I felt like I was caught in some nightmare. I was watching the paramedics wheel Amy back into the emergency room where I wasn’t aloud to go and I felt like I would die. I had nearly lost my mind when I found her on the shower floor. I saw blood and knew it was serious. Now I was pacing the emergency room waiting area hoping my parents would show up soon. Dad was first.
“Jack” He yelled and ran up to me and hugged me.
“What happened” He asked. I explained as much as I could but the tears were welling up again.
“Jack” I heard my mom scream and she hugged me too. Dad told her what happened and I just sat there with both of their arms wrapped around me.
“DO you think she’ll die? Do you think we’ve lost the baby” I asked, I was more scared than I had ever been in my life.
“I don’t know” I heard my mom say. She was crying now too.
“I’m gonna go see if I can find anything out” I heard dad say and I felt his arms pull away from me. I felt my mom kiss my hair and pull me closer.
“I am so scared” I sad into her neck.
“I know baby” she cried. I watched dad walk back and shake his head.
“No info sorry” He said and grabbed my hand. I feel like we sat in that waiting room for hours. Finally a doctor said my name.
“That’s me” I said my knees feeling shaky as I stood.
“How is she, how’s the baby” I asked.
“Amy is doing well, she is resting. I am sorry to say she lost the baby though” The last words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt myself shake then my knees fell against the floor. I lost my daughter?
“I am sorry” I heard the doctor say. I felt my mom on her knees next to me.
“I am so sorry Jack” She whispered into my ear. Dad just helped me up and pulled me to him.
“I need to see her” I said to them both. They began to walk me to her room. The doctor had told them the number. She was sleeping like the doctor had said. I cried again when I saw her, she was pale and her stomach was smaller than it had been this morning.
“No” I said and walked towards her. I saw her eyes flutter open.
“I lost her Jack! I am so sorry” She cried and turned her face from me.
“I am so sorry” She cried again covering her face. Then she got hysterical.
“Amy calm down honey” Mom said walking over to sooth her.
“No! No I lost my baby” She screamed at my mom.
“Let me give her a sedative” I heard a nurse say as she walked over and stabbed Amy with a needle. I heard my dad gasp and turn his head. Amy calmed down and drifted back to sleep. This was too much.
“What do I do” I asked my mom.
“Honey there is nothing you can do but be here and love her... I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose .... to lose your baby” My mom said trying to hold back the tears. I sat down in the chair next to her.
“I am gonna talk to the doctor and find out what the hell happened” I heard dad say. I felt like I was in a daze. Amy wasn’t pregnant anymore? We weren’t going to have a baby? My daughter vanished that fast.
“Where is she” I asked.
“Where is who” My mom asked.
“Our baby” I said as I looked over at her.
“I will ask” She said and left the room.
She deserved to be buried. Amy woke up screaming every few hours, the nurse would come in and give her another sedative and she would sleep. I wish someone would shoot me up with something. I cried then I would just sit there and stare. My parents came in and out. Mom told me they had my daughter and that they would release her body to us the next day. Her body... her tiny body. I cried again. The doctor said that sometimes these things just happen, that she couldn’t do anything to prevent it. He acted so fucking casual about it that I wanted to punch him. I looked over at my mom. She was gazing out the window. I knew everyone would be devastated. We all were excited about the baby. Was it just this week that we had been showing off her unltrasound picture? It wasn’t fair. I didn’t leave the chair. I didn’t sleep. My dad stayed the night with me cause mom left to tend to the girls. He nodded off a few times but I just stared at Amy. She woke up at around six the next morning and for the first time she didn’t scream. She turned and looked at me.
“I’m sorry” She whispered and I got up and crawled into the hospital bed with her. We cried together for our daughter.
“How did this happen” She asked with pain in her voice.
“What did I do wrong” She asked.
“The doctor said you did nothing wrong. He said these things just happen” I repeated what the doctor told me.
“I want her back” She cried and I pulled her to me again. I looked over and saw my dad had woken up.
“I am going to get some coffee” He said then quietly exited the room. A few minutes later the nurse came in and told Amy she could leave this afternoon, and that they had the baby waiting for us.
“I wanted to bury her properly” I said. She shook her head in agreement.
“Hey” I heard my mom say from the door.
“They said you could leave around four. We are gonna take care of the paper work and take you home then okay” She said.
“Okay, thanks” She said to my mom.
“I am sorry” She said to us both then walked into the hallway.
“Me too” Amy said quietly.
A few hours later the hospital psycologist came in to talk to us both. She said she knew this was a hard time for us and told us about some support groups she thought we should attend at the hospital. We both just sat there and listened, not speaking. Next a nurse came in with pamplets for Amy about miscarriages, how to cope and what to do after wards. Amy took them and sat them on the side table then turned over and shut her eyes. She wasn’t talking anymore and I was just sitting there staring out the window. Four came around and we checked her out. Mom wheeled her out and I followed behind. Dad took care of the arrangments with the baby. The ride home was tense. I grabbed Amy hand and it sat limp in mine. I still held it, I wanted her to know I was there for her. We walked into the house and it was dark and quiet. Amy headed up to our room and shut the door. I went to follow her but my dad caught my arm.
“Let her be alone for a bit okay. Come with me” He said and I followed him to his office. We both took a seat and didn’t speak for a while.
“Monday we are going to bury her next to your great grandma. I took care of everything” He said and I could see tears in his eyes.
“Thanks dad” I said and ran my hand through my hair.
“Does everyone know” I asked.
“Your aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I will let you tell your friends” He said and got up and hugged me.
“I am sorry Jack” He said and left the office.
I went and laid on the couch and finally let sleep take me. I had nightmares about the baby the whole time. I woke up with sweat and tears streaming. I finally shook of the dream and headed out into the kitchen. Lena was sitting at the kitchen table crying, she wouldn’t look at me.
Amy didn’t leave the room until Monday morning. We headed to the grave side with our family and friends. I wore a black suit and Amy wore all black as well. She had big sun glasses on and barely held my hand. She hadn’t spoken since she came home. We stood at the little grave where Ava Way was printed on the grave stone. Amy and I had decided her name only this past week. My grandparents Priest performed the funeral. I looked around and saw, Frank and Jamia, Alicia and Mikey, Bob and Becca, Ray and a very pregnant Robin, it was hard to look at her. Deek and Sam were there as well as Granny and Grand Way. Lena came too, but Angel was left with the rest of the kids. This wasn’t a place for them. I heard sniffles around the whole group, Lena was the loudest.
“Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust” The Priest said as we all crossed our selves as he did. All but Amy who surprisingly hadn’t cried. She had a blank look on her face. People walked over and said their sorry’s. Amy didn’t react or hug anyone back. Everyone was headed back to their cars as it began to rain. I watched Amy walk over to the grave and stare.
“We’ll be in the car” My mom said as she, dad, and Lena headed off.
I walked over to Amy and stood next to her. “I love you” was all I could say. I had felt more tears fall down my cheeks and mingle with the rain. I wiped them and looked over at the girl I had loved for so long, the look on her face killed me. I saw tears start to fall. She turned and hugged herself to me. I pulled her closer to me and let her cry into my chest.
“We will get through this” I whispered into her ear.
“Okay” She said and walked away.
I followed behind her and we got into the car. I watched as we drove away from the grave yard. I watched my daughters grave until it dissapeard from my view.
Thanks for the reviews everyone, it means alot. I know this chapter is really sad, sorry. There is a reason for it though. Hope ya like it!