought we..." He said but I cut him off.

"So much that you have no qualms about taking advantage of the fact that I love you no matter what you do?" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air for good measure while still pacing. He jumped up and tried to stop me from pacing but I shook him off, walking as fast as I could in this small place.

"It isn't like that." He said, gripping my wrists and forcing me to stop. I was forced to look into his eyes but being as weak as I am I couldn't take the intensity of his gaze and so instead I looked away.

"So much that no matter what I do you still can not bring yourself to tell me that you love me?" I asked, just above a whisper although I'm certain he heard it loud and clear.

"Elizabeth - " He said harshly.

"So much that - " I shouted, starting on my rant again until I was cut off. He threw me against that wall roughly, pinning my arms at my side.

"Fuck, Elizabeth please just fucking stop it! You're not giving me a chance." He semi-shouted. I was scared like never before. I'd always been a little bit scared of Brendon but this was a different kind of scared. This was an - I fear for my life - scared. I'd always thought I knew that he wouldn't dream of hitting me, but now I wasn't so sure.

"I gave you a -"

"I'm scared. Okay? I'm scared." He admitted dejectedly, dropping my arms and pulling me into a hug. I complied. He suddenly pulled away from me and started pacing similar to what I had done. I could see now how it got so annoying. "You loved me and I left you and I'm scared Karmas gonna come back around and there’s nothing I can do because I deserve it."

"I'm not setting out to hurt you." I said, resting my hand on his shoulder and pacing with him. To the outsider it would seem pretty darn weird for us to be doing something like this. But that’s the thing with Brendon and I. We do things that other people don't understand but it makes perfect sense to us.

"And I never set out to hurt you, but I did it anyway." He said, stopping suddenly. He refused to look me in the eye. I grabbed his face forcing him to look at me. He was so reluctant to do so that it almost made me cry again. But I wouldn't, I couldn't. Looking at him right now I saw how badly he needed me to be strong.

"You just have to trust me. Can you do that? Can you just trust me?" He looked into my eyes. I could see that he wanted to, he really wanted to but for some reason couldn't. His eyes said it all. He didn't trust me. He must have thought that I still have some sort of grudge out against him, but whatever had happened in the past was over now. I just wanted to make things right again which I couldn't do if he didn't trust me.

I guess it's all over now. I really didn't want it to end that way. But if there was no trust then I guess there's no chance. What would we be if he was constantly looking over his shoulder wondering if I was out to screw him over? I couldn't live like that and neither could he. He shouldn't have to.

It suddenly hit me like a speeding bullet. It was all over, it's all come to an end. The day after the wedding I was going to be going home. I would have stayed if I was sure I had something to stay for but without Brendon, there was nothing left that was worth fighting for. Other than the wedding and my duty as maid of honour there was no reason for me to be here anymore.

"Fine." I said finally. It was the end. This was really the end. There was really no hope for us. It all came down to this. He'd given up trust and in the process given up on us. I couldn't keep begging him to love me and to trust me. I could try to convince him that he had no reason not to trust me but when push comes to shove it was up to him to take the final step. I could walk him to the door, but I couldn't push him through it.

Speaking of doors, there was currently a cloakroom door that I had to walk out of. I turned away and walked to the door again, putting my hand on the handle and pushing it. Before I could open it I heard a near silent whisper from the corner.

"I love you." He said coming forward and resting a hand on my shoulder. It had been what I was waiting for all along and now he finally said it I should have been screaming and jumping for joy. But I knew that wasn't enough however, I needed more than that. I needed trust too.

"I love you too." I said as a way of goodbye without turning around to face him. I couldn't face him. If this really was the end I couldn't face the thought of having to see his face again. I didn't want to. I just wanted to walk out of that door and never have to look at him in the same way again. My eyes were filled with unshed tears as I realised with a sense of finality that there was no going back from this point.

I'd finally learnt first hand something that my mother had warned me of many a time, but one time stood out. When I first went back to England to see her with my heart broken by the very man that was standing behind me today. I was crying on the plane the whole way home and in the car to mothers.

I told her that I wanted to try again with Brendon.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken then to hurt yourself trying to put them back together. She had said.

We were broken. And I had hurt myself trying to put us back together and I got cut in the process. We're still broken, the cracks are still there and they're as clear as day. If love wasn't enough for us what chance did we have? We had none.

Without a second glance I opened the door and walked out, closing it softly behind me. I slid down the door slowly, burying my head in my hands. My lips started the quiver and my already limited vision started to blur as I cried softly to myself.

Brendon's POV

"I love you." I said, resting my hand on her shoulder, willing her to not give up on me. I wanted us to work, really I did, she didn't know how much I wanted to trust her. But I didn't deserve her trust. She had every right to not trust me but she did anyway. I had no reason not to trust her but I couldn't do it.

"I love you too." She said. But it wasn't in the way that I wanted her to say it. It wasn't in a way that said everything was going to be okay, it was final. As if she wished she didn't. She opened the door and my hand fell softly from her shoulder as she walked through it, closing it behind her. I turned around and leaned against it. I slid down the door slowly as I felt every ounce of energy I had be drained.

I felt something wet slip down my cheek. Then another, then another and then another. I finally saw why Elizabeth hated crying so much.

A/N: I know, I know. They still haven't sorted it out yet?
It's a damn shame because I have lost control of my characters. They do what they want, it's really weird. They just don't want to sort it out yet, I'm not sure if they want to sort it at all!! I hope they do though, we'll see

Reviews and Ratings make me wanna dance

Sex scene? First time I've written one, hence it's lameness