NEW CHAP!!! yay no cliffie double yay :D i hope lol read on to see what Gerard has done this time :) R&R PRETTY PLEASEE!! xx enjoy
“Gerard!” I heard Frank shout at the front of the door.
I immediately shot my head around to see him standing there, mixed emotions crossing on those beautiful features of his. Anger, upset, shock and a slight touch of disappointment spread on his face. Caused by me. My mouth hung open in shock that I had been caught red handed, not just on his laptop but snooping through his very personal stuff.
I quickly and clumsily stood to my feet, as if that was going to help the situation. I looked at him guiltily, completely clueless as to what I could say. What could I say? Nothing is what I had been caught and... Man, this was bad.
“Frank I-I” I begin but was instantly interrupted.
“What the...” he started, but looking puzzled as to what he was trying to say.
He then feverishly scrambled over to his laptop, pushing past me and blocking me from view, then slammed the screen shut and turned around to face me, still shell-shocked.
“I-I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to...just...message and t-the pinging and...”
“What did you read?” he snapped at me, his face present with nothing but anger.
“I-I read nothing,” I lied as I nervously gulped, already feeling droplets of sweat form at the creases of my brow.
“Yo-You swear?” he asked, his eyes narrow in concern, nerves struck all over his face now.
“I-I swear,” I continued my tale of lies, with my fingers crossed tightly behind me.
His face dropped, worry slightly fading. However, I had to tell him I knew, otherwise it will come back to haunt, I couldn’t keep this in any longer.
“Fr-Frank,” I called.
“What?” he snapped not meeting my gaze.
“I-I lied, I may have not read anything just now b-but I know....I read your journal Frank ,before...I know I-I shouldn’t have, and everyday...it kills me inside that I have a-and ...I.... know what you have been through and I...”
“YOU DID WHAT!” he shouted, looking more vexed than I thought he could ever look.
“I’m sorry Frank...I-I just wanted to know why...”
“Why I acted the way I did to you,” he spat, his voice still raised but less audible and scary.
“Y-yeah but then...I felt so bad, yo-you were so sad and I-I just want to help you,” I explained whilst I choked on my words.
“WHAT!” he yelled, looking furious, any more and his ears will be blowing out steam. “I don’t need any fucking help, I’m fine. Fucking hell, you read my personal stuff and then say that I fucking need some help,” he recalled what I said...now realising how awful it sounded...I just made this ten times worse.
“No, I just saw you sad and... I...want to be there for you and...”
“You see,” he interrupted, his voice more lower and quiet as he spoke. “This is exactly why I never told you. All I ever get is sympathy when I do...like they have to look after me li-like a little puppy, well...FUCK THAT GERARD, I’M NOT!” he screamed, tears gushing out of his eyes as he collapsed onto the floor in a piled mess, back leant against the door as he fell apart...just like before. However I wasn’r reading it but watching it and it was my entire fault.
Tears began spilling from those beautiful hazel eyes that once shone so bright, but now clouded by tears of hatred, upset, and disappointment as they fell. His cheeks sprinkled with tears as he bowed his head in his hands, quietly sobbing. I rushed over to him and clasped my hands on his shivering shoulders...only to be shoved away.
“Get...o-ff,” he whimpered weakly, stuttering through his cries.
“I’m so sorry Frank...I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have read it...I know you don’t need help I-I just want you to know you’re not alone. Look I...” I took a deep breath. “I like you,” I confessed as I knelt down beside him, my voice quiverish and shaky as tear pricked my eyes while I struggled to keep them back.
“Y-Yeah,” he lifted his head. “Well you have a funny way of showing it,” he screeched, picking himself up from his slummed, crumbled slouch on the floor. Giving me one last stern look, with his tear stained face, red puffy eyes and quivering lips, before he stormed out slamming the door behind him...separating the two of us, just like before.
And that’s when my heart began to break.
Knock knock knock.
Were the sounds heard as I gingerly knocked on my brothers hotel room door, hands shaking as I irritably waited to be entered. The door swung open being met by none other than Danny and his cheesy grin greeting me, almost mocking me, as if he knew exactly why I was here.
“Hey mate, long time no see,” he started as he approached me, leaning in and giving me the fakest hug I’ve ever experienced then patting me on the back in a supposed friendly gesture.
There was something quiet fishy about him, and it wasn’t just because his legs were spread (XD just had to) he almost seemed to be avoiding me these days. Anyway, that was the lease of my worries.
“Yeah,” I laughed nervously, pulling a fake smile, though it was killing at my muscles to do so.
I barged past him to Mikey, where I stood froze, our eyes latching and his face falling as he knew exactly what my eyes read. He rushed over to me lacing his fingers round my arm and swiftly pulling out the room in an un-orderly fashion , and stepping out into the clear narrow space of the corridor. He looked around franticly, searching for a quiet deserted area we could talk.
I then sprung into a sprint with Mikey’s unawareness self-stumbling behind.
“What the...where are we going?” he questioned behind me.
“My hotel room,” I called, however keeping my direction fixed ahead of me.
“But what if...”he tried to protest.
“We’ll have to see,” I assured him, interrupting him whilst in mid sentence.
He then kept quiet and followed after me as we made our way to our destination. We reached my hotel room with my body doubled over breathing heavily as my hands were knelt on my knees as I pathetically panted. I was never one for running...or exercise.
I hear my brother tut behind me and budge past me, nearly knocking me off balance in the progress and pulled the door open. That was a good sign.
“Hmmm he must still be out,” I guessed, biting my lip nervously.
“Any ideas on where he is,” Mikey questioned, turning his gaze to me as he plonked down on my bed.
“Um probably at Rays,” I told him, then following him and collapsing onto my bed with a sigh.
“Umm,” he muffled confused, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Ugh the tree, seriously dude,”
“Well we need to use the code name for him so I know who you are talking about,” he informed.
“Umm what code name?” I questioned miffed.
“Captain fluffer dur,” he said in a obvious tone raising his hands.
I rolled my eyes as I hit my face in the pillow.
“So...what’s up?” he asked, in a serious non-joking non-stupid tone.
I lifted my head from the very comforting fluffed pillow to level with my brother, just then remembering why I had travelled to his hotel room in the first place. As I rose I immediately felt a wave of emoticon containing of guilt, upset, angst and overall stupidity. I had my head faced down, my hands fiddling with the ruffs on my jeans and my mind riddled with a million scenarios on how I can make it up to him, if he would ever forgive me, if this situation is going to get worst or if...
“Gerard, snap out of it,” my brother called, snapping his fingers in front of my face, bringing myself whirling back to earth, as if this was any better then the places my mind could take me, however right now, I don’t think I want to be there.
“Wha...I’m sorry,” I sulked my apology, immediately feeling ten times worst and feeling tears brim up in the corners of my eyes, willing them not to fall, but it was too late.
He instantly closed the gap between us and gave me one of his best brotherly bear hugs, outstretching his arms to comfortably wrap around me. Allowing myself to snuggled my head in his shoulder and weep away. I clutched onto his jumper for support and let the tears soak in; leaving very unattractive tear stains on his jumper and unattractive ones on my heart.
“I...I..” I struggled, my voice cracking as my tears carried flowing.
“Shhhh,” my brother cooed, shielding me in his arms acting like the bigger brother and I need him to, I didn’t have the strength to right now.
Here I am, balling my eyes out. As if that was going to stop the pain. If only it could drain the pain, guilt, upset and everything away.
My sobbing had sub-sided, and I used Mikey’s jumper to dispose of the few remaining tears and when I did I was able to life my head.
“You okay now,” Mikey asked worriedly, looking at me sympathetically.
“A bit,” I confessed.
“What happened G?” he quietly spoke.
I detached my arms from his shoulders and brushed my straggly dark strands back, it succeeding to lay flat and greasy on my head, away from my face not able to stick to my cheekbones irritably.
“Well...h-he caught me reading his journal,” I quietly announced shamefully, sniffling as I did so, crawling into a ball, keeping my eyes fixed to my knees as I held them tight.
“Oh god G,” Mikey said, sounding shocked and slightly disappointed.
“I-I know,” I stuttered, “There was j-just a message and t-the noise wouldn’t stop, then-then I got distracted,” I rushed not helping the few stutters coming out, looking for empathy in his dark chocolate eyes.
“I know G, temptation is hard to ignore, but he’ll forgive you” he replied, showing empathy and sympathy through his eyes.
“B-but...that’s not the worst bit. I-I told him that I knew...that I had read his journal before,” I croaked out.
I sat there, telling my brother of the previous nights in the best form I could, and he understood every word. He cradled me when I cried, he knew exactly the right things to say, he was there for me and that’s all I could ask for.
The room was full of more of my cries but no more lies, I could never do that now, not after how much trouble it has caused me, but then does the truth really help either? Now I realise how much he needs me and how much I need him, it’s just funny how we can see that after you’ve mucked it all up.
After that day Mikey and I were inseparable, he is my crutch, I can’t stand without him, but what use is one crutch without the other? But I fear that I have lost my other crutch before I could have even have him.
It was another night and Frank still hadn’t returned. I was getting worried. He really hates me and I can’t stand to think that he does, it’s killing me but I don’t know where to begin. Mikey said he has a plan for me, but I’m not too sure about him and his ‘plans’. I’m too broken to do anything right now so I hope his plan works. Though, right now we are on our way home, heading to the airport, man just fucking kill me now, could things get any worse? Man I hope Mikey has some sort of plan for me to get on this plane again, i.e. sleeping peels.
A/N: HEYY so there you have it, no cliff-hanger hehe be proud of me folks :) I said I would post this the other day but I mainly suffered the day with a bad migraine and then I had a very LONG power nap hehe so again, R&RS are very much appreciated as you know, I go on about how much I love them, don’t want to bore you again XD so please they really help me and I can’t thank you enough for making my chaps green and giving me tons of reviews THANK YOUUUU!!!!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!
OH and I tried a Twinkie today, for you Americans the British say keep EM COMING, I love em XD