Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Darkness Of Flashbacks
- through the blood he can look, see the life that he took -
May 27th, 2007
Valentino led Madison to the cell and grinned. He placed his gigantic scarred hands on the smaller woman's shoulders. "The battle is almost won." he revealed and his grin grew even wider. "Are you serious?" she asked hopefully. The psychiatrist thought it was interesting that Valentino used the term 'battle'. It suited the situation but wasn't the word that she would say out loud. Jared's life shouldn't be called a battle. It made it seem like they were all just playing a game. If someone's playing it's Jared, she thought.
Madison was excited with the fact that she would soon see Jared again. She felt a bit guilty for not visiting him again sooner but it wasn't the easiest thing to do. It could actually be compared to a circus. Garth had planned the operation very carefully to make sure that no guards, except for Valentino, would be around to patrol the hallways. He had given Madison an hour with Jared.
Madison's mind couldn't focus on anything but Jared. If he would speak again. If he would be happy to see her.
Madison was both terrified and gleeful but the nervousness began to take over as she got closer to the cell. She shivered as she watched the thick door of metal which was the only obstacle between her and him. The door was like a partially transparent curtain and Madison could almost see Jared through the thin fabric. So close but still so far away.
"Yes! Garth forbid Micha from using the room." Valentino explained cheerfully. Madison smiled widely as it was truly good news. No more torture would mean that Jared could gain some weight and get rid of the bruises covering his gaunt body.
Valentino suddenly opened the door and pointed towards the human heap hiding under the ragged covers on the bed. Madison took a trembling step inside of the room and inhaled the stale air. She turned to Valentino and smiled apologizing. He smiled back and looked at the woman. She was hardly half of his size but had a pair of tough balls. Valentino watched her deep hazel eyes and lively auburn hair before he shut the door to give the female and the patient some privacy.
Valentino thought of how he had started to like Jared. Not because he believed the man was innocent or a particularly good person but because the commotion around Jared made him feel important. Like he was playing a role in a movie greater than life.
Jared moved underneath the covers as he heard the door clicking shut. He stuck his head out from its hiding place and smiled when he saw Madison standing there. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a knitted cardigan.
At first Jared wondered if it was just another dream but realized that she would probably wear less clothing if it was a dream of his.
Then the man stiffened. What if she expected him to speak? Was he ready for it? If so, what was he going to tell her?
Madison sat down next to the thin man on his bed. She put a hand on his cheek and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Hello." she whispered. Jared removed the covers and smiled sadly. It was now or never. To speak or be quiet for an eternity.
He decided that he trusted Madison. Actually, he trusted her more than he trusted himself. "Hey." he mouthed back almost without a sound.
Madison's eyes widened as she heard his voice. It was huskier than in the interviews from the past which Madison had listened to. She had dreamt about that moment every night and had said various smart things in every dream. But now she couldn't seem to find the words or courage to say anything at all. The room was silent.
"Madison..." Jared said slowly and tasted how it felt to say the name. He had wanted to try pronouncing it for a long time and was pleased with how it sounded. Chills went through Madison's body and she nodded. "Yes?" she asked shakily. Jared's mouth hung open and he inhaled loudly. His mouth failed to serve him properly.
"It's good to have you here." he stated. It felt nice to say a complete sentence again.
Jared had decided that he didn't want to reveal anything that day. He needed some time to really think about what was okay to say and what wasn't. If Madison was worthy of knowing what was going on inside of him. About the times when his body shut down and he suddenly remembered fragments of his past. Like an audience watching a movie, unable to change what's happening in front of them.
The singer shivered as he thought of how close the memories were to that night. The night of Yolanda's death.
Madison did at one level understand Jared for not jumping right into any heavier subjects. She watched his ribcage rise and fall through the red fabric of his suit as he breathed. Jared looked slightly healthier. Madison figured it was because Micha was banned from using the room. The psychiatrist met the former rock star's gaze. His azure eyes looked at hers questioningly.
"You look much better." Madison blurted out. She mentally slapped herself for saying that as it sounded much cooler in her head. Before she said it.
Jared's lips twitched and he smiled briefly. "I'll take that as a compliment." the man said. Talking to Madison felt like a relief and at the same time a curse. It could go either way. Good or bad.
"Do you want me to tell you a story?" Madison asked the bony and mentally exhausted man who was lying splayed out on his bed. He nodded and closed his eyes. Ready to just absorb the words like a comforting blanket. She took a breath and started thinking about a suiting story.
"Well, once upon a time there was a girl. She was the typical Plain Jane and didn't stand out in any way. As many other girls she swallowed and hid her emotions. One day she got tired of being just one mildly attractive and uninteresting face among the masses." Madison started and gestured wildly with her hands in the air. Jared couldn't see her movements but smiled as the wind whiffed against his face. "What did she do?" he asked quietly.
"She started studying like a maniac to be the best psychiatrist in the world. What she didn't realize was that it wouldn't change a thing. She was still a mess." Madison said. Jared slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. "What happened to her?" he asked curiously.
Madison sighed and rolled her eyes. "She is still hiding her emotions and is actually sitting in this room right now." Jared shook his head. "That's not possible."
"Why?" she asked. "Because you aren't just mildly attractive." he answered with a wink. Madison sighed again and looked away. She didn't want him to see her cheeks getting red.
Then they heard a knock on the door. The signal for Madison to leave. She reluctantly got up to her feet. "I have to go." she said quickly. Jared nodded.
"I'll be back soon. Real soon." Madison promised the singer before she stepped out of the room and closed the door.
Valentino grabbed her arm roughly. His eyes radiated curiosity. "What happened?" he asked and bit his lip. Madison shifted her weight on her feet. "Nothing really. But he looks healthier." she said. What a lie to tell Valentino that nothing had happened. Madison wanted to scream and tell the world that Jared fucking Leto had had a conversation with her. She had succeeded.
"Don't seem like so much fun to just sit around a person who refuses to talk." Valentino said mostly to himself. Madison smiled. "You're right." she said. Then they walked out of the building.
Jared's eyes looked at the same spot where he had seen Madison before she exited the room. He was hoping that she would come back in through the door again. Tell him another story. Just be there.
January 2th, 2007
"Thank you Atlanta! You've been amazing!" Jared screamed into the microphone and threw a couple of water bottles and towels into the ecstatic crowd. The sweat flooding from his pores made him soaking wet. His heart was beating hard and fast like a hammer on crack. The band went backstage and quickly dried themselves up with cloths and towels. "Hey, has anyone seen Yolanda?" Jared asked loudly. Shannon re-applied some eyeliner and didn't have the brain capacity to do so and at the same time answer a question. Instead Matt was the one to answer Jared. "No man. I have no idea where she is." he said coolly. Jared got a bit worried but the pumping adrenaline from the show made him push it aside.
Jared grabbed a jacket from a rack and went outside to meet with the fans. In the hallway he found a lost-looking girl with a VIP-necklace hanging from her neck. "Hey! What's up?" he shouted. She jumped and stared at him, her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets. "I can't believe this." she stuttered and watched the man who had a solid place in her dreams. Jared felt somewhat like a god. He looked at her from top to toe. She was pretty with chin-lenght black hair and dark eyes framed by massive amounts of eyeliner. "I have to go outside now darling but it was nice seeing you." Jared said and smiled.
The girl was literally shaking. She took a few trembling steps towards her big idol and threw her arms awkwardly around him. Jared laughed and returned the hug before going outside to the heaps of screaming fans.
The girl stared at his back as he left. "I've met Jared. Jared Leto." she whispered with tears in her eyes. That was also her last words.
Jared snapped back to reality when the door actually opened. He prayed that it would be Madison coming back. The singer was out of his breath from reliving the memory.
Instead of Madison, Valentino stood there. "You're going to go to a baking class tomorrow morning. It counts as a theraputic session. I thought you would like it as you don't have to see Micha then." he said. Jared shot him a confused look. Baking class? Him?
He wasn't too excited with the idea of wearing a pinny and a pair of oven gloves.
May 27th, 2007
Valentino led Madison to the cell and grinned. He placed his gigantic scarred hands on the smaller woman's shoulders. "The battle is almost won." he revealed and his grin grew even wider. "Are you serious?" she asked hopefully. The psychiatrist thought it was interesting that Valentino used the term 'battle'. It suited the situation but wasn't the word that she would say out loud. Jared's life shouldn't be called a battle. It made it seem like they were all just playing a game. If someone's playing it's Jared, she thought.
Madison was excited with the fact that she would soon see Jared again. She felt a bit guilty for not visiting him again sooner but it wasn't the easiest thing to do. It could actually be compared to a circus. Garth had planned the operation very carefully to make sure that no guards, except for Valentino, would be around to patrol the hallways. He had given Madison an hour with Jared.
Madison's mind couldn't focus on anything but Jared. If he would speak again. If he would be happy to see her.
Madison was both terrified and gleeful but the nervousness began to take over as she got closer to the cell. She shivered as she watched the thick door of metal which was the only obstacle between her and him. The door was like a partially transparent curtain and Madison could almost see Jared through the thin fabric. So close but still so far away.
"Yes! Garth forbid Micha from using the room." Valentino explained cheerfully. Madison smiled widely as it was truly good news. No more torture would mean that Jared could gain some weight and get rid of the bruises covering his gaunt body.
Valentino suddenly opened the door and pointed towards the human heap hiding under the ragged covers on the bed. Madison took a trembling step inside of the room and inhaled the stale air. She turned to Valentino and smiled apologizing. He smiled back and looked at the woman. She was hardly half of his size but had a pair of tough balls. Valentino watched her deep hazel eyes and lively auburn hair before he shut the door to give the female and the patient some privacy.
Valentino thought of how he had started to like Jared. Not because he believed the man was innocent or a particularly good person but because the commotion around Jared made him feel important. Like he was playing a role in a movie greater than life.
Jared moved underneath the covers as he heard the door clicking shut. He stuck his head out from its hiding place and smiled when he saw Madison standing there. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a knitted cardigan.
At first Jared wondered if it was just another dream but realized that she would probably wear less clothing if it was a dream of his.
Then the man stiffened. What if she expected him to speak? Was he ready for it? If so, what was he going to tell her?
Madison sat down next to the thin man on his bed. She put a hand on his cheek and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Hello." she whispered. Jared removed the covers and smiled sadly. It was now or never. To speak or be quiet for an eternity.
He decided that he trusted Madison. Actually, he trusted her more than he trusted himself. "Hey." he mouthed back almost without a sound.
Madison's eyes widened as she heard his voice. It was huskier than in the interviews from the past which Madison had listened to. She had dreamt about that moment every night and had said various smart things in every dream. But now she couldn't seem to find the words or courage to say anything at all. The room was silent.
"Madison..." Jared said slowly and tasted how it felt to say the name. He had wanted to try pronouncing it for a long time and was pleased with how it sounded. Chills went through Madison's body and she nodded. "Yes?" she asked shakily. Jared's mouth hung open and he inhaled loudly. His mouth failed to serve him properly.
"It's good to have you here." he stated. It felt nice to say a complete sentence again.
Jared had decided that he didn't want to reveal anything that day. He needed some time to really think about what was okay to say and what wasn't. If Madison was worthy of knowing what was going on inside of him. About the times when his body shut down and he suddenly remembered fragments of his past. Like an audience watching a movie, unable to change what's happening in front of them.
The singer shivered as he thought of how close the memories were to that night. The night of Yolanda's death.
Madison did at one level understand Jared for not jumping right into any heavier subjects. She watched his ribcage rise and fall through the red fabric of his suit as he breathed. Jared looked slightly healthier. Madison figured it was because Micha was banned from using the room. The psychiatrist met the former rock star's gaze. His azure eyes looked at hers questioningly.
"You look much better." Madison blurted out. She mentally slapped herself for saying that as it sounded much cooler in her head. Before she said it.
Jared's lips twitched and he smiled briefly. "I'll take that as a compliment." the man said. Talking to Madison felt like a relief and at the same time a curse. It could go either way. Good or bad.
"Do you want me to tell you a story?" Madison asked the bony and mentally exhausted man who was lying splayed out on his bed. He nodded and closed his eyes. Ready to just absorb the words like a comforting blanket. She took a breath and started thinking about a suiting story.
"Well, once upon a time there was a girl. She was the typical Plain Jane and didn't stand out in any way. As many other girls she swallowed and hid her emotions. One day she got tired of being just one mildly attractive and uninteresting face among the masses." Madison started and gestured wildly with her hands in the air. Jared couldn't see her movements but smiled as the wind whiffed against his face. "What did she do?" he asked quietly.
"She started studying like a maniac to be the best psychiatrist in the world. What she didn't realize was that it wouldn't change a thing. She was still a mess." Madison said. Jared slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. "What happened to her?" he asked curiously.
Madison sighed and rolled her eyes. "She is still hiding her emotions and is actually sitting in this room right now." Jared shook his head. "That's not possible."
"Why?" she asked. "Because you aren't just mildly attractive." he answered with a wink. Madison sighed again and looked away. She didn't want him to see her cheeks getting red.
Then they heard a knock on the door. The signal for Madison to leave. She reluctantly got up to her feet. "I have to go." she said quickly. Jared nodded.
"I'll be back soon. Real soon." Madison promised the singer before she stepped out of the room and closed the door.
Valentino grabbed her arm roughly. His eyes radiated curiosity. "What happened?" he asked and bit his lip. Madison shifted her weight on her feet. "Nothing really. But he looks healthier." she said. What a lie to tell Valentino that nothing had happened. Madison wanted to scream and tell the world that Jared fucking Leto had had a conversation with her. She had succeeded.
"Don't seem like so much fun to just sit around a person who refuses to talk." Valentino said mostly to himself. Madison smiled. "You're right." she said. Then they walked out of the building.
Jared's eyes looked at the same spot where he had seen Madison before she exited the room. He was hoping that she would come back in through the door again. Tell him another story. Just be there.
January 2th, 2007
"Thank you Atlanta! You've been amazing!" Jared screamed into the microphone and threw a couple of water bottles and towels into the ecstatic crowd. The sweat flooding from his pores made him soaking wet. His heart was beating hard and fast like a hammer on crack. The band went backstage and quickly dried themselves up with cloths and towels. "Hey, has anyone seen Yolanda?" Jared asked loudly. Shannon re-applied some eyeliner and didn't have the brain capacity to do so and at the same time answer a question. Instead Matt was the one to answer Jared. "No man. I have no idea where she is." he said coolly. Jared got a bit worried but the pumping adrenaline from the show made him push it aside.
Jared grabbed a jacket from a rack and went outside to meet with the fans. In the hallway he found a lost-looking girl with a VIP-necklace hanging from her neck. "Hey! What's up?" he shouted. She jumped and stared at him, her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets. "I can't believe this." she stuttered and watched the man who had a solid place in her dreams. Jared felt somewhat like a god. He looked at her from top to toe. She was pretty with chin-lenght black hair and dark eyes framed by massive amounts of eyeliner. "I have to go outside now darling but it was nice seeing you." Jared said and smiled.
The girl was literally shaking. She took a few trembling steps towards her big idol and threw her arms awkwardly around him. Jared laughed and returned the hug before going outside to the heaps of screaming fans.
The girl stared at his back as he left. "I've met Jared. Jared Leto." she whispered with tears in her eyes. That was also her last words.
Jared snapped back to reality when the door actually opened. He prayed that it would be Madison coming back. The singer was out of his breath from reliving the memory.
Instead of Madison, Valentino stood there. "You're going to go to a baking class tomorrow morning. It counts as a theraputic session. I thought you would like it as you don't have to see Micha then." he said. Jared shot him a confused look. Baking class? Him?
He wasn't too excited with the idea of wearing a pinny and a pair of oven gloves.
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