As I pulled up to the drive way, I saw Livvy looking out the window. I couldn’t go in there. She probably heard everything that was said last night. I’m just so stupid. I let Quinn slip away from me, and now I have no one. I wasn’t going to go back to Jeph, because I didn’t truly love him. I loved Quinn. Those words he said to me before I left just stung. I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t playing games with them, and I wasn’t pissed because I only had one choice, no, I was pissed because of myself. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry too. I didn’t mean to take out my anger on him, I didn’t mean to say some of the things that I said. There’s no way that he would listen to me know though. After sitting in the car for over an hour, I decided to go inside and face everyone.
When I walked inside, Livvy was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal, Quinn was at the table, and everyone else seemed to be asleep. I walked past Livvy without saying a word, and walked toward the kitchen. I wanted to scream and yell at Quinn, but I couldn’t. All I managed to say was sorry. He looked up at me and continued what he was doing. When I walked into the kitchen, I sat on the floor and just cried. I’ve been holding it all in, and I couldn’t hold it anymore. The kitchen was in-between the bathroom and the dining room, so it was pretty much a long hallway with a few counters to block some of the walking areas. I sat where I couldn’t see Quinn. I heard someone walk into the kitchen and put something in the sink. I assumed it was Livvy.
‘Hey…’ It wasn’t Livvy at all, it was him, Quinn.
‘Please, don’t make this harder for me.’ I said.
‘I’m not trying to, but-’ He began.
‘There was something I wanted to say to you last night, but I couldn’t. It was after you said some things and I left.’ I interrupted.
‘What’s that?’ He asked.
‘I’m not playing games with you and Jeph, I just couldn’t figure out who I loved, and now I finally did. I love you and only you. And, I wasn’t pissed because Jeph was the only other choice that I had now, I was pissed at myself for doing what I did. I wanted to say sorry too.’ I finally got to tell him. It felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
‘Ok, that’s all you have to say is ok.’ I said and stood up. I couldn’t believe him after all that. I started to cry just looking at him. ‘I regret it…’
‘Losing you. I don’t ever regret anything, but I regret losing you. That’s all.’ I said and walked away from him. I was going to go lay in my room and cry. I needed to let it all out. But, before I could walk out of the kitchen, he pulled me into a hug. I didn’t resist, I just stood there crying while he held me.
‘I regret it too, but I can’t change things now. Everything will get better though.’ He reassured me. I wanted to believe him, but I almost didn’t. This was the worst thing in the world, to be held by the one you loved and to never get the chance to be with that one.
‘I can’t do this. Just, leave me be. I need to get over you now. I don’t want to hurt like this.’ I told him and walked out of the kitchen. Instead of going to my room, I sat on the couch in the living room. Livvy must have went somewhere else, because she wasn’t in there. It was all too much for me to bear. What was the point in being here if I can’t spend my life with the one that I love? I have no reason to live. I must be getting depressed thinking stuff like that.
‘My god, you look really depressed and upset.’ Sonny said walking into the room.
‘So do you.’ I shot back.
‘Gee, you don’t have to be defensive and mean.’ He joked.
‘I’m not. I just want to be alone, can’t I ever be a-fucking-lone.’ I said getting angry.
‘Are you ok?’ He asked.
‘No, I want to die right now. I can’t be with Quinn and I want to die, haha, funny right.’ I said getting nervous. I didn’t know why I was getting so nervous and paranoid.
‘You don’t, you are just upset about everything. Don’t talk like that Lilly, ok?’ Sonny smiled. At least he cared.
‘Fine.’ I smiled back a fake smile. I started to play my Avril Lavigne cd and turned it to When You’re Gone. I, of course, sang along with it. ‘I’d give this song to Quinn if I could.’ I told Sonny while looking at Quinn. He was back at the table in the dining room. The dining room was connected to the living room. Quinn was watching me. ‘…we were made for each other… I can only breath I need to feel you here with me…’ I sang.
‘You always go back to Avril.’ Sonny joked.
‘Do not, see.’ I said as I changed the music.
‘Play me one song that you’d give to Quinn that isn’t Avril.’ He challenged.
‘Alright, I would give him “Always, All Ways” by Lostprophets.’ I smiled owning up to his challenge. Sonny was making me feel a bit better, and he knew it. I guess that’s what a good brother like him was for. I wasn’t sure if Quinn could hear us, or even if he was listening. Which, I really doubted that he would be.
‘Well, you should give someone new a try Lilly. I can try to find someone for you. Maybe a blind date?’ He laughed at the thought of it.
‘Haha, funny. I don’t need a blind date.’ I told him.
‘But, you do need to get laid.’ He laughed even harder. I stood up and walked out of the house. It’s not what he said that got to me, it’s what I thought when he said it. I sat on the steps outside of the front door. I thought for sure Sonny would come running out to apologize, but he didn’t. I assumed that Livvy walked into the room. Instead of just sitting there, I decided to walk around. At first, I just walked around the block, but that turned into walking across town, and to parts of LA I have never been to before. Overall, I ended up lost without a phone or money. I needed to call someone before it became too late. I had been out for over 3 hours just walking. I never realized that I had walked this far. I noticed some guy, he looked about 30, talking on a cell phone. I walked up to him.
‘May I use your phone? I’m lost, and I don’t have a phone or money.’ I told the man after he finished talking on his phone.
‘Make it quick.’ He said and handed the phone to me. I instantly called Livvy. Ring…Ring…
‘Hello?’ Livvy said.
‘Livvy, it’s me Lilly. I’m lost on the other side of town by the Dance club. Can some one come get me?’ I asked.
‘Uh, hold on… hey, guys Lilly is lost on the other side of town. Someone go get her. … Fine, Sonny, you go… Ok… Someone? … Ok, Quinn is going to get you. Everyone else seems too busy, and well involved in something strange.’ She told me. Why does it have to be Quinn?
‘Ok… I guess he’ll find me then. See you later.’ I said and hung up. I wanted to get away from this guy, he was creeping me out. ‘Thanks.’
‘No problem. Now, what are you going to do for me in return?’ He asked me with the most serious face I’ve ever seen.
‘Um, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I only used it for a minute. Please, don’t hurt me.’ I begged hoping he wouldn’t do anything.
‘I’m not going to hurt you, as long as you do something for me.’ He smirked.
‘N-no. I can’t.’ I said as I started to walk away from the guy.
He grabbed my arm, ‘Don’t go anywhere or I will really hurt you.’ He lifted up his shirt a bit to show a gun.
‘O-o-ok.’ I stuttered.
‘Now,’ He began as he started un-buttoning his pants, ‘You are going to do something for me, now aren’t you?’
‘NO.’ I forced out.
‘What? Do you want to die tonight girl?’ He said angrily pushing me to the ground. I began to cry a little.
‘No, I want to go home.’
‘Well, do this for me and you can.’ He smiled a greedy smile just as a car pulled up to us. He quickly pulled up his pants. As he did that, I pushed him over and ran to the car. I didn’t even know if it was Quinn, luckily it was him.
‘Lilly, what’s going on?’ He asked worriedly.
‘H-he tried forcing me to suck him for using his phone.’ I cried. Quinn got out of the car just as I fell to the ground. He lifted me up and leaned me against the car.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll get this jackass.’ He smiled and walked toward him. I didn’t hear what was said, all I saw was Quinn very angrily punching the guy to the ground. I felt so happy to know Quinn would do that for me. After, what I guess was the guy pleading for Quinn to stop, Quinn walked back over to me. ‘Do you feel a bit better now?’
‘A little. I still hurt though… Not because of that guy though. You know…’ I looked away from him. He knew exactly what I was thinking.
Everyone was off doing their own thing, and I was playing Guitar Hero in the living room. I was in the middle of rocking out to a song when I heard the front door open. I looked up and saw Quinn and Lilly walk in.
‘Hey you two.’ I said setting down the guitar after failing the song.
‘…hi…’ Lilly muttered.
‘Don’t look so glum.’ I told her.
‘That’s easy to say… I hate this. I really do.’ She shot back.
‘You’re not the only one.’ I sighed.
‘Yeah… I just wish things could be simple.’ She said as she sat on the couch, ‘I just don’t think Quinn truly understands what I want to say… or whatever…’
‘Things will clear up,’ I smiled and walked into the kitchen, ‘Anyways, Quinn just doesn’t understand women.’ I continued a little louder and started laughing as I poured myself some lemonade.
‘Well, I don’t think any guys understand women anyway. I just want to be with him so badly. Today just made it worse.’ She told me. I had almost forgot that Quinn was still in the living room, probably startled by our conversation.
‘Again, things will clear up,’ I said walking back into the living room and patting Quinn on the head, ‘Have a talk.’ I advised.
‘What?’ He looked at me blankly, ‘What the hell do you mean “have a talk”?’
‘You’ll figure it out,’ I smirked, ‘Now, if you don’t mind…’ I picked up the guitar and started playing again.
‘Fine.’ He said and sat on the other side of the couch away from Lilly.
‘You make things so complicated.’ I told him and set the guitar back down on the floor, ‘What? I decided I don’t want to play it.’ I said defending myself as they gave me looks.
‘How do I make things so complicated? Huh? I didn’t do anything wrong!’ He exclaimed.
‘All guys do, it’s common.’ I explained as Bert walked past on his cell phone.
‘…yeah, I understand. Yes, I do too. We will see each other again soon, don’t worry. Alright, alright. Yeah, you too.’ He said hanging up his phone as he walked to the couch and sat in-between Lilly and Quinn.
‘Who was that?’ Quinn asked Bert avoiding what he and I were talking about.
‘Someone… Una…’ Bert told Quinn looking over at me.
‘Oh my god.’ I murmured.
‘What? It’s not like Una and I are dating or anything. And, we aren’t dating either… Sorry.’ Bert said.
‘We’ll see each other again soon, don’t worry.’ I mocked him, ‘Of course we’re not.’
‘Come on Livvy, I was just telling her that to get her off my back. I am not going to see her again, I promise. And if I do, I will ignore her, just for you.’ Bert smiled.
‘No, I don’t really care. It’s your life. You’ve already ruined my relationship with Sonny, keep on going.’ I said.
‘Whatever, like I cared anyway.’ He turned away from me and began walking out of the room.
‘Livvy, I think he’s trying to tell you that he still likes you. And, he does care.’ Quinn said in his defense.
I looked from Quinn to Bert and sighed, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry for what, you didn’t do anything. I’m the one who hurt you and ruined everything for you. I should be the one who’s sorry.’ Bert said to me.
‘It’s not all your fault. It’s not your fault that I still like you. And it’s not your fault that I’m the one who told Sonny I want to give you another chance.’ I confessed to him.
‘What? You told him that? Why? Why would you want me? He is better than me, he treats you better. I didn’t think that you still had feelings for me at all. I still love you.’ Bert said sitting on the floor by me.
‘Yeah, um, I feel like I over-reacted at that party and I don’t know. I guess everyone deserves a second chance. And…yeah I love Sonny, but I love you, and I didn’t want to regret giving up on you.’
‘Aww.’ Quinn laughed.
‘Shut up Quinn, go make up with Lilly.’ Bert yelled, ‘Anyway, will you be my girlfriend then? I already promised that I wouldn’t see Una again. I’ll even delete her from my phone. Or, when she calls, you can talk to her. I just would love a second chance with you.’
‘Yeah, of course.’ I smiled.
‘Yes!’ He jumped up and started dancing around the room out of joy.
I laughed, ‘I’m going to change into some pajamas.’
‘Ok.’ He smiled as I walked to my room.
That was a very awkward conversation. I looked around the room, and saw just Lilly and Bert. I motioned toward Bert to leave the room, and he sprinted out. Lilly was sitting on the other side of the couch hugging her legs and avoiding me.
‘Lilly..’ I started and scooted closer to her, ‘I’m sorry, I messed up.’
‘…I don’t know what to say really. I’m just… hurt, that’s all.’ She said without looking at me.
‘I don’t know what to do. I hope you understand that I can’t leave her for no reason.’ I said cautiously.
‘I know you wouldn’t, I figured that much, but just know… I left Jeph for one reason, I love you. That’s it. That’s the only reason I needed.’ She said.
‘Well I hope you remember what I said to you the other night before you left.’ I reminded her.
‘What, the whole thing with me playing games with you and Jeph?’ She asked coldly.
‘No, the part where I told you my feelings for you never went away. I was serious.’ I said ignoring the tone of her voice.
‘Damn this stupid song. Fuck…’ She glared at the radio as When You’re Gone started playing.
‘I heard what you said the other day.’ I told her.
‘What did you hear exactly?’ She asked.
‘About me, and this song.’ I hinted.
‘Oh, that must be why I don’t want to hear it. It makes me think of you and what I could have. I don’t like thinking about that, it just makes me cry.’ She told me.
‘I wish you wouldn’t cry over me.’ I sighed.
‘I can’t help it. I love you, and that makes this really hard. I just can’t forget about you, even though I want to.’ She looked away from me. The song changed to Fall To Pieces, I assumed she changed it with the remote.
‘I’m sorry. Sorry for this whole situation.’ I moved closer to her and gave her the option of hugging me or not when I opened my arms.
She began hugging me too, ‘Don’t worry about it, don’t worry about me.’
‘It’s kind of hard not to. I don’t want “us” to be over. But we’re not really in the position to be giving “us” another chance right now. I want to though. But for now I’d like for things to be a little less awkward, and we can start by you making me some pancakes.’ I smiled and gave a thumbs up at the word pancakes.
She looked at me and began to cry, ‘I don’t know if I can do this… Things are going to be awkward between us… I just…’ She didn’t finish what she was saying.
‘Look, maybe for the time being you might find someone who isn’t such an ass. I’m sorry.’ I looked at her.
‘NO. I don’t want to. I already told Sonny that too!’ She exclaimed.
‘Well I don’t know. Cause I am an ass, in case you didn’t know.’ I smirked trying to lighten the mood. I hated seeing her like this.
‘You’re not. You are the greatest guy ever… You are the only guy I want to be with. I’m not playing games with you either. Even though, I think you already knew that. All I want is you, but I guess if you are happy with that other girl, then I have no choice but to be happy for you…’ Tears were rolling down her cheeks.
I opened my mouth to say something when my cell rang. I checked it, it was my girlfriend, ‘Yes Amy?’
‘Hey! I want to see you.’ She said.
‘That’s kind of hard right now. Since you’re in Utah and I’m in California.’ I explained to her.
‘Well, you live here, you could come back home.’ She told me as I heard some other guy talking in the background.
‘I’m here with the guys. Who is that?’ I asked her.
‘What are you talking about? It’s only me here.’ She lied.
‘No, I heard another guy in the background, who is it?’ I asked again.
‘It’s, uh, my brother… ‘hey babe, who’s on the phone?’…’ I heard the other guy say.
‘Oh yeah cause your brother really calls you babe.’ I started getting angry.
‘No, my brother doesn’t call me babe… shit… I’m sorry Quinn. I should go.. Haha, Ted stop it.’
‘TED? What the fuck? No. Amy, you’re a fucking whore. I’m done with you.’ I yelled.
‘What the fuck ever, you’ll be back.’ She said and hung up. I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket, shocked.
‘What the hell?’ I questioned quietly.
‘Who was that?’ Lilly asked me seeming a bit calmer then before.
‘My now-ex girlfriend.’ I told her.
‘Oh… I’m sorry…’ She said not looking at me once again. Why won’t she look at me?
‘Lilly…?!’ I said.
‘Huh?’ She finally looked at me.
‘Ok.’ I said satisfied, ‘I’m going to make myself some food, do you want something?’
‘Sure, what are you making?’ She asked me as we both stood up to go in the kitchen.
‘Ahh…’ I drug the note out looking through the fridge and cupboards until I found something, ‘PANCAKES. ME. MAKING THEM.’ I pulled out a box of pancake mix.
‘Let me help you.’ She smiled grabbing the box out of my hand.
‘Fine.’ I sighed, my chance of successful Quinn pancakes defeated. I got out everything needed to make pancakes: eggs, milk, flour, and the other stuff she yelled at me to get. ‘There we go.’ I smiled setting everything down.
‘Ok, I’ll start with the flour.’ She said and poured some flour into the mixing bowl and turned on the mixer. Apparently she turned it on too high, because the flour started to get everywhere, but most of it was on me.
‘Oh, you really want to go there?’ I asked her loudly over the sound of the mixer.
‘Sure.’ She smiled grabbing a handful of flour. I was not going to lose. I quickly mixed some eggs together with some other junk and flung it at her. Just as I did that, she jumped at me and we both landed on the floor with her on top of me.
‘I like this.’ I smiled and began kissing her.