‘Thou’rt beaten!’ quoth Scoot, for the Technomage had no more powerful defenders than these. ‘Now call off thy Holo-Demon.’
‘Very well,’ quoth the Technomage, for he knew when he was defeated, ‘I shall try.’
And so the Technomage didst attempt to exorcise the Holo-Demon from Scoot’s computer. And with one final incantation… nothing happened.
‘Noooo!’ cried he. ‘ ’Tis just as I feared! I have not the power to control it!’
And the Holo-Demon didst proceed to start messing around with the Technomage’s stock portfolio.
‘No! This can’t be!’ cried the Technomage.
And the Holo-Demon didst rage out of control, for it was a particularly powerful Holo-Demon, and even the Technomage had been loathe to summon it to begin with.
Even the Gods of Hondo, with all their might, couldst not restrain the Holo-Demon.
It was then, in this dark hour, that the Goddess didst appear, and didst suck the Holo-Demon up with a shop-vac. The Holo-Demon didst put up one hell of fight, but it was no match for the Goddess.
‘Men…’ spake the Goddess, shaking her head sadly, ‘always doing things the hard way…’
And she didst seal the shop-vac in the void between dimensions.
Sayeth the Goddess: ‘This Technomage is now my bitch! He oweth me a favor in the future.’
And the Gods of Hondo didst vow to find and appoint a Patron Saint of Technology to prevent future troubles with people casting equation spells, and didst open a warp point by which the Dudes could return from the realm of the Technomage.
And so it came to pass that the Forty Two Commandments of Hondo couldst at last be posted on the Internet for the multitudes to download.
‘We have a new quest for thee,’ spake the God of Everything Else.
‘This is thy new mission, should ye decide to accept it,’ spake the God of Humor: ‘Thou shalt seek the… Thing… with the… Stuff… Oh, thou wilt know when thou findest it.’
‘The Thing with the Stuff, huh?’ quoth Scoot. ‘No problem, mighty Gods of Hondo.’
‘We already knoweth that I am the God of Everything Else,’ spake Matt. ‘That is getting really old, and I am become bored with it. Let us demonstrate to all of the people of the world just how many things I am the God of.’
And it was so.
‘Fare thee well, Dudes,’ spake the God of Holy Homework, ‘and good luck in thy quest!’
And the Gods of Hondo vanished from their midst.
And so the Dudes didst begin their quest for the Thing with the Stuff.
TO BE CONTINUED…
(Nori: ‘Check out our next episode! ’Tis fucking craptacular!’)