Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I Will Be With You. I Will Be With You?...
"You were so fucking drunk that night."
His giggle seemed to echo through the branches.
At the top of the tree we sat close, heads together, talking about everything; music, school, life, worries. We had some how got on to the untouched subject. The thing that had been spinning around in my head for the last four days, the thing that now, looking at the situation, didn't seem to be as shame, regret and denial filled as I had first thought.
His laugh faded, into a silence, I could feel his breathing on my neck. He sighed.
"I never wanted that party you know. My dad organised it all. He's had our first real show planned from the first moment I picked up a guitar. He even provided the drink. I never wanted that."
The last sentence was a whisper.
"Everything was sorted. My parents arranged to go out, we invited everyone we knew, from school, from contests, my dad's friends. We played, the show was great. In out front room, obviously, I loved playing though. I was so drunk..."
He laughed, looking down. The way he smiled... I can't even explain. Lifiting his head to the side slowly, he looked directly into my eyes.
"We had a conversation on the stairs. You probably don't even remember. I wasn't even sure what you were doing there. And some how, you ended up in my room. We both did. We talked for hours, I could still hear the party downstairs, the music, then finally, the guests leaving... And there we still were. Lying on my bed. Speech completely slurred. Talking. I don't know how everything happened, but it just did. I didn't know what you were doing here, fuck, at this point, I only half knew who you were! Then things happened. I didn't know what was happening, I don't think. It was late, I was tired. I offered to let you stay. We just... Talked. Until the early hours of the morning."
Then and again, I remembered things. Little things, like hearing the music and conversation slowly die downstairs as the night came to a close. His room, the smell of stale cigarettes, the music he played...
"I made the first move." He laughed, scratching his head and looking down awkwardly.
I laughed shyly, secretly glad. I guess it made me seem less guilty.
"At first, I was sure you were going to run away, call me a freak... I'd never really cared so much about someone's opinion of me before. That was the one thing that drove me to do what I did. How care-free every word I spoke to you was. I could be myself, we'd only been talking for a few hours, and yet already, I was showing you part of me..."
He twisted his thumbs in confusion.
"I keep having these dreams, right. That we're at the party again, but, it's all different. We're totally not in denial about anything. There is not party, you're just at my house, and it's as if we've known eachother forever. And it's...-"
"Perfect?"
I thought back to last night, after the hospital, to what I had been thinking about before he came. It's as if he'd just described it. Did I tell him?
He'd been talking so much, so far, I'd been too shy to really explain how I feel. He was so forward, so open.
But now knowing exactly how he felt... It was like everything had fallen into perfect place.
There was so much fear before. The smashing of my room, the lies, the stupidity. It wasn't confusion, it was fear of falling.
I've lost my fear of falling.
"Frank... Last night. I was dreaming when you arrived, clearly. In fact, when I saw you standing at my door, I thought it may of been part of the dream. But me, and you... We were together, like you said, like we were together. Properly together. Not in denial, not trying to stop any of it or blame it on something else."
He laughed,
"Telepathy hey Gee? Ever heard the terms great minds think alike?"
He lent in closer to my face, but I pulled away.
"How did you know I was at the hospital by the way? When you assumed all of the scars were a result of me wanting to harm myself?"
I could see him wince at me saying that.
"Did you seriously follow us right to the hospital?"
"No.." He giggled.
"Telepathy, remember?"
He grinned, kissed me quickly on the nose and stuck yet another ciggarette between his lips. I had some answers. It wasn't like the rest mattered anyway, with Frank I felt different. I knew this, and it was enough to over shadow any questions.
His giggle seemed to echo through the branches.
At the top of the tree we sat close, heads together, talking about everything; music, school, life, worries. We had some how got on to the untouched subject. The thing that had been spinning around in my head for the last four days, the thing that now, looking at the situation, didn't seem to be as shame, regret and denial filled as I had first thought.
His laugh faded, into a silence, I could feel his breathing on my neck. He sighed.
"I never wanted that party you know. My dad organised it all. He's had our first real show planned from the first moment I picked up a guitar. He even provided the drink. I never wanted that."
The last sentence was a whisper.
"Everything was sorted. My parents arranged to go out, we invited everyone we knew, from school, from contests, my dad's friends. We played, the show was great. In out front room, obviously, I loved playing though. I was so drunk..."
He laughed, looking down. The way he smiled... I can't even explain. Lifiting his head to the side slowly, he looked directly into my eyes.
"We had a conversation on the stairs. You probably don't even remember. I wasn't even sure what you were doing there. And some how, you ended up in my room. We both did. We talked for hours, I could still hear the party downstairs, the music, then finally, the guests leaving... And there we still were. Lying on my bed. Speech completely slurred. Talking. I don't know how everything happened, but it just did. I didn't know what you were doing here, fuck, at this point, I only half knew who you were! Then things happened. I didn't know what was happening, I don't think. It was late, I was tired. I offered to let you stay. We just... Talked. Until the early hours of the morning."
Then and again, I remembered things. Little things, like hearing the music and conversation slowly die downstairs as the night came to a close. His room, the smell of stale cigarettes, the music he played...
"I made the first move." He laughed, scratching his head and looking down awkwardly.
I laughed shyly, secretly glad. I guess it made me seem less guilty.
"At first, I was sure you were going to run away, call me a freak... I'd never really cared so much about someone's opinion of me before. That was the one thing that drove me to do what I did. How care-free every word I spoke to you was. I could be myself, we'd only been talking for a few hours, and yet already, I was showing you part of me..."
He twisted his thumbs in confusion.
"I keep having these dreams, right. That we're at the party again, but, it's all different. We're totally not in denial about anything. There is not party, you're just at my house, and it's as if we've known eachother forever. And it's...-"
"Perfect?"
I thought back to last night, after the hospital, to what I had been thinking about before he came. It's as if he'd just described it. Did I tell him?
He'd been talking so much, so far, I'd been too shy to really explain how I feel. He was so forward, so open.
But now knowing exactly how he felt... It was like everything had fallen into perfect place.
There was so much fear before. The smashing of my room, the lies, the stupidity. It wasn't confusion, it was fear of falling.
I've lost my fear of falling.
"Frank... Last night. I was dreaming when you arrived, clearly. In fact, when I saw you standing at my door, I thought it may of been part of the dream. But me, and you... We were together, like you said, like we were together. Properly together. Not in denial, not trying to stop any of it or blame it on something else."
He laughed,
"Telepathy hey Gee? Ever heard the terms great minds think alike?"
He lent in closer to my face, but I pulled away.
"How did you know I was at the hospital by the way? When you assumed all of the scars were a result of me wanting to harm myself?"
I could see him wince at me saying that.
"Did you seriously follow us right to the hospital?"
"No.." He giggled.
"Telepathy, remember?"
He grinned, kissed me quickly on the nose and stuck yet another ciggarette between his lips. I had some answers. It wasn't like the rest mattered anyway, with Frank I felt different. I knew this, and it was enough to over shadow any questions.
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