July: Who are you exactally? Why are you picking up the phone? I don't think it;s you. OMG! It can't be Frank and what the fuck is going on? Huh?
WARNINGS: As usual, I love you all, please don't live your life like this. Don't take drugs, don't drink if you can help it and talk to someone, anyone, if you are depressed. I love you all. This is for enjoyment only, do not live your life like this.
To my reviewers: I had to mention you guys again. More of you are surfacing and you guys keep me alive. I love you all, you are me life :)
Chapter seven: July - Huh?
Sunday, July 2nd
89 kg (OMG! I swear these scales are dead to me), 10 beer (hang over recovery beer), 0 cigarettes (too hung over to smoke), 0 joints, 99 coffees.
7:45 a.m. So hung over. My head is swimming, I swear I'm still drunk, or high, or something. I just want to lie in bed and feel sorry for myself all morning, I'm feeling pretty down. Apparently that has something to do with the down side of cocaine.
Yes, yes, I know. But I'm not sure where to start really. There was a reason I tried it, I'm sure there was ... I just don't remember what that reason was.
After last weekend and my 'no party' trial, I decided to just scrunch it up into a tiny ball and toss it out the window. Who am I kidding? I can't live without partying.
That was probably how and why I found myself knocking on the door of Bert and Quinn's room late last night. At least, I like to think that was the reason. Personally though, just between you and me, it also had a lot to do with the confusing thoughts that had been drowning my brain as of late.
Once again, just as I suspected, Bert just acted as though I hadn't been missing from his life for an entire month. To him, it was as though he had only seen me yesterday.
It's always easier to get along with him when he acts like this, I hate the question "So, what have you been up to lately?" Bert never asks, thank god. Yet, it's disconcerting when your supposed best friend doesn't even notice nor really care that you have been missing from their life for more then four weeks.
That was probably why Bert just prepared me a line of white powder without even a second thought. Clearly they had been doing it for a little while, but me, I hadn't even tried it yet. But Bert just passed me the rolled up bill and indicated for me to snort the line as though I to had been doing it with them every other weekend.
Naturally, I was curious. So I snorted it without even thinking it through first. It was fan-fucking-tastic and it seemed to mix perfectly with the beers that were being pushed into my hand constantly.
I honestly don't know how I stayed away for that long. These parties were definitely 'my scene' as Ben so nicely put it.
It was about then I drunkenly stumbled up to Quinn, who was busy giggling about how he had forgotten where his mouth was supposed to be on his face and therefore trying to shove a Doritos up his nose. I believe the cocaine and alcohol had some sort of negative effect on my brain because all my thoughts suddenly turned to goo and spilled out of me like verbal diarrhea.
"Geeeeeeeeeeeeeee ... yo man, where you been?"
"Trapped in my own thoughts about whether or not I actually do in fact have a thing for Bert?"
Oh shit! Yes, I did actually say that. Whilst I'm still shocked I said it, I can still remember the look on Quinn's face, he wasn't surprised at all!
"So, nothing's new then."
"What? Well, I'm not gay Quinn, never have been, so it's all new. I don't really understand why I feel like this. But I really do love hanging with him all the time. Everything's just simpler. I'm thinking I might like him ... just a little bit. Don't tell him."
"Gerard ... you -" he tried to poke me in the chest to emphasis his point, but he missed and poked the wall next to me instead, "- you are gay!"
It's not true! I swear it's not. I'm just confused that's all, I'm lonely, that's it, for real.
"I'm not gay Quinn!"
The next thing I know he just gives me this look and then he stands up on his bed and starts yelling out for attention. Once he had it from all the people in the room, that I had no idea had arrived, he announced that we were all going to play truth or dare.
Not one person stopped him to say that it was in fact a child’s game and they wanted no part in it, everyone was ecstatic to play. It was pathetic really, but who am I to judge?
After we mixed a horrid brew full of anything we had in the room at the time and dared some poor guy to drink it, threw a condom and a fart bomb (which Bert just had lying around for some odd reason) into the girls toilets and made Quinn write swear words all over his body in permanent marker, it was my turn.
Quinn just had this wicked smile on his face as he pointed at Bert. "I dare you to give Bert a blow job."
Usually, I wouldn't give a shit. They can't make me do it if I don't want to, but the look on Bert's face made me realize that Quinn had put an idea into his head and he might just actually make me do it.
So I got up and ran out of the room as quickly as I could. And I honestly think that's it. They're no doubt so pissed off at me for ruining their game that they wont let me back into their tight little circle ever again.
Na, they probably won't even remember.
Tuesday, July 4th
10000 kg (I don't fucking care anymore!), 210000 cigarettes (yes, I'm kidding), 9000 coffees (no, I'm not kidding.)
3 p.m. College: My room. Am furious at Bert and his carelessness! I don't know what his problem is. The guy has no shame!
As soon as I finished class today I headed straight for the bathroom. We were working on water colours and for some reason all of the water we play around with all lesson just makes me need to pee. I dunno, it's just one of those things.
When I pushed the toilet door open and stepped in, I was more then surprised to see Bert standing awkwardly underneath the hand dryer, blow drying the crutch of his pants. At the sound of the door, he lazily looked up and smiled when he saw that it was me.
"Oh hey Gee," he greeted me casually as though blow drying his crutch was the most normal thing anybody could do on a Tuesday afternoon.
"Ummm, hey Bert. What you doing?"
"Just warming up your dinner!"
Darn him, how does he always come up with those quick responses, complete with a whopping kick in the pants? I just stared at him in disbelief, wondering if I could just walk out without peeing and if he'd even notice that I had just randomly walked into the bathroom and not done anything.
"Cool ... well; I guess I'll leave you to that."
I tried to just continue to one of the cubicles without to much more mishap, but Bert suddenly removed himself from the dryer and approached me.
You know, I still don't know what he was actually doing near the dryer in the first place. Meh, that's just Bert I guess. So anyway, he approached me with this stupid grin on his face...
"Look Gee, Quinn told me what you said to him the other night."
I say a lot of things, so I just looked at him in confusion. I'm really not even sure why, I already knew what he was talking about.
"You know, about you wanting me real bad and all that shit." He certainly had a way with words.
"Oh, well ... I didn't exactly put it like that -"
"Doesn't matter how you said it, you said it. I like you Gee, so I'm going to be completely honest with you. I don't really date guys. Sure, I'll mess around with them every chance I get but I'm a bit of a comit-a-phobe. One day I want to be with a chick, one day I want to be with a guy. If I'm with someone, well, I don't think they'd quite understand. So as a rule, I don't date. It's nothing personal."
I just stood there taking in what he was telling me. Now that he said it out loud, I wasn't really sure what I had been expecting. I know I admitted to Quinn that I may have a small curious thing for Bert, but did I ever really want to date him? Date a guy?
"T-that's cool. I get it, makes sense."
It was all I could say. I dunno, he put me on the spot again. He always does. Sometimes I wish I could just spill exactly what's on my mind without a care in the world just like Bert did. For that, I envy him.
"But put it this way Gee, as far as guys go, the only time I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor."
I wasn't sure if that was meant to be some sort of compliment or what, but I didn't have time to ponder on it for long because at that moment someone walked out of one of the toilets cubicles. And you'll never guess who. It was Frank!
He would have heard everything!
At that point, I have no idea why, but I was furious. Frank walked past us awkwardly, trying not to look up or show any sign that he had overheard us talking. When he turned his back, only to wash his hands in the sink, I quickly turned around and stormed out of there and once again I didn't stop until I was safely in my room.
That was about 1:30 and since then, I haven't stopped pacing. I have literally warn out a whole I my carpet.
I can't believe Bert could say that stuff in the boys toilets! He should know people would be listening in. Now everyone's going to know I'm potentially gay. I mean, Frank will tell everyone! I'm sure of it!
Why am I so fucking careless? It wont bother Bert, he doesn't give a shit what people think of him. But me, I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in and now I'm never going to fit in anywhere! I'm always going to be the freak!
Saturday, July 8th
88 kg (what the Fuck? Okay, seriously, I don't care anymore!), 25 beers (maybe), 2000 cigarettes (maybe), 0 coffees (ha ha ha, I am joking.)
5 p.m. College: My room. I just got off the phone to Mikey and as I turn my aching head and glance at the flashing digital clock on my bedside table, I realize that I have been on the phone with him for a good 3 hours.
Man, my next phone bill is going to suck, but still, he's managed to get me out of whatever slump I had crawled into after everything that had been happening to me lately. So wither way, it'll be worth it.
Basically, last night didn't exactly go as I had planned.
Somehow I managed to convince myself that I didn't care if Frank told the whole school about what he overheard in the bathroom, mainly because I remembered that Mikey still apparently had something on him, even if he still wouldn't tell me what the hell it was.
That made me feel somewhat better and by the time Friday night was here, I had basically forgiven Bert for being such a careless moron. So, just like old times, I joined them for another 'Friday night next door party escapade'.
Turns out it didn't go down like I thought it would. Bert pulled out the cocaine again along with some bottles with pills inside, who knows what the hell they were. Still, me being me, I had to try one, or two; I'm not even sure how many I took.
The next thing I remember, I'm waking up outside the college grounds next to a large pile of my own puke. As soon as I stood up, I threw up again ... and again. It was kind of bizarre though, it was the most pleasant vomiting I had ever done. Like it just flowed out and it just felt so good...
I know, gross right, but I guess that's just what those drugs did to you.
Yet, the whole episode bothered me greatly. I was lucky, I could have just passed out there and never woken up, anything could have happened to me! Still, that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was, I was all alone.
No one was there with me. Not one single person. I was at a party and yet not one of those people followed me to make sure I was okay. I'm not even sure how I managed to find my way back into my room and into bed, but I did ... all on my own.
And so, feeling like shit, I called Mikey as soon as I had woken up and stopped throwing up whatever was left in my aching stomach.
I told him everything, about Ben's party and what everyone thought of me, about Bert and Frank, about Sarah shutting me down, about the latest in the mystery texter chapter, everything! It was great to just get everything off my chest, I must admit, I really do miss Mikey sometimes.
Yet, even though I spilled my heart out to my brother, he still wouldn't tell me the goss he had on Frank, he just told me that he's waiting for the right moment. What the hell does that mean?
7 p.m. Sometimes I hate when you've had a big night and you promise yourself that you'll never drink again, then, next day when the hang over's gone and you're feeling better again, all you want to do is party some more.
With that thought in mind, all I want to do right now is party! But, it's just not working out for me at the moment. I have to stop ... maybe I can spend my Saturday night playing World of Warcraft instead.
9 p.m. Screw it. I am so bored! I wonder if Ben is having one of his parties tonight? If I go to one of his parties, I know I won’t drink as much as I usually do.
Sunday, July 9th
88 kg (better), 0 beers (good for a Sunday), 0 joints (can't get any), 0 coffees (I know, it's a miracle right?) 1000000000 green teas (so they say it can replace coffee, I guess you need more for the desired effect.)
Midday. College: The library. That's right, the library, see, I'm not in bed with a killer hang over. That's because I didn't drink all that much; I actually had a great night ... well, kind of. It was great, but it was thoroughly confusing.
Ben was more then ecstatic to see me at one of his little parties again and several other people even remembered my name and were just as thrilled to see me once more.
I have to admit, it was quite relaxing just standing around, talking to intelligent people and having a beer or two. I didn't have to worry about any stupid games of truth or dare or taking some dodgy drug and waking up all alone again. And, the best thing was, Frank was no where in site. Turned out luck was on my side.
Then, my phone went off:
"Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story -"
Darn, I almost wished that I had seen Mikey recently so that stupid message tone could be changed. Sure, I know I can do it if I want to, but I just can't be bothered.
I opened the message, and guess who, that's right, the secret messager strikes again:
What happened to you last
night? I saw you heading back
to your room, you didn't look
so good. You okay?
It was quite weird really, I don't remember seeing anyone in the empty college hallways that late at night on Friday. Sure I was a little out of it, but I saw no one! No one at all, surely I would remember seeing someone.
"Who's messaging you?" Ben asked curiously as I just read the message over and over again. It was actually nice knowing that someone cared. But once again it was someone I didn't know, it should have been my so called friends, not just some random.
So I told Ben about me mystery texter and he was really intrigued. Turns out nothing as interesting as that has ever happened to him, and then he said it.
"Call them! Put your phone on private and call them! When they pick up, see if you can recognize the voice."
I swear, all that studying pays off. The guy is a genius, why the hell did I not think of this before? Or maybe I had, maybe I was just too scared to do it. Either way, I had every right to call and see who it was; they were stalking me after all. I had a right to find out who my stalker was.
So, I called.
A female voice shouted into the other end of the phone. I didn't say anything, just listened. It was a bit hard to hear anything because whoever it was, was clearly at a party of their own, loud music and raised voices was all I could hear through the small phone speaker.
"Hello?" the voice repeated as my brain struggled to remember where I had heard that voice before.
I knew who it was, I knew that voice!
"Anyone there?" the female voice was getting pushy now. I definitely know that fucking tone! Who the hell is it?
Then, they let out an impatient sigh and hung up the phone.
"Well? You recognize the voice?" Ben asked, standing close to me the whole time, almost sweating from the anticipation. The guy really had to get out more.
"Yes ... I did. I just have no fucking idea who it is."
The rest of the night I just ran the voice over and over in my brain, desperately trying to put my finger on who it had been on the other end of the phone.
I seriously didn't know that many girls! If the voice was familiar, then I clearly knew her. Then again, all girls do sound the same.
So, that's why I'm at the library.
I don't know, it's almost like I'm hoping a book will just fall off the shelf and fall onto a page with the name of my secret admirer written all over it.
So far, it hasn't happened yet.
Wednesday, July 12th
I figured it out!
Although I must admit, I'm not sure what I expected, but this wasn't it and I am a little disappointed. Oh who am i kidding, I'm fucking majorly disappointed.
Okay, I won’t lie, the past few days I've been walking around in a daze trying to figure out where I had heard that voice. It sounded like Angelina Jolie mixed with Helen DeGeneres ... okay, so I had no fucking idea, but I swear it was right at the tip of my tongue.
Then, it happened.
This morning I walked into the cafeteria, grabbed my coffee and some toast and sat myself down next to Ben. It was busy in there today, I could see Frank and his stupid girl friend laughing at something Marcus' thick headed brother Chris was saying to them.
Next thing I knew, my eye site fell on a different person. Amy. The ex I haven't seen in over a month.
There she was, just sitting amongst her bitchy friends, twirling a lock of hair in her long fingers.
And that was when I spat my coffee out all over Ben and stood up with a triumphant "uh-huh!"
"What? What is it?" Ben questioned as he grabbed a napkin and started wiping off the coffee on his jumper.
"Amy! It was Amy on the phone on Saturday night."
The moment I said it, I felt like buying myself a new car in celebration, I was just so happy that I had finally figured it out.
It was the pissed off sigh just before she hung up the phone that gave her away. She used to give me that sigh all the time.
Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy myself a new car. It would have been handy.
Friday, July 14th
6:30 a.m. I can't sleep, something just doesn't add up and I just can't seem to figure out what it is.
I've been running everything around in my head and I just don't think Amy is my secret admirer.
For starters, I re-read nearly all of the messages and the grammar is just too good to be Amy's. Plus, she never really cared about me as much as this other person seemed to. The mystery texter asked me how I was, asked me if I was alright, she never did that!
All I ever got from her was "I told you so" or "you should really stop doing this because I'm telling you to". Blah, blah, blah ... me, me, me.
Plus, I was dating her when the messages started. Unless she has some sort of bizarre split personality, there was no reason for her to have a separate phone number just so she can text me.
7:25 a.m. Okay, this is ridiculous. I'm never going to sleep until I know! I have to know!
That does it; I'm just going to ask her. I love my sleep and this is ruining it for me.
Now, how do I locate the girl that's somehow managed to avoid me for an entire month? Something tells me she's not just going to be sitting around in the cafeteria this morning. I'm never that lucky.
6 p.m. College: My room. I was right in thinking that Amy was going to be hard to find. In the end, I decided to just wait outside her bedroom door. I had no shame in doing so, I was too busy wrapped up in the excitement of the possibility of finding out, for real this time, who my stalker was. Because after all, if Amy was on their phone, she'd clearly know who they were.
I'm not sure how long I was waiting there for, but I swear I almost died of boredom before I finally heard the sound of her high heels thumping on the college's cheap carpet.
To say she was surprised to see me was an understatement. I could see her brain hurriedly trying to find some smart assed comment to say to me.
"Gerard ... If you're here to beg me to be your girl friend again, you should know, I'm seeing someone."
I just rolled my eyes as I got up from the floor I had decided to park my arse on when my legs got exhausted after the first 20 minutes of standing by her door.
"Look, I'm here because I have to ask you something."
"Y-you do? Now?" she asked her face lighting up in surprise.
"Huh? Yeah now."
"Okay then, shoot."
I swear she was looking at me as though I was about to propose to her or something.
"Right well, did you happen to get a call from a private number on Saturday night?"
She just looked at me as though I was insane. It wasn't the proposal or confession of undying love she had no doubt been expecting.
With that, she just brushed past me and pulled out the key to her door.
I didn't understand. I knew it was her. Why was she making this difficult for me?
"Um, yes. I know it was you, I recognised your unimpressed sigh."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like Amy!"
"Well, I didn't receive any mystery phone calls - but someone I was at a party with did."
"Excellent! Who was it?"
"What? I don't know, the number was on private."
"No, not the caller, the person who was getting the call. Who was that?"
"Why do you want to know? Was it you that called?"
She looked at me suspiciously; her arms crossed over her stomach in that stance I knew meant she was getting pissed off.
"Yes it was. I've been getting these messages from that number lately and I called to see who's number it was, that was when you picked up."
"You've been getting messages from that phone?"
"Yes, I have!" My god, how stupid can she be? How many times did I have to say it.
She just continued to look at me as though I was telling her the biggest pile of shit story she had ever heard.
"Oh please, why the hell would Frank be messaging you?"
It was then that my heart stopped and my brain just shut down. What the hell? But, it couldn't, it wouldn't ... it didn't make any sense!
"F-Frank? That was Franks phone? Frank Iero?"
"Honestly Gerard, how many Frank's do you know here? I had his phone on me that night and somebody called it on private. Now I know it was you. I must admit Gerard; it was pretty childish of you."
After that I just left, my thoughts racing at a hundred miles per hour.
It didn't make any sense! Why the fuck would Frank be messaging me? The guy hated me!
There was no fucking way that the same Frank Iero who hangs out with jocks and plays in a punk rock band could be the same guy that has been basically stalking me?
I mean, I was going to meet this person for a coffee, didn't they say they had been to shy to come up and talk to me? I don't think the same guy that was jumping around and screaming into the microphone on stage would be too shy to come and talk to some loser art geek who was having coffee with his brother.
But hadn't Frank been at the coffee shop that day I was stood up? Didn't the mystery texter say he was there?
I need a drink, I need something. This is all too much.
Saturday, July 15th
86 kg (am beginning to think something is wrong with scales), 29 beers (I lost count), 0 joints (I can't at the moment), 2000 coffees (I swear, it's all I've got left).
Midday. College: The library. All I can say is thank you god for Mikey Way. I honestly don't know what I would do without my baby brother. It gives me someone to talk to, guaranteed.
I felt bad for making him blow off his study date with Alisha, but at that moment, I needed him more then she did. I think he understood because he didn't hesitate when he said that he would cancel their date and come and visit me.
The downside though is that Mikey has exams coming up soon, which means he could only come out and visit me on one condition, he had to study. True to his word, he made me accompany him to the college library. Now I'm just sitting here reading "The Great Gatsby" and writing in my secret diary whilst Mikey studies something about Ancient Egyptians.
Still, his company is like the best kind of therapy anyone could ask for and right now it was doing me the world of good.
"So, you going to tell me what you found out about Frank?"
I had to ask him one more time. I had to know, why wouldn't he tell me? Still, I wasn't completely innocent; I was keeping my own secret about Frank from him to.
I don't know why, but I had decided I wasn't going to tell my brother that I suspected Frank to be my secret admirer. Why? Because I really didn't believe it myself. There was no way it could be true, someone was having a great big fat laugh at my expense, so I was keeping it to myself. My secret until I figure it all out.
"Maybe ... why do you want to know so bad?" Mikey asked, not even looking up from his notes on mummification.
"What? I don't want to know that badly, I just want to know. It's a natural curiosity."
"You've messaged me every day about it."
"I have not."
Still not even looking up from his notes, Mikey just tossed his phone in my direction.
"Go ahead, look through it. I'm telling you, there's one for every single day since I called you."
Darn it. He was right. But, come on! The tone in his voice, I knew whatever goss he had was good!
"Come on Mikes. It's killing me, tell me ... please!"
Mikey tossed his pen to the side and sighed loudly as he pushed his fingers underneath his glasses so he could rub at his eyes. Still, there was a hint of amusement in his expression that was driving me insane. I knew Mikey well enough to know that he was dying to tell me, but he was enjoying having me wrapped around his little finger much more.
"So, how's your week been anyway? Why'd you need me to come here so badly? Bad day?"
How did he always manage to change the topic like that? For now, I just let him and we just sat there talking about our weeks for a while until the librarian came over and told us to pipe down or get out.
"You done here yet?"
"No way! This is an important exam Gee, I need more notes. But, tell me about these parties Ben goes to. Will I know anyone?"
Typical Mikey, thinking about partying whilst trying to convince himself he's a good boy who's going to stay home and study all night long. Such lies. He is my brother after all, he can try and kid himself as much as he likes, it doesn't change anything.
"Hmm, not really. Ben and Frank, that's probably about it really. But everyone's pretty nice, except Frank's girl friend. Oh my god! Did I tell you about her?"
"She's the one that asked if you were with Bert right?"
"You know what I think Gee?" Mikey asked, abandoning his notes again, just so he could smile at me smugly.
"What's that?" Did I really want to know? I knew that look.
"I think you're jealous."
"What? I hate her; she's not my type, why the hell would I be-"
"No, no, not jealous of Frank. I mean, I think you're jealous of her, because she's with Frank."
I just stared at Mikey in shock. Where does he get these crazy ideas from? I'm not jealous!
"Mikey, did you even wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?"
"Whatever Gee, you know I'm right."
After that, I argued the point with Mikey, but my words fell on deaf ears. He just smiled to himself as he didn't take his eyes off his work again.
I didn't like being ignored and I didn't realize that my voice was getting louder and louder until I felt a book connect with the side of my head and there was the librarian pointing towards the exit door as she looked at me as though I had just killed a kitten.
"Great, thanks Gee, now I'm going to have to use my own text books to study."
Oh well, least I showed him. Mikey doesn't know what he's talking about anyway, clearly he's still living in make-believe world where everything is some weird twisted fantasy of his.
Wednesday, July 19th
Once again find myself in a serious state of boredom. It's getting critical, untreatable; I think it may be slowly killing me.
The only excitement in my week so far has been the dilemma I face in whether or not I should message my mystery texter. Should I just straight out ask if it's Frank? What if the whole thing has been some elaborate scheme to get me to open up to this mystery person and meanwhile Frank will just go out and tell everyone my deepest darkest secrets.
If that is in fact true then I'm glad I never told them anything.
Unfortunately though, I don't have the guts to ask. What if it really is Frank? My whole perspective has suddenly changed. I can't message this person ever again. It's Frank! What does he want with me? Doesn't he have something more important to his popularity to be doing?
Mikey came through for me again though, he called me up yesterday to tell me that our favourite Uncle is working at the pub up the road from college this weekend. At least this will give me something to do this weekend.
I shall live another weekend. Boredom won’t get me yet.
Saturday, July 22nd
Apparently Mikey is more whipped then I thought. He wasn't allowed to come see me this weekend because he came to see me last weekend. So this weekend he's abandoning me to hang out with Alisha, just because last weekend he abandoned her to be with me.
What is this?
Worst of all, I still haven't even met this chick. Who does she think she is? Doesn't she know that if you date a Way brother, you're immediately dating the other one as well? We're one in the same. Clearly Mikey hasn't read her the rule books yet.
Instead, I decided to go visit my Uncle. I needed some cheering up and I figured I'd be able to talk to him.
Best thing about Uncle Riley, you could tell him anything and everything and he'd always have some fantastic advice to share with you. He wouldn't judge you, he wouldn't look down on you in shame, he would just listen and say all the right things. I needed an outsider’s point of view at the moment.
5 p.m. If you want to talk to anyone who works at a pub, you have to visit them early, once it gets past a certain hour, they'll be so busy you'll never be able to get a single word in.
So I headed to the pub at midday and I was lucky enough to catch Uncle Riley on a break. He was so thrilled to see me he gave me free beer. No doubt, best relative ever. He knows just the things to make me happy.
"You look as though you need to talk champ, what's bothering you?"
I told him everything, well, nearly everything. It was mainly talk about girls and guys and friends and ex's and parties and drugs and just as I was about to start talking about Frank and tell him everything, he raised a hand to stop me.
"Wait ... Frank Iero? As in the Frank Iero?"
I couldn't believe my ears. What the hell did he mean by that?
"Uh - yeah. Don't tell me you know him!"
"Course I know him, you'll find anyone that works in a pub or club knows little Iero. I see him playing all the time, he's a fantastic guitar player, the greatest I've ever seen."
I couldn't believe Uncle Riley knew who Frank was; I couldn't believe Uncle Riley was talking Frank up so much!
I don't know why, but I was pissed off. Why did Frank have to ruin everything? Was there anyone that didn't know this guy? Was there anyone else that hated him as much as I did?
Now, how was I supposed to tell my Uncle what I wanted to say? I needed his advice, now I couldn't tell him anything.
"Why does he play so much?" I asked a simple question yet, I had this tone in my voice, I think my Uncle noticed. I knew why, it was because the guy was a show off, but I was just making conversation.
"His families quite poor I hear. Well, not that poor, but apparently they couldn't afford to put him through college, so he plays so that he can pay to live on campus."
Well, good for him. If I was talented, I would probably play to put myself through college as well. Still, a part of me felt bad for being so abrupt about my question.
"You really don't like him do ya Gee?" Uncle Riley suddenly asked, just giving me this look. Wow, he really understood me.
I just shrugged. I wasn't sure how I felt about the guy at the moment. Truth was, I didn't really know him at all. I'd only really spoken to him a few times. Once when I lost my keys and he had to hand them back and another time when he was passed out, I mean did they even really count?
"He's playing in about an hour Gee, you should stay and watch."
And you know what, I did. I don't even know why. At first I thought "hell no!" and I was ready to leave, but my Uncle was asking about Mum and Dad and Mikey and next thing I know there's Frank Iero on stage with some guy sitting behind a drum set and some other guy behind a microphone.
So, really, I had no choice. I was just chatting away and the next thing I know, Frank's playing on the stage. He didn't sing this time, just played the guitar, but I couldn't stop staring at him.
That feeling returned. That feeling that I was nothing, no one and that all I wanted to do was be the one up there on stage performing.
The jealousy returned, the feeling that I wanted to be Frank. Only this time, he didn't have all his friends yelling and screaming at him from in front of the stage, just a group of drunks and some older couples.
Everyone was still impressed by his playing though.
Then, just as suddenly as the music had begun, it ended. The singer thanked everyone for listening and then they all walked off the stage and headed towards the bar where they all got themselves a drink.
"So, what did you think?" Uncle Riley asked me, smiling.
"Um, I think I'll get another beer," I said, making sure I had enough money first. Uncle Riley had already given me too much for free; I couldn't skimp from him anymore.
I didn't have much money left, but I knew whatever was in my wallet was going towards beer, I seriously needed it after watching Frank play again.
My Uncle just laughed at me as he filled up a glass and put it in front of me. "Be right back."
With that, I saw him make his way over to Frank and the drummer and singer he had been performing with that night. I know he only went over there to get them their drinks, but they started talking to him and he stayed for a little longer.
I felt a little forgotten. Even my own family liked Frank better then they liked me. I was so busy staring at my beer wondering if I could somehow stick my head in the slender glass so I could drown myself that I didn't notice someone pull up a seat next to me.
"Haven't seen you here before."
It was like a giant truck had just run me over. I quickly looked up only to realize it was Frank who was talking to me, leaning casually over the bar as though he owned the place.
The guy was so short he had his knees on the bar stool as he stretched his entire body out, trying to reach the glasses on the bench inside the bar.
"Uh ... my Uncle - working this weekend - saying hi."
Darn it! Why does he always make me talk like a fucking retard?
But the distracted Frank didn't even seem to notice my social problem as he continued to try and reach for the glass. His shirt was pulled upwards with his arm and I just stared in confusion at the guys pink belt. It was slightly unusual to see some punk guitar player with a pink belt.
"Woah Frank, don't you trust me to get your drinks anymore?" my Uncle Riley asked as he put Frank out of his suffering by grabbing a glass and filling it up with a beer that Frank clearly ordered regularly.
"You were busy, I didn't want to put you out," Frank announced.
Bullshit! No one's that nice.
"So I hear you know my nephew, Gerard."
Frank's eyes locked with mine and I almost ran out of that stupid pub. His stare was so intense, I wasn't good in social situations, the look just made me feel like I was going to be ill, my stomach was doing summersaults. I didn't like it.
"In passing. This is the first time I've seen him outside of college," Frank said to my Uncle as he realised I seemed incapable of speech at that point.
My Uncle looked at me in confusion, probably wondering why the hell I was suddenly being so quiet. All I could do was sit there and sip at my beer.
"Well I'd better head back to the guys Riley, but thanks for pouring the beer," Frank announced as an awkward silence fell over the three of us. It was unsettling.
With that, Frank slid a note across the bar where Uncle Riley took it from there. Frank just walked off as my Uncle called back to him.
"Hold on Frank, I'll get you your change."
But Frank just shook his head. "Pay for Gerard's out of that."
I just stared after him stupidly as I struggled to find the right words to say.
Thanks would have been a good fucking start you moron!
Uncle Riley was just smirking at me.
"What?" I asked, I couldn't take his staring any longer.
"Huh? Nothing. Just seems very nice that someone you never really hang out with bought you a drink."
AHHHHH! The guy is infuriating! I don't understand. Why would he buy me a drink? Why is he being so nice? Why does he wear a fucking pink belt?
Sunday, July 23rd
After yesterday I've just been lying on my bed deep in thought. I didn't like the way Frank made me feel yesterday. It was weird, I have no idea what happened to me, but I hated it.
Maybe it's best I stay away from the guy for a while. Still, it's easier said then done; somehow I always seem to find myself in his presence no matter where I go. Perhaps we're really not as different as I once thought we were.
Oh who am I kidding? I'm like day, he's like night. We're total opposites. Why is he wasting his time with me?
AN: Okay, I'm sorry, but I haven't even begun writing the next chapter yet, I'll be honest. And, I have a busy weekend ahead of me. So, I'm sorry if it takes a few days to update, but I promise you, it will be fucking fantastic. The next chapter is my baby and I take care of my babies, so that should give you something to go one. I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long.
Please, be patient, I'm sorry this one kind of sucked, I promise I'll make it up to you, the next chapter is my baby and I want to make it special for you all. xxoo.