Categories > Books > Harry Potter > If I could only be normal
Chapter one: going home
2 reviewspost OOTP harry comes into inheritance and learns more about the wizarding world
0Illiterate
Reviews
If I could only be normal
(#) BenRG 2006-05-18
Well, the obliviation of the D-gang was a nice and unique point. And Harry kept his temper with Marge! Will wonders never cease...?
It would be good if you could do more to establish the main plot from the outset. This chapter was a bit too much like filler.
Still, your writing is technically good. I can't fault your efforts from that standpoint.
BenRG's Rating: 6/10If I could only be normal
(#) Lira_Snape 2006-07-06
If you made shorter sentences, using full-stops more often instead of simply commas, your writing would be a lot more understandable and flow a lot better.
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