"They both froze, staring at each other down the long hall"
“That song is for me.” Ryan’s voice said. Brendon continued to play as he looked over his left shoulder to see Ryan seated in the wooden chair. Brendon smiled and nodded. This song was for him. It would always be about him.
Ryan seemed to glow from the seat next to him. His skin was made of porcelain, his eyes more vibrant than he had ever seen. Brendon could stare at him forever. Pulling his fingers away from the keys, and turned his whole body towards Ryan. The whole room seemed to glitter, the walls embedded with diamonds, causing light to dance around the hardwood floor. Brendon extended his hand, which Ryan willingly took in his own. They laced their fingers together, and stared into each other.
“What is this place?” Brendon asked quietly.
“I’m not sure.” Ryan didn’t look away from Brendon while the words came out of his mouth. Brendon shivered as Ryan’s breath graced his skin.
“Can we stay for a while?”
Ryan smiled, seeming to cause another source of light on its own, “Sure.”
Brendon stood from his piano bench, and pulled Ryan up with him.
“I love you.” Brendon said, leaning forward to kiss Ryan. But suddenly the lights turned off, the glittering disappeared. Brendon squeezed the hand in his own, only to realize that it was gone.
“Ryan?” He called out into the empty room. Nothing responded but the echo of his own voice.
Brendon’s body lurched forward, forcing him to fall from the bed onto the hotel room floor. He looked around him, confused by his surroundings. The memories flowed back in painfully, reminding him that Ryan was no where near here. Ryan was sleeping in his own hotel room down the hall. The room he was sharing with Jon. Brendon shivered, and pulled the sheets from the bed down to the floor. He wrapped them around his body, and looked up to the sliding door that lead to the balcony to realize that it was cracked open. No wonder he was freezing. It took all the effort he could muster to pull himself off the ground. He tightened the sheets around his topless body and kept his feet as much inside of the bottom of his sweatpants as possible. He looked out the pane glass door, into the night sky. It was a brilliant night. He could see almost every star in the sky. Pressing his hand to the glass, he pushed the door open a little further and walked out onto the balcony. His breath became fog in the air, as he looked all around him. He wasn’t positive what made the night so beautiful to him, but he couldn’t help but stare off into the sky. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen, the moon shining down brightly onto the ground below. He looked over his left shoulder, catching a glimpse of a figure standing on a balcony three rooms away.
Ryan traced his finger along the edge of the railing. Sleep hadn’t come after hours of laying down and waiting. He decided it wasn’t worth it, and went outside. It was freezing, his zip up hoodie didn’t do much to keep out the cold, and wearing only a tank and his boxers underneath wasn’t such a good idea either. But he ignored the slight burn of his skin against the chill, and continued to move his fingers up and down the railing.
“Ryan?” a voice asked to his right. He snapped his head up, to see Brendon, wrapped up in a blanket, a few balconies away.
“Yeah. Are you fucking crazy? You’re gonna freeze.” Brendon scolded as he usually did when Ryan did something stupid. And Ryan blew it off as he usually did as well.
“I’m fine. Cold doesn’t bother me.”
“We’re from vegas, Ry. Cold bothers you.” Brendon rolled his eyes.
Ryan couldn’t help but smile at the casual use of his name. It was almost as if nothing had changed. But he knew better.
“What are you doing up? I thought you needed a good night’s sleep?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah, I do. But I was having weird dreams.” Brendon admitted.
“You.” Brendon pulled the sheets tighter, wishing he could remember the tune he was playing in the dream, wishing things were as beautiful as they were in the dream.
“Oh.” Ryan looked back out onto the landscape, not strong enough to hold onto Brendon’s gaze anymore.
“It doesn’t matter.” Brendon tried to play it cool, instead of breaking down yet again. He just wanted to be numb. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore... unless it was feeling safe.
“I’m sorry.” Ryan whispered off into the distance. Brendon looked over at him slowly, blinking back a few tears. He wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly. He had already apologized, but somehow this time it felt different. Ryan finally returned his gaze, looking straight into him. “With everything in me, I’m sorry.”
Brendon took in a deep, low breath, as if he were preparing to belt a note out at the top of his lungs. He let it out shakily, “I know.”
Ryan nodded, not sure what to make of the moment.
Holding onto his blanket tighter, Brendon turned and made his way back into his room. He sat on his bed, staring down at his bare chest moving up and down slowly.
Ryan watched as Brendon retreated into his room. Beneath the frozen shell that had encased his body, he began to feel himself sweating. He was so close. He couldn’t give up now. He too walked back into his room, glancing at a sleeping Jon with remorse. But nothing, and no one, would keep him from getting Brendon back.
Brendon let go of the sheets around his shoulders, and let them lay back down on the bed. He stood up, knowing he couldn’t leave things with Ryan there. He had to talk to him. He made his way to the door with new determination. He wasn’t sure what would happen, he didn’t have a plan or a goal, but he knew he wasn’t going to sit there on that note. He walked into the hallway, and turned to walk to Ryan’s room.
They both froze, staring at each other in the long hall. Ryan closed his door behind him, and took a few steps towards Brendon, who did the same.
“Bren, I’m so sorry.” Ryan said, finding himself breathing much harder than usual. Brendon nodded.
“I know.” Brendon repeated his words from earlier, as they continued to walk towards each other. Hands shaking, lips trembling.
“I’m sorry.” Ryan was crying now, only slightly. Brendon nodded again, letting out a few tears of his own.
“I know, Ry.”
“I love you.” Ryan said, staring into Brendon’s eyes, only feet from him.
“God, I love you too.” Brendon broke. The gap between them reached only a few tense inches, pulling them as close to each other as physically possible.
And they collided. Their lips smashed down onto each others, hands pulling, breath uncatchable. Brendon’s fingers wrapped around the top of Ryan’s hoodie, as Ryan let his hands run down Brendon’s bare back. With lustful force, Brendon pushed Ryan into the wall beside them. He pulled his lips away,
“I’m still fucking pissed at you.” He said.
“I know.” Ryan said, pulling Brendon’s lips back down hard onto his. Brendon pushed his body onto Ryan’s, his cold skin seeping through Ryan’s clothing, giving him shivers. Ryan’s fingers dug into Brendon’s flesh, pulling his hips against his own, bones grinding against each other. Brendon ran his tongue along Ryan’s bottom lip, causing Ryan to open his mouth and let him in. Brendon kissed him with more force than he ever had in his life. Ryan let out a quite moan into Brendon’s mouth, as he relished in the familiar taste. Brendon moved his hands down Ryan’s chest, grabbing onto the front pockets of his zip up hoodie, and pulled him towards his door. Ryan willingly went with him, not allowing their lips to split. Brendon quickly dug his hand into his sweatpant pocket, grabbing the hotel room key. He pulled his lips away from Ryan, who instantly moved his down to Brendon’s neck, catching his skin inbetween his teeth. Brendon’s whole body shivered, as he got harder by the second. He fumbled with the key card, but finally pushed hard against the door as the light turned green. They nearly fell onto the floor, as Brendon pulled Ryan inside. Ryan kicked the door shut behind him, causing a loud slam.
“Brendon?” Spencer asked in a sleepy voice. Brendon bit his lip, he’d completely forgotten about Spencer.
“Spencer, I need you to vacate the premises.” Brendon laughed pulling Ryan into the room. Spencer sat up and looked around confused.
“Spencer wake up, and get out!” Brendon said, still joking in his tone. Ryan rummaged through his pocket, and threw his room key at Spencer, hitting him right in the face.
“My room is three doors down.” Ryan smiled, not letting go of Brendon. Spencer rubbed his forehead where the key had hit him, and then picked it up off the bed. Not letting go of his comforter, he slipped off the bed and walked towards the door.
“Fuck both of you.” Spencer huffed, before slamming the door behind him.
Ryan unzipped his hoodie, and threw it to the floor. He pushed his hands against Brendon’s chest, sending him down onto the bed. He climbed on top of Brendon, kissing his stomach, chest, neck, and finally his lips again. Brendon moved his hips underneath Ryan’s weight, causing little moans to escape Ryan’s throat. He pulled on Ryan’s lower lip with his teeth, a devilish smirk on his face. Ryan moved his lips away from Brendon’s and looked down at him.
“Are you sure you’re ready to be like this? I know you’re still upset.”
“Don’t over think it, and fucking kiss me.” Brendon practically hissed, his whole body trembling with anticipation. And Ryan couldn’t refuse.