FicWad

I’m not crazy. Well of course you could call me that but I don’t believe I am. Maybe scared and a little off. I don’t really seem the think like others or as my brother once put it, “What is wrong with you our conversation is here” he explained pointing a finger on his left leg before finishing, “And you’re conversation is out here,” He pointed way up away from his other finger and stopped talking to me. I mean yeah my family loves me but since no one can really understand me and my panicky, or as the doc put it schizophrenic paranoia, I tend to get ignored. Long story short is I was abused in 7th grade. Now I’m terrified of every one, I talk to myself, and I hear and see things that “aren’t there”. However I’m no idiot. If I can stay on track long enough you’ll see how smart I am. I’m actually a year ahead of my grade and my doctor recommends me going back to public school now. So we moved here, Newark New Jersey, the last place I wanted to go back to school. They couldn’t send me to a private school. Don’t ask me why they just said no. It’s not like we’re pressed for cash though. In fact it’s quite the opposite. So that leaves us where we are now. Me staring in the mirror re-combing my hair with my long nails. In most others saw me as striking and beautiful I could care less the only thing that mattered to me was my long nails and dyed think hair. I dyed it a dark auburn a while back with woven copper streaks swimming through. I wasn’t super thin but I wasn’t fat just normal I suppose, though that is the only normal part about me. I straightened my blue blouse and inspected it to make sure it was to my liking. My dark blue jeans fit the sky blue top by contradicting the color. The sleeves went mid-way down my arms then split in two and ruffled. Granted my style was also a bit odd I was very pleased. I sighed trying to swallow some nerves and not concentrate on the horrifying day ahead. I slid into my cowgirl boots, which I wear riding or not, and softly trotted down the hard wood steps. Went onto the porch assessed the property and made my way to the car. As usual, I had a quiet and cold demeanor. I wasn’t some one to cut up or goof off. I couldn’t risk dropping my guard…ever. “Illena shut the door and hurry up its cold!” My mother snapped and I did as instructed. I was glad she was cold. It was her idea to be here and she should suffer for it. The ride to school was quiet and soothing on my nerves but as soon as we arrived I began to tense. Ma dropped me off and I walked towards the entrance. The sounds and smells bombarded me and I felt my body start to shake. It was to loud a bang, a roar, a wiz. The colors to vast and bright mixed with the sounds attacking my feeble mind. The smell of sweat and b.o. and poorly prepared food danced in the air. I covered my ears and closed my eyes trying to make it go away. ‘Just breathe deeply’ the doctor had said and I truly tried but the feeling I was about to die was overwhelming. Suddenly my body was slammed from behind and I crashed into the ground. I heard laughter and first but when I didn’t move the hustle and bustle in the school yard quieted some. A chorus of, ‘are you ok?’s’ greeted me along with a few, ‘Look what the faggot did.’s . I stayed still and prayed to be left alone. “Ok break it up you stupid vultures get to class before I expel you butts!” A female voice yelled. She sounded exhausted. Once the attention left me I opened my eyes and stood to my feet. I gathered my effects, and my nerves, before walking past the lady and into the building. “Wait!” The woman shouted and I flinched and froze. “You’re the new girl right, Illena?” I nodded in response and turned to face her. “Well I’m sorry about that Mr. Way tends not to pay attention or care who he runs into.” She said. She was a short and gray haired, my guess was she was in her 50’s. Her glasses where golden and sat perfectly on her nose. This made me straighten my own. “I’m Mrs. Hollendas. The principle of this school” She stated not so proudly sticking a wrinkled hand out to grab mine. I just stared at it and nodded. Her nails covered in a cheap polish that matched her navy suit. She frowned realizing I wasn’t going to say anything and rummaged through her bag eventually finding a schedule and writing something on it. “Here,” She whispered handing it lightly to me on the top where two sets of numbers, “The first is my phone. If you ever need me or want to talk the line is always open sweetie. The second number is your locker and combination. Now don’t go giving those numbers out. I don’t usually do this.” This time I looked into her brown loving eyes and smiled showing a row of teeth. “Yes maim.” I whispered. It must have pleased her because she smiled back at me. “Now get to class before I give you detention!” She scolded playfully and winked before walking off leaving me to find my locker.