Stay responsible Gee...
I stared at my reflection for a moment longer before running the cold tap and splashing water on my face. That usually worked when I was sleepy for work, but it failed this time. It only made me shiver with cold and bury my face into the warm towel hanging beside the sink. I felt as if I could fall asleep right then and there, but having suffered from insomnia as a teenager I knew feeling tired just wasn’t enough.
A floorboard creaked from down the hall and I knew Frank was awake. I listened to him walking down the stairs and I released a string of obscenities into the towel. I didn’t want him seeing me like this, it would probably give him a heart attack. Zombies were not good on the nerves first thing in the morning.
It didn’t take my sleep deprived brain long to realize it was mean to leave him down stairs all on his own after he'd had such a rough night. I dropped the towel onto the radiator and brushed my teeth quickly, did as much as I could to make my hair presentable and then made my way out of the bathroom. I grabbed a t - shirt on my way down the stairs, pulling it over my naked torso and hoping my jeans weren’t too creased after having been slept in. I would change them after breakfast, but first things first - coffee.
"Oh. Morning Gee." Frank smiled at me as I entered the kitchen and I saw him standing with two mugs of coffee in his hands. For a second I wondered who else was here, but then the second mug was handed to me and I mentally slapped myself for being so stupid. I smiled at him and muttered thanks before gulping down a generous amount of the delicious liquid.
"I was just about to see if you were awake." Frank said quietly and I lowered my mug, licking my lips with content. "You look like shit by the way." Frank added casually, taking a sip of his own coffee. I stared at him in surprise. It was no secret that I looked like a member of the living dead right now, but he didn’t have to tell me that. Frank saw the look on my face and giggled.
"Sorry, it just looks like you didn’t get much sleep last night. I guess that was probably my fault..." He looked away miserably and I shook my head.
"It wasn’t. I was just... I mean, sometimes I suffer from insomnia. Its no ones fault." It wasn’t entirely a lie, besides it seemed to make Frank feel better and he smiled at me.
"Oh. I didn’t realize. Is that how you heard me last night?" He asked, blushing a little as he realized how it sounded. I chuckled lightly and nodded.
"Yeah. I was worried, I thought something had happened. I was relieved when it turned out only to be a dream." Then I blushed as I realized how that had sounded. "I mean, I'm not saying it’s not bad or anything, its just it would have been worse if... ya' know... I mean -" I was stumbling over my words and Frank’s laughter dragged me out of it like sun dragging vampires from the darkness. I had feeling this could kill me too.
"Its okay, I get what you mean." He grinned. I smiled and drank some more of my coffee just so that I didn’t have to say anything. We stood in a comfortable silence for a while before Frank spoke again.
"Well... thanks, for last night I mean. I've never been able to sleep after one of the nightmares before, but last night I did. I think it was because you were there. When I'm around you I just... feel safe." Frank blushed again, a light pink that dusted his cheeks and neck. He was adorable; I couldn’t help but think it. I tried to convince myself I meant it in a brotherly way, like I would with Mikey. But deep down I knew I didn’t. I just didn’t want to believe it.
"Frank, last night - you went to say something..." I cut myself short; I didn’t know why I had said it. Frank had been practically sleep talking; he probably didn’t remember saying anything. And even if he did he probably didn’t know how he was going to finish it. I shouldn’t have mentioned it, there was no point - no good would come out of it.
I looked away from Frank who had looked at me with wide eyes, the deep hazel eyes of a person who had been forced to grow up quickly. Who had had their innocence stripped away from them in the cruelest of ways. I felt my stomach churning and twisting in knots. It wasn’t right to feel things for Frank, not only because he was younger than me and I was his teacher. But because of the things that his father had done to him. It wasn’t fair on him to think of him the way I sometimes couldn’t help but do.
"Gerard?" His voice drew my eyes back to him and I resisted the urge to run away, he was looking at me as if he knew everything about me. All the things I thought, not just about him, but about everything in life. I felt as if he could look into my soul.
"Y - Yeah?" I stuttered, clutching the coffee mug so tightly the tendons in my hands were sticking up. Frank looked down at the floor and fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously.
"What were you going to say... about last night?" He asked. There was a long pause as I stared at him, and he stared at the floor. An understanding seemed to be in the air, waiting like static to shock us both. I didn’t know what would happen when I asked him what I was going to, but I knew it would be something more than just a simple answer.
"Last night... you said something to me, but you never got to finish it. I was just wondering what you had been going to say." I said quietly, trying to sound as casual as possible. Frank didn’t look up at me, he didn’t say anything, he just continued to mess with the hem of his shirt.
"If you can’t remember it doesn’t matter." I added.
"I remember." Frank shot back, so quickly it shocked me. He was trembling a little, but he didn’t seem afraid. It was like he was having an internal battle. I waited, my body tense. Time seemed to have gone into slow motion, neither of us did anything. We just stood , not looking at each other, as time dragged by. I was beginning to wonder if Frank was going to say anything more when he looked up at me with a nervous expression.
"I was going to tell you that... that I... that I..." He stopped and passed his tongue over his bottom lip, tears brimming in his eyes as he tried to get the words out. "It was easy when I was almost asleep." He laughed nervously and I felt my heart rate increase. I was sure I knew what he was going to say but I refused to say it myself incase I was wrong. Frank took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, preparing himself.
"I was going to say -" He said with finality. "That I think I love..." He paused, his hands were shaking as they clutched the bottom of his shirt and he looked down at the floor, I could practically feel his fear of rejection.
"Y - You... I was going to say that I think I love you." He breathed out with relief at finally saying the words and looked at me with worried eyes. The force of his words hit me like a wrecking ball and I didn’t feel tired anymore. I didn’t know how to react. I had expected this and yet it was still a shock to hear it. A million thoughts ran through my head. I was his teacher. He was my student. He had been abused. I was seven years older than him. We were both male. There were so many people who would never accept us if we became an item. What would the school do if they knew? What about the police? Did this change anything to do with the case, even if it was over?
"Gerard?" I was pulled back into the real world by Frank’s timid voice and I stared at him in surprise. He was crying a little, trembling as he gave me a pleading look. "Please say something." He begged. I didn’t know what to say. I was fighting with myself, I knew this was wrong and I had to stop it before it even began. If I wanted to keep my job, if I wanted life to stay as simple as possible I had to reject Frank. But how could I? When he was looking at me like that, so afraid that the one person he had grown to trust was going to push him away. How could I when I wondered if I felt the same way.
"Frankie..." My voice was quiet and I saw the pain in Frank’s eyes.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything." He whispered, putting his mug down and walking out of the kitchen. I stood paralyzed to the spot as he passed me, his arm brushing accidentally against mine. I closed my eyes as pain settled in my stomach. I heard a quiet sob escape Franks lips as he left the kitchen, and it took me all of three seconds to realize I couldn’t let this happen. I dropped my mug onto the work top and dashed out of the kitchen, seeing Frank disappear into the hallway I followed him at a jog. Reaching out as soon as I was close enough and grabbing his arm.
"Frankie waits!" I cried, spinning him round to face me. He opened his mouth to speak but I didn’t give him the chance, wrapping one arm securely round his waist I pressed my free hand to the back of his hand and crashed my lips down onto his. A gasp escaped his mouth into mine and I pulled him close to me, my lips motionless against his, waiting for his reaction. It didn’t take long until I got one, his arms wrapped tight around my neck and he stood on tiptoes so that he could cover my lips more securely with his, working his lips softly against mine. I ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face and twisting it around my fingers. My other hand was pressed into the small of his back, keeping him tight against my chest as I kissed him. His lips were soft and hot, his mouth sweet. I had never felt anything so divine as kissing Frankie, and I never wanted to stop. In that moment I didn’t care what the rest of the world thought, I didn’t care that for the past few months I had spent everyday convincing myself that what I felt for the teenager in my arms was nothing more than friendship. I just didn’t care about anything except for Frank and the way he was holding my face in his hands, kissing me with more ferocity and passion the longer we stayed secured by the mouths.
I pulled away first, breathing deeply and staring at Frank in slight surprise. I didn’t know who I was more shocked over, myself or him. His cheeks were flushed and his lips parted, his tears already drying on his cheeks. I kept him in my arms and he slid his hands down my neck to my shoulders, searching my eyes with his.
"Frankie, this is wrong, you know that right?" I asked. Frank bit his bottom lip and looked away for a moment, but then he looked at me again and smiled.
"Only until I leave school. And then its fine, because I wont be your student anymore, and the rest of the world can kiss my ass." He grinned. I sighed and smiled a little. I hadn’t just meant the fact I was his teacher but I didn’t have time to point this out as he leaned closer to me again.
"But you can kiss this." And then his lips were on mine once more, and I stopped thinking altogether. Just one more kiss I told myself. And then we would have to talk about this.
A/N: Woo! The frerard has begun =P I wasn’t sure if I should put it in this chapter or leave it a little longer, but I was getting impatient and I know some of you guys were too - so review and lemme know I didn’t do bad smiles hopefully
Thank you all so much for all your reviews and rates so far, they are my addiction :]