FicWad

“I’ll try my best,” I answered her lightly.





“I’ve informed Trish all that I know and we are both very curious about why you decided to jump out of a bathroom window to get away from Mr. Saporta,” Cam said inquiringly.




“Okay, well let’s just say that a lot has been going on lately and he saw some stuff that he shouldn’t have seen,” I told them vaguely.




“Okay, well what’s been going on with you,” Trish said as she waved her hands, telling me to go on.




“Well… Brian has been calling,” I told them.




Oh, for your information everyone Brian is him, the creeper.




They both just stared at me, shocked into silence, not quite sure how to react to this new tidbit of information. They sort of resembled goldfish with their mouths gaping like that…




“Why didn’t you tell us?!?!” Cam freaked.




“Cause I’ve kind of been trying to ignore it?”




“Well what did he say?!” Trish asked.




“Well, I haven’t actually answered, I keep missing his calls, and he keeps texting me saying things like ‘I’ll find you’ or like ‘you can run but you can’t hide’ and the voicemails are just like 30 seconds of someone raggedly breathing into the phone. Let me tell you, it is creepy as shit,” I told them.




“Oh shit. Hun we need to tell someone about that,” Trish tried to convince me.




“I agree,” Cam chimed in, “now please tell us how this is related to your Gabe problem,” Cam requested.




“Well I woke up in like the middle of the night last night and saw a missed call from Chris and I kind of puked again, and had a mini breakdown with dizziness and hyperventilation and I don’t even know. It was weird. And I think Gabe might have seen,” I told them, thinking of last night.




“Oh gosh, that sucks so bad,” Trish commented.




“You’re not telling us something,” Cam said, staring straight at me.




“What do you mean?” I said staring right back at her.




That started a whole staring contest and then there was poor Trish just sitting there thinking ‘what the hell is going on?’.




“I know you too well, you rubbed under your eye which means that there’s something you’re not telling us,” she said not missing a beat and keeping up our staring contest.




I broke the contest and sighed as I slumped in my chair.




Why did she have to know me so well?




“Okay…” I admitted slowly, “there is something else, but you guys have to promise not to
freak on me because we are in a public place, okay?”




“Oh no…” Trish said, getting what I was about to tell them.




“What ‘oh no’? ‘oh no what?’ why do I feel dread?” she asked, spazzing.




“I did it again last night,” I mumbled.




“What do you mean you….oh. Taylor!! Why?!” Cam freaked, quietly, while Trish sat there quietly just looking at me with this sad stare.




“Guys, I know I shouldn’t have! But I just couldn’t help it. Everything was building up and I was feeling so many things and I...I... I just couldn’t handle it and I felt like I had no control. I wanted control. It felt so good though. It felt euphoric. I won’t do it again, I promise.”



“Can you keep that promise though?” Trish asked quietly.




“I can try?” I said pathetically.




They both just looked at me with this completely disappointed look. Them being disappointed in me was worse than any of their anger could ever be.




“Why do you want to hurt yourself like this? Mentally and physically. Why?” Cam asked confused.




“I don’t know. I tried to stop the cutting after I got away from Chris but it’s not easy,” I told them truthfully.




I tried to stop the cutting but then I turned to burning and I haven’t done it in months but last night everything just boiled over and I needed to do something.




I know you guys are probably curious about Brian. You have to promise not to judge me.




Brian was my teacher’s assistant when I was a senior at the University of North Carolina. He started hitting on me. I turned down his date offers a few times. I eventually accepted it and we went out on a date and he was a pretty nice guy. I know you should never date a teacher’s assistant but he was just so sweet.




We were dating for about a month before it started to go downhill and I started to see his true colors.




He started to become very possessive and bossy. I lost a lot of my freedom and started to lose touch with all of my friends and family.




Than one day I had been doing some errands and I’d gotten home to see Brian sitting there on the couch. I remember it like it was just yesterday even though it all ended over a year ago.




Flashback…


“Why were you talking to that guy today?” he asked angrily, coming towards me.




I was a little taken aback by his rage and the scary look in his eyes.




“What guy?” I asked truthfully, having no idea what he was talking about.




“Don’t play dumb with me you whore, who was that guy that you were talking to at the grocery store?!” he screamed at me.




I was scared shitless and cowering in a corner from him as he towered half a foot over me at 5’ 10”.




I suddenly remembered the guy at the grocery store that had helped me pick up my things when one of the bags ripped. There truly was absolutely no flirting or anything of the sort there.




I tried to explain that to him but he just glared at me.



“You stupid bitch, why should I believe anything you say?!” he said as he stepped up and roughly grabbed my arm.




“Wh-what?” I asked terrified, his grip on my arm was starting to hurt like hell. That was so gonna bruise.




I just then realized something, how did he know that I was talking to that guy?




“Were you following me?”




“Yeah, you slut, I was, cause who knows what you’d do with the next guy that gave you a chance. I don’t know what guy would want you besides me though, you’re hardly worth anything,” he said chuckling menacingly.




“Fuck you,” I said quietly not looking at him.




“What did you just say you whore?!” he screamed as he grabbed my face harshly.




The next thing I knew he’d slapped me so hard that I literally fell to the floor from the force. I was in shock for about 3 seconds before he grabbed me and stood me up and did it again. All the time he was screaming degrading comments at me. That went on for a good 20 minutes. I was proud to say though that the whole time I didn’t let one tear slide down my cheek.




End Flashback


I tried to break things up with him but he’d asked me if I was sure about that since he was in control of my grades. I’d stuck with him and his abusive ways for awhile. When the class was over I moved and got a new number with the help of Cam and Trish.





When I graduated I left North Carolina and never looked back. That was a part of my life that I never wanted to revisit but it seemed that it wanted to see how I was doing. Insert serious face emoticon.




Four months of that mentally, physically, and sexually abusive relationship is enough. I was scared that he’d find me though. I was more than scared, I was horrified.




Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why?!




I was snapped out of my dazing as Cam snapped her finger in front of my face.




“Don’t worry, we won’t let him get anywhere near you, he’s not ever going to touch you ever
again,” she promised me.




“I’ll keep my promise if you can keep yours,” I told her seriously.




“Deal,” she said giving me a hug.




“Sooo, you wanna read what the note form lover boy says?” Trish asked referring to the note from Gabe, trying to break the seriousness of the moment.




I sighed, “Sure.”




I opened it and read it slowly. I couldn’t help but smile just a little at how sweet it was.





It said- I hope you realize that you are now my personal sleeping buddy. There are just a few confessions I want to well… confess to you.




Five Confessions from Gabe Saporta to Taylor


When you’re asleep I sniff your hair.
1. I love to wrap my arms around you and pull you as close to me as I can.
2. I love it when you lay your head on my chest.
3. I wonder if you realize that when I’m close to you my heart beat speeds up.
4. I fall asleep listening to your soft breathing. It’s like my own personal lullaby.
5. I’ve only known you for a few days but now I doubt that I would ever be able to sleep without you by my side.

If you decide you wanna talk, just know that I’ll always be here for you. I might sounds like a creep, I mean we hardly know each other. I just feel like I’ve known you forever. I really want another one of you hugs and if you give me one I’ll know that everything’s okay.


Love,

Your Gabe Saporta



I showed the girls and of course they awwwed over it for a good 15 minutes.



They told me that this guy was a sweetie and that I better snatch him up soon before someone else does. I just rolled my eyes at them. There was way too much drama going on right now and I did not need any boy drama added onto that pile.



And that’s exactly what I told them.



I thought everything over on the walk back to the tour buses with the girls.



It was already 3 and they had a show tonight.



We got back to see everyone just chilling around. It was around 90 degrees out, which was only to be expected in mid-June and everyone was on their buses trying to cool off in the air conditioning. They were trying to relax for the show that would be going on in a few hours.



I walked onto the bus to see Gabe with his geeky glasses on trying to do something with a song on his laptop as Patrick sat across from him. I guess they were producing something.



He had yet to notice that I’d walked onto the bus, too enraptured in what he was doing.



The bus was almost empty except for me, him, Patrick, Ryland who was sleeping on the couch, and Andy who was watching the Real World.



Trish had gone back to see Shaant and Gabby had went to go change into shorts.



I wonder when she’d notice the girl that has been clinging onto Joe Trohman’s arm when I glanced into the bus. There was obviously going to be some drama on the Fall Out Boy bus.



He still didn’t notice me as I slowly walked up behind him.



Patrick glanced up and saw me, I guess he knew what was going on with Gabe and me, or well, what wasn’t going on. I mean he was Patrick. Gabe pretty much told him everything. Patrick grinned and looked back down to the papers scattered around him.



Gabe was still looking at his lap top with this serious look on his face.



I came up behind him and suddenly gave him a side hug. He turned, surprised and noticed it was me and smiled this humongous grin.



He embraced me back tightly and stuck his face in my hair.




I guess he remembered what he’d said in the note.



We stayed that way for a few minutes before a pulled back to see a smiling Patrick.



I walked away and sat down next to Andy to watch the Real World.



Andy turned to me with this smirk on his face that made me wanna laugh.




I just rolled my eyes at him and turned my attention back to the T.V.



I sat there peacefully listening to the dramatic people on MTV as I heard beats and rhythms and sometimes quiet singing coming from Gabe and Patrick and their lap tops.



I was at complete peace at the moment. I felt happy and content. Everything was alright for now.



But how long would that last?



What was that one saying?



Oh. yeah.



The calm before the storm…