The rest of the band come over to see Gerard.
"I hate my life so much…" I moaned for about the hundredth time that day. I let out a yelp when I felt a stinging pain spark somewhere on my left cheekbone. I figured I'd accidentally scraped of some skin…wonderful.
"There are times when I just want to…"
"…Want to what?"
I let out a scream (that was definitely not girlish in the least) and jumped high in the air. I then proceeded to lose my balance and tumble into the bathtub…the bathtub that, for some reason was half filled with water. I had a feeling the reason why it was filled with water was the same reason my bathroom window was currently open and why I was suddenly no longer alone in here.
"Frank" I ground out. "You did not just climb through my window."
"Good to see you too Gee" he replied, cheerily.
"Haven't you ever heard of the door?" I snapped. I pulled myself out of the bathtub, cursing furiously as my clothes stuck to my body and water dripped off me. Well, on the bright side, any left over makeup had probably been washed off.
"As a matter of fact I have" Frank replied. "I've also heard of knocking – tried fifty times but then gave up."
Frank shot me a dirty look. "Yeah I count. After all I had nothing better to do and I was stuck outside and freezing my arse of because a big dick (cough cough you) decided that pampering yourself was more important that your best friend!"
"I wasn't pampering myself" I shot back. "I was trying to get all this fucking makeup off my face."
Frank opened his mouth to retort but before he could the bathroom door opened and Ray, Mikey and Bob walked in.
"How the hell did you get in?" Frank asked, incredulously.
"I have the key" Mikey said, dangling it in front of Frank's face. Frank's jaw dropped open.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.
"I tried to but you'd already run off" Mikey replied. He turned to me. "How was your first day at the club?"
"Horrible" I replied because, as they say, honesty is the best policy…and also because I wanted my friends to feel guilty. "It's the most fucked up club I've ever seen. It consists of an old lady, her troubled granddaughter, a creepy man who thinks I'm a sexy beast, an overexcited chick with a liking for the word 'oh my god'…and did I mention that the leader of the fanclub doesn't even want to be there?"
For a minute the guys all stared at me – then they collapsed onto the ground in gales of laughter. Mikey stood there for a moment, biting his lip and trying to look supportive and not like he was struggling to not collapse in hysterics. This only lasted about ten seconds before he joined the others on the floor.
Wow. Aren't I graced with such amazing friends?
"I don't want to do this anymore! It's so stupid!" I cried, unable to hold back any longer. I put on my best 'do-what-I-say-'cause-I'm-so-loveable' face and made my lips all pouty and trembly. The guys stopped laughing to stare at me and for a moment I thought I'd succeeded…then they were back on the ground and I was holding back the urge to bash my head against the wall until I fractured my skull. At least then I wouldn't have to go to that stupid club anymore…
…But I'd be in hospital and hospital meant needles so maybe that wasn't such a great idea.
"A dare is a dare" Bob said, once he had gained control over himself. "Hell, have I ever told you about that dare I had to do in high school?"
"Well, I'll tell you now. So I got this dare right – I had to get a sledgehammer and bash in my first ever drum kit."
"Fuck…did you do it?" Ray asked, his eyes growing larger than his hair.
"Hell yeah, it was a dare! You can't say no to a dare!"
"Shit…that's fucked up Bob…" I muttered, feeling stunned.
"If it makes you feel any better I did hunt down the guy who had given me the dare later on…that sledgehammer came in handy…"
"That's…even more fucked up…" I managed to say.
"Eh, Bob's kidding" Frank said, dismissively. His eyes narrowed. "Right?"
"Whatever makes you happy" Bob replied.
"Bob…" I said, slowly.
"Calm down" Mikey said, soothingly. "If Bob had really killed a guy he'd have been put in jail. We'd know about that…"
"Uh…how would we know?" Frank asked.
There was a moment of silence.
"Bob…" Ray said, inching away slightly.
"Relax, I was just kidding. I didn't kill anyone" Bob said.
"But how do we know that?" Frank shot back, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"If I was capable of murder I would have killed you long before" Bob replied, offhandedly. Frank's eyes widened and he let out a scream.
"He's trying to kill me Gerard!"
I snickered. "Go ahead and do it, don't lose your nerve" I told Bob, before walking out of the room. I headed downstairs to the kitchen and turned to coffee maker on. Mmm...coffee. My person savior. Oh what would I do without you?
I sank into my favorite chair (the really cool one with the little skeletons printed all over) and closed my eyes. 'Dammit, this really sucks...'
I opened my eyes. Mikey was standing in front of me; too my surprise he looked slightly concerned.
"How do you really feel about all this?" he asked. He sat on the ground and crossed his legs; he gazed up at my expectantly.
"Why are you asking - you’re as happy as the others to see me suffer" I mumbled, feeling myself slide into full 'my-life-is-shit' mode.
"You’re my brother Gee" Mikey replied, rolling his eyes. "Plus, I didn't go as hyper as they did when they gave you the dare."
"...You didn't, did you?" I asked, suddenly feeling warm and tingly inside.
"No" Mikey confirmed. "So tell me, how do you feel?"
"Shitty. Fucked up. In over my head. Shit Mikey...I don't want to be in a fucking fan club about myself! Mikey...tell the others to call the dare off!"
Silence. It was then that I realized that no one else was in the room.
"Oh sorry Gee, did you say something?" Mikey walked back into the room, holding two cups of coffee in either of his hands.
"...You weren't even listening, were you?" I asked, feeling stunned and slightly hurt.
"Sorry Gee, the coffee machine went off. I went to pour us some – here."
He held the cup out towards me. I took it and muttered a sullen "thanks" and turned to glare at the wall. The warm and tingly feeling was long gone.
"So...now do you want to talk?" Mikey asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Forget it...just...forget it..."
The next day held much for me including yet another club meeting. I got there as late as I possibly could and then regretted it as soon as I got there. Mrs. Wallace pitched a fit about 'kids these days' and how we had 'absolutely no respect' and couldn't 'be on time for anything.'
When she'd finally shut up we'd already been twenty minutes into the meeting. Vicky then announced (all the while staring at her list) that we were baking cookies and decorating them to look like my face. Joy.
I was now putting the finishing touches on my cookies. I decided to recreate myself with white hair and was carefully creating a masterpiece with buttermilk icing.
"Oh my god...your cookies are so...wow. I'd totally rape them" Chantelle commented. I really had no idea what to say to that so I settled for a slightly horrified "thanks."
After baking-time came writing-time. Vicky announced it shortly after we had packed up our baked goods in little plastic containers.
"We're going to be writing letters to Gerard Way" she said. "And posting them."
I managed to scrawl out a quick message to myself before our time ran out. I stuffed it in an envelope and passed it to Vicky on my way out the door. I then proceeded to make my way home, lock myself in my bathroom again and scrub vigorously at my makeup covered face.
That night I curled up on my skeleton chair, munching on my Gerard Cookies and reading the letters that had been posted to me.
Never forget that you are the sexiest beast in this universe. If you really put your mind to it you could concur the world - just a thought.
XOXO - Philip.
Wow. That was...uh...was it a little mean off me to say that Philip gave me the creeps? Like, more so than Frank did?
I read the next letter.
Chantelle - remember the name because you'll be seeing me soon...at our wedding.
Your future bride
I stared at the letter for a few moments, considering burning it.
Right now your life must be more fucked up than mine.
Vicky (a.k.a the leader of this fanclub - wow, you must seriously hate me).
My lips twitched into a smile when I read that. At least one person in this club wasn't seriously fucked up. I completely agreed with her - my life was seriously fucked up, more so than she knew.
The next letter was from Lisa. It was a blank piece of paper than consisted of saliva and teeth marks. I dropped it on the floor and proceeded to wipe my hands on my jeans; my face screwed up in disgust.
The next letter was from Mrs. Wallace. I took one look at it and knew straight away it was from her even before I saw the name written at the bottom.
You naughty, naughty boy. I want you to sit down and think about what you've done.
No more make up for you!
ps: I baked you some cookies dearie but you can only have them once you
have become a good boy.
Attached to the letter was a neat little packet of Gerard Cookies. I untied them, took a look at them and then retied them. I wondered if Mikey would consider me weird if I presented him with a package of cookies that resembled like my face.
The last letter was from yours truly. It consisted of two simple words.
"With pleasure, Geraldine" I muttered. "With pleasure."