Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Broken Hearts And Broken Smiles
Elizabeth's POV
I took my shot and downed it reveling in the feeling of it burning my throat. I wanted nothing more than to forget and this would help me. It was a Bacherlorette party the least I could do is get dead drunk on free drinks courtesy of leering men, take one of them home with me and maybe even forget about Brendon in the end.
I knew this wouldn't work, I could see him in my minds eye, but that didn't want to try. I could be damn stubborn when I wanted to be.
"You can also be oblivious to people's feelings." Cassie said, sliding into the booth beside me. I smiled at her from over my next shot, before to my lips threateningly, the mood to drown everything I was feeling in alcohol was gone so instead I put it back onto the table and sat back. I didn't want to argue about this, not on the eve of her wedding. It wasn't fair to her.
But she didn't know what had happened at the resturant. I hadn't confided in anyone, I just wanted to keep it to myself. I wanted it to be my little secret, well at least until it slipped out in a drunken slur. But for now I was content in remembering the little things about Brendon Urie that had been imprinted in my mind. The little things that I'm sure loads of girls were fortunate enough to know about.
"Y'know? you'rsh-" Hayley giggled as she sat down opposite Cassie and I. "...you. Are. A. Total. BITCH!" She spat. Cassie tried telling her to shut up but she didn't listen. Hayley was usually the optimum of calm so get a few drinks inside her and something like this was bound to happen. I painted on a passive and slightly amuzed expression but inside I was paying such close attention. I really wanted to know where I was going wrong.
But she said nothing else. She just got up from her seat and started dancing provocatively with Keltie. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly and allowed my head to fall onto the table, my head banged it's surface repeatedly. I suddenly felt a hand slide under my head preventing it from making contact with the table.
"Hun. Don't beat yourself up about it. Get it?" At my unamuzed expression she sighed. "Go outside, grab some fresh air and then come party with us like it's 1999." She didn't give me a chance to say no, she was out on the dancefloor in a flash, joining Keltie and Hayley in their provocative dancing.
I took her advice and went outside, allowing the fresh air to fill my lungs. I refused to cry. Before recent events I hadn't shed a tear in 8 years...I figured it was about time I made sure I lasted another.
Brendon's POV
"Strippers strip. You watch." Spencer said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was. For some reason though I wasn't in a mood. I looked over to Jon who looked like he never wanted to leave this joint. I wished more than anything that I could have what he had. I couldn't even have fun anymore because of that girl!
"Fuck off, Spence." I wasn't really in a mood for any of this. I suddenly had this urge to do what women do. Sit around in my pajamas and fatten up on cookie dough ice cream. Spencer stumbled off somewhere to watch some scantily clad women dance and Jon headed my way.
"Dude, you're ruining my party. If you're gonna be a pouting bitching primadonna, can you do it outside?" Jon articulated clearly for someone who was so intoxicated, but his eyes were glazed over as if he wasn't even talking to me. I put down my drink and wandered outside, pulling my jacket on as I went. I leant my head against the wall and just watched my breath fill the air. I wanted to scream, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to run. I wanted to do everything and nothing, be still and constantly moving.
I didn't know what I wanted.
But it definitely wasn't this. No, it wasn't this. I didn't want to feel this way anymore.
The thing that hurts most is knowing I have no one to blame but me.
Elizabeths POV
I slid down the wall onto the floor, watching people stumble out blindly and completely drunk. I laughed as a random girl came up to me and kissed me on the forehead and walked away without a comment, word or explaination.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get him out of my head however, inside I was crying, inside I was dying but on the outside I forced a smile and faced the world.
When did I get so emo?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to make the most of being alone. But my mind was clouded and every thought was screaming for the attention I didn't have the energy to give it. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and hybernate eternally. If this is how I was going to have to feel every day for the rest of my life I'd rather not feel at all. No amount of happiness could ever counteract this internal pain.
Seriously, when did I get so emo?
"If you keep scrunching your face like that you're gonna give yourself a headache." I lifted my head from my hands and looked at Keltie. The glare from a couple of car headlights and streetlights had given her a faux halo. I smiled to myself and she joined me on the floor.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, cringing internally as if she had been reading my thoughts.
"Long enough." She said. "Look, I know we don't know each other but can I give you some advice?"
"Shoot." I said, though I would have taken advice from a cat if it had given it.
"Let go." She said. My head turned her way almost giving me whiplash. "Let go. Move on. If it hurts this much, and I know it does no matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise, it isn't worth it. You can't make him love you, you can't make him trust you, so you have to just...live, y'know?"
I knew she was right, I knew there was no other option for me. Unless Brendon changed his mind, I was going to have to move on. But although I knew it was right it didn't make it any easier.
Brendon's POV
"Hey, Bren. Lemme talk to you for a second." Ryan said, making his way towards me. I pushed myself from the wall but refused to face him.
"What?" I said. When he made no move to talk I went to walk away from him but he spoke, when he did it was so soft I barely heard him.
"You're the biggest idiot in the world." When I stopped walking Ryan began talking louder. "You have this great girl willing to forget what an asshole you've been to her and she's ready to give you another chance and what do you do? You go and fuck it up."
His voice was getting louder and I knew he was angry. But still I stood stubbornly rooted to the spot. I couldn't face him because I knew he was right. But perhaps more importantly I realised I was wrong.
"Now I don't know what went on at the resturant but something did and whatever it was...you still have a chance but its small. She's my friend too and I love her and I hate seeing you two being so stupid. But this time it's not her it's you. Fix this before it's too late."
And with that I heard his foot steps retreating as he went back towards the club.
I knew he was right and I realised what an ass I had been. I didn't deserve her but she wanted me. I couldn't not give her what she wanted. Before Ryan could get into the club I called his name, he turned to face me and I ran over to him.
"I'm gonna do it." I said, excited and grinning madly at the mere thought of having Elizabeth back. "I'm gonna fight for her."
Elizabeths POV
Kelties arm wrapped around my shoulder and I smiled. I didn't know how I was going to leave her or any of the girls. I didn't realise how much I missed these girls until they were pushed back into my life. And although Brendon was a strong blast from the past, that's all he was...the past. He didn't want a place in my future so I'd have to give it to someone else.
"I'm going to do it." I said, smiling sadly at the thought of Brendon, my stomach dropping when I realised what had to happen. "I'm going to let go."
A/N: Has Brendon lost his chance? I wouldn't know...I haven't written that far ahead.
Sorry for not updating in forever...I just was busy AND writers block is a bitch. This chapter was forced out like a newborn...without the blood. LOL
I took my shot and downed it reveling in the feeling of it burning my throat. I wanted nothing more than to forget and this would help me. It was a Bacherlorette party the least I could do is get dead drunk on free drinks courtesy of leering men, take one of them home with me and maybe even forget about Brendon in the end.
I knew this wouldn't work, I could see him in my minds eye, but that didn't want to try. I could be damn stubborn when I wanted to be.
"You can also be oblivious to people's feelings." Cassie said, sliding into the booth beside me. I smiled at her from over my next shot, before to my lips threateningly, the mood to drown everything I was feeling in alcohol was gone so instead I put it back onto the table and sat back. I didn't want to argue about this, not on the eve of her wedding. It wasn't fair to her.
But she didn't know what had happened at the resturant. I hadn't confided in anyone, I just wanted to keep it to myself. I wanted it to be my little secret, well at least until it slipped out in a drunken slur. But for now I was content in remembering the little things about Brendon Urie that had been imprinted in my mind. The little things that I'm sure loads of girls were fortunate enough to know about.
"Y'know? you'rsh-" Hayley giggled as she sat down opposite Cassie and I. "...you. Are. A. Total. BITCH!" She spat. Cassie tried telling her to shut up but she didn't listen. Hayley was usually the optimum of calm so get a few drinks inside her and something like this was bound to happen. I painted on a passive and slightly amuzed expression but inside I was paying such close attention. I really wanted to know where I was going wrong.
But she said nothing else. She just got up from her seat and started dancing provocatively with Keltie. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly and allowed my head to fall onto the table, my head banged it's surface repeatedly. I suddenly felt a hand slide under my head preventing it from making contact with the table.
"Hun. Don't beat yourself up about it. Get it?" At my unamuzed expression she sighed. "Go outside, grab some fresh air and then come party with us like it's 1999." She didn't give me a chance to say no, she was out on the dancefloor in a flash, joining Keltie and Hayley in their provocative dancing.
I took her advice and went outside, allowing the fresh air to fill my lungs. I refused to cry. Before recent events I hadn't shed a tear in 8 years...I figured it was about time I made sure I lasted another.
Brendon's POV
"Strippers strip. You watch." Spencer said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was. For some reason though I wasn't in a mood. I looked over to Jon who looked like he never wanted to leave this joint. I wished more than anything that I could have what he had. I couldn't even have fun anymore because of that girl!
"Fuck off, Spence." I wasn't really in a mood for any of this. I suddenly had this urge to do what women do. Sit around in my pajamas and fatten up on cookie dough ice cream. Spencer stumbled off somewhere to watch some scantily clad women dance and Jon headed my way.
"Dude, you're ruining my party. If you're gonna be a pouting bitching primadonna, can you do it outside?" Jon articulated clearly for someone who was so intoxicated, but his eyes were glazed over as if he wasn't even talking to me. I put down my drink and wandered outside, pulling my jacket on as I went. I leant my head against the wall and just watched my breath fill the air. I wanted to scream, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to run. I wanted to do everything and nothing, be still and constantly moving.
I didn't know what I wanted.
But it definitely wasn't this. No, it wasn't this. I didn't want to feel this way anymore.
The thing that hurts most is knowing I have no one to blame but me.
Elizabeths POV
I slid down the wall onto the floor, watching people stumble out blindly and completely drunk. I laughed as a random girl came up to me and kissed me on the forehead and walked away without a comment, word or explaination.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get him out of my head however, inside I was crying, inside I was dying but on the outside I forced a smile and faced the world.
When did I get so emo?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to make the most of being alone. But my mind was clouded and every thought was screaming for the attention I didn't have the energy to give it. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and hybernate eternally. If this is how I was going to have to feel every day for the rest of my life I'd rather not feel at all. No amount of happiness could ever counteract this internal pain.
Seriously, when did I get so emo?
"If you keep scrunching your face like that you're gonna give yourself a headache." I lifted my head from my hands and looked at Keltie. The glare from a couple of car headlights and streetlights had given her a faux halo. I smiled to myself and she joined me on the floor.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, cringing internally as if she had been reading my thoughts.
"Long enough." She said. "Look, I know we don't know each other but can I give you some advice?"
"Shoot." I said, though I would have taken advice from a cat if it had given it.
"Let go." She said. My head turned her way almost giving me whiplash. "Let go. Move on. If it hurts this much, and I know it does no matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise, it isn't worth it. You can't make him love you, you can't make him trust you, so you have to just...live, y'know?"
I knew she was right, I knew there was no other option for me. Unless Brendon changed his mind, I was going to have to move on. But although I knew it was right it didn't make it any easier.
Brendon's POV
"Hey, Bren. Lemme talk to you for a second." Ryan said, making his way towards me. I pushed myself from the wall but refused to face him.
"What?" I said. When he made no move to talk I went to walk away from him but he spoke, when he did it was so soft I barely heard him.
"You're the biggest idiot in the world." When I stopped walking Ryan began talking louder. "You have this great girl willing to forget what an asshole you've been to her and she's ready to give you another chance and what do you do? You go and fuck it up."
His voice was getting louder and I knew he was angry. But still I stood stubbornly rooted to the spot. I couldn't face him because I knew he was right. But perhaps more importantly I realised I was wrong.
"Now I don't know what went on at the resturant but something did and whatever it was...you still have a chance but its small. She's my friend too and I love her and I hate seeing you two being so stupid. But this time it's not her it's you. Fix this before it's too late."
And with that I heard his foot steps retreating as he went back towards the club.
I knew he was right and I realised what an ass I had been. I didn't deserve her but she wanted me. I couldn't not give her what she wanted. Before Ryan could get into the club I called his name, he turned to face me and I ran over to him.
"I'm gonna do it." I said, excited and grinning madly at the mere thought of having Elizabeth back. "I'm gonna fight for her."
Elizabeths POV
Kelties arm wrapped around my shoulder and I smiled. I didn't know how I was going to leave her or any of the girls. I didn't realise how much I missed these girls until they were pushed back into my life. And although Brendon was a strong blast from the past, that's all he was...the past. He didn't want a place in my future so I'd have to give it to someone else.
"I'm going to do it." I said, smiling sadly at the thought of Brendon, my stomach dropping when I realised what had to happen. "I'm going to let go."
A/N: Has Brendon lost his chance? I wouldn't know...I haven't written that far ahead.
Sorry for not updating in forever...I just was busy AND writers block is a bitch. This chapter was forced out like a newborn...without the blood. LOL
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