THERE NEEDS TO BE SOME DAMN FOOD UP IN THIS BITCH OR SOMEBODY WILL DIE
It had been a week since Gabey’s death. I hadn’t talked to William that whole week. Gabe was William’s best friend- William hadn’t shown up at school. I was worried. Me and William weren’t anything but bed buddies, but part of me cared so deeply for him. Even though neither of us wanted to admit it, we were friends. We were close friends. We just happened to be sexually inclined to each other all the time. I hated seeing him in all this pain, it killed me.
Me days at school were ridiculous. I sat in class without either of my ‘side kicks’, my hair needed to be cut; I walked with my head to the floor. I had lost all authority I had earned.
I laid my head on the desk, letting out a loud, long sigh.
“Hey, are you okay?” I heard a quiet voice asked. I turned my shoulder, to find a pretty blonde haired girl. Her name was Harper Fitch. We never hung out much, but you know, we made small talk. She was good friends with my group. Dated Wentz for a while, had her share of David, they hung out a lot- maybe that’s why we never talked? She was well liked, everybody’s friend.
“No.” I answered back, shrugging.
“What’s wrong?” She asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Everything, Harper. Everything.” I breathed, looking down at the floor.
“Oh. Well, I’m sorry.” She said cautiously.
“Yeah, shit happens.” I sighed, playing with my cuticles.
“Anything specific that happened?” She slowly asked.
“Well, in the past year, four of my friends passed away. So….” I said, shrugging it off. See, most kids would be in tears with the mention of death. I am just so fucked up.
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.” Her jaw dropped, her face in shock.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” I was all to used to saying that after an apology.
“Hey, if you ever want to talk about anything, I know we’re not close, but hey, you seem really nice and it sucks that anybody has to even go through that, I’m here for you to talk to.” You see, that’s what I get anytime I tell anybody that somebody died. All I get is, ‘you can talk to me’, but what do they get out of it? Knowing that they attempted in being a good person? I feel like there’s always something selfish behind any kindness.
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” I hinted a smile and turned back around.
The bell had dismissed us for the weekend. I walked out of class, going straight to my car. David was out of town all this week, leaving me semi-empty inside.
I walked over to my Jaguar, feeling naked. I was walking out of school, alone, with no plans for this weekend. Life kind of sucks. I felt a buzz in my back pocket. I pulled out my damn sidekick to see one new text message from William: ‘hey, come ova, i wanna see u. we need 2 talk.’
A million thoughts ran through my mind. Being told you need to talk, pretty much means something bad will happen.
I pulled into William empty, all too familiar drive way. I walked up to the door, knocking semi- aggressively. William opened the door, I hadn’t realized how much I had missed his face.
“Hey, not so angry now. This door is made of the finest mahogany.” His lines barely in a straight line.
“You’re such a dork.” I face palmed, cracking his straight face.
“You know it.” He smiled his classic Bill Beckett smile that made me melt every time. I moseyed into his empty house.
“Where are your parents?” I asked, surveying the room.
“They’re out of town.”
“That’s funny, Dave’s out of town too.” I ran my hand through my dark locks.
“Caro, I didn’t invite you over here for that. We really need to talk.” He said, his straight face coming back.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I know we are. What’s up?” I sat on his couch, trying to show as little of emotion as possible. I really did want nothing to do with William if it affected me and Dave’s relationship, but nothing really stopped me from wanting him physically.
“Caro, I want to know what we are.” He asked me, the last question I wanted to be asked.
“William, we’re just friends. I can’t do this, I really can’t. William, I love him. I love him more than I could ever love you. Its not fair to you, and its not fair to him. Can’t you just accept that?” That felt so weird to say. Its not that it isn’t true, but I don’t know, I guess I never really wanted to tell him that; that we’d never be anything.
“Caro, you can’t tell me you don’t feel anything.” He said once again, his huge brown eyes penetrating my soul.
“William, I do, but I shouldn’t. Its not fair to either of you. I will always pick him.” I could see his heart drop each word.
“Is he making you chose?” He asked, arching an eyebrow.
“No, of course he’s not making me ‘chose’! He doesn’t know! What, you think I’m going to ask him if I’m allowed to have a fuck buddy?” I said, hopefully making him feel stupid for his stupid question.
“I don’t understand what makes him so much better than me. Can you just tell me what makes us different? Then I’ll stop. Tell me what makes him win, every time.” William demanded. He was sexy when he was frustrated. That’s all I’m gonna say.
“Why are you making me do this!? I don’t need to answer these questions!” I stood up, crossing my arms.
“Just answer me Caro, I think I deserve to know why I’m losing you to this faggot.” He stood up too, his face exasperated.
“You can’t lose something you never had!” I yelled, my patience running low.
“You can’t tell me, you were never emotionally attached to me, at some point. Before him we did this, you know at some point you must of felt something.” He yelled back, his eyes growing wider and wider.
“Fuck, William. I don’t know! Maybe because David was sweet and liked me for other than the fact that I had a vagina!” I shook my head, we were fuck buddies for a reason.
“Caro, I don’t think you understand how much I actually like you for your mind, for your soul, for everything, the fact that you have a vagina just tops it off!” He said slowly, getting the point across.
“This makes things so much more difficult!” Mind fucked.
“Caro, we could be something! I know you like me. You wouldn’t talk to me, fuck me, actually listen to my bullshit if you didn’t like me.” He said, his argument slowly starting to make sense.
“Fuck. William, I don’t know what to tell you! I just, its not right.” I closed my eyes.
“Just tell me what I did to make you chose David.” He quieted his voice, stroking my cheek.
“You didn’t do anything. William, we are the same people. We’re both bitchy, arrogant, and hard headed. I hate myself. David sets me straight, he brings out the good, he makes me feel good about myself. He’s my medicine, he completes me. Fuck, William, I love you so much, its just, if we ever tried to be together, it’d end up badly and we would hate each other. I like that I can talk to you, I like how we can be friends. I like how we’re barely associated with each other.” This was the first time I had admitted to myself that William and me could be something. It wouldn’t end well, but the 5 minutes of happiness may be worth the inconvience .
“Fair enough.” He said, removing his hand from his cheek and crossing his arms across his chest.
“I’m sorry.” I can’t believe that I’d even apologized to a Beckett, but it was happening. I was legitimately apologetic.
“Well, what are we now?” He asked me, the thought of doing the right thing pained me oh so much.
“We’re just friends. No benefits. No nothing. Just friends.” I said, I’m not gonna lie, it pained me to think of not being able to have sex with him because oh my god look at him.
“Alright.” He nodded with a tiny smile.
I got up onto my tippy toes and kissed him for what hoped to be the last time. A quick, painful peck; something that I wanted to last forever.
“I’ll see you later, Bill.” I said, pivoting towards the door.
“Tell your boy I said hi.” He said as I walked out the door.
The afternoon sun hit me in the face, blinding me as I walked towards my car. I sat in my leather seats, I felt sick to my stomach. This didn’t feel right at all. I got back out of my car, and traveled up to the steps to his door again. I was about to knock, but he opened the door before I had a chance to.
I grabbed his shirt and attacked his lips like we only had the next minute to our selves. He wrapped his arms tightly against my waist. His tongue massaged the inside of my mouth, something I missed very dearly. He stumbled back into his house, slamming the door to spare the neighbors. My teeth pulled and bit at his bottom lip, his arms just pulling me as close to him as possible. He fell back onto his couch, where my lips traveled down his jaw to his neck, sucking and teething at the skin. His hands pulled at my hair, which made me moan like a woman in childbirth.
“Why is this happening?” He asked between kisses.
I pulled away and looked at him, “I have no clue.”
And things just started getting a lot heavier and thoughtless.
I saw a car. There were two passengers. There was a blonde female and a dark haired male. They both got out of the car and went inside the house. The area was very familiar. Moments later the man ran back to his car. On his way back to the house another car drove by slowly. The man stopped, I couldn’t hear the words, but the people in the car and the man started arguing. My vision went out, but I heard a gunsh-
I woke up to William’s movements. He checked his phone, and shot up, finding him and I clothing.
“Alright, who died this time?” I asked, part of me already knew who though.
“I don’t know, there was a shooting on Rosemerry Court, somebody’s hurt.” He said, putting on his shoes.
I only knew two people that lived on that street. The Melillo’s and somebody else whose name I could not think of. My heart started pounding as I threw on William’s clothing. David had dark hair. David’s mom was a blonde bombshell.
We got in his car and drove over to the scene of the crime.
Oh my god its going to be David. It was karma, it was going to happen. I didn’t fully appreciate him, now its coming back and biting me on the ass. Holy shit.
I got out of the car, running over to the paramedics.
I didn’t see anybody I knew, and I couldn’t see who was on the stretcher.
It’s him. He’s gone. I lost, I chose William for that night and its coming back to me. I started crying hysterically, I didn’t know what to do. I cupped my face with my hand, trying to contain myself. I-
“Baby, calm down.” Dave appeared from behind me, rubbing my shoulder.
“WHAT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!”I threw my arms around him, holding him close to me.
“I’m definitely right here. Why would you say that?” He asked, stroking my hair.
“I just, I thought…. Don’t worry about it. Whose in the ambulance?” I asked, quickly composing myself.
“Oh… That’s, ehm, Pete.” He said quietly enough for only me to hear.
“What happened?” I turned around to see the blonde girl be a sobbing Harper. It was all coming together.
“Remember the whole deal with the battle of the bands? Well, it turns out Pete never paid the guys, and never intended to. Thug life at its finest, you could say.” He solemnly said. I don’t think anybody ever liked Pete, but it’s a shame to lose him.
“And he’s dead?” I bluntly asked, looking up at him.
David paused, looking at the ambulance, “Yeah Caro... He’s gone.”
I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close.
“I was so I was going scared to lose you.” I whispered into his ear.
“I love you.” He said, swaying us.
“I love you more.” I instantly said. I looked up at William feet away. He was talking to Harper, but I managed to catch his attention. He looked at me and nodded, bringing his attention back to the blonde girl.
I guess a girl can never be satisfied enough.
its not really getting me places but i do
i never edit
you know that