I pulled back the lace curtain that hung in Mikey's old bedroom window. Gerard stood, looking up at the house. His eyes were bloodshot and his lip quivered. I felt tears begin to tumble down my face. I placed my hand on the cold window pane. My other hand was placed protectively over my stomach and baby kicked hesitantly under my palm. Gee looked up at me hopefully but I shook my head and let the curtain drop from my grasp.
I turned in the small room and collapsed onto the bed. My hands were soar and my head was pounding from falling on the ground at Mikey's. I wasn't sure if I could ever forgive Bob or Gerard for what they had done. Of course they done it to protect me, but hurting him? They shouldn't have bothered. He's not worth it. I cradled my stomach and there was a knock on the door. Donna came in, a tray carrying coffee in her hands. “Thought you could do with a drink.” She passed me a mug and I began to cry again. “It's all-right dear. Its all going to be okay. I promise.” She cradled me in her arms and rocked me backwards and forwards. I felt so safe around her, just like I did around Gerard and Bob. “I, I love him, I, I really, really do. But I, I...” I stuttered through my sobs. Donna rubbed my hair comfortingly. “I cant let him do something like that to me.” I pulled myself together a little and rubbed the tears from under my eyes. “I'm sorry Donna, I shouldn't have put all this on you. You just kicked you eldest son out. I'll leave in the morning, if you could just let me gather my stuff together. I'll be gone before you wake up, I promise.” Donna pulled on my wrist as I slid from the bed and pulled on the door knob. “Your going nowhere. Its not your fault what's happened. Gerard should have been more considerate. He knew this would have complications. You've been more a daughter to me today than he has a son. Believe me. I want you to stay here, for as long as you need.” Relief flooded me, 8 months pregnant and walking the streets on America. Not exactly what I'd had in mind moving out here. But then neither had been sleeping with a man twice my age or loosing my brother to lies and deceit. Staying here with Donna really was my only choice. “Thank you Donna, I'll do anything for you. Thank you.” I grabbed her in a hug and I felt tears in my hair as Donna began to sob.
I stumbled slowly down the stairs. Ellie came out from the living room and lent against the door-frame. Her eyes were bloodshot and I collapsed into her arms. “Oh Ellie,” our sobs entwined. “I'm so sorry Kat. I should have told you last night Simon was here, but, Bob said he just wanted Gerard. I'm sorry.” I pulled back from her arms. She'd known? Why hadn't she told me? Did she really thin I was that thick? “You knew? You knew he was here?” She nodded slowly, I heard her breath quicken and the muscles in her arms became tense as they loosened around my back. “Bob told me not to tell you. I didn't mean to hurt you Kat, but I didn't want you to get upset either.”
“You knew and didn't tell me? I cant believe this. You knew how worried I've been about Si and you just ignore the fact that he's here. Do you hate him that much? Did you know he was coming here?” My voice became tight and my tone changed.
“Kat! Will you stop being the victim in this please!?! Don't you understand? We only kept it from you to protect you. Simon's a selfish idiot, the only reason he came was to get the money. He was really harsh on Bob and Gerard. He told them if they didn't give him the money he'd take the baby from you. He said he'd tell your mum. Gerard and Bob only paid him to stay away so that he'd be out of your lives. He could ruin you Kat. Gerard is just trying to protect you and so am I.” I slumped against the wall, all fight had left me and I was powerless.
“I'm sorry Ell. Really, sorry. I've messed everything up. You, Bob, Gerard. Everything's ruined.”
“Well maybe you should look at the other side next time. Before you start breaking hearts.”
Ellie left me in the hallway. She switched off the light as she left. I was left in complete darkness. Alone in the silence. I heard Ellie's sobs in the next room and heard Will comforting her. I was jealous. He would stand by her no matter what, as Gerard would I, or I hoped he would anyhow. And unlike me, Ellie would let him. She wouldn't get upset or hate him for it.
But now I thought about it. I didn't hate Gerard for what he'd done. I hated Simon for making Gerard do what he'd done. Gerard would not act unprovoked, and god, Simon was enough to provoke him if nobody else.
I pulled myself up from the ground and felt the wall for the banister. I grasped it and gently made my way downstairs to the basement. I switched on the lamp beside the bed and the room was dimly lit. The bed lay unmade, Gee's clothes lay on the floor amidst my own.
My cell phone read 8 new texts. All bar two from Gerard. I skipped over Gerard's 6, one was from Bob,
Sorry Kat, Not Gerard's fault, was all mine.
Love you B xxx
I skipped back into my inbox, under Bobs message was a message from Trace. We hadn't spoken since the tour. He was staying with his family in LA and I wasn't expecting to see him until the regroup.
Hows everything going?
Baby okay? Every thing's amazing here.
Can't wait to see you, missing you so much
feels like I'm not all here without you around,
TB if you can, ly Trace xxx
I sat on the messy bed, staring,shocked, at the phone. I flicked over to my contacts and found Trace's number. I hit the tiny dial key and held the phone to my ear. “Hey Trace, it's me”