I thought I'd actually give this one a chapter name. Cos, it's all thats really gonna happen :)
Sat in my room, in the silence, in the dark. The empty bottle of some form of alchohol lies at my feet. I'm sat in the corner with my back against the wall, head in my hands, crying. It hurts so much, I hate living here, I hate myself for hurting Mikey and my family.
I drag the razor blade slowly aross my wrist, the shallow cuts sending tinging feelings through my body, I enjoy the pain, the alchohol has already numbed me, but what I can feel is like electric spark flying through my body.
I do it again, and again, until I have row upon row of thin red cuts up to about the middle of my fore-arm.
I drop the blade and rest my head on the wall, letting the tears roll down my checks, dragging the eye liner down with them, I don't if the others can hear me or not, I just want be on my own. Wrapped up in the depression and pain.
I close my eyes and pass out.
We're sat on the green grass, the warm summer sun lighting up her eyes, bouncing off her skin, her smile takes me breath away every time I see it, she's all mine.
I lean in kissing her gently, her lips taste so sweet and soft. Lying in the grass, I feel so light and happy. She rests her head on my chest and looks up at me, those bright blue eyes watching me.
"What you think about?" the voice I've not heard for so long chimes in my head.
"Nothing." You. All I can think about is you. I'm so deeply and madly in love with you.
The scene goes fuzzy and moves on.
About a month later we lie in my bed, I watch her sleeping face, she is like an angel sent from heaven all for me. Her body is amazing, even though it is hidden under the thin sheet, curves in all the right places, her long wavey blond curls hide half her face from me. As I reach out and touch them I leave bloody smears across her forehead. I look around and everypart of her I ever touched is covered in blood.
an inky blackness moves to the next scene.
"I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS GERARD! I JUST CAN'T!" she screams at me, we're standing in the rain.
"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" I scream back. She crying and I hate that she is hurting.
"I do." she mutters.
"Then why can't we be together?" I ask, holding her close to me. She pushes me away and whispers.
The short scene breaks like a mirror.
Police lights flash around my house, knocking on the door the come in, to tell me the news.
"I'm afraid we've found a body, we need you to come down the station please Mr.Way."
She killed herself because her parents didn't want us together, because I'd gotten her pregnant, because I'd tainted her. I'd killed her.
All the times we had together flash across my eyes, all the kisses, the touches, the love, the fighting, the laughs and tears.
I now look in on the scene, I can see myself and my little brother in the kitchen.
Mikey's crying again, Dad's just left and I'm drunk again. I hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. but he just pushes me away and shouts, still crying, the words warp in my dream.
"I HATE YOU! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" He breaks down crying on the floor, I bend down and hold him to me crying a little now as he mutters small appologies at me. I try to stop him crying but in this dream I can't. His cries fill my head. my little brother, the one I'm supposed to protect is crying because of me.
The last scene I see.
The empty pill bottles litter the room of my old home, the note I left for Mikey telling him that everything would be okay and that I needed to do this.
"I still love you, no matter what" I write at the end before shakily signing it with a G.
I get in the car taking a swig of vodka from the half empty bottle and start the engine.
I drive, eyes blurry from tears.
Then suddenly red and blue flashing lights fill my eyes, and I see Mikey's shocked face, tears rolling down his cheeks.
I'm lying on the ground, people shouting at me, trying to wake me up.
I can see her stood next to Mikey hold a baby, my baby, the child that would never be born because of me.
"Gerard," she says my name.
"Gerard!" someone shouts
She smiles, "Gerard" she says my name "Gerard wak-"
"-e UP!" The voice pulls me into consciousness. Mikey's face is inches from mine, contorted by fear, and his eyes red and puffy.
"Y-you were screaming so I-I came down to see... "
I look around, my head pounding and throat is painfully dry, the room keeps spining and I notice that I'm still in the corner, from last night, tonight? Yesterday? I don't remember.
"I-I'm f-fine" I stutter, voice craking and sore.
Mikey see's the bloody razor and then see's my arm, I see a fat tear rolls heavily down his face.
"Y-you said y-you were go-going to stop that" He mutters, staring at the dry blood on the blade and the cuts on my wrist. "A-and s-stop drinking"
I look up and I no longer see the confident 15 year old, I see a scared child and I start to cry.
He sits next to me resting his head on my chest, grogily I wrap my arm around him, kissing his hair. he shakily breaths in, trying to stop the tears that are now staining my shirt.
"I'm sorry" I say into his soft hair, "I love you"
He hugs my waist, I can't feel the bruises any more and he clings to me, "D-dont d-do it again, p-please"
I know exactly what he means, he isn't talking about the drugs, smoking, drinking or even the self harm.
He doesn't want to try and kill me self again.
"D-dont leave me o-on my o-own" he sobs.
"I w-wont I promise" I'm now crying almost as badly as he is.
Oh My god! Did you like it? what do you think? Too much? I liked it, Mikey made me cry though... Oh look a chapter with out Frank in it.. haha
Until next time