"Amy.. Aamy.. Amy, wake up!" someone yells. At least, I'm pretty sure those words were being yelled. In my ear. But they sound so far away..
"Maybe she's dead?"
"She has a pulse, silly. You can see it on her wrist," someone else says. I beg God that they go away and let me sleep.
"Oh. Dude, that's so flippin' sweet!"
"Yeah. Plus she's breathing, smart one." OK, I'm pretty sure that was Maggie.
"Whatever. We're gonna be late!"
Hm...late. Late for what?
"Come on, can't we just go without her?" That was definitely Taylor.
"You're serious? Go without our lead singer? You're so totally on something, Tay," came Jeremy's voice. Oh no.. I'm recognizing voices. Which means I'm waking up. No no no, don't wake up, Amy, DON'T WAKE UP!
"Cmon. Cajooguys.." I yawned. "Gowakezomeonelssup!"
"Wow.. That so wasn't a language, Amy," Maggie says. I groan and roll over to find all my friends crowded in my dinky little room.
"Why's everyone in here?" I ask groggily.
"Wow, Amy, you're seriously out of it. Come on, come on, come on! Get in the shower," Taylor says, pulling me up and forcing me into the bathroom.
"But.. why? What time is it?" I ask as I stripped off my pajama bottoms and shirt.
"It's almost two o'clock, dipshit," she says, pushing me into the shower and turning the cold water on full blast.
"OH MY GOD!" I scream, moving as far back away from the shower head. "Turn it off, turn it off!"
"Ugh, fine. But you better hurry, cumquat, or else we're gonna be late," she says and walks out of the bathroom.
"Hey Taylor!" I call. She pops her head back in.
"Will you cum in my quat?" I giggle.
"Of course, dawling, of course," and she walks out again.
I shower quickly, shave a few places on my body, and then hop out and grab a towel, wrapping it around my body. I walk out into the hallway and hear everyone in the livingroom. Good, I think. I walk into my room, shut and lock the door (because Jeremy has a thing for walking in and seeing girls change) and then throw on my pair of faded purple skinny jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and a jacket. I grab a pair of socks and walk out into the other room.
"Hey guys, have you seen my-"
"They're by the door, Amy," Maggie says, distracted by Jeremy's shirtless body.
"Thanks. Jeremy, for the love of God, put a freaking shirt on!" I say, pulling on my blue converse.
"Yeah yeah, whatever you say sexy," and he throws on a shirt from the floor that (most likely) hasn't been washed in a week.
"OK, you guys ready?" I ask, putting my cell phone in my pocket, my driver's license in my back pocket, and grabbing the house keys.
"Yep!" a chorus of voices answer. I smile.
"Let's go!" I say, imitating Super Mario's voice. Taylor laughs and Connor rolls his eyes, and then we all pile into the car.
"Hey guys, we should stop and get some food," I say, patting my stomach. It gurgles in response. "My poor baby is feeling neglected!"
"Sure thing, Amy," Maggie says. She's the driver, since she takes the most care. I'm a worried driver, Jeremy doesn't even have his permit yet, Connor is too chicken to even try even though he's got his license, and Taylor goes all over the road sometimes. But it's all good, because Maggie likes feeling special.
Five minutes pass before Taylor yells, "Jack In The Box! Right there!" and Maggie pulls in to the drive-thru. "Hurryyyyyy," Taylor begs the car in front of us. Man, this person is taking for forever! Obviously Taylor is getting impatient, and sure enough she unbuckles her seat belt, leans forward, and honks the horn nice and long a few times. The person in the passenger's seat rolls down their window and gives us the bird. She honks a few more times and then they pull forward.
"Victory," Taylor sighs, licking her lips and rubbing her belly. "Man, I can just taste those fucking curly fries right now, Maggie."
Hello, how may I take your order?" this thick Mexican accent drawls from the speaker box. Taylor frowns.
"Why do they always work at Jack In The Box?" she whispers. I shrug.
"Yes, I'd like two orders of curly fries, two chocolate shakes, three strawberry shakes, three chicken sandwiches, and a taco," Maggie orders.
"Would you like hot sauce with that taco?" the girl asks. I look at the screen, noticing that there's a mistake.
"Um, didn't we order two curly fries, not four?" I ask Maggie.
"Oh my fucking God," she says under her breath. "Look, I ordered two orders of curly fries."
"My mistake," the girl says, taking two off. Taylor groans.
"Yeah, you better be fucking sorry you stupid fucking bea-"
"Taylor!" I gasp, trying not to laugh. "Don't say that, not when she can hear you. They'll like, kick us out of here or something!"
"That'll be $17.69 at the window, please," the girl says and we pull up.
"I love how there's always a sixty-nine in the prices here," Taylor says, wiggling her eyebrows. I laugh.
"Jeez Taylor, why do you always have to be so dirty?" Jeremy jokes.
"Hm.. I dunno. I guess my girlfriend brings it out of me," she says, and then sighs. "Amy, can I use your cell pho-"
"No. Last time I lost it. This time it's staying right in my pocket.." I trail off, not feeling it in my pocket where I put it. "Shit. Has anyone seen my-"
"Here," Jeremy says.
"Why did you have it," I ask, checking it over for any signs of sexual harrassment. Poor device.
"Because I was taking dirty pictures of my pe-"
"OK!" Taylor interrupts as the girl who took our order slides open the window. "Lesbian who doesn't like boys here!" We all laugh as the girl hands Maggie the food. She hands it all back to us, and I take a big sip of my delicious strawberry shake.
"Yum," I moan. Jeremy laughs and Connor rolls his eyes again.
"Amy, its just a strawberry shake. Not a fucking orgasm," Connor says, taking a sip of his chocolate one. I squint at him.
"Oh, so I'm not allowed to moan now?"
"Nope!" Maggie says as we drive off again.
"Gr, fine," I pout, crossing my arms.
"Here's your taco, Amy," Jeremy says, throwing it at me. I nearly almost drop it.
"You know, Amy.. I think it's funny that I'm the lesbian, yet you're the only one that eats tacos. Are you in denial?" Taylor asks, raising her right brow. I giggle with a stuffed mouth.
"Shut up. I'm not the one that makes the dirty jokes and eats Jennifer ou-"
"Enough! I'm eating, and driving, and I don't want to throw up all over you," Maggie says, glaring at us in the rear view mirror. Taylor and I giggle and return to our food
"Look, there it is!" I yell in excitement.
A club with the words BERNIES OUT HOUSE in big letters greets us when we pull into the parking lot.
"Wow. Never seen this before," Jeremy says, hopping out and popping the trunk.
"Yeah, me neither," Connor says, helping him unload the guitars.
"Are we doing an acoustic then?" I ask, grabbing my beautiful tiger-striped Indiana acoustic/electric guitar.
"I don't know.. but my penis senses are tingling," Jeremy says, adjusting himself.
"What the fuck?" Taylor says, backing away from him.
"Don't look at me like that, Taylor, because if you were a guy you'd do it too," he says.
"But I'm not a guy," she points out, running a hand over her chest and puffing it out.
"You guys, seriously," Maggie says, pulling her bagged up piano out of the trunk. It's a big trunk. "We need to focus on what we came here to do. Yes, we're doing an acoustic, hence the reason Jeremy's drums aren't here."
"Yeah Jeremy, stop masturbating and get focused!" Taylor says, holding her black acoustic bass.
"You know, you really should take that sticker off," Maggie says, pointing to the Fuck Mexico! sticker on the front.
"And why would I do that?" she asks, running a hand down the bass neck. "It's so totally awesome."
"Whatever. But when you get shot one day, don't come crying to me!" Maggie says and walks away. I follow her, and one by one we're all standing on the inside of the club, taking in the scene around us. We stood there for about a minute or so before this bouncer guy walks up to us.
"Are you The Infamous Crime?"
"Yes we are," Maggie says, holding out her hand. He shakes it.
"Right this way, then. Mr. Brian is waiting for you."
We follow the guy to the VIP section, where Brian is waiting for us. He stands up, whispers something to the bouncer, and he walks off.
"Hello there, you must be TIC!" he says all enthusiastically.
"Hi, how are you?" I ask, taking my position as the talker. We shake hands.
"I'm terrific, now that I'm meeting you. Oh please, please, have a seat," he tells us and takes one himself. I look at the others and sit.
"So.. are we suppose to play for you?" Taylor asks, motioning towards our instruments.
"Oh, no, no. I just wanted to talk to you," Brian says, waving his hand.
"Oh, I see. Jeremy said that someone called him, saying we were supposed to play for you," Maggie says, shooting a sideways glare at Jeremy, who reaches a hand up and scratches the back of his head.
"Well, maybe if we have time you can play me your hit single," Brian say, chuckling. Maggie blushes.
"We're all ears, Mr.." I trail off, realizing that he hasn't said his full name yet.
"Oh, just call me Brian, honey," he smiles. I raise a brow.
"You'll get used to it. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm very.. interested.. in your music."
I smile. "Really? Have you seen us play, then?" He nods.
"Actually, I was at your show a few days ago, and I loved it. So I called up the head technician at Reprise Records, the record company I work with, and Dakota called you yesterday, I presume?"
"Oh, so that's why Jeremy.. I totally get it," I say, feeling a little better and not so stupid. Or mad at Jeremy. I hear him sigh in relief, and Maggie pats his leg.
"Sorry Jeremy. It's just.. well, you've done this before."
"Yeah I know, but I didn't do it on purpose this time," he says, smiling a little.
"I'm sorry you guys got the wrong message. But it's all good, it's all good. At least you're here, right?"
"Yup, glad to be here too, Brian," I say, smiling. "So what are we here to talk about?"
Brian leans his chin on his hands, and seems to be in deep thought for a few minutes. I just sit there and wait until he's ready to talk about whatever he's thinking about. Apparently he's like, a big-shot record guy? I dunno. But I got that impression from him. Then he sits back up all the way and smiles.
"What do you guys think of going on tour with one of the bands I'm working with?" he asks, and we all go completely silent.
"That would be freaking amazing!" Jeremy says enthusiastically. I giggle, Taylor is just sitting there with wide eyes, Connor is biting his lip, and Maggie is smiling like a mad woman.
"The only problem is, I'm not sure if you can handle them," Brian says with this real serious look. I swallow and look him straight in the eyes.
"And why wouldn't we be able to handle them?" I ask.
"Well.. the guys can be a bit.. immature?"
"Immature as in how? Like 'boobies-gone-wild' immature or..?" Someone clears their throat. I swallow again. "Look Brian, I don't see how this is going to work if we keep taking dramatic pauses," I say, leaning back in my chair.
"I'm sorry, Amy. I'll get straight to the point, I promise, OK?" he smiles.
"Alright, but you better make it quick. My fingers are itching to touch my guitar," I joke, which makes him and the rest of the band laugh. I smile. "So I'm thinking maybe we should introduce ourselves a little better?"
"Sure thing, honey," Brian says, leaning back in his chair.
"Well, I'm Amy Revenge, this here is Taylor McKracky, Connor Constantine, Jeremy Fiddle-Sticks, and Mag Pie." They all say 'hello' and 'sup dawg' and Brian shakes each one of their hands.
"Well then, it's nice to meet you all. I'm Brian, just Brian."
"So Brian, tell us what's up. We're a little.. groggy," I say.
"Ha, you mean you're groggy Amy, waking up like an hour ago," Taylor smirks. I lightly punch her arm.
"Shut up, Taylor. Anyway Brian, care to tell us more about this touring business?"
"Of course. Well, the band you'll be touring with is an all-guy band. They're pretty famous right now, actually, so you'll be opening up for a lot of shows."
"You'll be touring all over the U.S., and when that's done, depending on how well the crowds like your band, you can possible tour Europe. Oh, and if the guys like you, too. But I'm sure they will," he adds quickly. I smile.
"That sounds pretty cool. Anything else? Anything special or in particular you wanna add? Like who the band is?"
"I'll get to that in a minute. I want you to know that you don't have to sign anything with the record company yet, until you're absolutely ready. I've tried this method a thousand times and it's worked for me so far."
"That's real nice, we appreciate it," I say sincerely.
"So," says Taylor. "Who's this famous band we're touring with?"
"My Chemical Romance."
My eyes widen. My Chemical Romance? This has to be a cruel joke. I hear Taylor chokes on laughter, Maggie groans, Jeremy giggles (he's actually the only one who enjoys listening to them at times) and Connor rolls his eyes, I'm sure. That's like his signature face.
"Is there a problem?" Brian asks, leaning in. I swallow again and breathe.
"Nope, no problem whatsoever, Brian. It's all good. So when do we meet them?" I ask, dreading this already.
"You can meet them next week, when they come to get the new bus. I hope you like it, it's bigger than most of our buses."
"Wait, what do you mean..?" I stared at him. "You don't mean what I think you mean, do you?"
"Yes, Amy. You'll be sharing a bus with My Chemical Romance for about six months. Can you handle that?" His eyes were full of concern.
I swallow and look at the rest of them. "Sure we can. Right guys?"
"Oh of course-"
"Fuck me in the asshole on Tuesday-"
"See Brian? We can totally handle it. So do you still want us to play?"
"No, actually I have to get going. I still have to make sure the bus is equipped with the right emergency things, the beds, the bathroom works just right, everything. So I'll be contacting you next Tuesday?"
"Yeah sure. Where do we meet them?"
"The Ramada Inn on Cactus by the I-17."
"Alright. What time?" Maggie asks.
"Oh around.. Hm.. I'd say around 4-ish. That OK?"
"Of course," I say, smiling, trying to look convincing. It works.
"Alright. See you then, guys." And Brian walks out. We all groan and slump in our chairs, then stand up and grab our things and head out to the car.
"Wow. I can't believe we carried these things in for nothing. I mean seriously, he could have at least let us play," grumbles Taylor.
"Tay, take a chill pill. He was busy, you know that. And quite honestly, I don't think I could handle singing for Brian at the moment. Not after what just happened," I say with a sigh.
"Yeah.. I mean can you believe this is happening?! US. On TOUR. With the craziest, most famous EMO band of all time!" Taylor jokes. Jeremy coughs and looks at her as we all pile into the car.
"They are so not emo, Taylor. They just get that label because they dress like you."
"Ooh, burn!" we all say, except Taylor who glares at Jeremy. He smiles.
"I am so not emo, Jeremy."
"Sure, honey. We all know the truth," he says and then turns the radio on. Ironically, My Chemical Romance's song "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" is playing. Just great.
"Taylor?" I ask later, as we're getting ready for bed.
"Why? I mean- Oh! Come on, Amy, cheer up! At least now you get to see men with their clothes half off."
"Wow Taylor, you would think about that. But no, that's not a good thing at all. I think the only good thing is that there's a slight chance I might finally go crazy."
"That's a good thing? You need sleep, Amy."
"Yeah. I do." I kick my clothes into my closet, shut the door, and climb into my bed. "Wake me up when this month ends."
"Dude.. you know what?"
"It's September." Taylor cracks up laughing, earning a few yells of 'shut up!' from the living room.
"Wow. Well then, Taylor. Wake me up when September ends."
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