Categories > Anime/Manga > Berserk > My life without me


by sirrah-chan 0 reviews

Berserk modern day AU story centering around Serpico.

Category: Berserk - Rating: R - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [V] [X] [?] [Y] - Published: 2008-06-13 - Updated: 2008-06-13 - 1671 words

Notes: Un-written ‘Night of Fire’ fic turned into an actual story. One day I will write that berserk chapter for ‘Night of Fire’ too. Note the words ‘one day’ (Night of Fire is a collection of AU stories from different shows centering around the opening of a club called 'Night of Fire')

I don’t really have any memories of my Mom. I remember two old women; one that smelled of cats and cabbage and another who had a nice but somehow very tired voice. And when ever I hear that tired voice in my head I somehow feel relieved. Like she helped lifting an incredible heavy coat off my shoulders. There is also a mysterious woman sometimes in my dreams who has a long, soft blond hair, but I never see her face – I actually fear in my dreams that she would turn around.

Even if I don’t remember my Mom, I do remember my Father. And it’s always father, not daddy, dad or old man but father, or in some cases Mr. Vandimion. If talking biologically he isn’t of course actually my real father. Now that I have grown up I’ve started to wonder why I was adopted by my father in the first place. Because he’s not a man to be interested in charity – at least if he doesn’t gain anything from it.

I remember the first time I met my father. I remember how everything around me was big and not only slightly frightening. And when my father entered the room, he felt even bigger and scarier. For some reason I remember his hair, it was grey then already, and his clean wrinkles suit. It was also on that same day that I met my sister.

I have always though Farnese as my sister. Back then she was a lonely child, who could always get what she wanted, if not by asking then throwing a tantrum. And when dealing with anyone else than her parents it was usually the later. She’s pretty much like that still. So when her violent and destructible nature frightened everyone away, I stayed. But then again I didn’t really have any options. And in a weird way, her fierce bullying nature balanced the cold and careless treatment I received from everyone else.

But I think it was even worse for Farnese. When I received the needed attention from her, she had to go look at it from elsewhere. I remember one time when we both were at elementary school and the teacher warned us from strangers. They said it would make our parents worry. So at the next break Farnese skipped class, me following right behind her. After all, father says Farnese is on my responsibility. I don’t really remember what happened after that. I remember there was some strange car and that I was later on my school nurse office, but since my father didn’t punish me in any way, I guess nothing serious happened.

Because punished I was if anything happened to Farnese. And the older we grew the more those punishments I went through. As a child, Farnese never got the attention she needed. Candy and little toys weren’t enough payment to other children to stand her foul moods – I guess it is harder to buy child’s love than adult’s. But as a teenager, everything changed. And Farnese took everything out of it. She was never alone and the more her parents let her go the wilder she went. And in the end it got wild enough to finally catch their attention.

We were in middle school then, when the teacher caught us smoking pot and turned us in. As a punishment, I got the normal beating and we were both send to a very strict catholic boarding school. But if they had thought that sending me and Farnese away would solve anything they were wrong. As always I was the one who kept her home assignment straight A’s and when her exam results started to look bad, she seduced the needed professors. My own boyhood was given to a fifty year old lady in exchange for her B in English.

But outside, she was more or less the same little girl she had always been. Her curly blond locks and sweet smile get her away from many troubles, but in her final high school year even those weren’t enough. Since the incident with getting caught smoking weed, Farnese had transformed for harder drugs, dragging me along. She was fully addicted already in high school and when she was caught I once again received the beating and we were both transferred to rehab.

That place was a hell for Farnese. She was used to get what she wanted and now that her body and mind were both screaming for the same thing she couldn’t get - she just couldn’t take it. So we escaped the place and went hiding. That was definitely the worse year of my life but apparently nothing special to her. I was already used to serve her every mood and had been doing things like her homework and eating her vegetables as long as I remembered. But now it was different. I stole from my father and his friends, I sell my body; all of it just to get her fixed – and myself.

I can admit it. The real reason why that was my worst year was because my sister wasn’t the only one with an addict. In school, Farnese only wanted me to use when she tried some new trick to get her high, but when we were on the run… well I guess she didn’t want to be high alone. Of course in the end she never had to fear that. But by then I was already as addicted as she was. And truthfully, didn’t even want to give up.

But eventually father found us and as usual I got the beating - really couldn’t feel a thing – I was still high from last night. But the next day I felt it. We were both send to a new rehab and this time I went through the same hell as Farnese. And through we went it. The rehab place was like a prison and I have never in my life suffered as much as I did then. I still have nightmares about the nightmares I saw back then and the state my body and mind were when I couldn’t get the fix I needed.

But luckily those days are long gone and even if the rehab was terrible, I thank the god that I was put through it. Because every time I think how slaved my body was for the drugs I feel ill. Never again will I get to that path again even if it means saying no to Farnese – and no I have said.

Even though we both got free from the addiction only one of us stayed clean. Farnese still uses pills when partying, but I have refused to follow her lead. It was a hard place for her when I first time said no, but it was even harder when I first time stand between her and her fix – I always knew she was strong but it was then that I learned her true strength. So in the end I wasn’t able to keep her away from starting again, but at least I have been able to keep her from getting completely addicted.

Of course father or Farnese’s mother doesn’t know anything about this life style of hers. I guess she realised after the second rehab that no matter what she did, her parents would either not look or put her somewhere where they didn’t have to look. We both finished our high school eventually and as a graduation gift father gave Farnese a two bedroom penthouse from downtown. Needles to say, that is where I live too.

My sister never cared to educate herself more than that. And in the past few years she hasn’t really worked a day either. She occasionally goes to these so called intern places just to give an impression of a decent young woman to our father. I on the other hand was actually able to finish a college degree. Of course I couldn’t go to a real college, since there was no way father would have given me a permission to leave Farnese behind. So I got one from home studying. My father wanted me to get a degree in economics, which I did, but I also got one from culture history and English.

Even if my official studies have been finished a long time ago already, I’m still educating myself. My father doesn’t want me to get myself a job so just like Farnese; I have much free time to spare. The nights I have to baby-sit Farnese in clubs, to make sure her partying doesn’t get too wild, but the days when she sleeps or shops, I occasionally help my father in his company or learn languages. I must say I’m a little proud for the fact that I can speak six languages fluently and at least the same amount understandable.

Usually I don’t like clubs. Too much noise, too much drunks and too much intimacy. Of course I’m already used to all this, having to spend most of my nights watching over my sister as she throws herself on different men. And even though I don’t much like it, I’m already used to the grouping and kissing of total strangers as I’m on watch for my sister. So in a way, I guess it’s not so much of a surprise that I’m at this moment getting fucked by two total strangers in a club that saw its first night tonight.
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