Teach me to love.
The water flows freely up the river. Her longing to put her feet in, is rejected. She didn't have much time to do so. The first day back to school had her nerves bundled ever so tightly as she calms herself, by writing in her book. Nothing special is ever written, mostly prayers and thoughts about the rural scenery.
There's not much life on her side of town. Mostly grass, and dirt roads, and her favorite place, the river. The baby blue sky was coming to life, as the sun began to rise. Not enough, to warm her fragile body up, but enough to no longer need a flashlight to see her notebook. With a slender finger, she reaches out and touches the smooth surfaces of peaches that began to grow on the trees. She carefully picked it off and put it in her hands, a memory filling her mind as she tries to smile, of the time when her mother used to pick the peaches off her tree and make her favorite peach cobbler. If she focused real hard, she could still smell the sweet scent of the treat.
"Miss you, mama. Hope heaven's treating you good." She whispers into the sky, and puts the peach in her lap. Her brown long hair curtains down her face, as she tucks it behind her ears.
A childhood isn't quite the same without a mother being there. She only knew what is was like for 5 years, then it disappeared. And that was the last time she ever got a hug from someone, it was her own territory, that she refused to let anyone come near. Her tolerance for personal space was very high to most people,. With alittle time to kill, she closes her eyes and feels the soft breeze move all around her. The trees are swaying, and she loved the summer weather. The hot sun, and blistering heat was the most incredible thing ever to her, winter on the other hand was simply unknown.
There were so many things to do in the summer, in the winter you had to wear coats,and your skin was constantly covered in goosebumps, and snow was just ghastly in her opinion. She was different, and she came to terms long ago, to accept it. She didn't use excuses or reasons why out of all the people in the universe, she is the outsider to all.
"DESIRAE![des-er-a]" Her father's voice echoed, and she dropped her notebook from the sound. She panicked and carefully used her hands to shovel the dirt up, and stuck her notebook in the hole, then pushed the dirt back on it. Padding her hands to keep it even and unnoticed. She swifted her skirt and ran back to the house with speed.
"Desirae!" Her father called again, she ran up the back steps, only to meet her father's evil glaring eyes.
"What in God's green earth are you doing? I called you more than three times, girl." He yanked her wrist and she whimpered.
"I'm sorry daddy, I thought I heard strange noises, and I got scared." She said meekly
"Well go on, and get ready for school, I don't have time for your damn non-sense, ya hear?" he let go and pushed her small frame away from him.
"Now go!" He ordered, and she instantly obeyed and ran inside and into her room. Grabbing all her things, and taking extra time to make sure her cotton dress covered the purple bruises that decorated her ivory skin. Wincing, as the one on her left wrist began to form, from the incident that occured only moments ago.
"It'll go away, soon." She whispered to herself as she ran the brush once last time down her hair. When everything was complete, she grabbed her school bag and headed for the door, not daring to say goodbye to her father. She headed down the road till she saw the small bus stop. Only several kids were standing.
"You can do this, be strong." She kept repeating as she sat on the seat of the bus, despite the stares she received from several kids. Her eyes remained down as the bus began to move and she smiled inside as it pulled further and further away from her home. Desperately wishing she would get through the day all in one piece....
Desirae sighed as she walked the crowded hallways of the highschool. Her classes weren't exactly welcoming her with open arms. No one was talking to her, and she knew why. It was an obvious question. Nobody wanted to be friends with the poor outcast of New Jersey, the one who was considered a danger to the perfect lives of it's residence. She turned the corner only to bump chests with a blonde haired girl, who glared as both of their books went flying.
"Watch where your going, loser." She hissed as she grabbed her books and walked off without another word. Desirae sighed as she reached for her books.
"Don't pay no mind, to Mary, she's like that with everyone." Desirae lifted her head to see a slender girl looking down on her with black hair and green eyes. Her skin was a soft tan color.
"I'm Lisa." She held out her hand, Desirae cautiously took it.
"Well I'm gonna be meeting my friend and sister for lunch, would ya like to join?"
"I wouldn't wanna impose, I-"
"Don't be silly, come on." She pulled her up and they walked towards the doors that led to the small courtyard, still in disbelief that someone was actually speaking to her. They reached the table where two girls were sitting and laughing.
"And I told him, 'What kind of girl do you think I am? A floozy?" The girl with the ponytail exclaimed.
"Teresa? Kimberlee? I have a new friend I'd like you to meet." Lisa said softly.
"Oh hello." The two girls waved.
"Hi, I'm desirae." She said shyly.
"How did you come across a creature like Lisa? She's a hazzard to the world." Teresa mocked.
"I'm gon' ignore you, and hope God don't punish you for teasing me like you always do."
"That's my sister." Lisa smiled.
"Take a seat." Kimberlee offered, and Desirae smiled as she sat down and began to know the girls alittle better. She listened to the awkward conversations that took place, and laughed when it was appropriate. She had found three friends, and that was her very first time meeting more than one nice person.
God must've looked out for her today. She made a mental note to pray twice tonight when she got home. Desirae looked around the school and observed the actions of her peers.
One small group caught her attention, five boys talking to eachother, far away from everyone else. The first boy had short brown hair, and glasses. The second boy had black hair with green eyes, while the other boy had more hair than the rest of the students. His average body covered by a button up shirt, with suspenders and black slacks. The blonde boy had muscle to him, alittle larger than the other boys. The other boy with raven black hair and gorgeous hazel eyes that twinkled with perfection as he laughed. She couldn't stop herself from staring as all of them were rather very good looking.
"Lisa? Who those' boys over there?" She motioned across the way from her. Lisa just shrugged.
"They're sorta the outsiders here, they like to be seperated from everyone else. See those two boys over there? That's Gerard and Mikey Way. They're brothers who were born to Donna and Donald Way, well known church goers. The next boy is Franklin Iero, but I hear he likes to be called Frank. His mother is Linda Iero, my mama works with her at the hospital sometimes. The other boy is Ray Toro, his father is in the war, I hear. He don't like to talk about it much, and the last boy is Bob Bryar, I don't know much about him. No one does, he's a mystery to all, and something tells me he prefers if it stays that way. He always seems angry and tense, it's sort of wierd. But that ain't my place to judge a person."
"I wonder why they're like that." Kimberlee whispered.
"Well I don't wanna know, they look alittle off, if ya ask me." Teresa replied.
Desirae found herself staring at Bob who looked lost in his own world. His blue eyes captivating her, and she froze as he looked at her. She immediately turned away, and when he resumed to laughing with Gerard she continued to watch him, out of sheer curiosity and admiration.
"Gosh! What happened to your wrist? That must be painful." Kimberlee stared, making her become self cautious and pulled her sweater down. Her heart began to increase it's beating.
"Umm I was walking near the river, when I accidentally fell in. It landed on a couple rocks. I'm pretty clutsy."
"Be careful girl, I wouldn't want ya to get hurt worse than that." She smiled, and Desirae played along. The bell rang and Desirae quickly got up.
"Hey, my sister and I usually go to the park after school, you could come too, if you want." Desirae was going to answer yes, but then she remembered her father's warning for not coming home straight after school, and the punishment after. It was not worth it.
"I'm sorry but I can't. Maybe next time?"
"Sure. See ya tomorrow Desirae." Lisa waved before walking off with Teresa and Kimberlee. Desirae walked back to her last class with sadness as her answer would and always seemed to be, no to any chance at a normal life.
If it's not happening in the present, it sure as hell won't happen in the future.....
Desirae slowly got off the bed and tried her hardest to fight the tears as her father ordered her to get dressed. He pulled his pajama pants back on and she whimpered as he gave her one last kiss on the lips, before putting his pajama top on as well.
"Go to sleep, now." He said softly and she nodded. She quickly ran to her bed and let the tears fall from her chocolate eyes. She layed still and waited for the time to pass before, she slowly got up and put on her slippers and coat before sneaking out the back door and running to the small river, despite the pain she felt in her lower region.
"Now. I. Lay. Me. Down. To. Sleep. I. Pray. The. Lord. My. Soul. To. Keep." She counted her steps with each word, a way of her remembering where she put things. She dug up the notebook and began to pour her soul into the mint green pad, and rocked herself back and forth while tears fell once more. She wondered if it was possible to reach a certain point, that one day she would have no more water in her body to cry.
"One day, I'll be gone. Wether I'm no longer on earth, or I'm far away from here. Either way, I'll be gone." She whispered. When the wind grew too cold, she sneaked back into her bedroom, and crawled under her blankets and looked up at the ceiling. Even though her mind and body ached emotionally and physcially...
The only thing that seemed to ease her soul, was the thought of the boy with the blue eyes......