I was right in the middle of something great, that I knew was going to turn out to be a huge mistake when I saw Sonny storm out of the restaurant.
‘Oh my god.’ I whispered, ‘Sonny…’
‘I… I didn’t know he was here… I’m sorry Livvy. I shouldn’t have done that.’ Bert said.
‘You did this didn’t you Bert? You were probably hoping that Sonny would break up with me tonight, and now your wish will be granted. Thanks.’ I yelled.
‘No, I didn’t! I just wanted to become friends with you… I mean I planned on kissing you, but I didn’t think he was going to be here…’ Bert said in his own defense.
‘And you think I’m such a whore don’t you? You think I would just ignore every feeling I have for Sonny for that one moment with you, right?’ I said.
‘Fucking damn it Livvy! No, you are not a whore to me! And no, I don’t think you would. I, fuck it.’ Bert said and kissed me again. I almost gave in, because whenever he kissed me it felt perfect, but I didn’t.
‘That isn’t gonna make everything better anymore Bert.’ I told him.
‘I know, I just love kissing you. I’m sorry. I’ll leave now. I promise I’ll leave you alone forever so you can be with Sonny. I won’t try to come between you ever again.’ Bert said as he stood up to leave, ‘…I do love you…’
‘No, Bert. I want you there. But, just…I don’t know. And you won’t even have to worry about Sonny and I anymore because he’ll probably break up with me the next time he sees me. And--umm…you don’t mean that.’ I said calmly.
‘I meant it… and.. Not if I can help it.’ Bert said and walked out of the restaurant. I threw some money on the table and secretly followed him outside only to see both him and Sonny standing there.
‘Dude, Sonny. I am so sorry. I know you saw that, and it shouldn’t of been… well something that happened. I just, I love her. I know you do too. It is my fault that she kissed me back. I, I just shouldn’t have done it. That’s all. I’m sorry dude. I won’t try to take her away from you, if you just stay with her.’ I heard Bert tell Sonny.
‘I’m not going to leave her. Lilly told me that you had this planned out. I want to fucking beat the shit out of you right now, but I’m not going to. I can forgive her, and I plan on it. Just because I love her and care about her.’ Sonny said, ‘Just get the fuck away from me before I beat the shit out of you.’
‘Ok… see you.’ Bert said and walked back to the venue. Everything I just heard confused me even more. Feelings for Bert started coming back faster and faster no matter how hard I tried to fight them off. I looked up at Sonny and smiled. I don’t feel as if I deserve him anymore.
‘Umm...hey.’ I said.
‘Hey… I love you so much Livvy.’ He said.
‘I--uhh…umm…I’m so sorry. Why are you forgiving me?’ I asked shocked about what he just told me.
‘Because, I know that if Bert wouldn’t have done that then you would never have kissed him. I know you would never truly do that to me. That’s just not, well you.’ He stated.
‘You’re right, but I still don’t understand. I guess I’m just not used to this.’ I explained.
‘I understand. I think eventually you will get use to it. Why don’t we go back to the venue, what do you say, we can put all of this shit behind us.’
‘Of course.’ I agreed, knowing neither of us could put it behind us. Especially me and my newly rekindled feelings for Bert. I hugged Sonny and we left for the venue.
It was almost 2:15 when Bert finally came back to the bus. I could feel the hate coming from him. I almost felt as if we were brother and sister. Weird.
‘So, uh, can I leave now?’ I asked him.
‘What the fuck ever. I’m going to kill you, you told Sonny, didn’t you?’ Bert asked me.
‘Um, Turtle-monkeys.’ I replied.
‘Ugh… You are… Grr… I hate you!’ Bert said.
‘SO DID YOU MAKE KISSY FACE THEN BERT?!’ I asked him and puckered up my lips, ‘Bastard.’
‘Fuck you. Yes I did. She kissed me back too.’ Bert told me, ‘I’m still going to kill you.’
‘Haha! Only if you can catch me terd face.’ I laughed running out of the bus. I was running as fast as I could just to get away from the psycho, but I ended up running into someone when I looked back to see how close behind me Bert was. ‘Ouch!’
‘Ahh! Ohh…hey Babe.’ Travis smiled.
‘Hey Travis!’ I smiled back.
‘So…how’s your day going?’ He asked me casually as I felt him put his arm around me.
I could see Derek not too far away laughing at me, ‘Well, Bert is trying to kill me.’ I told him.
‘Ohh yes, really? Bert likes to kill people. Well not really, just the people who get in the way.’ Travis explained trying to be scientific.
‘Uh-huh, I see. Travis, I’m sorry. I don’t like you the way you like me. I’ve told you that before. Now, I need to go.’ I told him.
‘Oh yeah right! Of course!’ Travis exclaimed pulling his hand away from me, ‘I was just checking to see how feminine your hips are that’s all.’
‘TRAVIS RICHTER!’ I yelled but ended up running before I had the chance to finish my sentence. I ran into a crowd of people watching what I thought was Underoath playing. I knew there was no chance for Bert to find me there. The band stopped playing shortly after I got to the crowd. As the crowd thinned, I saw Matt there looking at me. I didn’t feel like running at all, I was too tired.
He walked up to me, ‘Hey…’
‘Hi…’ I said.
‘I’m sorry about how much of an asshole I am.’ He told me.
‘Oh… I don’t really know what to say, I mean you hurt me every time I’m with you. It hurts.’ I wanted him to understand, but he never would.
‘I know, I need to stop, but for some reason I can’t. I’ve been trying and I’m getting better with everything now.’ He smiled. He did seem a bit different.
‘Hm, well I guess I don’t hate you at the moment… So-’ I began.
‘Lilly, I know you love Quinn and everything but I still want you. I know you also love Jeph which makes things hard for you, but you can skip them and come right to me. I will treat you the way I should have, so how about it, will you be my girlfriend?’ He asked me. I really didn’t know what to say. I thought about actually giving him another chance, but would that be a mistake? I wasn’t sure.
‘I don’t know… I want to get back together with Quinn.’ I told him.
‘Please Lilly, just give me one more chance so I can prove myself to you.’ He begged.
‘Alright, I guess I will give you one more chance. That’s it. One mistake and it’s over, you got that.’ I replied. I knew I would have given in, but I didn’t think this would really last that long anyway.
‘Thank you thank you.’ He smiled and hugged me tightly. This was a big mistake. What about Quinn? Damn it. I started to walk away, but Matt followed me. I didn’t love Matt anymore at all, did I? Pssh, no way. I hated him, so why am I with him then? I walked to The Used’s bus and almost walked on when I realized that Matt didn’t stop following me. Before I could walk in or say anything, Quinn walked out.
‘Lilly, why is he following you?’ Quinn asked me pointing to Matt.
‘Uh…’ I didn’t want to say it. I was… I don’t know how to describe it, ashamed.
‘I am her boyfriend.’ Matt said with the hugest grin. I was so embarrassed.
‘Quinn… I’m-’ I began.
‘Okay then. I’ll see you later Lilly. Find me ok, I need to talk to you.’ He said and started to walk away.
‘Haha, you will not be talking to him later.’ Matt told me. I hoped Quinn was within earshot of us. I was just scared that Matt would hurt me.
‘You cannot tell me what I can and cannot do.’ I blurted.
‘What makes you think that? I am your boyfriend. I don’t want you talk to other guys, now come on. We’ll go to my bus and have some fun… Like we use to.’ He smiled and grabbed my arm.
‘Matt I am not going to “have fun” with you. I know exactly what you want to do and it’s not happening.’ I told him straight forward.
‘Oh, you want to bet?’ He laughed and started to drag me with him. What was the use? I didn’t have a chance with Quinn anymore, and Jeph has to hate me by now. Matt’s right, I came running to him… Well, not technically, but I pretty much did just by getting back together with him. I am such an idiot.
‘No, just let me go. I swear I will-’
‘Will what, break up with me? Haha, you don’t scare me.’ He laughed in my face. I didn’t know what to say. For some reason, I couldn’t just break up with him. It didn’t feel right. I had to catch him doing something bad. I had no choice but to follow him. I knew Sonny would be in the bus, so it was ok. I walked inside after Matt did and Sonny was sitting on the couch.
‘Hey sis, what are you up to?’ He asked as I sat next to him.
‘Pssh, nothing.’ I told him. I might have sounded upset.
‘What’s wrong?’ He questioned. I didn’t want to tell him.
I knew I had to though, ‘Matt asked me out.’ Was all I told him.
‘Let me guess, you said yeah.’ He said.
‘Yeah… I did. For some idiotic reason.’ I almost started to cry, ‘I don’t want to break up with him, I just don’t feel the need to, other than I don’t love him. I would feel horrible if I did.’ I explained to him.
‘But, what about what he did to you? All the shit you had to put up with when you were with him. You are going to go through it all again?’ He asked. I knew I was.
‘…stop Sonny, just stop.’ I told him and went to lay down. Eventually, I fell asleep.
I had heard Lilly and Sonny’s whole conversation, and was quite shocked. It was just Sonny, Matt, and I in the room now, and I didn’t know what to say.
‘So uhh…hey guys!’ I said stupidly.
‘Hey Livvy.’ Matt said.
‘Heyyy.’ Sonny smirked.
‘How’s it goin’?’ I asked still trying to strike up conversation.
‘It’s going I guess.’ Matt said.
‘Livvy do you like Bert?’ Sonny asked out of nowhere.
‘Umm…what?!’ I screamed surprised. I couldn’t believe he was asking me this, ‘I uhh--’
‘Don’t lie to spare my feelings. Please, just tell me the truth, do you still have feelings for him?’
‘Well I didn’t, cause you make me happy. But they’ve been coming back since earlier even though I don’t want them to.’ I sighed.
‘I see. I just don’t want this relationship to go any farther if you don’t love me like I love you.’ He told me.
‘So, you want to end this, and… you love me?’ I asked.
‘Yes, I have fallen in love with you. Do you love me? I don’t want to end this either.’
‘Sonny, this is a sort of bad time. These feelings for Bert are confusing, but trust me, I don’t want to end this.’ I explained.
‘Oh, ok. Well let me know when you get them sorted out. You didn’t answer my question though. But, I’ll give you time to think about it. I’m going for a walk.’ He told me.
‘I feel really bad now though. You’re not gonna go find someone else to fall in love with now are you?’ I joked with him smiling, trying to lighten the mood.
‘Livvy, now isn’t the bet time to joke. No, I’m not. I’ll talk to you later on.’ He sighed.
‘Fine, sorry. Ok? I messed up, see you later.’ I said and followed Sonny off the bus but went a separate way. I decided to go to Jeph’s bus and talk to whoever was there. I walked for at least five minutes before I saw their bus and walked in. I looked around and saw nobody at all, but I decided to sit down anyways. I had just sat down when the door burst open once more, followed by the guys.
‘You totally did not dude.’ Branden argued with Quinn.
‘You didn’t even see dude!’ Quinn shot back.
‘Shut up! You’ve been going at it for twenty minutes!’ Jeph hollered.
‘Hey guys.’ I waved glumly.
‘Oh, hey Livvy.’ They said in unison.
‘I just came to see what’s up.’ I said.
‘We were just on stage.’ Branden said.
‘Oh I missed it! How was it?’ I asked.
‘Spectacular. Damn I am so depressed.’ Quinn stated.
‘Shit Quinn, you have mood swings like a woman.’ I laughed.
‘I am serious biatch.’ He said, ‘I do not! Leave me alone you asshole.’
‘Ahh yes, thanks.’ I said turning my attention elsewhere, ‘Hey Bro!’
‘Yeah?’ Jeph asked.
‘I don’t know. Visiting you, pretty sweet.’ I told him.
‘Uh-huh. You are acting weird, and you look like you want to cry. What’s going on?’ He sat on the couch next to me.
‘What? Oh, nothing!’ I tried to cover.
‘Shut up, you know something is bothering you, now what is it?’ He said putting his arm around me.
‘I guess, it’s just, I was talking with Sonny before I came here. He went for a walk, and I think he’s gonna break up with me soon.’ I sighed.
‘Why would he do that? Did something happen?’ Jeph asked.
‘I can say that something might have… Even though I didn’t umm, do anything to cause that.’ Bert jumped in.
‘He asked me if I have feelings for Bert,’ I looked up at Bert, ‘And I told him they’ve been coming back since earlier today. He told me he’s fallen for me, but I need to think things out.’ I explained.
‘I see, and you think he’s going to break up with you because?’
‘Of everything I just said!’ I told him.
‘The feelings for Bert thing then?’ Jeph asked.
‘Yeah, I’m really stupid.’ I said.
‘It’s my fault if they break up. I kissed Livvy first and then she kissed me back… Wait, that would make it both of our faults… Uh, I should shut up now.’ Bert told him self.
‘Yeah… Maybe you should. But, you aren’t stupid Livvy. Some stuff happened and you can’t change that. All you can do is decide on if you love Sonny or if you want to go with your feelings for Bert.’ Jeph told me.
‘So pretty much, chance my whole relationship with Sonny to try it out with Bert who was never a good boyfriend in the first place. I don’t know about that one.’ I said.
‘No, no. You decide if you are in love with Sonny and want to continue the relationship with him, OR try your feelings with Bert again. You got that?’ He said.
‘Yeah yeah I got it. But if I were to, hypothetically, try my feelings with Bert out, Sonny would never take me back and he could be the one I love in the end.’ I explained.
‘That is a risk you would have to take, but I think that he would let you do that, because he is a nice guy. He would want you to be happy, and like me, wait for you. Even though I’m not waiting for you, but for someone else…’ Jeph trailed off.
‘Right. Um she’s dating Matt now. Oh my god!’ I covered my mouth fast with wide eyes. Why did I just say that?!
‘What, I thought she hated him…’ Jeph said, ‘We can talk about all this later, ok? I need to see her.’ He walked off the bus.
‘Well then..’ I sighed looking around realizing how awkward this conversation might have been for everyone else still on the bus. ‘I’m just gonna go.’ I said walking to the door and smiling. ‘Bye guys!’
‘Oh, I’ll come with you.’ Quinn yelled after me. And we walked on.
By the time that I woke up, it was 7:30 at night. Warped Tour was just about over. I decided to go outside and find someone to talk to, other than Matt. I didn’t want to talk to him. I jumped down off of the bunk only to find Matt still in the bus. Was he waiting for me to wake up?
‘I’m going out.’ I told him.
‘Not without me.’ He said and followed me off the bus. I didn’t protest to it, I knew he would beat my ass if I did. I just tried to pretend like he wasn’t really there at all. But, there was one thing I had to say to him.
‘You know Matt, I don’t love you. And, I don’t want to be in this relationship.’ I told him.
‘Well, I’m not letting you go. You do love me, otherwise you wouldn’t have said yes to being my girlfriend. Let’s go somewhere else.’ He grabbed my arm to drag me along with him.
‘No, I’m going to find my friends.’ I said pulling my arm free from him.
‘You never spend any time with just me! Now, lets go somewhere where we can be alone.’ Matt said almost daring me to say no.
‘Well, that’s because I don’t love you. I am going to find the one guy that I do love.’ I said just as it started to rain.
‘You do love me, you’re just lying to yourself. And even if you didn’t, that’s why we’d spend time together, so you would.’ He assured me.
‘Oh, haha, keep telling yourself that Matt. I will never love you. Ok, I think I’m just going to end this now before bad shit happens.’ I concluded.
‘Oh really? You know I was trying to change for you, but now I don’t think I give a shit.’ Matt said grabbing my shoulders tightly.
‘What are you going to do Matt, huh? Are you going to hit me? Do it, I fucking dare you.’ I challenged him. Without saying a word, he punched me in the stomach. After that, he pushed me onto the ground.
‘You will always be mine, and you know it.’ He said standing over me. Before he left me, he slapped me hard across the face.
‘Fuck you Matt.’ I yelled after him. Instead of getting up, I just laid there, letting the rain splash over me. It just felt good, especially on my face where he hit me.
‘Lilly?’ I heard a voice call. I craned my neck to see who it was, but all I could see was a blur.
‘Yes?’ I asked nervously.
‘It’s Jeph.’ He kneeled beside me, ‘What happened? Are you ok?’
‘Fucking Matt. I’m so sorry Jeph, I made a mistake and started dating him again.’ I confessed.
‘It’s ok, I’m not mad Lilly. Lets get you back to the busses though.’ Jeph said helping me up as water dripped down his face. I looked straight into his eyes and was ashamed of myself. I couldn’t believe that after everything I’ve done to him, he still appears right by my side. He never gave up on me. I stood up, with Jeph’s help and started walking with him.
‘Thank you. I-’ I started to say, but stopped myself.
‘You what?’ Jeph asked looking at me.
‘My god, you look so sexy right now… Um--’ I was cut off by Jeph turning me around and kissing me. ‘Jeph?’
‘Lilly, I’ve loved you since I met you, and I’ve been waiting for too long.’ Jeph told me.
‘I don’t really know what to say. I feel like I love you, and I know I do. Ah, what am I saying? Never mind.’ I said and pulled Jeph into another kiss.
‘So what does this mean? I have this strange feeling that you’ve taken a liking to me.’ Jeph smiled his wonderful smile.
‘I think you’re right about that.’ I smiled back.
‘But,’ He sighed, ‘Would I also be right in saying that you’re still with Matt?’
‘Well, seeing as my face hurts and so does my stomach, that would be a no. I broke up with him and he didn’t take it too well.’ I told Jeph.
‘Well I guess that makes my job a whole lot easier,’ He said, ‘Lilly, would you be my girlfriend?’
‘Hehe, I thought you were going to ask me to marry you again… I would have said yes again. But, yes I will be your girlfriend.’ I smiled and hugged Jeph tightly.
‘You know, I still have that ring.’ Jeph laughed.
‘And, you know. I would love it if you proposed to me again.’ I laughed too.
‘And you should also know that it’s on the bus, conveniently.’ Jeph smiled.
‘We don’t exactly need it at the moment. You know. I’m hinting something here, with us standing out in the rain like this, it’s kind of romantic.’ I smiled back.
‘And me being so sexy makes it that much better.’ Jeph said.
‘Oh, you know it does.’ I smirked.
‘Well,’ Jeph got down on one knee, and didn’t take out a ring, ‘Lilly Moore, will you marry me?’
‘Of course! I’ve been waiting for this for a while now.’ I said as he stood up. I kissed him one more time. Soon enough, I was going to be Lilly Howard.
Quinn and I had been walking around checking out different bands and tents when I noticed Jeph and Lilly out of the corner of my eye. Jeph had just gotten off his knee and kissed Lilly. I looked over at Quinn and knew he had seen too.
‘Hey, Quinn, lets go umm…check out the Fuse tent. Want to?’ I asked putting on a smile knowing it wasn’t gonna work. Quinn didn’t say anything, he just kept watching Jeph and Lilly. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault. I don’t think she ever loved me anyways.’ Quinn sighed looking at me.
‘What makes you think that’s true?’ I asked him.
‘She keeps running back to Jeph!’ He told me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want him to beat himself up over this.
‘Maybe…she isn’t the one?’ I asked.
‘No. She is.’ He said and walked towards the two of them. I followed along with him. ‘Lilly, I thought we were going to talk.’
‘Um… I had a little run in with Matt earlier and Jeph helped me… I’m sorry…’ Lilly said.
‘He helped you by asking you to marry him?’ Quinn asked.
‘Quinn, I don’t want to do this right now. I’m sorry. He did ask me, but he helped me before that… I really don’t know what to say.’ Lilly said to him.
‘Fine, I can leave.’ Quinn suggested.
‘No, you don’t have to. I think I’ll go home…’ Lilly said.
‘No, don’t go home. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even bothered you. I complicate things.’ Quinn sighed.
‘No you don’t… I do. But, I-’ It seemed as though Lilly didn’t know what to say. I pretended to clear my throat to make my presence known again.
‘You what?’ Quinn asked.
‘Nothing.’ Lilly said and started to walk away from everyone. Quinn followed her while repeating what over and over. I looked over at Jeph and saw him watching them walk away.
‘You’re not going too?’ I asked him.
‘No, I don’t think I should at the moment.’ He said.
‘So, you just asked her to marry you, didn’t you?’ I questioned.
‘Yeah, I did. I just hope it wasn’t a mistake, you know.’ He answered.
‘I wouldn’t know what to tell you. I’m having problems too.’ I told him.
‘I know. I just have a feeling that she loves Quinn but she’s denying it.’ He confessed.
‘Maybe, you shouldn’t plan on getting married, and just let her sort things out.’ I suggested.
‘I probably should. I just don’t want to lose her. Well, I will probably lose her anyway… to Quinn…’ Jeph sighed.
‘Don’t give up hope. You have as good of a chance as he does.’ I patted him on the shoulder.
‘I know, but I think she’ll choose him over me.’ He said.
‘Well don’t think that, ok? Anything can happen.’ I smiled.
‘Uh-huh, well how are you doing with the whole Sonny-Bert thing?’ Jeph wondered.
‘Oh my, I don’t know. I have no clue what to do. I think if I give Bert another chance it would be a mistake.’ My smile faded.
‘I don’t know what to tell you, other than go for it. If you love him, then go for it, but if you love Sonny then stay with him.’ Jeph said.
‘I do love Sonny, but then again there’s Bert. I’m having problems like Lilly.’ I confessed.
‘I noticed that. If I were you I’d see how things would go with Bert and hope that Sonny will be there if things don’t work out. That’s what I would do, if I were you of course.’ Jeph laughed.
‘Yeah, but it’s so hard.’ I said.
‘I need a drink really badly, so hopefully you get things figured out.’ He smiled and walked away. I decided to go look for Sonny, since he was still my boyfriend, at least for now.