Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We'll Love Again, We'll Laugh Again, We'll Cry Again, and We'll Dance Again1 Reviews
One month later, Paige is getting on with her life, and everything is going well again. Right?
Chapter 3: And Our Memories Defeat Us
1 Month Later
"Holy shit! And the part where he yells "I TRAVELED 500 MILES TO GIVE YOU MY SEED." Jared yelled in the small Starbucks, his face turned red when realized he had 20 sets of eyes on him. This caused me to laugh uncontrollably.
For the past two hours Jared and I just sat and quoted our favorite movies, talked about our favorite music, and everything else in between. I had no idea how I had gotten to this point, a month I didn't wanna leave my bed. But now Jared and I were dating, and sometimes I felt guilty, but being with Jared brought back that feeling that I had with Gerard, the feeling of comfort. I mean there was no way I was over Gerard, his death, memory was always in the back of my mind, but I knew I needed to get on with my life. I still vaguely knew Jared yet I felt so comfortable with him and I just didn't understand it. I picked up the warm cardboard cup and took the last sip of my third coffee as Jared babbled on about more of his favorite parts from Step Brothers. I watched Jared's black hair fall perfectly across his face as he laughed.
"Well its good to know to you know Step Brothers by heart." I laughed, after not saying anything for the past few minutes.
"Oh yeah, it's quite an accomplishment." he grinned.
"I'm jealous." I laughed again.
"Well then all is right in the world." he smiled again. "So wanna grab dinner tonight." he smiled widely revealing his bright white teeth.
"Ah I would really love too, but I have to help Linds out tonight. " I smiled gently.
"Oh yeah that's cool. Uh when are you gonna tell her we're dating?" he questioned as he took a sip of the steaming coffee, which strangely didn't burn his tongue.
"Yeah, I will eventually, soon I swear. Things are still just a little rough. I mean I graduated this past year, everything was going great...well until..." My voice trailed off and I thought about the incident again, and flashes of Gerard being shot and falling to the cold hard cement flew through my mind. I gripped the arm on the chair tightly, trying to contain myself from bursting out in tears.
"Yeah I'm really sorry. I mean I know that doesn't help much, but you'll get through it. Everyone heals at their own pace. You know I am here for you. I know we are still getting into the swing of all this but I feel its easier to talk to people who don't really know about this stuff. Because they can't really tell well this person would have wanted you too..." he said precisely, I felt like he was a therapist or something.
"Yeah exactly! Sometimes people still tell me Gerard would have wanted this, Gerard wouldn't want you like this, blah blah blah. I mean I know in a way their right. But, they just need to shut the fuck up, I know what I need to do to get better, and I sure as hell know that Gerard would want me to do what I want to do to get better. Ya' know." I blurted out; this is more than I would ever to say to anyone else about the situation.
"Well if you know what you need to do then that's all that matters." Jared smiled at me taking the last sip of his coffee. "You wanna go smoke?" he asked as he placed his cup down on the table.
"Of course. " I said in relieved. And we rose from our cushioned chairs and made our way outside to the cool brisk air. It was the middle of October so it was pretty chilly, I was glad I bought my jacket after all.
Jared looked around for a place to sit but I already knew where to go. I led him to the table Lindsay and I used to sit at every day after school. We would laugh about random shit and smoke like banchees. We both pulled out the iron chairs and sat down. Jared reached into the pocket of his semi tight jeans and pulled out a pack of Marlboro Golds the kind Gerard used to smoke. He hand me one and kindly sparked it with his lighter. I breathed the toxic smoke into my lungs, and when I exhaled it I welcomed back the feeling of relaxation it made me feel. Within two minutes I was done and eager for another one but I controlled myself, remembering how I chain smoked in times of stress or pain. I looked at my phone and saw five missed calls from Lindsay, remembering I was supposed to meet her, at my house. So I took that as my cue to go. Frank's birthday was coming up and we were gonna throw him a huge party. Linds figured everyone needed a good party just to really help forget about everything, because no matter how hard each of us tried Gee was still on our minds. But it did help forget a little being around my friends again. Lindsay and I were almost back to normal, and it did feel right.
"Well I had another awesome time today." I smiled as I rose up from my chair.
"Yeah me too as always. So I'll see you soon yeah?" he asked eagerly. His hazel eyes sparkled with anxiousness. It was in this moment I really saw how much he resembled Gee.
"Yeah." I smiled softly, before I turned my back he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, and I felt my stomach flutter a bit, and started walking towards my car.
I unlocked my red explorer and climbed in; I turned the car on and blasted the heat. I was just about to back out when I felt my stomach sink. Once again I was alone, the feeling crept up again as it always did, it was a black cloud that followed me around waiting to pry itself underneath my skin. Here I was thinking I had made a lot of progress. I quickly opened my glove box in hope of finding a CD that would help me shake this feeling. But instead I stumbled over a small tin box that was cold to the touch. I pulled it out and took the lid off and I gasped at what laid inside. It was the glow in the dark shoelaces that Gerard gave to me the day we first kissed, the day I found him in his room and he kissed me deeply. I pushed him away and then he pulled these out of his pocket and I lost it. Suddenly I felt warm tears run down my face, and I pressed my head against the steering wheel and sobbed. I know it seems pretty fucking dumb to cry over shoelaces, but Gerard and I swore on these every time we made a promise to each other, I don't know how it became a thing...it just did. But it was just one more thing to remind me that he was never coming back.
"I miss you Gerard, why'd you leave me here." I sobbed out into my steering wheel and let the loneliness take me over.
After I finished balling my eyes out for about an hour I finally went home, my Mom was still cooped up in here room, things really have changed that much with her. We had our good days, which were scarce. We had our bad days which were in a surplus. I didn't quite understand how one day she would try and talk to me and make sure I was okay, and then the next call me a piece of shit who couldn't do anything right. But I just left it alone, I didn't bother popping in, she probably didn't even notice that I was gone. I walked slowly to my room, still wiping my eyes every now and then to get rid of my make up that had been running. More than anything I was ready for nap; I threw my purse on the hardwood floor, and reached into my drawer pulling out my navy blue pajama pants and some old t-shirt to match. But as I walked back towards my bed something over at my bookshelf caught my eye. One of my books had been moved from the shelf onto my desk. Now I know my mom wouldn't even bother doing that because she doesn't leave her room, and no one else had been home. Which means someone was in my room, I felt my stomach drop. I froze in the center of my room and looked around just to see if anything else had been moved, but there was nothing. I swung my closet door open and was greeted by my clothes, under the bed was only and old shoe and random sheets of paper. Maybe I was just overreacting, but I felt a little safer knowing no one was in there at the moment. But still the feeling that a person could have just come into my room and invade my privacy scared the shit out of me.
"Come on Paige get a hold of yourself." I whispered anxiously. I was just paranoid, ever since Gerard died. I was always afraid Rebecca was gonna come back and finish the job she started. But it was probably just paranoia.
I shook the feeling away and walked over to my desk and picked up the hard cover book, I went to place back in its rightful place on the white shelf when a white index card fell out onto the floor. I bent down to pick it up and when I flipped it over I saw "I'm watching you." in big black letters. I felt my stomach sink again, I remembered this note. I found this note in my windshield a couple days after Gerard and I started dating I didn't say anything about it, because I didn't think it was a huge deal but I guess I was wrong. I remember sticking it in here, but I was still a little freaked out about how that book ended up on the desk. I quickly grabbed my keys and ran out the door going one of the only place I thought I'd be able to get some perspective.
I have actually spent a month in Chicago so far and everything has been going well. I found myself a nice small apartment in the city, and a good job at Barnes and Noble. Maybe this time I could stay put, maybe everyone at home was doing well, and didn't need me to come back. Maybe they caught Rebecca. I mean I haven't spoke to Mikey, Frank, Ray, Bob, or Lindsay in a couple weeks now they were the only ones that knew my new number. Anything could have happened. Maybe they didn't need me anymore. But in a way I was all right with that. My life was going pretty well. I was loading some books onto the shelf in the self help section, and was getting ready to finish off my shift, when I felt my phone buzz to my side and it was a text from Mikey.
"We need to talk right fucking now, call me as soon as you fucking can. Its important." I felt my heart stop. This couldn't be good.