Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We'll Love Again, We'll Laugh Again, We'll Cry Again, and We'll Dance Again1 Reviews
Paige searches for some perspective, but finds something else instead.
Chapter 4: I Fought Them All Off Just to Hold You Close and Tight
"Open the door!" I pounded on the door with all the strength I had in my 5'6 body.
There was still no answer, I looked on the slender windows on the side of the door, and peaked into the house I once knew so well. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be back here, but I knew this was the only place I could go.
"Mikey! Frank! I know one of you are in there!" I yelled as I peered into the Way house again. Mikey and Frank were always together now, I guess since Gerard died they both grew a lot closer, because they were both close to Gee.
I leaned out from the door and looked over into the driveway. The only car there was Gerard's; I guess his Mom wasn't ready to get rid of it yet. I looked at the old Subaru XT and I remember what Gerard would always used to say. "It's silver so I never have to wash it." I smiled grimly at the memory and went back and banged on the door again.
"MIKEY!" I was about slam my hand down on the door again when Mikey opened the door and almost stumbled into me.
"What." he slurred out I could smell the beer on his breath.
"Mikey it's two in the afternoon, and you are already drunk." I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair out of frustration.
"No. No. I'm not drunk, just a little...okay I'm drunk. But it's the only way I can really deal with everything okay." he tried to justify himself, but I could see in his eyes he was just lying to himself.
Another thing that has happened since Gerard died, Mikey started drink more heavily. Even more than Gerard did, and that's was already too much. Some days Mikes would be fine, if he kept busy, but then there were days like these. Donna would go to Elena's and Mikey would sit in the house and just get shitfaced. At least that's what Lindsay told me was going on.
"Well your about to sober up. Because this is fucking important. Let's go." I demanded as I took him by his hand and dragged him into the house.
As soon as I walked through the door I felt my heart stop. I looked around at the Way living room and nothing had changed. The forest green couch was pushed up against the wall, which was covered in this patterned wall paper; I wasn't really sure what the pattern was. But the colors all were in the beige family. I looked at the red carpet underneath my feet and I saw pictures of blood dripping from Gerard's chest into my hands as I tried to stop the bleeding. I shook it off before it really got to me. I took a deep breath and inhaled the smell of cinnamon potpourri that always hung around the way house. I realized I was just standing there and Mikey had fallen upon the couch and was about to drift off.
"MIKEY!" I yelled again, and he jerked up.
"I need to talk to you, so try and sober up please." I begged.
"All right, I'm listening go." he said weakly as he sat up right.
"So you remember that note that I found in my windshield from Rebecca.
"Yeah, that was months ago why?" he asked, I saw his knee shaking and I could tell he was getting nervous.
"Well I saved it and stuck in this book, and I never touched since that day, and today when I came home from my da-- I mean from the store the book was sitting on my desk." I explained him taking a seat in the mustard yellow arm chair in the corner next to the couch.
"Okay what does that mean?" he asked a little perplexed, but his voice shook a little bit.
"I haven't touched that book in months, and no one else goes in that room except me. So I think..." I trailed off and gripped my hands, I was trying to get them to stop shaking but it was pointless. Being in Gerard's house and everything that was going on, I just felt... Anxious again.
"Paige? What is it?" Mikey leaned forward now; I could see that he was a lot more sobered up now.
"Okay well I think...I think that Rebecca was in my room. I think she's back Mikey." My voice dropped into a hush whisper and I leaned in closer to Mikey.
He stared at me for a second, but his expression wasn't shocked like I thought it would be. His face looked stone cold, and I didn't know why.
"Come with me." was all he said, his voice was the most serious I had ever heard. I didn't question him I just followed.
He led me down the floral wallpapered hallway; I didn't even need to ask at this point I knew exactly where he was taking me.
"Mikey I can't" I said with my voice shaking as we arrived at the dark wooden door to Gerard's room.
"Paige, you really don't have a choice right now." Mikey said firmly
"I'm not ready to go into his room Mikey, I can't, it's too much." tears were swelling up in my eyes.
"No, I can't. Please Mikey" I pleaded with him, but he didn't care, he grabbed my hand and took me downstairs.
"MIKEY WHAT THE FUCK." I sobbed out as he took me downstairs into the basement.
When we finally got to the bottom he was pacing around. I took in my surroundings once again; I hadn't been in Gerard's room since the day... The day I lost my virginity. I still remembered how the dark blue carpet felt beneath my toes, and how soft his black bed sheets were as we rolled around with each other.
"I believe you." Mikey said out of nowhere, breaking my train of thought.
"You do?" I asked him a little confused.
"Yes." he turned to me "Because a couple days ago I came down here to grab my Misfits shirt that I knew Gee had and the room was completely trashed. Now I know it's a bit more drastic from what happened with you. But Rebecca is fucking crazy so I don't know what to expect anymore." he sat down on Gerard's bed and bent his head down.
"I thought this was all over." I sighed out. "I was actually moving on with Jared." I accidentally blurted out forgetting Mikey didn't know.
"Me too. But wait whose Jared?"
"Ah fuck, well, I met him last month and he's helped deal with Gee's death, and we've been dating." I broke the news softly.
I was surprised because Mikey wasn't angry he was just nothing.
"You mad?" I asked. I watched Mikey shake his head. "Its weird cause he kinda looks like Gerard. Identical from the back."
"No...because you're about to be fuming with me." he said.
"Huh?" I was completely confused.
"Paige there is something you should know." Mikey looked at me nervously, I didn't like it one bit. I could feel my stomach start to turn.
"What is it Mikes?" I leaned in, I trembling all over.
"Okay well....Gerard..." he took a deep breath.
"Gerard is what Mikey?" My voice was shaking again.
"Paige, Gerard's alive." he blurted out.
"What? No you're lying." I couldn't believe it, there was no way this was true Mikey was going crazy.
"No he is. he left the day he got shot. I ran into him while he was packing." he confessed, now his voice was shaking.
"You knew, and you didn't fucking tell me Mikey. Do you have any FUCKING idea how hard this has been for me?" I spat out at him. I was completely disgusted with him.
"Wait who else knew? Did Lindsay know? Frank? Ray? Bob?" I screamed at him.
He just sat there with his face down, staring at the carpet not making eye contact with me.
"MIKEY WAY YOU FUCKING LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH. YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH." I bellowed out.
"Yes." he murmured.
"LOOK AT ME MICHAEL!" I spat out, tears were streaming down my face now.
He jerked his face up at me, and tears were swelling up, I had never seen Mikey with this much emotion.
"YES. WE ALL KNEW AND FELT TERRIBLE! ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW!?" he rose up from the bed and screamed at the top of his lungs, as the tears started rolling down his face.
I couldn't even speak, he was inches away from me, and all I could do was raise my hand and strike him so hard in the face, which made his whole head cocked to the right. He took his hand and placed over the red mark on his face. He didn't speak, so I figured I would leave. Right as in front of the steps he spoke again.
"He told me not to tell you." he said firmly.
"What?" I retorted with my back turned to him.
"He said it was the only to protect you. He thought Rebecca wouldn't come after you if he wasn't around." Mikey said more calmly. "You have to know we all did it because we wanted you to be safe. If you knew, you would have gone to find him. We just wanted you safe. Trust me we feel terrible. Why do you think I have been drinking all the fucking time? Gerard left and we've all had to lie to for months. You were practically dead, and we could do anything to make you feel better." he explained himself.
I turned back to him, I still didn't know whether to be grateful that Gerard was trying to protect me, or be livid that he let me believe he was dead.
"I have to go." I said softly, my voice was already raspy from all the yelling. The only thing I knew to do was to run away, just leave, and I didn't know what would happen after that.
I placed the phone on the wooden table in my apartment and just stared at it. I debated on calling Mikey back. I had no idea what he was talking about, but if he said it was important I should probably call him back. But I knew it wasn't going to be good. I stood up and walked into my kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I felt terrible for putting all of my friends and my fucking girlfriend through this. Paige had it the worst; she actually thought I was dead. I don't know what I would do if I thought she was dead, I would probably break down, so I didn't even wanna know what she was like. Hopefully she was doing okay, I missed her so much. I missed being able to touch her soft tan skin, kissing her smooth lips. Just being around her. We had our own little world, and within five minutes it was all ripped away. Things couldn't get much worse I thought, so I walked back over to my phone and saw that Lindsay, Frank, Ray, and Bob called me over and over again. Okay this was no fucking joked I had to call Mikey back right now. I quickly dialed the number and the phone literally only rang twice before I heard Mikey's voice.
"Dude what the fuck, we've all been calling you like crazy." Mikey said angrily.
"What the fuck is going on?" I asked as I sat down on this wooden chair in my kitchen.
"Well you see..." I heard Mikey start but Lindsay cut him off.
"Mikey give me the fucking phone. She knows Gerard. Paige fucking knows you aren't dead." she said frantically.
"What? How the fuck did she find out?" I placed my hand on my forehead and sighed.
"Dude give me the phone back. Everyone get the fuck out while I talk to my fucking brother." I heard Mikey scream at them.
"Mikey!" I yelled through my cell
"Yeah, I'm here. She came over today because, Rebecca was in her room, and she was here too, she completely trashed your room Gee. She's back and you need to come back and stop this." Mikey spoke so fast, I could tell he was worried.
"Ah fuck. I can't come back, that'll be the worse fucking thing to do. " I said trying to sound as calm as I could.
"Don't you get it? She is gonna come back whether you're here or not!" Mikey screamed at me, but I knew it was because he cared.
"How? I thought for sure she wouldn't come if she thought I was dead." I was beyond confused.
"Holy fucking shit." Mikey said, insight had obviously struck him by the sound of his voice.
"What is it Mikes?" I asked eagerly.
"Paige. This guy she is dating, she said he looks like you. Identical from the back. Rebecca has probably been following her and saw her with this gu--"
"Wait Paige is dating again?" I was a little hurt, but to be fair she did think I was dead.
"Yeah but anyway Rebecca probably saw them together and thought it was you." Mikey said intelligently.
"Fuck you might be right. All right. I'll be back as soon as I can." I retorted.
"Wait you're coming back?" I heard Mikey say a little cheerfully. "I know under the circumstance I shouldn't be thrilled, but I am" he confessed.
"Me too me too. But I gotta start packing I'll see ya in a couple days yeah?"
"Oh and Mikey, we're gonna get his bitch." I spat as I hung up the phone.