"It won't be the same"
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Our last days passed us in a haze of laughter and reluctant goodbyes, savouring each stolen minute in each others company, preserving the memories we knew were tinged with sadness as the darkness of Saturday loomed threateningly closer and closer.
School was getting in the way majorly and we found it hard to be with each other for more than five minutes, and we were both frustrated. We both hated school anyway, every hour spent gazing out the murky windows in history or science was too tedious to bare. Friday rolled around and we walk to school in a broken silence, clutching each other’s clammy palms, each step the last we would take together which carried us towards the double doors which wafted out the sickly smell of trainers and canteen food.
What would I do without him? I could barely last a class without his presence, only the fact I would see him soon enough stopped me from totally freaking out... As we walked I felt him beside me, but I felt strangely alone, like he was already leaving me. A thought shot into my mind as we turned round the corner, now facing our grey bricked destination. I flashed a small smile and received a puzzled look, as I veered off away from the school, so it disappeared out of our eyesight.
‘Urm, Mikey?’ Frank asked, confusion thick in his voice. ‘School's that way...’
I gave a mocking smile as i replied ‘Now now, you don’t really think our last whole day together would be spent in that hell hole did you?’ I tutted my tounge as a hesitant smile stretched across his face. ‘No Frankie, we’re going to have some fun.’ We soon made our way to the mall, giggling about nothing at all and brushing off the disapproving looks and fearful glances at Frank’s lip ring and skeleton gloves.
‘So, my evil captor, where are you taking me?’ Frank laughed.
‘Well, I was thinkin-‘ a large growl from my stomach interrupted my speech and reduced us both back into giggles as we made a short detour into starbucks for a coffee and a well deserved blueberry muffin. We spent the day darting from shop to shop, loosing ourselves in comic books and new music, the whole time I didn’t stop smiling.
It was just what we needed, a break, a perfect goodbye. We wondered back home, school bags bulging with comics, cd’s and plenty of sugar to keep our energy levels at an all time high. We got back to my house, finding it empty with a note from Gerard saying he’d be back tomorrow. We went upstairs to my room with mugs of coffee, read our magazines and sung along to music, and eventually falling asleep in an intertwined heap amongst superheros. Nights like these were the ones that should never end, but the horror of tomorrow was tangible in the air, like knives dangling above our heads. But, for now, we were happy.
This was the day we would remember, the day that would linger in our memories , perfectly preserved, completely defining us, what made us truly happy.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I woke up wonderfully warm, with the green lanterns face stuck to my cheek. I dragged myself up to glance around the room, only to find myself blocked by a large and heavy Mikey sprawled across my chest. I sighed blissfully as I let my eyes roam around his room, eventually landing on the alarm clock across from me. With a horrific jolt in my stomach, I read it was Saturday... Not only Saturday, but we’d slept until 1:30. I could kick myself, if my legs were free to move. I tried to gently wake him, but soon gave up and rolled over, pitching him face first to the comic strewn floor.
‘Agh! Frank you bastard you could’ve woken me up some other way!’ He grumbled, rubbing his head and feeling around for his glasses. I giggled slyly and replied
‘But where’s the fun in that sugar?’ We laughed easily, until Mikey caught sight of the time.
‘SHIT! Frank we’ve wasted the whole day!’ Mikey whined, looking so downcast it broke my heart further. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the bed, and grabbed the remote, flicking on the small TV on his desk. I settled onto his chest, arms hooked round him as we watched a movie. I didn’t even pay attention to the screen, my mind was shrouded by the thought of leaving, and my eyes were blinded by tears.
I couldn’t leave him, not yet. I squeezed him tighter and I felt his lips press to the top of my head. Just simple things, like watching a crappy movie on tv with him, or receiving an affectionate kiss is now so precious, so rare. I felt Mikey shift underneath me, and gently push me off of him as he stood up. I blinked, bringing myself out of my thoughts. The sun was now shining through his windows, filling the room with light.
The clock read 3:00, only an hour left. My heartbeat faltered as another wave of sadness crashed over me. I looked around for mikey, who was rilfling through his drawers, searching for something. My curiosity sparked as he quickly pocketed an object and glanced up nervously. He sat down beside me and took several breaths before speaking.
‘Frank, I can hardly remember a happy moment in my life before you. You’ve brought me so much and I’m so grateful. You’ve helped me proud of who I am, and loved me and supported me every step of the way. Y-you mean the world to me Frank, and it breaks me...’ He glanced up at me, his eyes shiny with tears and his voice wavering. ‘That you’re leaving. If I could, I’d go with you, or somehow make you stay, but that’s not going to happen. So instead, I want to give a part of me to take with you.’
He put a hand in his pocket, and pulled out a small silver ring. I looked closer and it was made up of tiny skulls. My heart swelled and tears overflowed my eyes as I looked up at Mikey, who was finding it hard to get out the words. ‘This isn’t a proposal. This is a promise, a reminder. This is so you will never, ever feel alone, cause it’ll always show you I care. I love you, Frank.’ He slipped the ring onto my pinky and I crashed full force into him, embracing my Mikey.
‘Oh Mikey, I love you too.’ For a few minutes we stood in the middle of his room, laughing, weeping and gasping for breath. A insistent buzzing erupted from my pockets, and I sighed heavily as I produced my vibrating phone from my pocket. It was my mom, most likely calling me to ask where I was.
The buzzing stopped and I smiled sadly and Mikey, who took my hand as we left his room to head to my house. My eyes roamed around the room, glancing at everything for the last time in who knows how long. The room was wonderfully disordered, with all of our mutual interests advertised with posters, magazines, cd’s and movies.
I closed the door over and silently followed Mikey down the stairs. We clutched one another’s hands, still occasionally wiping away tears, as we wondered down the sidewalk, trying to delay the inevitable. Unfortunately, the fact our houses were nearby to each other (a feature we used to relish) made us frustrated as barely 5 minutes passed and my house was already near. I was certain I was breaking Mikey’s hand with the force I was squeezing it, but he didn’t speak out, we just continued our silence. My dad was trying to crush boxes into the boot of the car, and my mom was already sitting in the front, nibbling her lip nervously. We stopped a few feet before the car, our legs refusing to carry us further.
‘I still don’t believe this, you can’t go.’ Mikey whispered. Pain sliced through me again, and a new wave of tears stung my eyes, blurring his face from me.
‘I-I’ll come and see you, Mikes.’ I tried to console him, and failed. ‘We’ll text and call and e-mail too, and if there are any dumb ass motherfuckers I’m coming straight back.’ He continued to sob, and I pulled him in for a hug, his chest heaving.
‘It won’t be the same though, I need to hold you, look forward to seeing you every morning. You make my day worth waking up for, and now it’s all going to go away.’ He convulsed into tears again, and I joined him, finally relenting to the hopelessness I felt.
‘Frank! Get your ass in the car or I’m leaving without you!’ dad roared, his voice carrying towards us like a roll of thunder.
‘Go ahead.’ I yelled back. I turned to face Mikey, uttering the words we’d both been dreading. ‘I’ve gotta go Mikey.’ I wrapped my arms around him and crushed his lips to mine. Our last kiss in who knows how long was far too short, and bitter-tasting with tears. I heard my dad clear his throat uncomfortably from the car, and we broke apart.
‘I love you Frank.’ Mikey whispered.
‘I love you too Mikey, remember that.’ I smiled brokenly, taking in every detail of his face. I started to back away slowly, our hands still clamped to each others. They soon broke apart and fell horridly cold and empty to our sides. I turned and walked to the car, where my mom gave an half-hearted smile, and my dad avoided my murderous gaze.
I looked back at Mikey, who was standing alone and dejected on our lawn. I stepped into the car, and reluctantly closed the door. Dad started the engine and we slowly rolled past where Mikey stood. We didn’t break each others gaze until we turned off around the corner and he disappeared from view. I flopped into my seat, feeling deflated and so, so alone. I wrapped my arms around myself and plugged in my ipod. I spent the next four hours ignoring the world, burying my head into my tshirt, inhaling the trace of Mikeys comforting smell that lingered on me still. For the first time since i met him, I was alone. I wasn’t whole. Half of me was still standing, intertwined in Mikey’s arms, on the deserted sidewalk.