I was sitting on the couch watching TV, Frankie was curled up in the chair reading another baby book. We had known she was pregnant for about two months and he was already on his fifth book. I have to admit it was kind of cute watching him getting all excited. I tried to and for the first three weeks I was but it was fading and fading fast the whole fight thing didn‘t help matter much. Drew and I finally talked about it and I guess everything is back to close to normal as possible for us. I just couldn’t get off the feeling of dread for what was coming. I feel bad for that and I know its wrong but this is all so messed up, I couldn’t fight the feeling of what we where going to do. Could all three of us raise a baby and be one slightly different but happy family. Frank and Drew thought we could, but I wasn’t so sure. Drew called from the kitchen that dinner was almost ready. It was my turn to set the table. So I got up and went to do my chore.
“It smells great in here honey.” I smiled as I watched her taking bread out of the oven. I did have to say that pregnancy glow on her was really sexy, Frank agreed with me on that point. I started to set the table
Frank came in a few moments later stretching and helped me finish the table. We ate dinner talking about random baby stuff. How his mom and mine are ecstatic that they where going to be grandmothers. The girls where already starting to baby shop even though we had no idea what that baby was yet. Part of me felt awful for feeling the way I did but I couldn’t bury it. Then next week things got worse. I couldn’t hide the fact that I wasn’t sure about the baby any longer, Frank was pissed at me saying I had to be strong for Drew that she was stressed, scared and hormones made her all weepy. It was a Friday and we where all just getting home from work, Drew was making her way back into the living room from the bathroom. She looked pale and dead tired. She laid down on the couch I pulled her feet into my lap.
“You okay honey?” She just nodded and stared at the TV. Frank came in the living room with some crackers handing them to her and some water. Frank took a seat on the floor in front of the couch. We all watched TV for a bit then Drew stood up saying she was going to take a shower and then go to bed, this pregnancy was rough on her and I felt bad that there was nothing I could do. She slumped her way down the hall and I could hear the water running not long after.
“Drew has an appointment in the morning do you want to come?” Frank said not looking from the TV.
“I don’t think I can get out of a meeting.” I lied. He turned to me.
“Gerard, I know this is scary but we all have to get used to it, your not helping matters by pushing her away.”
“I am not fucking pushing her away, she is pushing me away!”
“Because she thanks you hate her for getting PREAGNANT!” He yelled back. I just started at him not sure what to say. I know that I was pushing her away cause I was scared, but I had know idea Drew thought that I actually hated her.
“Really…I..Don’t hater her I am just scared, and confused..” I stumbled.
“We all are, but you should tell her this, not me.” He sighed. I was about to say something but was interrupted by a loud noise in the bathroom. Frank and I where there in no time, pushing the door open to see Drew passed out, wrapped in a towel on the floor.
“Drew, honey.” I kneeled at her side Frankie was on her other side.
“Gerard, she is bleeding,” Frank chocked out. I looked down and saw it seeping through the towel just below where her stomach was.
“The baby…” I stammered.
“Come on we have to get her to the hospital.” Frank said as the color drained from his face. He disappeared and came back with a huge blanked we wrapped her up in it and he carried her out to the car. We raced to the ER. Frank and I both watched as they wheeled her into the ER. He grabbed my hand and looked at me. Neither of us knew what to say. We sat down both of us calling everyone that we needed to be there. Everyone got there in what seemed like minutes. Here Dad was on the way, Erica and Tristen where on either side of Frank rubbing his back and holding his hand, Hope and Mikey where at my side. Mom and Frank’s mom had gone to get some coffee. Ray was trying to soothe Erica. Bob paced back and forth. After what seemed like hours a doctor finally stepped out and approached us. Frank and I stood up and looked at him.
“Is she okay…Is the baby okay?” Frank asked.
“She is fine, she is resting, we did everything we could but she lost the baby. I am sorry.”
“Does she know?” I asked in a whisper.
“No not yet.” He replied. He went on but I really didn’t hear him, I just heard overnight for observation and we can see her, then he walked away. I turned to Frank, fresh tears where in his eyes.
“How are we going to tell her.” He mumbled. I looked over at the group they must have heard or either could read our faces. I turned back took Frank’s hand and walked into the room. She was asleep, and a nurse was covering her up and checking her machines.
“Its okay, she should be awake soon.” The nurse said with a small smile. Frank and I stood on either side of her, both crying silently. I took her hand and moved her hair out of her face. Frank rubbed her cheek. We stood there for several minutes, silently. Drew started to open her eyes. She looked at each of us then I watched as a small smile spread across her dry lips.
“Hey baby, how do you feel?” Frank smiled I could hear the faint shaking in his voice.
“Weird, ..how is the baby, I don’t know what happened I just blacked out.” She looked at both of us.
“Honey, I am soo sorry but…” Frankie stopped, he didn’t have to continue. Her face fell.
“Sweetie they did everything they could..” I added. Her hands tightened on ours and her head fell back on the pillow. We all just cried. I was screaming inside I felt awful, how could I be so upset over something I didn’t think I wanted and now that its gone, I would die to have back.