FicWad

‘127 Hours’ isn’t that bad actually. If you count about an hour and a half of watching James Franco panicking, crying and losing his own arm ‘not that bad’ that is. Nah, being serious, once you get past the initial ‘Oh my God my arm’s stuck it’s stuck it’s FUCKING STUCK,’ moment, the rest is actually quite interesting. A lot better than what I’d expected judging from Ray and Zacky’s awful rendition the other day. Though, to be honest I didn’t really care what film we saw, it was just nice to spend some quality time with the guys outside of college. Every other night this week and the last, I’d been practically running out of the building, eager to get home and lock myself in my bedroom like the moody, apathetic teenager I’d become. I wouldn’t talk to anyone for nearly the whole evening, and just go to bed early, creating a little private world for me to escape to from the drama of that day. Today was different though, the moment I got wind of the night out at Ray’s, I was much more willing. I wanted to be with them, I wanted to spend the night eating pizza and throwing popcorn at Johnny and curling up in Bob’s arms like a little bear cub whilst I fell asleep. I wanted to be with people again, and to make the effort to be with them. We even invited Jamia, who was becoming more and more like a part of our group with each passing day. She didn’t mind being the only girl there, Ray’s mom spent most of the time chatting with her whilst we ordered pizza and messed around firing popcorn cornels out of the bag at each other, before I walked over and asked if she wanted to come and sit down. Out of the five of us, I knew Jamia the most, and made her feel most welcome when asking her to join us for the movie. She’s not a fan of films with a lot of blood in, and judging what it’s about, opted to curl up to me in case she needed to cover her eyes at any possible gory moments. I took the large arm chair of Ray’s and sprawled out, taking a little while to get into full conversation, but once I was there, it became hard to shut me up. I just felt so happy; I’d finally stood up to Gerard and was getting my life back on track. My friends were much happier too now I’d perked up so dramatically, and I was letting them back in again instead of closing down like some sort of solitary oyster. I was the old Frankie again, the one that everyone knew and loved. Well, the one that everyone knew, at least. I was enjoying my other subjects a lot more at college too now they weren’t plagued with thoughts of that man, Brian, my music teacher and I had become closer again and I was so sure that everything would be okay now.

Even things with Jamia were looking up. Before the movie started, I collected the pizzas in, only to find she had stolen my place and was sat in the arm chair. After a moment of play fighting, Jamie eventually settled sideways in my lap to share the pizza with me, her slender legs crossed and dangling over one of the light blue arms. I smiled and rested one arm out so it lay round her back, before just relaxing and watching the film. Ray had turned off the lights and was sat in another arm chair, Bob and Johnny taking up the couch whilst Zacky lay across them. I chuckled at the sight of Zacky’s head in Johnny’s lap and shook my head fondly, before returning to the movie with a soft smile. I slowly ate slice after slice of pizza whilst I tuned in to what was happening, feeling like I was there with the main character, Aron, off on his exciting expedition into the Blue John Canyon. I tore off a piece of the crust as I watched, my eyes following the characters as they jumped over rocks, squeezed through narrow crevices and even made their way into an underground pool. I barely noticed the box growing more and more empty and giggled when I moved my hand over the cardboard, only to accidentally touch Jamia’s and make her jump. I whispered a soft ‘sorry’ and smiled, closing the lid and putting it on the floor, before resting my other arm idly over her stomach and round her waist to lace my fingers. Jamie’s soft sigh of ‘that’s fine,’ drifted into the dark room and she smiled back at me, shifting in the seat to rest further down in my lap and lay her head on the front of my shoulder. I don’t know what it was that made me feel so happy when she did that, but something did and I sighed, moving to lay a hand over the top of her arm in a protective way. As the film continued, I started to drift in and out of focus as I thought why I was feeling so happy. Was it because of Jamia? Was she making me feel like this, with her soft, ebony locks brushing against my neck whenever she moved a little to get comfy? Her eyes sparkled as they reflected the television screen, the deep, chocolate browns mingling with light blues and indigoes as she watched intently, before looking up at me for a moment to pass a comment on how it was going. I felt happy with her in my arms, and I just couldn’t figure out why that was. Maybe it was because her warm breath on my neck felt so calming and relaxing. Maybe it was because her occasional mewls of ‘protect me’ or something like that made me feel so strong and happy that I could. Maybe it was because she was... Well, a girl.

At that thought, I bit my lip and looked at Jamie again, only to see her smoky shadowed eyelids starting to close, one arm resting on my shoulder and gently round my neck. She was falling asleep, and I held her a little closer, her legs curling up a little as she brought her knees a little closer. Ray was still watching the movie with Bob, but Johnny and Zacky were both dozing softly together, how long they’d been out, I’m not sure. Anyone who didn’t know the pair of us would probably think we were a couple, even Bob looked over and winked softly when he saw Jamia’s face nestled against my neck. I smiled and looked back at the film, biting my lip. It felt so conventional, so safe, so how I should be living my life. If Jamia and I ever did get together, it’d be great. I mean, we’d just be another typical boyfriend and girlfriend, nothing special, nothing dangerous, nothing wrong. Just some average couple who trusted and loved each other, who would one day get married and have children and spend the rest of their lives together. It would be perfect. I smiled and started thinking if there was a possibility she did like me, and bit my lip gently. There was no denying it, she was beautiful, her long black locks fell like a waterfall over her shoulders and cascaded down almost to her waist. They framed her face perfectly, bringing out the hazels and chocolate browns in her eyes. Her lips were soft and pouty, always curved into a smile whenever she spoke to me, and on looking at her again, I became confused as to why she was still single. I could be her boyfriend... I could ask her out and hold her hand and wait for her in the corridor by her locker and all that cliché stuff that couples do.

As I thought about it, I sighed, my brain tired and confused with a mix of Aron’s video diaries playing in the background, and my own little movie rolling in my head. Maybe there was a reason why she was still single. I couldn’t see it though; she was pretty, nice, funny, smart... I could see why other girls would be jealous of her; she had a figure like a model. Maybe... Maybe if she broadened out a little though, I mean, guys love curves, they love something to hold on to and as I held her in my arms, I bit my lip and half wondered if she was going to snap. I sighed and looked at her, watching her lips pout as she slept. Mmm... Maybe if her hair was shorter, I mean, so many girls at college have waist length hair, it would look so much more edgy and striking if she cut it differently. Perhaps even a fringe, brushed to the side of course. I bit my lip and started to imagine it all, how Jamie could look, how I... How I wanted her to look. Taller, yes, and less frilly dresses, jeans suit girls just as much as they suit guys. She could start wearing jackets too, and more eyeliner to bring out the real hazel in her eyes. There were so many minor things I could change, and I sighed as I started brushing my fingers through her short, straightened hair I’d imagined, tracing a finger down her ivory toned skin and defined cheek bone. When she opened her eyes, I wished they’d be a lighter, green hazel colour, maybe a little narrower like her lips. When she smiled, I wished it would be more crooked, her teeth whiter and pointier like little fangs. I closed my eyes as I dreamt up all these things about her, what I’d really love to see when I opened them again. I started to warp her personality too, wanting her to be cheekier, more confident, more... More...

More Gerard.

My eyes flew open and I gasped, Ray looking over at me and biting his lip.

‘Dude? Are you okay?’ He whispered softly, Bob now sleeping too, his head resting on Johnny’s shoulder as they both cradled Zacky. I murmured a soft ‘yeah’ and a lie about how I had one of those falling dreams you get when you’re just about to fall asleep sometimes, making Ray chuckle. He nodded and turned down the volume of the film a little, looking at me and watching me close my eyes again though I was far from sleeping. Oh fuck, I couldn’t seriously have just thought that could I? How could I want Jamia to be anything like Gerard? She’s gorgeous as it is, and a whole lot nicer, anyone normal wouldn’t be able to resist her. But the more I looked at her, the more time I spent with her that evening, I decided that she just couldn’t make me tick like he could. She never made my stomach flip in excitement or anticipation like he did, even by just looking at me. I never ran to her locker to meet her, I never really thought about her after lessons, and I certainly never had dreams about her like I did the other day about Gerard. I shook my head in aggravation and sighed, running a hand through my hair. I couldn’t believe I was missing him, I just couldn’t be. I mean, I had pushed him away for crying out loud. I had walked away and vowed never to come crawling back like that again, and here I am, holding a work of absolute beauty in my arms, and I’m still not satisfied. I sighed and cracked an eyelid open to see Ray curled up, holding the remote to his chest like a little baby and flicking the television off, before slumping completely and falling asleep. I moved my gaze to Jamia and sighed, biting my lip as it became slowly apparent that, as much as I tried, she just didn’t feel... Enough. I felt awful, from the way she was curling up to me, it looked a lot like she fancied me, and all this evening I must have been giving her the right signals. But now I was alone with my thoughts again, the same niggling ones came creeping into my mind about that same man that just drove me crazy. I’d pushed him away, and he’d never come back. I... I was sure about that. Jamia here is absolutely amazing, I’ve said it myself, she’d make an incredible girlfriend. I sighed and shook my head, holding her closer to me. Gerard isn’t coming back, he’s not. Even if he does try something with me, I can’t let him back into my life. Just because Jamie is a safer option, it doesn’t mean she’s not enough for me, maybe it’ll just take some getting used to.

So I forced myself to get used to it. Over the weekend, I made sure to call Jay and ask how her day was, find out what she liked and disliked and even tried to match her interests with mine. I wanted to date her, I wanted to want to date her and I was sure I could achieve that before long. As the break passed, I started thinking up places I could take her, deciding to ask her out on Monday before I could change my mind over the week. When that day finally arrived, I smiled, feeling much more confident with myself. The pair of us had been talking all weekend, I even hung out at the park with her for an hour, just chatting and forcing myself to stop comparing her to Gerard. It got gradually easier, and as I waited by Jamia’s shiny metal locker to walk her to art, I was sure nothing could stop me from asking her now. I saw her coming, her hair tied up and bouncing in its ponytail as she waved excitedly. I beamed softly and tilted my head back to rest against the cool metal, smiling. She looked gorgeous, skinny navy jeans on with a low cut black t shirt, a string of beads, ribbons and chains clustered together in a necklace that jingled a little with each step. On approaching me, I opened my arms and Jamie eagerly stepped into them, smiling widely as I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. See, why wouldn’t I want that? I hugged her for a long moment, breathing in her scent to mask the cologne I’d invented that was far too much like Gerard’s. She smelled of cherries and something sweet that I couldn’t place but liked all the same. When I pulled back, so did she, letting me slip an arm round her slender waist as we walked to art together, chatting away. It didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable or anything, I was just genuinely happy to be spending time with her. This is it, I knew it just took some getting used to.

We walked into the art room together, and for a change, I wasn’t early. I strolled in just after the bell went and moved to her table, sitting opposite so we could carry on our conversation. I didn’t notice Gerard already in there with some of the others, or see him look over with a small frown, my back to him. Excellent. I could just concentrate on Jay today and focus on making her my girlfriend, finally able to get away from all of this mayhem. I found out that she was religious too, and felt more comfortable in talking to her with every passing second. It wasn’t until I looked round that things changed. I just glanced behind me, wondering if Gerard was actually in today as I hadn’t seen him, and looked straight into the man’s eyes. He was staring right at me, his face emotionless as he leaned against the wooden planning chest, his arms folded. As I looked, I blushed deeply and whipped back round, mentally cursing myself. Fuck. Why did you do that Frank? He was looking, he was fucking waiting for you to turn round so he could give you that unfathomable look and throw you right off balance. I sighed and shook my head, forcing myself to pay attention to Jamia whilst I tried to figure out why he was even looking in the first place. If he’d still be looking if I turned around again. Maybe I could match him with a look of my own, one that says ‘fuck off, I’m busy here and I don’t need you.’ Or at least ‘stop looking at me.’ I started to wonder if that stare would be the last of it, though. I mean, I know he’s a determined man, and we’d only really covered three of the sins. Well, four if you count his stupid trick the other day. We still had three more to go through, and if I knew Gerard like I did, he wouldn’t give up with such a simple ‘okay.’ I mean, he got another sin through to me without me even knowing, who knows what he’ll try now I’ve pushed him away. I started toying with myself as Jamie spoke, wondering if to look round again and match his gaze, or flip him off or try and get a head up on what he was doing to me.

On turning round, though, I frowned. Now, I’m not saying Gerard’s a bad teacher, far from it. He really knows his stuff, and has tricked me enough times into being with him, the man’s a genius. But he never helps the rest of the class with their work. Normally, he’ll do a quick whip round of everyone, just a simple ‘all okay?’ before rushing off to the back of the room near the radiator where I am. Today was different though. I looked at him, trying to catch his eye, and bit my lip as I saw, not only was he helping another table of two, but he genuinely didn’t seem to notice me. Even when he was fucking with my head last week, he’d always give me a sly look or a subtle glance to show he meant business. Here, he was just sitting down, giving his full attention to Lindsay and Kitty on the other side of the room. I folded my arms and got up to get some paper, walking past him to the planning chest and frowning even more when the man didn’t so much as bat an eyelid. What on earth was going on? Gerard was stare central a minute ago, and now it was like I didn’t even exist. I dragged open one of the wide, wooden drawers to get some black paper and took out a sheet, just checking behind me that he hadn’t looked up or anything. I don’t know why I felt so concerned, but as my gaze returned to Jamia, the more I wanted Gerard to look instead. I sighed and walked back over, hearing him move and walk round to a side of the room where some of the guys were, and I was able to see him without turning round.

‘You okay?’ Jay asked, smiling at me and melting my slight glare in irritation. I nodded and beamed, saying a soft ‘of course,’ before chatting to her about something completely different. Of course I was okay, I mean, what was I, twelve? It was that familiar cousins memory I’d compared Gerard to a while ago, only turned on its head. This time, it felt like what really happens when you meet your older cousins. They’re cool, they’re amazing, and you want to hang out with them so so badly, but of course, the minute they see the adults or older kids, they’re off without you and you’re left on your own like the loser you are. The more time Gerard spent with anyone else, the more I felt just like that loser. I mean, come on, just a look would be nice, I think he was sort of obliged to look at me anyway with all the mind fucking he’d been doing. I sighed softly and looked back at Jamia, realising I’d drifted off half way through a sentence and she was now softly touching my hand. Except I didn’t want her to touch it, I wanted Gerard to. I wanted his strong hand to be clamped over mine like it was on Friday, I wanted his ivory skin to be touching mine and I wanted it to be him who I looked at when I returned to normality. Except no, Gerard fucking Way wasn’t paying attention to me anymore, I don’t think he would have cared if I’d just got up and left, he probably wouldn’t notice. He was off talking to the other boys, and running his fingers through their hair and laughing at their jokes. I mean, I’d told Jay a joke a moment ago, and she laughed, I bet Gerard heard it too. We were talking about interesting things and getting on with our work, why couldn’t he come over and see? I was missing him, I knew that, and I had to pry my eyes away from the table he was at again in some attempt to deny it.

‘Shit, Jay I’m really sorry, I have a bit of a headache,’ I sighed, smiling hopefully at her. Jeez Frank, you’re acting like a stroppy child, give it up. Just like I couldn’t control myself around him, I couldn’t control my emotions either. I had convinced myself that I wouldn’t compare the two when I got in here, but of course, the minute I lay eyes on him, everything flew out of the window. I turned into a jealous child when I saw him stroking Matt, one of the jock’s mohicans and actually complimenting him about it, and he had a boyfriend. I could practically feel my eyes going green at the sight of it all, and looked down at my page again, relieving myself a little as I cut into some thick card with my scissors. I don’t know if he was trying to make me jealous or what, but it was certainly working, and Jamia’s hand stroking mine really wasn’t doing anything to help. That is, until I looked at her again. She was gazing softly at me and lacing our fingers, a look of concern painted across her features and making me sigh. ‘Really Jay, I’m fine,’ I smiled, biting my lip as my smile lingered a moment, an idea starting to form in my brain. Maybe there was a way I could get his attention. I looked over for a moment, seizing the opportunity when he had got up to turn to Jay with a smile. ‘Say, what are you doing tonight?’ I asked with a smile, stroking my thumb over her cool, metal rings and feeling all the jewels and crystals embedded in them. I know it’s wrong to ask her out just to get back at Gerard, but I promised myself I would do today, and besides, maybe I’d forget about him on the date. When Jamie smiled softly and blushed with a shake of her head, and I saw Gerard glance over, I smiled at her. ‘Mm, do you want to catch a movie with me maybe?’ At that point, I saw Gerard completely look over, his gaze hardening at her positive reply. Knew it. He was playing a game with me, and I’d just learned the rules to match him at it. The rest of the lesson passed more smoothly now I’d made that dig of him, and I barely noticed Gerard talking to anyone else, skipping off as he waved his hand for us to go instead of saying his usual cheery ‘good bye.’
-

Sure enough, the date went well. I took Jay to the movies to see a comedy, nearly dying with laughter and just having a really great time with her. One of the advantages was that we could just sit and watch the film, and I didn’t have to think about anything in particular other than what was going on. Afterwards, we went to get a takeaway, and I walked her back home whilst we ate it in each other’s company. Another good move, I’d say, the eating disabled us from talking too much, and the stuff we talked about was just simple conversation, not much effort or heavy thinking being required. Gerard was successfully pushed out of my mind until I leaned forward on her doorstep and gave her a soft, tender kiss goodnight, wishing he could see this and feel like I did earlier that day. I sighed and smiled at Jamia as I broke from her lips, kissing her once more before letting her go inside after a promise to text her. She was so lovely, so cute and sweet and laughed at all the jokes and funny stories I told her. I really liked her, she was enough for me, whenever I was stuck with something to say, she had it. If I wanted to hold her hand, she’d let me, and was just as confident to kiss my cheek or make moves herself throughout the night. I’ve said it time and time again, who wouldn’t want her? I was completely crazy for ever comparing her to anyone else, let alone a cocky, pushy, arrogant bastard like him.

Who was so sexy I just couldn’t resist.

As quick as the thought entered my head, I pushed it straight out again and walked home, my mind playing on Jamia for the rest of the night and for once I didn’t go to sleep thinking about Gerard. Not solely about him, anyway.

I felt so much more confident the next day. I walked into school with Zacky after telling him and the guys about me and Jay, the four of them really happy for us. I knew they would be, they’re such great friends. I was really looking forward to seeing her, with the added reason that we had art this morning. I wondered if Gerard thought about Jay and I last night. I knew he’d heard, his glare told me exactly that, and the way he practically shoved us out of the classroom showed how pissed he was. I suppose he didn’t expect me to follow through, to be true to my word when I said I was stopping. Well, I was, all I needed was the right girl. And she was perfect. Hmm... I smirked to myself as I started thinking about Gerard, deciding that yes, he had thought about us, and was feeling just as aggravated and frustrated as I was yesterday. I wanted him to, I wanted him to be jealous of Jamia for having me, for being able to walk over and kiss me like she did when I saw her in the corridor. I wanted him to want me again, to notice me, to notice how much I’d moved on. I... I had moved on. Just cos he was... Oh, I don’t know, good looking, it doesn’t mean I’m fucking in love with him or something. I can have other people, I stopped this dysfunctional relationship after all.

‘Mmm, mmm... Frankie...’

‘Yeah?’

‘What if Gerard comes in?’

‘Shh, we’re real early, he won’t be here for ages, just relax...’ We were in the art room now, Jamia on my lap with her fingers in my hair as we kissed. We’d barely been able to keep apart, Jamia was always hanging off my arm or hugging me or wrapping her arms round me at every point in the day, and I would often peck her lips or cheek whenever I noticed Gerard around. His stern glare made me smirk as I knew he just wished to be Jay right now, and I chuckled, pressing closer to show he couldn’t have me. I don’t really know how we got kissing in here, I think I was just on the high that at any moment, he’d walk in and see us, and I couldn’t wait for that reaction. I couldn’t wait for him to say something to stop us, for me to even ignore him until I wanted to, because for now, I was in control. Time passed quickly as we kissed, her soft lips brushing over mine again and again and quiet, shy little mewls escaped her fruity flavoured lips from her chap stick. I sighed and pushed my tongue into her mouth, images of Gerard nearing the building flickering round my head, that familiar smirk on his lips, his tongue darting over them as he gave me those smouldering eyes that just screamed ‘I’m going to take you.’ I sighed and lost myself in the moment, Jamia’s lips soon becoming Gerard’s as we kissed passionately on the stool together, his hands in my hair, his whimpers and moans drifting into the room-

‘Erm, excuse me?’ I jumped and pulled away from Jamia sharply, all thoughts of my plan to take my time completely dying as I looked up to see Gerard standing there. The rest of the students sniggered softly at the pair of us and got on with their work, even Jamia got off me with a soft apology and opened her sketchbook. My eyes were completely glued to Gerard’s though, a mix of emotions being shared between our gazes. His voice was definitely very teacher-esque and stern, letting anyone know he meant business and he meant it now. For a moment, I wondered if he was really annoyed or anything, his eyes a mix of pain, embarrassment and... There it was. Anger. The longer I looked at him, the colder his gaze slowly became, his knuckles now white as he gripped his own sketchbook angrily. ‘Frank, you see me after class’ was all he said, his tone now shrunk dramatically into barely a whisper, and I widened my eyes. Fuck. We were only messing around, I wasn’t going to feel her up or anything. I mean, I know Gerard was jealous of the pair of us, I know I was fucking with him but I didn’t expect him to turn like that. I thought this would all be a bit of fun, but his voice told me something really different. It told me that I’d really stepped out of line, that trying to teach him a sin was a very bad move and that there would most definitely be a price to pay after lessons. I felt nervous of what he was going to do to me and bit my lip, looking at Jamia. The pair of us had planned to hang out after college today, and I touched her hand when I was sure he wasn’t looking.

‘I’ll be quick, promise,’ I said gently, my heart pounding as I knew I was lying.

A/N: Whew! Hey guys :) Just a quick note to say thanks for all your great reviews last chapter, I was really unsure about it if I’m honest but feel so much better from hearing that you all enjoyed it. I hope this one has got you all interested and please keep up the rates and reviews, I love hearing from you all!
Thanks again :D Immy xo.