“Why?! Im his daughter. I wanna see if hes ok,” I demanded loudly. She shook her head.
“Im not letting you go over there today, just wait a while,” she said like she was trying to bargain with me. I gave her a look as if I was about to cry. I wanted to, DeShaun was like my uncle.
“Fine!” I screamed in her face loudly, and then took off running downstairs into the basement. I was glad that my mom didn’t try to follow me. This way I could sneak out and go to dads. I slammed the door shut then stayed on the stairs keeping very quiet. I waited for my mom to go upstairs, which didn’t take long. I walked out the sliding door, keeping close to the house so if she looked out the window she wouldn’t see me. I unlocked the gate then quickly ran to my dads.
Marshall was upstairs lying in bed. I figured I better just leave him alone for a while so he can think. I sat down on the couch, not long after the door was slammed shut. I got up and went towards the door. Hailie stood there. “Hailie? What are you doing here?” I asked confused.
“I came to see my daddy, I wanna know if hes ok,” she said softly. I let out a sigh.
“Hes laying in bed, he won’t talk,” I said sadly. She looked as if she was about to cry.
“Can I go up there?” she asked me. I nodded. She walked past me and began running up the stairs. Not long after she came running back. I looked at her confused. “He’s in the bathroom, I heard water running, I think hes in the shower,” she told me. I felt concerned. “Could you go in there and see if hes ok?” she asked concerned.
“Yes I will, wait here,” I told her as I quickly ran up the stairs. I got to our room. I opened the bathroom door, Marshall was in the shower. But he wasn’t taking one; he was just sitting on the floor with his head leaning against the wall. I opened the shower door; he looked up at me his eyes red. “Baby are you ok?” I asked. He shook his head.
“I feel weak,” he mumbled. I kneeled down next to him.
“Hailie’s here,” I told him. He just stared at me. “Honey you gotta try standing up,” I advised. He shook his head.
“It’s all my fault,” he mumbled looking down at the shower floor.
“No its not,” I said getting a bit mad, but pulling him in a hug. He hugged me back. He did feel limp to me just like an infant. He didn’t say anything, I just held him. “Honey, it’s been 10 minutes, I think we should go see Hailie, she’s probably freaking out,” I said softly. He nodded, I helped him stand up. He stood there with no expression on his face. I handed him a towel. He managed to get himself dried off. I went in the room and changed my clothes cause I was all wet. He shut off the shower. He came into the bedroom and just slid on some boxers and some pants. He didn’t bother to put a shirt on.
He got downstairs and Hailie idmeadtaly pulled him into a hug. “Hey baby,” he mumbled.
“Are you gonna be ok daddy,” Hailie asked him as they sat down on the couch.
“I will, right now, I feel like nothing,” he said softly. I let out a sigh than went and sat next to him on the couch. He sort of leaned against me.
“Are you gonna hurt yourself,” she said about to cry.
“No, Im not gonna hurt myself,” he said he seemed shocked.
“Daddy?” she asked.
“Yes Hailie baby?” he asked.
“Is it ok to cry?” she asked with tears in her eyes. Marshall nodded; Hailie fell into his arms as she cried. He started crying again, I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and laid my head on his back, hugging him tight.
(((April 19th 2006 9:00am))) ((11:45am)) Fellowship Chapel
We were all getting ready to go to DeShaun’s funeral. It was at the Fellowship Chapel.
The funeral was set to start at 11am. Marshall was told we had to be there by at least 10am because there would probably be lots of people there, and we need to get there early. I was already dressed with the kids sitting on the couch. I had a black dress on, the girls had pretty much the same, and Keith was dressed in a suit. Marshall came down not long after. He was wearing a suit with dress pants, under his jacket he wore a shirt with Proof on it. He came and sat next to me, he seemed nervous. He stared at the TV, I was watching music videos with the girls, just to try and lighten up the mood a bit. “Im not ready for this,” Marshall whispered to me.
“Nobody is ever ready for this,” I whispered back. He laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, not saying anything. The next hour was silent, nobody said a word.
As we pulled up at the parking lot of the church there were already about 300 something people being blocked from the entrance by police. We got out of the car, I carried Keith with my left arm, I grabbed Marshall’s hand as we walked to the entrance, and he kept his head down until we got in. DeShaun’s family was already there. We gave them each a hug then sat down behind them. “The casket is open if you wanna…you know,” Proof’s mother said. Marshall slightly nodded as he stood; he motioned you and the kids to follow him. As we walked up front to the casket, I looked up at Marshall; he had tears in his eyes. I picked up Keith, we looked down at DeShaun, he was wearing his typical clothing, a track suit, Kangol cap, jeans and Timberland-style boots — with a Detroit Pistons jersey, signed by several players. A tear ran down Marshall’s face.
“Bye doodie,” he mumbled, I reached my hand placing it around him on his right shoulder. He looked at me and put his arm around me and Keith. Shortly after we went and sat back down….
The funeral didn’t start until 11:45am, due to the fact that there was about 4,000 others crowded outside of the church. There was probably about another 2,000 people packed inside of the church. I only knew probably 20 of the people.
Marshall was one of the first to give his speech. He talked about how he met Proof, how great of a person Proof was. And he told a story on how he had these old shoes, and Proof threw a new pair at his feet and demanded him to put them on. When he asked why, Proof said because he was tired of him wearing them old ass shoes. He then apologized for cussing in church. He started to talk about how Proof was like his brother, he be began to cry, but he still kept going he finished off by saying; "He taught me how to be a leader, I'm sure everybody who has ever met him, even just once, can testify to the fact that he illuminated a room when he walked in it. I believe that Proof loved people and people loved him... Without Proof, there would be no Eminem, no Slim Shady, no D12,” he finished; he slowly walked back over to where I was sitting. His speech made me cry, we both whipped our eyes as he sat down.
“You did well, Im proud of you,” I whispered in his ear. He didn’t respond he grabbed my hand; we laced fingers and listened to the rest of the speeches.
At about 1pm we headed to Woodlawn Cemetery, where DeShaun would be laid to rest. Once we got there we stood around the spot where DeShaun was supposed to go, there was other random people gathered so many feet away from the cemetery. His family, us, the other D12 members and some close friends stood and threw some flowers on top of the coffin. As they lowered it down. Tears ran down everyone’s face as the preacher spoke.
Once the burial was over we slowly walked to our car and headed home. Once we got home the kids went downstairs and changed into different clothes. Marshall and I went upstairs to our room. Marshall took of his jacket and draped it over his desk chair. He changed into sweat pants, I changed into some sweat pants and one of Marshalls shirts, that was huge on me by the way. He sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. He looked as if he needed a hug; I went over and wrapped my arms around him giving him a tight hug. He started to cry again. His crying lasted for about 30 minutes. He sort pushed me away. I looked at him confused. “Im tired,” he mumbled. As he lay down in bed.
“Ok, then take a nap,” I told him as he pulled the covers on. “Do you want me to wake you up for lunch?” I asked.
“Uh…what are you gonna make?” he mumbled.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Well, just wake me up in an hour and I’ll eat something then,” he yawned closing his eyes.
“Ok,” I said softly giving him a small kiss. I walked out the room shutting the light off and shutting the door….I went downstairs to see what food was in the kitchen…