Finally the principal came over the intercom again saying that all seniors could go home but as for the other grades they should proceed to their classes. Though every one was confused, no one complained, DUH. I ran up to Gerard and Mikey when I saw them both standing by Gerard's locker. Mikey looked as if he was going to puke. I felt bad for the poor kid, all he wanted was a normal year, and this happens. Yet, no one knew what "this" was. Gerard says that one of the students killed them selves and they were in our grade so that's why they let us go home. I say some thing happened to one of out teachers, and that the wouldn't just cancel the rest of school for seniors for a kid. It wasn't a long debate considering we both agreed it was most likely based on suicide.
When I got home, my step dad was sitting at the table reading the news paper.
"what the fuck are you doing home" he asked with rage in his eyes
"school was canceled, well sort of. There was an incident"
"oh so you think I'm stupid? I know what your pulling, your ditching again. didn't think I'd be home, well guess what, I got laid off!" his voice thundered, I giggled a little inside, thinking that when my mom finds out she'll surely dump his ass.
"No. No. NO! im not ditching again" he was all in my face now and I could smell the liquor on his breathe
"we told you! The next time you ditched you we done!" he started to get louder
"what does done mean"
"ohh we have a little smart ass on our hands now do we?" he asked the slapped me knocking her down to the ground. Then picking me up by the hair threw me out the door, yelling through the screen he yelled "maybe this'll teach you to think before you speak" and slammed the door
I ran and ran holding my face sobbing. Every one who passed me was staring, it was extremely embarrassing. Finally I had reached the park, my favorite place to be alone. I immediately walked over to "my bench". And every one knew it was my bench, when people were sitting there, they would move so I could sit there in piece. It was really very nice. As soon as I sat down I was drown in my thought. Thoughts of suicide mostly, others of how my mother a fine woman could marry some scum like him without me even meeting the man first. As time went by I got angrier and angrier, and the bridge over the little pond was getting even more tempting to jump off of. Through my attempts I couldn't bring myself to walk over and jump. I didn't know what though. Then I thought about the good things in my life and they were scarce. I realized the only reason I lived was because of Gerard. For about an hour all I could think about was him, memories, fights, debates, making fun of people together (wait no that was mostly me, he just watched), how he talked me out of soo much shit. I soon became clear that my feelings for him were more than the feelings I have for my self. It was the first time I had ever felt such things for one person, not even my mom.
Cheering up I jumped up and rushed to his house, to tell him. I ran and I ran, apparently he lived farther than I thought. When I finally got to his house, I remembered I had nothing to say. I don't want to ruin the friendship. Ughhhhhh I thought I was going to puke, then all of a sudden the door opened and some girl from my home room was walking out of the house.
"See you tomorrow Gerard" she said turning around back to the open door to blow a kiss to him. I was crushed. I decided to walk in anyway.
"Hey Steph did you close the door?" he yell from the kitchen
"oh I closed it all right, and who the fuck is 'Steph'?" I yelled back I couldn't believe how jealous I was getting
"oh hey Jackie" he said walking out to the living room with a sandwich in hand
"Hey" I sneered back
"what's your problem" he asked with a bite of the sandwich in his mouth
"don't play dumb. Who the fuck is Steph, and why was she here?"
"oh really, thanks for telling me some best friend you are" I said grabbing the door preparing to storm out
"What's your problem?"
"you, I cant believe you wouldn't tell me something like that. Let alone go for a girl like her, she looks like a whore"
"what are you talking about, she was wearing pants and a T-shirt, are you jealous" he asked with his mouth full again. How I wish he would choke right now!
"Fuck YOU!" was all I could think to say before I ran out the door holding back tears.
I found my self back at the park, back in my special spot, and back to my suicidal thoughts. I couldn't believe I was crying over this. I knew it wasn't going to last. But the thought of him doing...stuff...with/ to her...gave me chills. Besides, it might as well last forever, if those are the kind of girls he's into what hope is there for me?